Long story short, had an hour i-date with a very attractive girl in the mall a little over a week ago. She goes to school outside the country and was only in town for the holidays with family.

I got strong attraction signals during the i-date and almost got her out. The following is our text exchange via SPAM, and there's something in here that soured the interaction, I'm just not quite sure what.

ME {12:22pm on 20 DEC (day after we met) }: Random but cool to meet you yesterday GIRL'S NAME. How many stuffed animals did you end up getting for yourself at the Disney store?

HER {1:55pm on 20 DEC}: I was waaaay too lazy.
Decided online shopping was the way to go *emoticon* haha
How was your shopping?

ME {3:06pm on 20 DEC}: You, lazy? No, I don't think I can see that
I got the perfect gift for my brothers, so I'm pretty satisfied.

HER {4:19pm on 20 DEC}: Just yesterday! What did you get him?
I came to watch star wars today have you seen it??

ME {5:03pm on 20 DEC}: I got him a new pair of nice warm socks
I haven't seen it yet, but I'm looking forward to it. No spoilers!
...6 minutes later....
come join me for a meal, I make an epic pasta carbonara. But you have to promise to keep your hands to your self okay? - credit to Dragula for that line

HER {9:03pm on 20 DEC}: Haha I don't believe you
I just got out of the movie and ran out of battery! Sorry!
You're too far away from me though
--> I think this is where I messed up by not offering to pick her up. My plan was to get an airbnb downtown closer to her and ask her out again the next night, but that didn't work as you'll see below.

ME {10:44pm on 21 DEC}: I fell asleep early last night, and yes I really did get my brother a pair of socks. I may consider giving you a pair as well if you behave :p
One of my friends that I work with has an apartment downtown
He said I could use it while he's gone for the holidays, so we could cook there *pasta emoticon*

HER {12:23pm on 22 DEC}: Aww thank you for the invite but my grandparents are coming in tonight! I don't know if I'll have much free time
I'll let you know if I go out this weekend though

ME {11:36am on 23 DEC}: it's okay, I have other plans this weekend, maybe another time
--> I gave her a push here to balance out the pulling I had been doing by inviting her over

ME {1:17pm on 28 DEC}: Hey, how was your christmas? I hope you were nice enough this year for santa to bring you presents

HER {11:14pm on 29 DEC}: Hi!
I did get presents! How was your xmas? Did you go home?!

ME {12:18pm on 30 DEC}: I went home for two days last week, my mother was good at persuading me to come back.
But I was naughty this year, so santa didn't get my anything *emoticon*

ME {2:49pm on 31 DEC}: when do you fly back to school? lets go out sometime before then for hot chocolate *hot chocolate emoticon*

HER {12:11am on 1 JAN - it was a late night text}: Haha called it!
Happy new years! My best wishes! And yeah we should
Im not sure sometime this week so we should do it soon!

ME {12:49pm on 1 JAN - the next day}: Happy new years to you too!
Why don't we go out tonight then? There's a cool cafe downtown called NAME

And that was the end of it. I never got a response to that last text. My best guess is it's because I came off as too eager to meet, but I was in a difficult spot - I had to balance her limited time constraint with not coming off as too needy.

Any other thoughts on what I could have done better? I want to learn from this experience.

You can just update your old threads you know.

"Im too busy For this text ping pong, if you want to join me for a drink some time, shoot me a text"

Put ball in her court and walk away. The more you ask her out and the more she declines. The more you lose man points.

I get the feeling she is a friendly time waster. The most dangerous girl to come across. I'd rather have the girl ignore me than a girl that says she is always too busy. An interested girl will make 25 hours in a day for a guy that she is interested in.

I would fuck that white knight if I was you. When you find yourself texting a girl and it seems to be case that she is only REPLYING to you and not giving you much back, then you're in damage control.

Interested girls will text you. When you are the one only replying to HER. Get ready for some soon to be sex.

