Quote:
I have a problem. To say it consumes me would be an understatement. I spend more mental energy on this part of my life, than I do on every other part put together. My career and making money has been on the back burner since day dot, and even my leisurely pleasures are all based around this one topic. Girls. I go on holidays so that I can meet girls, I go to festivals so that I can meet girls, I go to events in the night for the same reason, I chose a profession that brings me in contact with meeting girls, and I spend my free time around malls day gaming girls. I drive my car trying to get a glimpse of the next hottie, and I walk around on the streets with the same mental clarity. I wake up in the morning and I immediately log on to Tinder, I go to sleep at night watching a hottie to masturbate to.
I've logged 1000+ hours the gym to build a hot body in order to attract hot girls. I have spent years reading seduction material to develop my ability. I have learned to cut my own hair and groom myself on a daily basis in order to attract hot girls. I do pretty much everything in my power to attract hot girls. I just came back from Ibiza having got action and sex on 2 consecutive nights, yet I find myself more frustrated than ever before. I have smashed 4 new chicks this year, that's more than my entire life preceding that. I am on the verge of accepting a job in a foreign country, paying the type of money acceptable for 18 year old's, just so that I can meet chicks and smash.
What the hell am I doing with myself? I have had this desire towards chicks right throughout my entire life, yet over the past 1.5 years where I have truly started to progress towards being consistently successful, my frustration has only increased, rather than satiating it.
Truth be told, I started this PUA journey before my LTR with the eventual goal of having my own harem of chicks. A rotation of 3 hot chicks at the very least, a fantasy sold to me or I bought into from the material I had read. A possibility I had thought was possible for me. I have long since given up on this fantasy. I just want a girlfriend again for a few years and enjoy some pair bonding. I nabbed my first hot GF after the first 6 PUA driven approaches of my life, I have since breaking up with her logged over 700 yet I find myself no closer to hot GF number 2. I am completely consumed by all of it. To even give up the hunt for a day would be like putting the breaks on at 190 mph.
I don't know what the hell to do.
It sounds like you're making up for lost time of the past when you weren't successful, and because you have this void. You won't be satisfied until you have conqured all. Or at least not until you feel that you have conquered all.