Long story short: A while back (Decemberish) I met a bartender who kept asking when I'd be coming back. I spent too long not making a move, so visited the bar multiple times... and when I finally did make a move I got her number but she texted that she was going through a breakup and not ready to date. To which I replied incorrectly trying to change her mind. (And was accused of oneitis so let's not do that again. )

So, fast forward to last night the bar was having a tap takeover for a brewery I'd never checked out before so I decided to go.

Bartender was there, greeted me warmly and said "I was just thinking about you the other day!" I don't remember my exact reply, but asked about the tap takeover and ordered my beer.

She joked about how she never sees me anymore, and I replied with something like "You guys need to do more things like this and I'd come more often."

To which she jokenly replied "Oh so not to see me? That's messed up."

Tried a couple other beers, ate and saw a blonde sitting alone so decided I should hit on her. Spent most of my last beer working up the courage, but managed to open. Only problem there was in the first three sentences of her reply she managed to use the word "boyfriend" about 5 times. Still, had a pleasant conversation and finished my drink, at which point Bartender shows up, as if on cue, so I asked for my check.

At this point the bartender starts talking again about how I need to show up more, and I tell her a buddy's visiting in a couple weeks so I'll be back then to show him the place.

Her reply is basically "What? I have to wait a couple weeks?"

My (crappy) retort is a sarcastic "You're right, I'll start coming in every day! " I think I also got a little defensive and started explaining how busy I was (which, I know, stupid.)

Kinda thinking I should have said "You've got my number, you could text me to hang out."

Anyway, what's the deal here? I know she's a bartender, and some have suggested they'd try to get repeat customers but it's already a busy bar and I don't spend all that much. Yet her lack of finding time to talk to me makes it seem like she's not interested.

So I'm basically just confused and wondering if anyone can clarify.

But hey, opened another set later at a different bar so yay me. (I know that's not much, but it's progress.)


EDIT: Maybe I could do the "you've got my number" line if she keeps asking about me seeing her next time?

Do you really think that this is a sincere response? She hasn't seen or talked to you in months and she had your number. She was thinking about you the other day and she had your number. If she really cares about having to wait a few weeks to see you again, she will contact you because she has your number.

You put enough effort into this girl the last time you posted. She's all talk and no action or effort unless you're standing in front of her. The only effort she has ever put in is to make sure that you come back to the bar. What has the benefit been for you?

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Got to try some good new beer last night.

I had no intention of ever going back "just to see her." I'm just confused by how she's acting, not necessarily thinking it's sincere... it just seems odd at this point.

Go by her actions and not by what she's saying. That usually gives you all of the answers you need.

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Hit the gym. Get a tan, and bring a girl in next time.

Giving a bartender your number is meaningless. They are hot, hired guns and don't respect men who don't directly ask for their digits.

Hot hired guns are master manipulators and expert at weeding out the meek and fucking with their heads. Bartenders are my specialty, especially 20-somethings. Many are ravenously bi-sexual, and often fuck their co-workers. There is usually a "head witch" whom they all respect the most. If you fuck her, you can fuck all of them, and they won't care. They'll claw each other over you if that happens.

From what you described, this bartender has a crush on you, but doesn't quite respect you yet.

Bring in a date, look like you are having fun, then leave. Come in a week later, sit down, and immediately ask the bartender what she is doing that night. Do not hesitate when the moment arises. She will respect this assertiveness (every bartender I've fucked makes fun of the guys "who do nothing but stare at the TV, afraid to ask them out", they are ruthless and mock these weaker men as if they are trash).

If she says she cant hang, come in a week later and immediately ask for her number. She'll probably give it to you. She wants a dominant man.

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This is the pattern of most women. It's validation/qualification and letting a guy know that men find them attractive but at the same time letting you know that you have nothing to worry about. If you give just about any woman, especially younger women, a chance to talk about men finding them attractive they will go all out to pump up their egos.

I only say this because there is no bartender DNA that's different than any other woman. It's just the environment that they're in that puts a wall up.

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I got her number back in December... she only got mine when I texted her.

Thinking on it, I titled this thread "Bartender Games for a reason... because I felt like she was playing some kind of game I didn't understand. JackZero might have inadvertently hit the nail on the head. She knows I'm attracted to her, so me showing up gives her some validation.

Return customers = Tips.

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Technically correct, but bartenders have a ton of options that perhaps an office worker doesn't have simply because of exposure and quality./attractiveness repetition.

They are a different breed, and in smaller towns considered "celebrities" (hottest bartender contests on radio stations, websites bla bla).

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I suppose it could be like that in small towns. Where I live and the cities I've visited, female bartenders are a dime a dozen. The ones that I've dated get pursued a lot by men, but the way I approach them is not any different than any other woman.

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I agree with Jack.

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showing up when she got off work be a move I would recommend to lead to more of a person and less of a client / tipper. Next time you see her I would explain I am busy, but ask if she would want to see where you work. Work doesn't have to be the reason for meeting up, but the point is being alpha about meeting up with her.