Before I learned game, I allowed myself to be used for a couple years by a textbook attention whore who would never let me have sex with her. Post game, she recently contacted me, telling me she was going to be in my state. I allowed her to stay at my place this weekend, thinking with my newly acquired game knowledge, it would be an easy lay. Wrong.

The attention whoring was back at fever pitch. She is around 34, trying to secure a long term provider after sleeping around for awhile (including a recent experience she told me about where she was pumped and dumped by a player in NYC - which didn't count according to her because she's not usually like that).

Long story short, game made me grow a set of balls and develop boundaries. Before she came, she said she would give me a lap dance, so it seemed pretty on. Not only did I not get the lap dance (she didn't have the "right shoes" or wasn't in the mood), but I got zero sex over the 2 nights she stayed at my place. Most she would allow me to do was touch her, but she refused to touch me in return.

She had planned to stay a couple weeks and have me show her around to different places. But I could clearly tell she was using me solely for attention and kicked her out of my place this morning. She did not take it well.

First, she got angry and refused to leave. Then she started crying and asked me to hug her. Then she started asking for more time, insisted on taking a shower and trashed my toilet and bathroom, leaving hair everywhere, towels on the ground, and a dirty toilet.

When I finally got her out my door to drive her to the airport (she had just bought a return ticket after my ultimatum), she refused to come down the stairs unless I carried her bag for her. After a 10 minute stand-off, I finally agreed or I knew we'd be there all day. But she wasn't done, on the way to the airport, she insisted I stop to get her food despite the fact she had just eaten lunch in my apartment. Of course, I maintained frame and refused, which made me "mean" according to her.

She has already unfriended me on all social media. But ultimately, I felt coming to my apartment, sleeping in the same bed as me but refusing to consider my sexual needs in any way was very disrespectful. Does anyone else think I did the right thing here?

Depends on how you guys had the trip setup. If she knew that sex was supposed to happen and then didn't follow through, you're okay. If you guys framed it as a friendly visit seeing the sights, then you're just an ass.

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Well we established she would give me a lap dance, which never happened, and the conversation had sexual banter, but we never explicitly said "we will have sex." I thought her social IQ would be high enough to interpret the sexually charged banter and the fact that we would be staying in the same apartment. She also slept in my bed with nothing but a t-shirt and panties 2 nights but refused to touch me.

You should have gotten your lap dance.

The rest is unclear. The way you write it makes it seem as if she was just supposed to know that she was supposed to have sex with you. Besides offer her a place to stay, what did you do to make her want to have sex with you?

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I dont know if this lap dance was a serious thing...either way...its a lap dance. Maybe she played you. But, no woman is entitled to sleep with you. A girl can promise you sex before she comes to your apartment, you're never entitled to it and she can change her mind if she wants. Get this rapey, value taking mentality our of your head. A girl can change her mind on her ride to your place. She can change her mind when she gets turned off by your messy apartment. She can change her mind when you say something weird/unattractive. She can change her mind because you dont turn her on enough. Having sex with a woman is NEVER a guarantee, and its never OWED to you. Kicking her out, was childish if based on some sex you feel you deserved or was owed to you. Sure, she sounds like a tease, but you didnt turn her on, got insecure and kicked her out because you couldnt turn her on. Ironically, it was probably the sex focused mentality you had that turned her off. Next time relax. The more you expect sex and focused on that, the less likely you get it.

This was probably just her testing to make sure she was still in control of the frame. Also she is a human being and can do whatever she pleases; just as you can refuse her advances, so can she.
ONCE A FRAME IS SET, IT IS SET. The majority of the time. As you have learned firsthand through this experience. This frame was already fully set with two full years of reference point after reference point. Much better to expend your energy meeting new women who you can set a proper frame with.

Very true statements. It's good lesson to have learned. In retrospect, I was still firmly on the "make him wait" long term boyfriend track.
I think of it more as a value exchange. I'm providing her with time and attention, what is she providing me that my male friends can't provide better? (certainly not the conversation) There is nothing "rapey" about my mentality. I don't know where you're coming up with that word. I fully respect her right to make her decisions about who to sleep with. But then I also respect my time and who I chose to spend it with.

I guess it's a gray-zone. I agree with neo for the most part. A girl doesn't owe you sex. But if she tries to use it as a means of manipulation, then yes, you don't have to take that.

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I would kick her out too.

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Can you elaborate on this? How did you escalate?

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This was manipulation. This girl prob wanted a place to crash in NYC, and flirted with OP to get it. But OP should have never agreed to let her stay if sex was what he wanted in exchange. If the deal had been she has sex with him for a place to stay, fine. But the deal was you can stay at my place, not in exchange for a lap dance or sex. Manipulation or not, when she gets to your place, its your job to seduce her into sex same with any girl. Not expect her to sleep with you when she's not turned on and you havent attracted her.

To OP, I use the word rapey because thats your mentality. You're not entitled to sex for giving a place to stay. And if thats the exchange you want, that should be stated explicitly. Would you have wanted her to sleep with you, even though she wasnt seduced, just to repay you for your room? That's rapey. You dont have to take her game playing, hence you should have not let her stay in the first place if sex was what you wanted from it. Once you accept, its on you to keep what you EXPLICITLY promised. It's not balls or boundaries when you get someone in a compromising situation, then kick them out when you have some power over them. Its balls to say regardless of this girls intentions, I have not turned her on. Time to game. And if you dont have 10 days to waste on a chick, NEVER invite a woman over for 10 days. As a man, heck as an adult, keep your word. And if your word had been you come her and we fuck for the rent, you'd be right. But once you promise to have her stay with no expectation of sex in return on her part, keep it.

You admit that she used you for years for attention. Can I ask, what made you think that this would be any different?

First off, it seems to be that you did little to encourage attraction besides offer her your place to stay. I think this is where the crux of the issue comes in.

If you don't want to be put in the provider role, then don't put yourself in one. And please, if someone has a pattern of attention whoring and using, don't expect them to change overnight.

This is a very tough case, because it would SEEM that she should have understood what was on the table, but since we don't have your conversation we really can't determine her level of interest.

In general, I'd have to agree with what Neo is saying - when she gets to your place, its your job to seduce her into sex same with any girl. Not expect her to sleep with you when she's not turned on and you havent attracted her.

And yeah - inviting her for two weeks without having established a baseline was NOT smart at all. A couple days? Sure. Inviting for two weeks? HELL no.

welcome to the club you definitely did the right thing. It it makes you feel any better I once dropped a girl off on the middle of a cross country road trip in Texas to B-line to St. Louis to bang a different girl. Reason being the first girl wasn't putting out.

The girl I dropped off was hot too from the marshall islands and busty. I think she lied about her period although she did give me some head. The final straw occurred when she mixed this big pile of ketchup and mayonnaise at chik-fil-a and grossed me out.

The power move to St. Louis ended up being worth it because I ended up banking in St. Louis and having some of the best sex of my life.

Power moves amigo keep mak'n em

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She manipulated you to meet her needs {Free pillow space}.

My reciprocation would have been clearly outlined before her ass ever hit my mattress.

By that of wanting, to fuck me, the free bed would have been the side benefit.

As a King you manage people’s expectations.

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