Roads: The Head Rule

Roads · Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:01 am Post subject: Roads: The Head Rule

It's been three weeks since I've been here, and I've made tremendous progress thanks in part to all of the great advice I have received from the mods, and members here. I feel like I should give back something of significance to the forum.

So here's a revelation I've come to, and others have mentioned over and over again. It's deep. It's powerful. It's (social) life changing.

Are you ready for what it is?

'Course you are, you've been ready since the first time you messed up words and blushed in front of a cute girl. You've been ready the first time you realized that something as simple as talking to people was difficult for you. You've been ready ever since you realized you were spending your life in a cave, trying to minimize interactions with people.

I call it my Head Rule. It can be your Head Rule too.

It's this: YOUR HEAD WILL FUCK YOU UP! Yes, that's right. There's so much junk and nonsense and negative past experiences up there, and they all start screaming in unison when you see a cute girl, until all you're hearing is a loud din that makes no sense and prevents you from forming the correct words to even say hi to her and carry on a normal conversation. You become self conscious, you stutter, you fidget, you blush, and hear yourself saying socializing really sucks!

How do you combat this? Simple. But not easy.

Leave your head OUT of it UNTIL you need information from it to feed your already blabbing mouth. That's all. Heard of the 3 second rule? Within 3s of seeing someone you would like to talk to, DO IT! Don't think! Thinking fucks you up! Just do it! In fact, get one of those old Nike shirts and wear it, and touch the Just Do It logo to remind yourself once in awhile.

Now I know many of you will violate this 3s rule by a few seconds or minutes the first few times you try to implement it. Don't be discouraged. What matters is that you don't give up. When you miss that opportunity the first time because you broke the rule, anchor a negative feeling to it...say, pinch yourself hard. That way, you associate pain with violating that rule. When you get it right, smile, rub your belly, pat yourself on the back, do whatever feels good for a while. This way, you associate pleasure with following through. Keep this up in starting all of your conversations, the more often the better.

But now that you've opened the set (started the conversation), you need to implement part 2) of the Head Rule. That is, only use your head as storage device! Think of what people use storage for: putting stuff in, and getting stuff out. Because of your social newbiness, your conversation must not be dictated by irrational impulses and thoughts flying around in your head. Instead, find some routines on these forums, commit them to storage, then select one and bring it out when you can't just "feel" your way through the conversation anymore. Eventually you can get creative. But for now, the goal is to familiarize yourself, and your head, to socializing...and come out of a social situation with a positive learning experience.

That's all. The more you do this, the less you find the effort to be in applying the Head Rule. Eventually, it won't even be a distinct rule you are aware of. It will just be natural. And that's the way it should be.

This has helped me in the three weeks I've spent sarging random people in public places. I spent roughly 10-15 hours a week going out to talk to strangers in stores and malls. Follow through, check the thread in my signature for great advice from the pros, and I promise it will help you too.

L.A. Tripp · Guest

Nice growth Roads. Keep it going bro.

scotty · Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:17 pm Post subject:

I can't believe there aren't more replies to this.

Great post; I intend to do as you did and start some random conversations, and this has really motivated me to go out and do it!

undefined · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 5:52 am Post subject:

Great post, I like your rule, I've also increased my confidence recently, I'm sort of journaling what when and how I'm overcomming my shyness, so I can make a systems that's more easier than the newbie mission, a sort of newbie newbie mission.

Roads · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:03 pm Post subject:

Thanks guys, glad it helped you. You can follow the progress I've been making via my thread in the signature below.

I follow this rule on impulse most of the times now. It works well. Smile

hotshot234512 · Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject:

definitely helpful

Method One · Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:04 am Post subject:

wow that was motivating.. Good Job man Cool

i'm gonna go ahead an try this out tomorrow at school an talk to random people i find in the hallway. Except i'm gonna use the reward system a little differently. If i talk to atleast 2 new people i will allow myself to hang out with my friends tomorrow, but if not i have to do terrible workouts at the gym.

horton · Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:02 am Post subject:

Very motivational! Thanks for posting that

midaz · Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:44 am Post subject:

This was very inspiring but can I just add something.

You have to know what you are going to say!!

I'm not suggesting that you stop for longer than 3 seconds and try to think of something cool. I'm suggesting having three or four ready made things to talk about to the girl so that when you spot her you just go in to your conversation openers.

"Hey my names Jay, I need a female perspective on something"

This will give you some ammo to go in to a conversation with.

dizone · Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:54 am Post subject:

Great post. I gotta try this with few other things I've learned from here.
Shame you cant favorite topics here for shortcuts. This would be definetely one.

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