Newbie here.
I just went on a 3rd date (The 1st date-cycling+ice cream was 6 months ago and then she left the country so the attraction faded. The 2nd date was at a tea shop two weeks ago). The 3rd date was at a cafe and It was our first time at that cafe and she always wanted to go to it as she heard good things about it.

When we arrived, I was slow to choose a seat because I didn't know what was on the other side of the cafe. I directed her to the other corner of the cafe but all the seats were taken so we returned to the main area. She ended up choosing a table that was wide. This made it difficult to lean in as we sat across each other (mistake). When in cafes where the table has a large gap between the two people, how do you kino escalate? Where's a better place to sit?

I tried to look for signs that I could move in for the kiss but I didn't get any signals. I tried to lead the conversation to telling stories of situations that demonstrate adventure, taking chances, having fun, etc. but the conversation was about courses we're taking, events we are attending, places we are travelling to, our likes/dislikes of foods/music/hobbies.

Some random phrases I remember:
Her: "I play the flute"
Me: "That's cool. How long have you been playing?"

Her: talks about volunteer work she does
Me: "You're a really smart/good person. People like us should stick together"
...
Me: Do you like passion fruits?
Her: No I hate passion fruits . I like strawberries.
Me: It tastes slimy?
Her: gives me weird look

Her: I like watching some tv shows
Me: yeah
Her: continues talking about show

I say "yeah" a lot during conversations to show that I'm listening. I don't feel like it benefits the interaction.
I had no idea how to make these statements/questions flirtatious. The conversation topics we had did not allow me to use any light touching. Where could I have incorporated it?
I maintained strong eye contact. When I leaned back, she leaned in a little bit closer. When I leaned in a little bit, she leaned back.
Where do I go from here? Any posts/products you recommend? My weakness appears to be in making the conversation more sexual/flirtatious and finding opportunities to kino escalate.

Stop lame date venues

Coffee is only good for instadates. The best hangout is the girl cooking at your place after you banged her good.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Argh, more coffee dates!!!!!

Calgon, take me away.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Jesus christ.
WTF?


Kill. Me. Now.
LOL!!!!!

Dude, stop taking her on these kinds of dates, and stop worrying about this kind of nonsense. The size of a table...really? Here's what you should be worried about:
Boring.

Her: I play the flute
You: I bet you are good with your hands then....

My friend, that is terrible. Just terrible.

Her: I volunteer.
You: I volunteer too.
Her: Really, where?
You: I take sexually frustrated girls out on dates and try to help them (make sure you smile or laugh on this one)

Are you really talking about fruit, man? think about this for a second.
I just showed you.
Your weakness is not flirting, and lame venues.

Text her this right now:

"We're going to Bar X tomorrow night for drinks. I'll pick you up at 9."

Lead. Flirt.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Some PUAs got into trouble already for banging drunk girls. If you don't know what you're doing yet, stay on the safe side and bang sober girls. It's not impossible if you escalate properly while ensuring that the girl feels safe in your company. Legal complications will be bad for your career down the line. Always play on the safe side.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Your way of thinking and responding is first-rate. How do you develop this extraordinary mindset?
It looks like you can take any statement/question and make it flirtatious. Where/How can I learn/practice this skill?
I've always had a compliant way of communicating with people and answering questions candidly while growing up. This has severely impacted my ability to flirt.
It looks like this may be my last chance and best choice of venue with this girl before I get friend zoned if I'm not already there. I'll try it. I don't choose drinking venues because I prefer to be able to take things to the next level naturally without the person I'm interested in being drunk. For this reason, I prefer day-game, meeting women in supermarkets, special events, malls, street, cafes, bus stops etc. The satisfaction will be much more fulfilling and I won't risk them waking up the next morning and asking themselves "How did I end up here" as I've seen on television/the news.

I will adopt this objective from now on.
I can't get her to cook for me if I can't even get her to my place until after the 2nd date so she feels comfortable around me.

Thanks, man. But it's not really extraordinary. I just tune in with what I want. Sure, I may like the girl, and the date and chatting, but deep down, what I really want is to have sex. So I tap into that and try to be congruent.

I focus on sex because if it's not good, I will friend-zone the girl, simple as that. Passion and sex are the most important things early in a relationship.

If it's good, I choose to invest more of my time in her, and open up, and eventually care for her. This is why I escalate right away. It's not about "how many girls can I have sex with", but rather "I want to have a passionate relationship with an amazing woman", and I don't want to waste time.
Be honest with yourself when talking to women, and what yo uwant. Understand they are intelligent, strong, yet also just as sexual as you are. This comes from experience. But you can start implementing the changes right now.


