Guys...

I apologize.. this is a long fucking post... I just keep going over this shit in my head, over and over and over..

I know I sound like a faggot pussy here, but I need to write out my thoughts just to get them out of my head.

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I'm in my mid 30's. I met a girl who is in her early 20's recently. This girl is wild and is hard to deal with.

I met her because she agreed to let me photograph her in lingerie, for money, because boudoire photography is a hobby of mine.

She's in school for massage therapy. Need I say more? I'm pretty sure she's done more than just massages for money. It's weird because she comes from an otherwise normal background.

The first photo shoot we did, she was kind of bitchy, but I was able to joke around with her and get her to open up and smile and chat. At the end, she was still pretty cold toward me, but I noticed in the photos I took that her pupils were extremely dilated (a sign of attraction). She was mostly feminine after we got over an initial hurdle of bitchiness.

We texted back and forth afterwards. She was interested in talking to me because she knew I had mental health issues. She had told me she had OCD and anxious depression and had a problem with rituals, pacing, and picking at her skin. It seemed like felt safe because we had the same issues. We would joke about things and talk about planning the next photo shoot.

I started to get needy. I had lost my job recently and was alone all day during the week. All of my friends were hard to get a hold of. I had none of the social contact I had at work. The job interviews I was doing were making me extremely nervous. I told her about it. She seemed supportive. It seemed like she almost expected me to text her throughout the day; she encouraged me to text her.

The second photo shoot, I proposed that we do photos outdoors. She cancelled on me like 6 times, although she had a legitimate excuse each time, so I didn't call her on it. It was obvious she was testing me.

Honestly, I never really felt comfortable with her. It seemed like half of what she said was little white lies -- "I'm having car trouble," "something came up", "we can do it today but I may need to cancel at the last minute".

I agreed to pay her for the second shoot, also, even though I had joked with her that if she was after my money there were other ways to go after it. It seemed like she was almost willing to do it for free.

Neither of us knew what this was-- a strictly professional arrangement, or a budding intimate connection.

Asking her to do outdoor photography was a terrible mistake. I had very little experience with outdoor portrait photography. I didn't have a solid plan for what to do. I assumed she would be cooperative because it seemed like she was very sweet when sending tests. I was not confident about what would happen, but I hoped we could just have fun with it.

She had told me she planned to bring different outfits to change into. When I had her meet me at the park, I told her to meet me at the entrance that did not have bathrooms. I don't know what I was thinking. When she showed up she was wearing a different dress than she told me she would wear. She also had to pee really bad. There was no place to change or to pee without driving to the other entrance! My bad!

She acted sweet, mostly, as I nervously recited things I had read in a few books about portrait photography. I went over some tips for posing. It was obvious that I didn't know what I was talking about, though. All I had were some sketchy notes that didn't help me give her good directions.

I started joking that she should change in her car and she started to get this big grin on her face like she enjoyed being told what to do, but she put of some resistance and I let it go, and agreed to just photograph her with what she was wearing.

As soon as I let her have her way, things went downhill. She seemed mad that I didn't like the dress she was wearing. She said she "wouldn't charge me" but she was pissed off.

She started bitching and I just lost control of the situation. She started directing me around, telling me about other photo shoots she did that were better, telling me "my time is valuable" (i.e. I'm wasting her time), telling me she had to leave to study for an exam. She even started using management buzzwords -- "I just want to make sure we're on the same page here".

She gave me a set of directions that she wanted me to send her a set of backgrounds AND a set of poses for her to do. Then she took off. Normally posing is the model's responsibility. I was obviously kind of pissed off at this point. When she left, I asked "can I have a hug" (totally beta) and she said "no. thanks".

It was totally fucked. I didn't expect this behavior out of her because she seemed so sweet in her texts.

I tried getting ahold of her after that and she barely answered any of my texts. I came up with a set of backgrounds for her and she said she liked them, but I was so frantic about the way I texted that I was texting paragraphs and she was texting hardly anything.

After that she never answered any texts. I came up with some posing ideas and she ignored them. I eventually just sent her a text saying I would pay her because I felt like what happened was my fault, and I sent her a payment using SPAM.

God this girl was fucking hot. I'll post pics if you want... Probably the hottest girl I've had interested in me since I was 21.

Anyways, I'm really beating myself up at this point. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to salvage the situation.

What can I learn from this?

Here's where I think I went wrong:

1.) I put her on a pedestal and this made her uncomfortable, and she tested me to see how I could handle her, and I failed.

2.) I didn't plan well enough to be able to handle things like the bathrooms, outfit changes, posing, etc.

3.) I tried to escalate physically, in a pathetic way, the same time I was failing a shit test and she was also legitimately mad.

4.) I tried to fix the situation by giving her money, but the best way to get someone to like you is usually to have THEM doing favors for YOU.

But what the fuck?! What about all of the other sweetness and chemistry? Is this all lost on one bad experience?

Post the pics

Sometimes the sexiest word you can say to a girl is NO!

You let her down Bro, women (especially younger ones) need and want to be led.

She was expecting you to lead, and direct, while feeling desired, lusted after.

With a little direction, I think you could of had her right there in the car.

PM me if you like.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Ok. Here are pics from the first shoot.

This link is only going to be available for a little while. Don't share these. I had to blur her face and tattoos.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/ ... 2dKNzZnRnM
With her having a full bladder?

After being taken to the restroom, or squatting like a monkey behind the car.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Well, what can I do now? Nothing?

I thought I had dropped the ball with the first shoot, actually.

But, I kept hounding her and eventually she relented and that's how we got this far.

This last shoot was almost a month ago, but I'll bet I can get another shot.

Yes. Many times you have a brief window with women, and if you miss it or fuck it up, you don't get a redo.

