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Find other girls and stop talking to your ex.
Or just learn to be cool being with yourself FIRST, rather than using women to fill your addiction to not feeling alone.
Any reason why the two statements have to be mutually exclusive?
Yes, and No (as with most things in life).
If you had a drug problem, say cocaine, do you think the best remedy would be to simply switch to another drug? So you may no longer be addicted to cocaine, but now you're addicted to meth, or ecstasy. The underlying addictive tendency is still there, it's just now with something else. Same goes with women. A lot of guys delude themselves into thinking that the best remedy to get over a girl is to find 10 (or 1) other. These same guys, in most if not all cases are doing this because they are suffering from addictions themselves - the addiction of filling their lives with distraction, in this case women, so they never have to really sit with themselves and do the work. MOST of these guys also have convinced themselves they need the validation of a woman to feel worthy, AND actually try to connect to themselves through these women (which is impossible) and as a result are extremely needy. Make no mistake, jumping to another woman is not unlike any other addictive behavior.
You're going through a breakup - which is a hard thing - there's an open wound that needs heeling. Do you think its best to simply jump into something else without letting that wound sufficiently heel? So now you're dating someone else and drawing constant comparisons to 'her' - is that fair either to both this new person and yourself?
Most guys who do this are looking for the quick fix - they are completely out-of-touch with themselves, and are afraid of sitting with those hard feelings that come along with loss. Sitting with these feelings is actually GOOD, it allows the person to process through them and the wound to repair so he is ready for something else down the road. Put another way, if you burned your hand badly, how are you going to deal with it? Are you going to put some neosporon on it and bandage it up, keep it clean and let it heal? Or are you going to continue using it and completely disregard how painful it is and allow it get even worse? Same goes with your heart - are you going to ignore the pain inflicted upon it and start putting yourself out there for other women when clearly you haven't entirely grieved the relationship and learned to be vulnerable with yourself first, or are you going to take the time to reflect, fill in the holes yourself, DO YOU, and THEN start looking for a potential new partner?
The guys who do the real core identity work learn that loneliness is ok, that being by themselves is 'ok' and sometimes even desired. And when they get involved with a new girl, they aren't afraid to take time to themselves AND realize "hey, u know what I'm cool being with just myself" so if things go awry in the relationship he isn't afraid to end things knowing that he's cool just the way he is and can always find somebody new even if it means waiting a bit. This is and of itself is a byproduct of living out of abundance (rather than scarcity from which the needy guy operates from). You relationships will always be better because you truly know that you are cool with yourself and you will remain more congruent with your values and intentions toward others. You will also not sit there and pine about pleasing the woman but knowing that if she starts making unreasonable requests or is a total freak (aka validation whore) or whatever then you will walk, and this will also be subcommunciated to her. A win/win in my book.
CHAT
