Hey guys, Well, recently got a new job. I am 23 (not too old). I have been flirting with many of the girls there since I began.
My first step was asking this girl out over some coffee, she agreed, but denied my kiss while out.

Now I thought I would have a second chance with her, but never happened.

Instead a new door opened.
This other girl became single and I quickly hit it off with her.

I asked her out she agreed, we kissed on the first date.

Second date another step further just some titty action. but no sex.

Third date, basically the same but a little further and got her pants undone then starting going down there and I hit resistance. She said last time she allowed something like that happened, the guy ran off the next day. It was super late 5am so I just decided to go home try again next time.

4th date, kinda surprised me, I told I would pick her up, she said fine. I get there and her parents live her still. So I met the parents. I didn't want her out late so brought her back early. She told me the following day They liked me.

Now, few days have passed since, and at work today she seemed very distant. Maybe because She texted me early today saying she brought me a slice of cake she made from her other job, however I didnt have my phone on me all day and when I saw the text I figured I just let her know how grateful I am for her to bring me that in person at work instead over text.
Well it was so busy by the time I had a chance to say something she said she ate it already lol. In a kind of mean tone. like that tone when a girl is angry and only says a few words.
I probably shouldn't have since she didnt deserve but I kissed her before she left. Because I like her alot.

So now im just confused. I do like her, But Like I have no idea what my goal is anymore. Whether I should have feelings for her or not. Whether I should play the bf role or not and take things slow. Should I kiss her everytime I see her at work or not?

I have no one to talk to about this and would like some fresh opinions. I tried to not post here long as possible thinking I have it under control, But meeting the parents threw me off on my goals with her, which originally was fwb, but I knew as soon as I met her (at work) I wouldn't mind a ltr with her. She is capable of being very loyal, as same with me.

But blah. Its just very interesting I feel the more I kiss her and play the bf role the faster ill push her away and less chance of even having sex with her, but at the same time its seems Im moving in the right direction despite all this negative thinking.

any thoughts?

Nifty20, great post. In short I would just say that 1. you want to be older than you really are and it comes off as incongruent. Look into inner game (what do you really want) and just display it. I feel the mysterious got you into the door, but you need to slow it down and have the girl qualify herself to re calibrate and tie in what you really want to get what you want.

WARNING: it will be rocky because you aren't congruent and this distance from the chick is the calm before the storm. Full speed ahead and stay the course and you will be able to ride the storm to get to calm waters when you master congruence.

Relax. This girl is newly single and right now isn't the time she is going to start thinking about a relationship. Have fun with her and play the rebound role. If you push anything more than that, she will likely run.

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Friend zone.

What the hell is this? You barely know this girl.

Translation: "I got close to some pussy, and I'm terrified I'll never get this close again, so I'm going to mask my sexual desires into LTR nonsense".

You have no idea if she is capable of being loyal.


Wait for her to contact you, then invite her over for a movie. Make a move before she gets settled.

I highly doubt she stopped you because she "never has sex" (lol). Women usually stop a man because he doesn't know what he's doing. And women will most certainly stop a man if he acts like he doesn't know how to have his way with them and dominate. If they figure this out, you're in the friend zone for life.

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You guys are awesome, Jack, RC, Arch and Loner, its funny because I could feel what you guys are saying but I couldn't project those thoughts into words which made it difficult for me on what I should do onwards.

Especially the -- "Translation: "I got close to some pussy, and I'm terrified I'll never get this close again, so I'm going to mask my sexual desires into LTR nonsense"."

That quote is spot on, I could feel im changing my personality around her but wasn't sure why.

I'll relax and have fun with her from now on see where it goes.

Maybe even work on the dominating and having my way with them part with some new girls in the mean time, as I admit and believe that could use some work.



Thanks again

Sounds to me like you don't get much action and because you invested so much of your time into this girl and have yet to get your desired result(sex) you are now growing more attached in desperate because you won't to close before things run dry and your investment goes to waste.

You're completely over thinking OP and this is usually the mentality goes develop right before things take a turn in the direction they don't want.

The guy that gets the girl doesn't spend time thinking about when he should kiss her and when he should not. He's in control and just kisses her when he feels like it and/or when she displays behaviors he wants to see her repeat. The further you overthink every move with her the less she's going to respect you, because that puts you in the position of the one trying to "impress" the person thats the "prize". You have to chill OP, lay low for a bit and let her come to you. Let her miss you a bit. You're not going to desperation, over analyze, and over thinking your way into her pants. Its just not going to happen. You have to be cool.

I also don't understand you guys that get interested in these women that let some guy one night stand and ditch her and then make you way 5-6 dates to sleep with her the very next week, but thats a whole other topic.

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100% true. I try not overthink things and just let it flow, its just that her being a coworker is new to me and just wasn't sure if I was doing it right. Which led me to start overthinking things.
This is a good point, thank you.
I dont want to spoil the details just yet, but I think that's already starting to happen.

Hey now, I kinda doubt she has had a one night stand. From what I know she has only had a few relationships and the last one (most recent) is where the guy ran off shortly after going all the way with her.
If I knew she was the type to do ons and goes out to party and drink every weekend she would be toast already.

Nice. And thanks for being a poster who is open minded, and not constantly trying to protect his ego. Refreshing.

It's entirely possible you will want a LTR with this girl. You never know.


This is all you have to do. Women are emotional beings, in the moment. Once they associate you with fun and/or great sex, things get much easier.

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Good stuff. This is how it works. You have to out-wait women early on.

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Alright guys little update

So apparently she was a virgin. She said she told me on the first date, but I guess I wasn't paying attention.
Since she really likes me and said she wanted to lose it to me (recently) - she got her wish a couple dates ago. So there is that.

I am going to see how it goes and see whether or not this will blossom into a relationship or just remain neutral. She kinda wanted me to say she is my girl friend, but I said not yet, because I still feel a somewhat disconnect here somewhere. Once I feel a full connection with her and see that, I will move onto saying with genuine intent that she is my girl friend. Thing is, like I said in my first post that I wouldn't mind it one bit (a relationship with her). Maybe I making a big deal about it idk. What you guys think?

Actually almost forgot, I did say to her I would stop talking to other girls..no clue why. I feel bad now as one sent me like 6 texts today.

This is fun. lol