I'm a voracious reader of PUA literature and long-time lurker on this forum, but this is my first post. Sorry to be a newbie thread starter! I come here, as so many first-time posters, with a dilemma.

Over the course of the last six months, I developed an affection for an almost-married woman who gave me tons of IOI's. She's been with the same guy since she was 20. She's 33 now with two young kids. Her man is 12 years older than her. She doesn't believe in marriage but, essentially, lives with her partner in a marriage-like situation. She hinted that she's unfulfilled in her relationship, although not unhappy enough to leave. She flirted openly with me and even went so far as to recommend that I watch two movies, both of which were about passionate extramarital affairs. In addition to this, we also became very close on an emotional level. Yes, I'll admit, I have a case of one-itis.

With married/committed woman, I know the direct approach rarely works, so I came up with a plan. I asked her to come over and give me an opinion on some antiques I own, since she knows about these things. I figured this would give her plausible deniability for anything that happens. While she was at my place, I escalated with a bit of kino. Then, as she was about to leave, I turned and casually said this:

"Before you go, I wanted to tell you something. I think you're really beautiful and I really like hanging out with you and talking to you and I'm dying to kiss you."

At that point, the right move would have been to take her hand and confidently move in for the kiss.

But...I didn't.

Like a moron, I stood there waiting for her reaction. I'm not sure why. She's a high class woman, intelligent, accomplished. Maybe I got intimidated. Maybe I just wussied out. Not sure. Whatever the case, I screwed up.

She stood there for a moment. Looked up. Looked down. Opened her mouth to speak, then stopped. I could almost see her thoughts racing. Finally, she said in a slow painful voice, "I can't…It's just...my kids."

"I understand," I said, nonchalantly. "No worries. I just thought we had a connection. Maybe I misread it."

"No," she said. "The feeling's mutual. But maybe it just needs to remain a fantasy."

We said our goodbyes.

I saw her the next day and here's what she told me: "You know, if you had just acted instead of talked, things would've turned out much differently. I wouldn't have had time to think."

I told her she could always come back to look at more antiques.

"I can't," she said in a regretful tone.

Yes, I know. I'm a moron. I spent months building attraction, I finally got her to my place, and then blew it with an AFC-type line.

My question now is, how do I proceed?

Several weeks have gone by since this incident. We still text regularly about this and that and see each other socially. In fact, my failed-kiss introduced an interesting, almost fun, dynamic to our relationship. It's like we have our own little secret. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I screwed up the trajectory of our relationship. We're closer now, in a way, but I'm not sure if I killed the sexual attraction for her. She's not as flirtatious as before.

Did I come off as bumbling schoolboy -- and not sufficiently alpha -- and ruin my future chances? Did I hand all the power to her? Will I now be forever relegated to the friend zone?

Should I pull back from pursuing her in any sexual way and act totally unaffected? Or, should I double up my efforts, go direct, and just say, "Look, I screwed up. How about another chance?"

What would you do?

Thanks for the help!

Welcome to posting on the forum man. Even though I am personally against "sarging" a woman in her particular situation I'll reply anyway
ffs the part i bolded stings like a motherfucka. And it's not that she wouldn't have had time to think, it's that she would have welcomed the makeout because obvi if she wasn't into you she would just turn her head.

By your own admission you have one itus and the real issue here was that you had so much riding on this woman that you just couldn't screw it up, hence you hesitated at the critical moment.
Because now coming back would be a full admission of where things would lead. Now you're her buddy. I would stop thinking about her very much or thinking about how you're going to game her.

If I were you I would MEET MORE WOMEN. Bottom line here also is that this is a woman with major baggage and you are most definitely playing with fire. There are so many amazing single women out there that when you drop the affection for this one and meet some of them you probably wouldn't give this particular woman the time of day even if she was interested (which she may very well be when she notices your naturally aloof attitude).

I promise that the very best thing you could do for yourself would be to do what is in the first sentence of the previous paragraph.

You loaded the gun, but when the time came to pull the trigger you choked.

She's right you know. I myself don't entirely understand why guys choose to run their mouths when the situations call for entirely different uses for it.
You literally talked yourself out of it.

The big issue isn't necessarily the fact that instead of acting you spoke, the problem is that even after speaking you still didn't act.

I'm sorry but the entire thrill of attraction is the uncertainty and excitement towards what may happen next or what the other person feels / thinks. And the way it's supposed to end is in one huge outburst of passion. You didn't take that, unfortunately.

The attraction is dead. Sorry, but one shot is all you get in situations like this.

Cut your losses and move on before you become the annoying orbiter who once almost made it.

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Problem #1 ^
Problem #2^
Problem #3
Problem #4

Heres the thing OP - you developed strong feelings for someone who is unavailable. Even if you WERE successful, I get the feeling you would have wanted her to leave her man. Which is not only highly unlikely, but a bad idea for YOU.

Chase women who are more available, who don't have a long term relationship and kids. There are literally millions of them out there. You'll be happier.

And next time, don't talk about your feelings - ACT. Hold her. Pull her close. Whisper in her ear. Don't talk about your feelings, demonstrate that you have them and watch her reaction.

First things first Alex,

The woman is currently getting the best of both worlds. She gets the family life, as well as the side guy who allows her to fantasize about and\ affair without having to actually get her hands dirty. Her husband probably isn't paying her as much attention as he used to because its been so long and he's just used to her now. And so she's sought out an orbiter as a means to maintain her emotional needs. Nothing new here. Its the reason old lonely women get cats. Cats have ways to fulfill emotional needs for women since they give affection out of desire to, not necessity like dogs do.