I have heard women DQ guys just based on things as small as the shoes they wear (Velcro).

Sometimes you just have to allow for the situation to reset itself. The moment that a woman gets irrational, remove yourself from the situation and let her restart it again. The problem with you, OP, is that you've developed a oneitis situation by actually stressing over a woman that you haven't had and trying to repair something that hadn't yet existed. You need to understand that there's always the next girl if this one doesn't work out...so let this one go. If she was at all interested at any time during your time together, she will reinitiate contact like nothing ever happened.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

Ok thanks.

Yeah, one-itis big time... I don't come across many girls in their early 20's looking like this, but I guess if I can get this far with at least one, there's no reason I can't find another.

Where is this all leading?

Will the sexual release that eventually comes out of this type of thing make all of the effort worthwhile?

Because, honestly, I'm not sure this is the type of girl I would want a long-term intimate connection with.

Also, if I am able to pass these tests regularly, will the girl eventually become less bitchy and stop testing so much?

I feel like I couldn't sustain this type of craziness for a long period of time, but if it's just an upfront cost, I could probably handle it long enough to get past it.

What do you guys think of the pics?

If you're being tested that's because there's something to test.
Look man, it's really easy to spot through what's real and what's fake.

There was a dude that posted a topic about being in the friendzone for one entire damn year with some 20 year old. His behavior was one of a man utterly incompetent when it comes to seduction. Yet he acted all smug and proceeded to post about how for 3 year straight he got ALL GIRLS he set his sight on, it's just this one that's different.

And that, to anyone that has even a slight clue, is a gigantic crock of shit. So he got called out. And he got "tested".

If you want to be successful you need to stop acting and start being.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Yeah. That's the one bright side of the situation. It's actually kind of fun, to play the game. It was fun the first time we met, because I felt like I had gotten through a challenge.

I was like "oh, another one that suffers from oneitis" but then I read this.

Believe it or not, this is your problem. Not because she was supportive or whatever but because you contacted her when you were feeling needy and bored. You lost your job and was alone all week and you think about some girl? You need to get your shit back together. Find a job, or at least carpe diem! Start working out, start learning new skill or simply get a job. You need to have something that will occupy your mind. If that is other chicks you game in day/night - good. If that is your friends or hobby - good, and it's even better if that is something that will make you become better.

And what the fuck is with all this negative self talk? "I know I'm a pussy, I'm a faggot, beta"? Really?

Well I was never like that but few months ago I discovered that my self talk was bad.

I developed this habit of being harsh to myself. So when I am waking up I tell myself: "Get out from this bed, otherwise you will die lazy, take your ass to the gym!"
Or in your case: "Why didn't you escalate, whats wrong with you, did you get scared? Coward!"
"why weren't you more dominant" etc.. And this self talk exhausted me, it made me tired and wanted to quit.

But how on earth others are going to respect you if you don't respect yourself?

Instead of calling myself a failure every time I didn't do what is necessary, I tell myself:
"Don't worry about it, you'll get it the next time"
"Let's go to the gym, the weather's great today. Your abs aren't gonna sculpt themselves"
Tried that for a week. Guess what?


I have more energy, I'm more extroverted, and generally more pleasant to be around. passing shit tests comes naturally, I suddenly found myself with lots of witty things to say, and suddenly people are more drawn to my personality.
Sure, you're not going to be the brooding tortured poet. But then again who really wants to be that dude in a corner oozing negativity?

Stop hating yourself man.

Oh, and care to tell how did you end up having boudoire photography hobby? That's great, any tips, blog or smth where I can learn more about it, you can send me on PM.

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http://www.rebornmasculinity.com/

Well, writing out all of the negative thoughts here helps get it out of my system. I have been gradually pulling myself together.

But, yea, the negativity from failing the shit test comes from me thinking "if she doesn't think I'm worthy as a mate, then I'm not worthy to reproduce, because i am genetic junk, a defective human" ... basically, letting her define my value instead of defining it for myself.

Yeah, I know. I did the best I could. It was an improvement on past performances, a good learning experience. I'm glad I went through the experience of failure because now I know it CAN'T get any worse, no-one got hurt, and I have nothing to fear next time.

As far as the job, it worked itself out. I have two job offers. One is supposed to start next week. I will actually be making double the hourly rate of the job I just lost

Been going to the gym regularly.

Been shopping for menswear and preparing to get my picture taken. Sport jacket, shoes, tie, all tailored, shined and dry-cleaned... looking sharp.

As far as tips getting started, yeah I can help you out. Ask more specific questions. What do you want to know about? Finding models? Camera and lenses? Editing? Lighting?

Let's say I could replay this situation over again.

Could I have texted her at some point afterwards and basically called her out for bad behavior? Like canceling six times, insulting me, and then leaving early? I probably could have worked out the bathroom situation if she had just given me a minute to collect my thoughts.

I've heard that starting a conflict can actually help build intimacy, as long as you don't attack the other person or call them names, if you use "I" statements.

For example, "I feel like I have shown a great deal of patience in setting up this shoot, yet very little patience was shown to me and I felt like I was being attacked. I feel disrespected in this situation, and that there is an imbalance of power here. I feel that if there had been more cooperation, we could have successfully completed this shoot"

Is there any possibility that expressing your feelings in an assertive but tactful way would actually lead to a better outcome than just sitting and waiting for the situation to reset?

... especially if you're looking to build relationships built on something beyond just sex. I am, honest to God, trying to improve my skills as a photographer. This wasn't just about her vagina.

Any thoughts here? I have tried the same language with bitchy male friends and it seems very effective.

Im not convinced that she was thinking about being intimate with you. If you pick a fight for the purpose of ending it with intimacy, it'll only work if the feeling is there already.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com