Oh, I agree with you. Getting girls drunk to fuck them is CREEPY SHIT, that I would never, ever advocate. Guys that do this are scumbags.

However, there's nothing wrong with the two of you having a couple drinks, laughing, and having a great time. Drugs and alcohol can help you ease your own anxiety, too.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

After that 3rd date at the coffee shop and her not giving off any Indicator of interests like I saw on the 1st and 2nd date, I don't know where I stand with that girl anymore. The subtle signs from the 1st date were: playing with hair, smiling and the 2nd date were: she proposed for us to meet up for a tea date, smiling during the conversation, and her leaning in closer half of the time. Note that at that time, I didn't recognize these signs as enough for me to go in for the kiss. In the 3rd date, there were no IOIs like that from the previous date so I didn't escalate. Does she view me as a friend now? It's been a week since that date and I'm ready to move on to the other girls I haven't seen/contacted in a while because I first wanted to learn from my mistakes from these dates.

After reading through the forum, the idea that there are plenty of fish in the sea is prevalent. When do you guys call it quits with a girl? Do you call it quits after you've attempted to escalate and she rejects you? (eg. you try to move in for the kiss and she doesn't accept) Or is it practical to view no indicator of interests/no signs of attraction from the girl as the time to move on?

If it's common to persist when no major IOIs are present (giggling, touching me, playing with hair etc.), I'm willing to ask her out and go to a pub, club, bar and then my place.

You can try, but next time go to a bar on a first date, not after wasting her time on 3 different occasions.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

You bored her to death with lame coffee dates.

Why did you not follow the advice?
Bla bla bla bla twirling hair, "signs", fairy dust, monkey farts, musk oxen hooves, moon trajectory.

How about the ultimate sign? The girl was on a fucking date with you. Go for the kiss.

Always assume attraction. Stop overthinking and stop implementing flimsy PUA techniques you read somewhere.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

So one of the most important things to understand is that sexual escalation starts with your WORDS,
not with your hands or touching.

And the simplest way to start it is by TEASING.

So if you think about how most conversations work, they're based on:

1. LIKING a person,
2. COMPLIMENTING and agreeing
3. And generally being a NICE person.

You basically try to find COMMONALITIES that you can connect with.

Well with girls, you want to do something slightly different.

Instead of agreeing and liking what she says, you want to start with DISAGREEING with her.

So when she says "I like to watch TV" you don't say, "Oh really, I like to watch TV too!"

but you say,

"Yea, you do look like a lazy slob, you probably watch popcorn and watch soap operas all day... "

You say this in a teasing way, not in a overly serious way. You just have fun with this.

When she says, "I don't like strawberries.."

You say: "What? Seriously? Omg, this isn't going to work between us...I could never date a girl who doesn't like
strawberries... "

Now you're always having fun with this, you're never overly serious. You're teasing her.

When you do that, you'll spark the conversation and make her have FUN.

It also gives you the excuse that you're not overly serious, so when you're alone with her, you can use it again
to say stuff like,

"How could you wear those pants? I can't even concentrate on talking to you because you're
too sexy...it's all your fault"

Get it?

You want to keep it simple.

But start with saying teasing stuff to her, and you'll notice the difference.

Hope this helped you,

_________________
Test out my new Approach Anxiety technique, that eliminates your AA
in UNDER an hour (2022 updated)

You can try it here Here: New AA Cure

Wrong. Sexual escalation starts with the eyes. Look into the girl's eyes. It is NOT what you say. It's HOW you say it.

Get closer. Bump legs. Bump knees. Touch. Triangulate your look into her eyes then lips. Kiss. Look at the PUA Lounge for Warped Mindless' ESP Model of Escalation. Download Vin Dicarlo's free Escalation Ladder. Watch on Youtube Skills360's Dance Seduction. Search for Teevster's post in here on mutual seduction. Search for VicParkGuy's Bomb Method.

Teasing is a conversational technique. If you do not sexually escalate, you'll end up in the friendzone. Close friends tease each other to death; man or woman. Take action like a lover. Do not talk to girls like you're their girlie friend or bff. Teasing is counterproductive. Use it sparingly. It shouldn't be more than 10% of your conversation.

You ARE not a friend. You ARE not a girl. You want to be her lover. You are a man. Do what lovers do. Focus on sexual escalation; not teasing. Friends talk. Lovers take action. Know the difference.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I sent the message "We're going to X bar tomorrow night for drinks. I'll pick you up at 9." I got the "I can't, I'm busy tomorrow" response with no reschedule from her side. In the past she would suggest/be open to a reschedule. This time she didn't. To me this implies it's game over.
What should be my reply if i should reply at all? "No problem, how about x day?