Long story short, I met a girl 3 months back at a show my band played. We made out that night and went out for the next 3-4 weeks. It was amazing how into me she was, to the point where I felt like I didn't have to do any work. If I told her to jump she'd ask how high. She's also incredibly gorgeous and was the first girl since my last relationship ended a year ago who I considered being exclusive with. But within a few weeks she went from absolutely loving to being really cold. I realize now that I was getting a little too attached to her, and things were overall moving too quickly. I let things cool off for a couple weeks before contacting her again to try and meet up, but she kept dodging the question and we both got sort of antagonistic towards each other. Around a month ago, after trying a couple times to get together and being met with snarkiness, I then went NC, deleted her number, and unfriended her on social media. I really liked this girl, but it had to be done.

Now herein lies the problem: I had never seen or heard of this girl before, but she's a mutual friend of some friends of mine. All of a sudden her name is getting brought up everywhere, people are gossiping about us, etc. After going NC I still couldn't avoid the echoes of her in my social circle. Then came the kicker - A guy who I'm friends with and work with and talk to everyday, who knew her for a while, decided he's in love with her and had to have her for himself. He told me they had been texting one another, and while he said he might be confusing her texts for getting "vibes", he said he was thinking of asking her out and asked if that was cool. I said no, it's too soon and I'd be uncomfortable with the inevitable drama that would more than likely ensue. He said he understood and we left it at that. A couple weeks later he brings it up again, saying I need to meet other girls and get over this one girl. I then said I'm still not comfortable with the scenario, and in my mind I was thinking that there are other girls for him to meet, as well - Abundance mentality goes both ways, so why go nuts over my scraps? In addition, him bringing her up all the time is directly getting in the way of my recovery process of getting her out of sight, out of mind. What bugged me about it was he was pretty much rubbing it in my face these couple of times and getting almost territorial, like how dare I hook up with a girl he liked but never bothered pursuing.

Last week I went out with another girl and things were good. I was finally over that one girl and was moving on, never thinking of her. I even heard the ex-fling might be at my band's next show in a few weeks, and I had no problems with that because all the emotions died down. Then today sloppy seconds boy casually said in a conversation that he "might be off the market soon" and left it at that. We're fairly open about our personal lives and the only girl I knew him to be talking about courting was my ex-fling, so immediately a rush of dread flooded my mind and all the feelings I had for her came back. It's all speculation and he might be talking about another girl entirely, but the secretive nature of how he said it when he's usually very open about his dating life put me in a major funk. It's not about the girl possibly seeing someone else, because I already assumed she was. It's about my friend disrespecting my wishes and deciding to fall hard for a girl I had fallen hard for not long ago.

So long story short, I dated a girl for 3 weeks but it's been 2 months since I last saw her and can't get over her due to all these echoes of her and people reminding me of her. This is a guy I have to talk to pretty much every day and can't avoid him, and he knew how much I dug her. So am I being out of line for not wanting him to pursue her so I can get on with my life and forget about her? I'm just trying to avoid any and all drama since I have to interact with this guy all the time.

Want what you can't have syndrome.

You buy your own admission claimed to be clearly over her, no suddenly an acquaintance is dicking her, and now you have 'feelings'?

It is pure ego.

He's doing what you couldn't. Some people just can't stand the fact that somebody doesn't want them so they make it their mission fuck it up.

Cure? Go get some new pussy.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Exactly what I'm doing. I have a date tonight, in fact.

I still have no clue why this girl has been taking up so much mental real estate when I've banged hotter girls before and gotten over them more easily. The emotional highs were just so intense with her.

And as far as I know my friend might not have even made a move yet. Believe it or not, this isn't the first time he's tried to swoop in on a girl that I've been with or that other friends have been with. The problem is that with all the talk he's made about trying to get with girls I've been with a year or more ago, he doesn't make the move. Something tells me this is his version of game - It's easy social proof when you already know the girl or you have mutual friends. I've also known a guy who only dated siblings and cousins of guys he knew. It's much easier than approaching a random stranger. What gets on my nerves is how he's basically rubbing his advances on her in my face.

So we'll see what happens. I know time will make everything right.

A real friend should never ever under any circumstances sleep with a friend’s ex-girlfriend anyway. I see nothing wrong with pointing the truth out to social fucktards.

