Hello boys (and other girls?),

I have a question I was hoping you can help me out with. about a week ago I went home with "Mike" and we had sex twice. Mike is someone who i had gone out with a year ago who made it clear to me then he wasn't looking for anything serious (he was very good at setting my expectations!), who i told I couldn't do anything at the time- ever since there has been sexual tension between us but we were just friends/acquaintances, and finally we did it. But in the mean time I witnessed that this guy really seems to know what he is doing with women! I saw him easily charm a girl he just met into going home with him! Another time, I saw him flirt with other girls in front of the girl, and then she still went home with him. Another time, i learned a different girl had slapped him for hitting on some other girl right in front of her, and then that girl is still friends with him.... At the time I was thinking, wow, i am glad i never got involved with him in that way, because I could not handle that much drama and emotional turmoil. I had some emotional issues of my own at the time and was not in a good place. But at the same time I thought, wow this guy must be really good in bed, I was curious to find out what was so great about him.

So anyways, long story short, we ended up having sex twice after a party. He said something odd when we were chatting, and said he's an a$#hole. In retrospect maybe i should have paid more attention to that? I didn't know why he'd say that - because I hadn't really thought he was at that time. I didn't think anything of it because I already knew this guy was a playboy (or is it "f#$k boy"?). or maybe i just had not yet processed my thoughts. But not long after I left he texted me saying he wants to be just friends because he likes someone else. I thought, oh my, maybe he had a really bad experience! I really felt like i was being rejected 100% -sexually, relationally, etc. I really felt hurt because it was like he could not wait a second to dump me. I must say it really bruised my ego. I also thought, wow, is that even necessary? couldn't he just have not called me and i'd get the hint? long story sort i felt lousy and insecure. (even though I went into it thinking it was a one-night stand...i just wasn't expecting a formal rejection!)

however my question for you guys - he says he wants to be friends with me- and at first i thought he was just saying the standard line that has no meaning, and that i was officially being rejected. But during the past week he has kept coming around and acting flirty and such. we were both at another friend's get together this past weekend, and he kept bugging me the whole time, wanting to tag me on facebook and at the end of the night he kept trying to get my attention. I guess i just felt embarrassed from feeling rejected, that I sort of ignored him. But was this guy just trying to set up my expectations for a friends with benefits situation?? (rather than an outright rejection)? it sure seemed like he was rejecting me, but the way he was acting and talking to me after that did not jive with that. I sort of feel bad that i ignored him now.

however I am not sure i can do any FWB thing (i thought about this and I really just don't think i can handle it) so should I say something to that effect, or should I just ignore him, and avoid him?

His actions don't make sense to me when he says he wants to be just friends because he had no reason to say it if he wanted to continue having sex with you. Were you flirting with other guys at the party when he wanted your attention? If you were, it was probably his ego not wanting to accept that you would move on.

The easy way of figuring this out is just by asking him.

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Well yes. And your post points out some cool factoids.
Girls love to be next in line-If there's already a line.
Justifying his next move in advance.
Clearly the next move.
And the less you gave, the harder he tried? There's no Scooby Doo mystery here Kitten.
OMG what would your friends think? Regular sex without changing your life goals, what a tragedy.

You can't because each time he left, your stalker claws would want to spring out like a kitten hanging on a curtain.

You are not likely going to win the spelling bee.

Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! Fuck Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!

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Not sure about the comments about a spelling bee and calling me a stalker. That's uncalled for . If you must know, i don't want fwb because i am very depressed and I'd probably get too attached, jealous probably, and have expectations. You don't know what's going on personally in my life . if you want to call that the juvenile label "stalker" that's fine by me but I disagree. It's called me being self-aware. There's also the additional factor of being put off by someone who behaves in this manner (I saw a couple things about him I didn't know before. )

Anyways so I'm not actually sure what you are saying ? Why is he so eager to be "friends" now ? With him being such an "a$#hole" and the way he "rejected" me didn't strike me as though he was interested in being my friend . He just seems like not a very nice person who I don't want to be around. Just wanted to understand it so that's why I'm here. I've never had someone treat me like that . I just wanted to make some sense of it .
I told him today that maybe it's best if we weren't friends and he literally Saud "don't be silly. Come to the happy hour I'm organizing " . That's going on as we speak and I'm not there .

Awe Baby Cakes, don't be angry. (Unless your mad face is sexy).

I'll try to help you understand.

He's being truly friendly, Most 'asshole' guys are more likely to be true gentlemen. They are likely to have principles and convictions which they will remain true to. They likely will not put up with shit from people who they do not like. They will likely make the tough choices for people they care about. They will not believe that they are entitled to possess anyone because of the way they act.

He told you in advance he was an asshole. He was upfront with his expectations. These traits made him even more attractive to you.

Most 'asshole' men are just as courteous and of kind nature, if not more, than the modern supposed 'Mr Nice Guy', who tend normally to be shallow, insufferable, self entitled pricks who would sell their principles down the river just to see a girl like you naked.

Are you being 'silly'? Maybe. Perhaps if you wouldn't have dodged happy hour, you'd have met Mr Nice Guy, who would think think they are entitled to sex because they fetched you drinks and dinner, and held the door open for you.

But that's not why you dodged, it's because your still attracted to him. And pissed at him for making you feel this way. So pissed you think about him often. And get a little wet in your downstairs when you do.

'Asshole's' are in short supply Kitten.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

This makes absolutely no sense. Aside from the fact that you are inexplicably equating "a#$hole" with a decent person, when you use the term "Mr Nice Guy" - are you referring HIM or generically referring to other guys who are not in fact nice (because used quotations the first reference). The second time it sounds like you are referring to him? Or are you saying i would have met some other guy at this happy hour. I really think you should proof-read, because your posts are very difficult to follow. Be more direct and stop trying to speak in riddles.

He's trying to explain to you that an asshole is not exactly an asshole.

What makes Mike an 'asshole' is his honesty. He will not lead you on nor take advantage of you. He'll be very clear in what it is he can offer you.
That honesty may sting your emotions on the short term, bruise your ego a bit, but it spares you the alternative of feeling cheating and/or betrayed as you would feel if he were the type to lead you on.

Heywood contrasted that with your typical Mr Nice Guy, that will say and do just about anything it takes to get in your pants. The point is, the Nice Guy acts "nicely" to you out of his own hidden agenda. He's being "nice" because he expects you will be fucking him in return.

So who's the real asshole? the guy that will try to manipulate you or the guy that will be honest and upfront?

Look, the basic idea is this, he may have picked up on your predisposition of getting attached and didn't want you to end up hurt. And you yourself admitted that would probably have happened. So yes, he wants to be friends and yes he will also flirt every once in a while.
He likes you. But that doesn't mean he wants anything with feelings involved.

That's not rejection. You were fully aware it's a ONS. Except, like I said, you probably gave off some attachment vibes. He's just trying to reinforce the initial status.

That clear things up for you? Also quit being so easily offended. Lighten up.

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