Not getting sex from wife



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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:57 am 
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Ever consider the possibility that he was a shitty counselor? Ever hear of confirmation bias? Ever hear that anecdote is not the same as data?

The reality is of course counseling fails a lot. The marriage is probably often over before they go see the counselor, then it comes out that one or both of them cheated and he gives the number for a divorce attorney.

That doesn't prove it can't work, only that in the cases you saw it didn't.

That said, I might suggest a sex therapist specifically... preferably one that keeps up with modern research since there are some antiquated and, probably, incorrect notions out there among some therapists.
Definitely a possibility, and my understanding of why therapists don't work the most is a principle of the mind. If you focus and concentrate on something such as an energy or problems in this case, the energy only grows. By bringing attention to the problems you make them more real for you and your wife, only making them grow in intensity.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 2:05 am 
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Tell us what the problem is that everyone else recognizes that you think I am missing. From my perspective, the OP did not communicate that he would man up in terms of getting what he wants in a relationship. A communication that he only further enforced with his behavior. He can either communicate that now or he can go on in the same way he has been.
The problem is that they are not living as man and wife. This doesn't mean that he can stick his dick in her and make it happen again, which you eluded to. It also means that he can't take away what attention she is getting, which you also eluded to. They both have problems in this relationship and the OP doesn't know what it is. If he wants to know what her problem is, he's going to have to find out from her.

I don't get you, at first you say no communication...now you say he can communicate now or go in the same direction.
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Problems are a result of misunderstandings that can be fixed with understanding. You still come from the perspective that someone can teach you something, which is never the case. Everything you will learn or have already learned has come inside of you. Through outside inspiration you can bring that knowledge to light. I know we've gone over this before, but you still seem to think you cause someone to do something.
More shit that you're full of. Misunderstandings can be fixed with communication, which everyone has been saying except for you. Your solution...fix your sex game and deprive her of attention.

And again, you say things that you don't really believe. Weren't you the one saying that you can TEACH me game. You're also the one that got upset because people were calling you out in posts and keeping your "fans" from LEARNING.
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Only by nominalizing something can you re-enforce the limitations. Because it is "a marriage" there comes with it all these assumptions of how things are supposed to be. With these kind of limitations I can see why it is hard for you to consider relationships in new ways.
Because I say that problems can be solved in marriages and relationships with communication, that's a limitation? I understand why you don't get it. You're an idea man. This is just another one of your ideas.
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"Why is the house so dirty?"
She says blah blah.
You say, "Oh ok well I'm going over to my friends so I can relax."

You just communicated to her that you don't want a dirty house. She will also catch on and be trained after something like this as well. If of course she cares, you are doing the right things in the relationship and your light is valuable to her. If you didn't get it your light is your attention, not talking about sex if you get confused.
Passive aggressive. Plus training implies that the person can learn. According to you, you can't teach her and everything that she has learned is already within her.

Don't worry, I get it. I also get that >50% of women admit to cheating in a marriage. The reason they always give is they don't get the attention that they feel they deserve. Your IDEAS will have OPs wife having sex once a week but it won't be with the OP.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 2:11 am 
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Ever consider the possibility that he was a shitty counselor? Ever hear of confirmation bias? Ever hear that anecdote is not the same as data?

The reality is of course counseling fails a lot. The marriage is probably often over before they go see the counselor, then it comes out that one or both of them cheated and he gives the number for a divorce attorney.

That doesn't prove it can't work, only that in the cases you saw it didn't.

That said, I might suggest a sex therapist specifically... preferably one that keeps up with modern research since there are some antiquated and, probably, incorrect notions out there among some therapists.
Definitely a possibility, and my understanding of why therapists don't work the most is a principle of the mind. If you focus and concentrate on something such as an energy or problems in this case, the energy only grows. By bringing attention to the problems you make them more real for you and your wife, only making them grow in intensity.
LMAO. You just said that you would call attention to the problem of your wife for allowing your house to be dirty and then you leaving after calling it out. How many sides of your ass do you talk out of?

It also says a lot about you. You don't like to face reality.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 2:48 am 
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Jack, you like talking at walls, don't ya!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:05 am 
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Jack, you like talking at walls, don't ya!
Some people don't realize the negative impact that they can cause on a real relationship, but the thing about charmer is when he has to explain himself he always ends up contradicting himself. So if OP is still reading he will see that charmer is not giving real advice.

It's one thing to give advice on random women, but this man made life plans with this woman and made it legal. It's fucked up that some kid with ideas and no experience will deter someone from communication and/or professional help because he feels a certain way about it.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:08 am 
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Ever consider the possibility that he was a shitty counselor? Ever hear of confirmation bias? Ever hear that anecdote is not the same as data?

The reality is of course counseling fails a lot. The marriage is probably often over before they go see the counselor, then it comes out that one or both of them cheated and he gives the number for a divorce attorney.