Unless he was unaware, he's on sacred ground.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

She put you on an emotional rollercoaster and mindfucked you. You went from feeling like she thought you were the greatest thing in the world to feeling like an afterthought and your ego is hurt. To make it worse, you don't know why she went cold.

You have to let go of the ego. You have to let go of the idea that you can control her. You have to let go of the idea that you can control your friend.

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That's not a friend. Walk away from him and never look back.



Break off all contact with both. Lift weights for three months. Get sun. You'll run into her again.

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I'm not sure what kind of friends you are. I'd never sleep with my best friends' ex, but this girl is hardly your ex. You dated for 3 weeks.

You're way more hung over on her than you should be, and he's not that much of a friend if "bro's dont come before ho's".

If I were a "friend" to you, I'd drop the girl, but I'd also kick your ass for being such a twerp.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Broke off contact with her, can't stop contact with the dude because of our work situation - If we do speak, though, I've kept it business only. And one step ahead of you on working out, I've been doing that for a year already. This week I've been pushing myself extra hard, though, to get all the stress and drama out.

The date with the new girl went well last night, too. She's nowhere near as hot as the girl in the OP, but she was actually nice and friendly and I had to put in a minimal amount of effort to keep things going. We're planning to see each other again next week, but I'm still on the lookout for better prospects.

Yeah, I agree. This wasnt your gf and a 3 week fling 3 months ago should be more than enough time. Bro's before hos goes both ways: your friend shouldn't want to hurt you, but you should also have gave him the go ahead at least a month ago. Neither of you are really good friends to each other, you shouldn't be acting selfish over a fling. If anything he has given you a good amount of time to move on from a fling.

This is true, as well. But all around it's just a shitty situation, especially considering a girl I cut off contact with a month ago to avoid drama is still the source of so much drama in my life. And it's just my luck that out of the thousands upon thousands of single girls in my city, this one happens to be the girl my friend gets one-itis for.

Again, I have no clue if they're dating or not. And if they're not then I'm wondering if they'd even get together at all. This dude has a habit of becoming friends with girls first and then trying to get with them, or admiring them from afar and talking big game about how much he wants them but then doing nothing about it (I know he's been blabbing to his friends, who are also mutual friends with her, about his feelings for her). He told me he's got a lot on his plate now, but he's waiting for the "right time". Factor in that they've known each other for a while and kept it platonic and that's a recipe for friendzoning. I have no problem with him getting laid otherwise, I just wish he wouldn't keep going after my scraps.

She's not "your scraps". You for some reason failed at dating her. She's fair game. She's not an ex.

I know your ego blocks your ability to accept that, but you should accept it either way.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Did you actually sleep with the girl? You said you made out the night you met and went out for the next 3-4 weeks... But if you started falling in love before she was able to get a taste of what the dick'll do, I could see why she'd get turned off.

You can never be more invested in the chick than she is in you. It keeps things happy.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yeah, we slept together, I should've put that in the OP.

I've been thinking about this situation this week and I've developed a zen mindset about it - Things didn't work out for a reason, and if she gets together with my friend then they get together. Nothing I can do about it. There are other girls out there for me that would be a better match. As of now I'm keeping things cordial with him, but I've been closed off talking about my personal life and keeping things strictly business.

My friend also has some white knight tendencies, but I never really noticed them till now. In the past he's sided with girls when they broke up with his friends on a couple of occasions. Yesterday he mentioned he was texting about the plot of a movie with the ex of a good friend of his, even though the break-up was nasty as hell and fucked his friend up. I also remembered that his last long-term relationship was with a girl another friend of his had been with, even though once again that girl and that friend had a messy break-up. He's definitely thirsty and not against throwing close male friends under the bus for even the slightest whiff of pussy. He's got a great job and makes great money, but he's mentioned before he has a hard time meeting girls and has consistently shown to have no game knowledge. What better way to get with girls than to find those he has the most social proof with, AKA platonic friends or girls his friends have been with.

Bro..

Please cut the girly shit out. This is your ego that is bruised because someone is about to have something that you once had. Its happened to all of us. Its not "love" its not even "like" its a selfish hit to the ego that you're trying to avoid so you can maintain your dominate frame and successful perception of yourself. You gotta get over that shit. Had you said "Go ahead and date her" from the onset you would of been a lot more comfortable with it because it was a controlled decision. Not to mention you should of known he would go ahead and date her anyway.


Let the shit go man. You gotta be a big boy. Keep getting out there and you'll meet someone else that can give you the vibes.

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