| Roads
I'm just going to give a comment about what you said about feeling nervous and actually not feeling alpha enough.
Instead of trying to think/be like an alpha, have you given thought to actually BECOMING true alpha?
I suppose every one here has seen, and marvelled at the sight of^^, Fight Club? Well, a friend of mine has been practising Freefight Kempo for about three years now. It's a combination of japanse kempo (which is streetfighting) and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu (hardcore ground fighting, the founder of UFC-championship). This is nothing fancy and stylish, this is raw throath fisting combat. He has become a true alpha male, and me and my friends have never met another alpha of his level. Recently I went to one of the training sessions, and I couldn't believe what I saw. This WAS a fight club.
The club is a small basement with only a few guys and 2 main trainers that attend each session. They form a tight group and when you enter that basement, you fight. I did 8 years karate, this is something completely different. Forget honer, respect, contemplation and remember survival. They actually fight, bare handed, they do combo's and if you lower your guard out of fatigue you break your nose:). Carrying the man next to you on your back while you run through the room to the opposite walls, dropping him there and doing 10 close palms push-ups, is a just a warm up.
This is the real stuff, it is the actual fight club experience you see in the movie. Every guy in that club was an alpha like I'd never seen before. Because they do not contemplate on their selves (which I personally do not recommend, but I'll get to that), they remember and practise the oldest law there is: survival of the fittest. This made them natural alpha males, and it has nothing to do with being agressive in the outside 'normal' society. They know what they can do and they reflect that.
I went to a party with those guys, you could not tell who was the leader, but one of the two trainers was wearing white pants, and only that:). So you walk on the street with that group, lead by this bare chested smiling dude. We went to this party where I would normally not go too, filled with tough looking guys and lots of intimidating pussy. After five minutes it was decided, we were actually untouchable... I've never felt that in my entire life, and I wasn't even alpha. But by being included in that mad lion pack (and every one seeing it), I actually tasted a sample of that alpha state, and I didn't know what nervous was anymore^^
These guys don't know shit about PUA, I wouldn't even dare mentioning it. What I did realize was that if you combine these things, the mental mastery of PUA with the natural title of alpha, the possibilities would be... swooning.
Knowing thyself is vital, but don't blind yourself by trying to know the truth of why exactly you feel the way you feel in certain situations. The truth of the self is just as unknowable as the truth of the cosmos, but you can get closer and closer till the end of your life. Sucking up all the experience you can get is a must.
I plan to join this Fight Club and see where it goes. And I suggest you do what you feel you must do:). But don't debate it if you're curious, go out and find your local fight club. (and again: don't go for the traditional stuff, this freefight kempo shit is like some kind of spartan training, believe me, I know the difference)
greets
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