That doesn't prove it can't work, only that in the cases you saw it didn't.

That said, I might suggest a sex therapist specifically... preferably one that keeps up with modern research since there are some antiquated and, probably, incorrect notions out there among some therapists.
Definitely a possibility, and my understanding of why therapists don't work the most is a principle of the mind. If you focus and concentrate on something such as an energy or problems in this case, the energy only grows. By bringing attention to the problems you make them more real for you and your wife, only making them grow in intensity.
LMAO. You just said that you would call attention to the problem of your wife for allowing your house to be dirty and then you leaving after calling it out. How many sides of your ass do you talk out of?

It also says a lot about you. You don't like to face reality.
Just to add on to JackZero's point, your version is textbook manipulation. She didn't do what you want, so you withdraw attention... if she cleans at that point it doesn't prove she cares about you, it proves she craves your attention.

Imagine if she came into the bedroom one night and commented that you hadn't fixed the toilet, then she told you she had a headache so no sex tonight. You'd feel manipulated, right?

Hell, maybe this is how OP ended up sleeping in separate beds in the first place...


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:59 am 
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Yeah, but his sick text game can save this marriage

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 9:37 am 
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I wonder what the OP is doing.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 1:12 pm 
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I wonder what the OP is doing.
My guess is: Tucking himself into his separate bed. ;)


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 2:33 pm 
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I have been married for 5 years. The problem is, it is very difficult for my wife to agree to have sex with me.

The frequency that I have sex with her is the most once every 4 months... but that is not fixed. The frequency could be less frequent.

Any ideas how I can have sex with my wife, lets say, once a week?

Most of the time, when I asked for sex with her, she will decline, saying that she is too tired.

We also sleep in a seperate room, because she can't sleep with the air conditioned turned on. And I can't sleep with the air cond turned off.

Is there anything that I can do?

Please feel free to share your opinion.
How old are you OP and how old is your wife?

The reason why I am asking is because of this:

general-questions/this-can-right-vt194300.html

Research literature indicates that when women seek professional help for couples therapy, they want change. Men on the other hand, when they do, want to preserve the status quo. If your wife is not seeking any professional help on couples therapy, then she is likely happy with the status quo.

If that is the case, you will need a different approach to get what you want from this relationship.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:29 pm 
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Jack, you like talking at walls, don't ya!
Some people don't realize the negative impact that they can cause on a real relationship, but the thing about charmer is when he has to explain himself he always ends up contradicting himself. So if OP is still reading he will see that charmer is not giving real advice.

It's one thing to give advice on random women, but this man made life plans with this woman and made it legal. It's fucked up that some kid with ideas and no experience will deter someone from communication and/or professional help because he feels a certain way about it.

Fair point.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:49 pm 
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OP came, got pages of advice and didnt have time to thank the posters who gave him advice or respond to the advice given.

I guess if he's that busy, maybe it's more him...not the wife.

Just saying


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:26 pm 
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OP came, got pages of advice and didnt have time to thank the posters who gave him advice or respond to the advice given.

I guess if he's that busy, maybe it's more him...not the wife.

Just saying
Value takers man, hardly any thank you's around here.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:52 pm 
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OP came, got pages of advice and didnt have time to thank the posters who gave him advice or respond to the advice given.

I guess if he's that busy, maybe it's more him...not the wife.

Just saying

I see it different. Giving advice, or lending insight to something is a gift of sorts - its done out of meme noun energy, meaning as a true gift you expect nothing in return - or simply put its not a gift.

If you're doing it out of any other energy you expect something in return. Perhaps other posters gained insight, or the opinions expressed here affected them in such a way as to reflect on their own beliefs.

Regardless, whether or not the advice given has planted a seed or not in the OP's mind, the expectations of a "thank you" are a bit out-of-place.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 10:07 pm 
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OP came, got pages of advice and didnt have time to thank the posters who gave him advice or respond to the advice given.

I guess if he's that busy, maybe it's more him...not the wife.

Just saying

I see it different. Giving advice, or lending insight to something is a gift of sorts - its done out of meme noun energy, meaning as a true gift you expect nothing in return - or simply put its not a gift.

If you're doing it out of any other energy you expect something in return. Perhaps other posters gained insight, or the opinions expressed here affected them in such a way as to reflect on their own beliefs.

Regardless, whether or not the advice given has planted a seed or not in the OP's mind, the expectations of a "thank you" are a bit out-of-place.
I didn't give advice here actually, nor would I know how'd I expect a thanks for the single line questions that I posted. But other posters did, and its inconsiderate to ask for advice and not even respond to it. Mybe the thread helps someone else, but that doesnt negate that the OP asked for advice then disappeared. Maybe he's just busy...hence I said if he's that busy to where he cant check the advice he requested, he probably doesnt have time to implement the advice or even have sex for that matter. I know I wont come for advice and disappear once I got the advice. Maybe he just took the advice and left, or it wasn't that important to him.


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