AFC Challenge to the Masters: Social Anxiety



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:57 am 
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Haven't had an opportunity to go out and meet people these couple of days, feel like I've regressed a bit!

Anyone know some kind of Internet voice chat or whatnot to tide me over until I can get out of the house (we live in a rural area)?

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:44 am 
Well, of course there's the chats/messengers most people use . . . yahoo/msn/google, those things, but there's also another one that a lot of people use microphones for which is called paltalk.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:30 pm 
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Well, of course there's the chats/messengers most people use . . . yahoo/msn/google, those things, but there's also another one that a lot of people use microphones for which is called paltalk.
Cool, checking it out. People tell me I have a masculine voice :wink:

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 6:03 am 
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Update: Had a chance to go out today, met lots of sales people, including a HB9 discussed here, feels great. :D

Question though: I find that I talk to salespeople just because there's an inherent reason behind any approach I make to them (they sell stuff, I pretend I want to buy stuff). Is this sort of a crutch I can get dependent upon? It's not the same when I approach random people in the retail stores, and although I do approach them, I do so less frequently than the employees there.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:11 am 
Yeah, I think that would be a crutch, because ultimately you want to be able to talk to ANY of the people in there, whether it be customers OR employees. So work on getting to that point.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:22 am 
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Update: I've refined my IOI detection and I'm noticing IOI's from women of all ages, races, and backgrounds now that I've been consistently implementing 3 simple things in socializing:

1) Eye contact
2) Slight hint of a smile
3) Strong body language

I know I'm not mistaken, they smile, touch their hair, sometimes flubb their speech, move closer to me, find a reason to be close to me or in my vicinity, initiate self-kino, touch my arm, and generally seem to really enjoy my company. This is from about 70% of the women I socialize with***.

Actually it's a little creepy. I'm getting creeped out a little, I mean seriously, is it this simple? Also, I'm totally not attracted to many of these women, but I find myself running basic game principles on them anyway.

Getting very good on approaches, still a vast majority on men and HB6 and lower to keep building those PUA muscles. I'm getting to the point where I need to find some staying power in conversations, I feel almost as if I can only go in so many tangents before the conversation starts to feel weird.

Any advice on the whens and hows of hugging these chicks within say 5 minutes of meeting them? Assuming already three or four IOIs, and basic kino (arm touches back and forth).

***+/- 5% due to 'ego skew'. Keep in mind I have not been actively approaching the HB9-10 out there, not enough confidence yet, and the HB9-10 shield means I won't get IOI's more noticeable than a few seconds of steady eye contact. So I don't count these IOI's for stat reporting.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:46 am 
First, put your hand on the small of their back. If they accept that, you're almost to the hug already.

But, would you rather go for a hug? Or a kiss?

And, great progress that you're making too.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:41 am 
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First, put your hand on the small of their back. If they accept that, you're almost to the hug already.

But, would you rather go for a hug? Or a kiss?

And, great progress that you're making too.
Same principle on the kiss then? Or a little more kino escalation?

Thanks man for the advice and the encouragement, peer review---especially from an uPUA*---really helps me calibrate my game and push me to keep practicing.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 7:09 pm 
Yep, basically the same principles would apply. You know, if she's standing right next to you, her body into yours, and she lets you put your hand on the small of her back, most likely she's not gonna mind if you wrap your arm around her back and pull her in for a hug. If she's into anyway, as long as you're not making her feel creepy, which apparently you aren't, usually the girls like the hugs.

For the kiss, as soon as you see that "I want you to kiss me look", don't hesitate. Either cup her face with your hand, or touch her chin with your finger, line her face up with yours, lean in . . .

And yes, you do need to work on more kino escalation, because that just moves the whole process along faster.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:38 pm 
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For the guys who PM'd me and are watching this thread, just wanted to let you know that
roads-the-head-rule-vt11757.html]
I've made a new post that should help get you started, based on my experiences.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:35 pm 
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Quote:
A tip to others: actually become interested in what your audience has to say!
I thought that was a given, lol.

Well, anyway, good to hear Road2Alpha.
You'd be surprised. When my anxiety levels are highest i become so pre-occupied with negative loops in my mind that my attention isn't on the conversation. It becomes less about talking (as conversations should be, duh) and more about me trying to think of the best possible thing to say and constantly worrying about how they view me.

I'm getting better though, my therapist has given me some advice (become comfortable saying nothing if you have nothing to say, especially in groups) and while this has helped me calm down.

I saw one of those documentaries on PUAs yesterday and it piqued my interest. I think discovering this scene will change my life for the better.