Right now you're allowing her to have her cake and eat it. So the only way to turn this around would be for you to drop off the surface of the earth and when she finally begins to question you as to why after 3-5 unanswered text you inform her that you think its ridicules to maintain something with someone you're not actually seeing. Saying that you're all for meeting up again, but the text thing isn't doing anything for you because its selfish. Its what she desires, and not what you desire.

however, this will only be effective when you genuinely become fed up of her selfish ways. And communicate that emotion through word and action. The same way a girls willing to sleep with you after putting up ASD when you genuinely just no longer want it anymore. Its the genuine emotion they respond to.

But to be real, cut the shit man. Don't go ruining a family, because you have some fantasy of being with a married woman. I'll call her husband and let him know to show her a bit more attention. Theres a family involved, its not just some typical "steal her from her bf" kind of ordeal.

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Thanks for the replies and advice guys.

I should clarify that she initiated this whole thing. She asked me for my number under the pretext that she was going to text me a link to something we had discussed. A week later, she started texting. It escalated from there.

Her man is a complete dud. He barely gets off the couch. She, on the other hand, runs five days a week, does yoga, and is very sexy. She's going to cheat soon. I just wanted it to be with me. I figured it would be a hot romance for a little while and we'd both move on. I'm not interested in her baggage and, honestly, I doubt she wants to end what she has.

I guess I was just posting to see if there's a way to come back from such an embarrassing fuck up. The literature out there seems divided. Some, like R.C., say it's a one-and-you're-done deal with women in these situations. Others, like Eddie, suggest it's possible to bounce back by starting from scratch with distancing, DHVs, social proof, etc.

I think it's probably the former in this case, but I'll probably experiment with the latter just to see what kind of effect it has. At this point, I'm just viewing it as learning experience. I just wish I could stop kicking myself over it.

Thanks again. Really appreciate the insights.

It's not one and done if she's still contacting you. As long as she's initiating contact she's making her emotions available to be manipulated. So theres room to work.

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I disagree. She still likes the attention. The fire is burnt out tho.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

As long as you're knocking on my door I can bang you. I don't care if you're only knocking to sell milk. You make yourself available and with the right moves I can lead you wherever I want you to go. Now if you're leading me, I'm subject to whatever the reason you're for knocking is. Will it be worth my time and effort? Most likely not. Should I go through it will? No. Can it be done with the right moves? Absolutely.

_________________
Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

Show Support, Buy The Book: 'The Secret Laws Of Social Wisdom - Click Here

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Eddie vs. R.C.

This is the exact dilemma in my head. As for her head, I can't tell where it's at. She still contacts me regularly and gives the occasional IOI, but they're definitely fewer, farther between and less overt.

I'll update with any progress. Should be interesting.

I never said it's not possible.
Getting out of the friend zone is possible. Doesn't mean the effort necessary to do so is worth it.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Its not a vs thing at all. We agree.

The next time she texts you, just don't respond. If you respond you'll fall right back into the same category you always have. If she initiates again.. only respond is their is a display of vulnerability. I wrote an article on WayOfThePlayer called " Is Your Girl Slipping Away" check it out, it'll provide further insight. When you're managing a lot of women at once it can become challenging to maintain the consistency of them all. You begin to underinvest in them and they'll fade to without you noticing,,Theres ways to reel them back in to maintain your "harem" if you will. This is only for the experienced though.. Guys without experience have to learn how to "walk" over and over again first. The mentally still can be used in all situations though.

Also, I'm not recommending you go through it with. I'm just laying out the options for you to handle it properly if you decide to. This can definitely be done from what I've read. I've had these situations in the past, and powering through them to close that chapter is not what its cracked up to be.

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Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

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Such as special flower isn't she?
Stop fooling yourself. You're falling for her. Or else you would have already made a move instead of spending 6 months contemplating about what to do to get this chick and then coming on the forum to try and "fix" things. We are what we do - and no matter what you may "think" your behavior proves otherwise.

Seriously, just move the fuck on. To women who don't have children and long term relationships that you may fuck up. And next time, don't act like a pussy for 6 months - invite her out and ESCALATE, push the physical boundaries a bit, and ensure that she reciprocates before you start talking about feelings and shit.

I think I played the game right. I just choked on the close for whatever reason. Lesson learned. Won't happen again.

Special flower? At the risk of sounding like a pussy...Yes! That's the whole point of game, isn't it?: to have sex with lots of women and to fall for the "special flowers" among them. If a guy's not doing that, I think he's missing half the point.

Six months is not unheard of when gaming committed women, especially when you don't see them regularly or for several weeks at a time. It's a painfully slow process. You can't ask them out. That's a date. It's too direct. They need plausible deniability. And they could be spotted by someone they know. Direct might work in some rare instances, but you'll scare most of them off -- especially the "special flowers."

Regarding the morality of gaming committed women: some guys are against it, some aren't. I'm in the middle. Nothing in life is black and white, including this issue. Each person just has to decide what's right based on the circumstances. I game single women, but this committed one just happened to come along and she was super cool, so I went with it. It happens. As for the kids, as long as they have loving parents who are committed to them, it doesn't matter if those parents are committed to each other. Better to have happy single parents than miserable committed ones. Mine were divorced. It had zero effect on me. They were both great on their own. That's for her to work out.

Appreciate your opinion!

Earlier it seemed somehow that this was the only woman you were "gaming" for 6 months. To each their own if this is the case and if it is the case, spread your wings and meet some more women.