:-)


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 10:06 pm 
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You'd be surprised. When my anxiety levels are highest i become so pre-occupied with negative loops in my mind that my attention isn't on the conversation. It becomes less about talking (as conversations should be, duh) and more about me trying to think of the best possible thing to say and constantly worrying about how they view me.

I'm getting better though, my therapist has given me some advice (become comfortable saying nothing if you have nothing to say, especially in groups) and while this has helped me calm down.

I saw one of those documentaries on PUAs yesterday and it piqued my interest. I think discovering this scene will change my life for the better.

:-)
Yes! I've also had this happen to me. One way to deal with this was pointed out by Tripp in his initial suggestion:
Quote:
DON'T
GIVE
A
FUCK
WHAT
OTHERS
THINK
OF
YOU...
PERIOD!
Yes, you'll say some stupid/obvious/inane things when you go through conversations. The most well spoken politicians and actors will mess up or stutter or flub their speech, so why isn't it OK for you to do the same? The goal is not to dwell on trying to be interesting or perfect, it's to enjoy the overall content and flow of the conversation.

And yes, like you've said, it's OK to not say anything at times and simply smile/nod! The preoccupation should not be on dominating or leading a conversation at this stage of the game, rather it should be about getting comfortable with socializing.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 10:21 pm 
Quote:
Yes, you'll say some stupid/obvious/inane things when you go through conversations. The most well spoken politicians and actors will mess up or stutter or flub their speech, so why isn't it OK for you to do the same? The goal is not to dwell on trying to be interesting or perfect, it's to enjoy the overall content and flow of the conversation.
Excellent point to add.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 3:17 am 
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Man I've had this happen to me. You just have to force yourself to overcome this kinda thing gradually. It's like lifting weights you can't come into the gym and lift to your maximum potential immediately. What you need to do is start with two sets and become successful with that. Then work to three sets, and once you become comfortable with one level work your way to the next. When you reach a level that you get stuck at work your hardest to break threw to the next using every trick you can conjure up.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 1:22 pm 
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Roads

I'm just going to give a comment about what you said about feeling nervous and actually not feeling alpha enough.

Instead of trying to think/be like an alpha, have you given thought to actually BECOMING true alpha?

I suppose every one here has seen, and marvelled at the sight of^^, Fight Club? Well, a friend of mine has been practising Freefight Kempo for about three years now. It's a combination of japanse kempo (which is streetfighting) and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu (hardcore ground fighting, the founder of UFC-championship). This is nothing fancy and stylish, this is raw throath fisting combat. He has become a true alpha male, and me and my friends have never met another alpha of his level. Recently I went to one of the training sessions, and I couldn't believe what I saw. This WAS a fight club.

The club is a small basement with only a few guys and 2 main trainers that attend each session. They form a tight group and when you enter that basement, you fight. I did 8 years karate, this is something completely different. Forget honer, respect, contemplation and remember survival. They actually fight, bare handed, they do combo's and if you lower your guard out of fatigue you break your nose:). Carrying the man next to you on your back while you run through the room to the opposite walls, dropping him there and doing 10 close palms push-ups, is a just a warm up.

This is the real stuff, it is the actual fight club experience you see in the movie. Every guy in that club was an alpha like I'd never seen before. Because they do not contemplate on their selves (which I personally do not recommend, but I'll get to that), they remember and practise the oldest law there is: survival of the fittest. This made them natural alpha males, and it has nothing to do with being agressive in the outside 'normal' society. They know what they can do and they reflect that.

I went to a party with those guys, you could not tell who was the leader, but one of the two trainers was wearing white pants, and only that:). So you walk on the street with that group, lead by this bare chested smiling dude. We went to this party where I would normally not go too, filled with tough looking guys and lots of intimidating pussy. After five minutes it was decided, we were actually untouchable... I've never felt that in my entire life, and I wasn't even alpha. But by being included in that mad lion pack (and every one seeing it), I actually tasted a sample of that alpha state, and I didn't know what nervous was anymore^^

These guys don't know shit about PUA, I wouldn't even dare mentioning it. What I did realize was that if you combine these things, the mental mastery of PUA with the natural title of alpha, the possibilities would be... swooning.

Knowing thyself is vital, but don't blind yourself by trying to know the truth of why exactly you feel the way you feel in certain situations. The truth of the self is just as unknowable as the truth of the cosmos, but you can get closer and closer till the end of your life. Sucking up all the experience you can get is a must.

I plan to join this Fight Club and see where it goes. And I suggest you do what you feel you must do:). But don't debate it if you're curious, go out and find your local fight club. (and again: don't go for the traditional stuff, this freefight kempo shit is like some kind of spartan training, believe me, I know the difference)

greets


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