P.s. Just for the record, I would never invite a girl to my house for carbonara before a day2. It would only be a day 3 unless I sense she is DTF. Insta dates don't count as a day 2

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What led you to believe she'd be comfortable coming over to your house? A one hour insta date is hardly, hardly enough for her to trust you to that extent.

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You were just too pushy. You were also a little too gamey for my taste, but perhaps she likes that sort thing.

Unless you've already banged a girl I would not try to set up a meet up instantly like that over text message. She could of had a million other things planned and a million other things on her mind. Why are you trying to randomly set something up for that exact moment like that? That shit works in person or after you've build a firmer emotional connect with a girl. Not in some random text message with a girl you barely know and haven't even slept with yet.

The first objection to you after she was exiting the movie was a polite way of saying " I like you and think you're really cool, I'm just not comfortable yet. slow down just a bit". The second time you did it you had been pinned as a little too aggressive and a little too pushy.

Save the extent of that aggression for 1 on 1 in person interactions, or even phone calls. Text messages leaves too much to be interpreted. It can be revisited in a million different ways. Words are just 10% of communication. Phone calls gives you another 40%. So if you want to be that aggressive with women you don't know "call them" or get them on video chat which is even better. I just wouldn't take that route through text.

Too much aggression can be interpreted as "scary" in a sense. Just keep it cool. You can start up another conversation with her in a couple weeks. For the first reach out just talk to her and leave the conversation with her delivering the last response during a high moment. Leave it until she reinitiates(24 hours or less) and thats when you figure out when she's available and then invite her out or over.

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Trust level not there yet! Her vagina snapped shut.

Should have asked her to meet at mall to return that ugly sweater, and pick out a new one, you can help her pick out yoga pants.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You screwed up when you asked "how many stuffed animals she got herself from the Disney store"....

Who gives a shit? Don't ask stupid "cute" questions like that. Stop acting like you care.

You're too "gamey."

Rookie mistake. I remember the days when I made these *sigh*

She simply isn't comfortable enough to come to your house. You may have spooked her a bit with the invitation. I'm also guessing that you haven't done much physically with her - maybe just a long hug, maybe even a peck, but it doesn't sound like there was much sexual chemistry on your instadate. (correct me if I'm wrong)

While YOU feel that there was a lot of attraction, I'm not sure that there's as much as you thought. on her end. I'd say, give her a call, set up a LOW PRESSURE meet outside, and build some SEXUAL tension before inviting her over.

You're right, the i-date ended with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. So I understand now that I needed to build more comfort, but how do you think the sexual tension would have helped get her over?

I could tell that I was spiking her attraction from the compliment-teases and pleasant indignation I sparked.in her during the conversation though.

Double account? lol

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

I just posted from my phone, which auto logged into this account. I don't use it anymore.

You need to build SEXUAL attraction. You sound like you were fun to be around, but she's got plenty of other platonic friends who are fun to be around as well.

You need to make yourself an object of SEXUAL attraction if you want to have SEX. You did not do that.

However, I do think that lack of comfort was your main issue here.

Like I said, from a 1 hour "kiss of the cheek date" to "come to my place", dude, that's just a huge leap of faith you're asking her to take.

You're just not there yet.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I swear I should try my hand at fortune telling sometimes.

Hand holding --> Isolation bounces --> Isolation in your apartment

One of the most effective (and efficient) ways of building trust and comfort is via hand holding. It triggers a decent amount of oxytocin release. Oxytocin is the trust hormone. Once you get a girl comfortable holding her hand (if she doesn't resist, you're good; when she reciprocates-- that's isopraxism; you're golden), you have to bounce her to 3-5 different places.

Isolation bounces make girls feel like they have known you for a long time. The amount of time spent is irrelevant. It's how you make girls feel a VARIETY of emotions and sensual experiences.

For example:

1. Instadate venue - Starbucks at the mall
2. Second isolation bounce - Grocery store at the mall
3. Third isolation bounce - Bus stop near the mall
4. Fourth isolation bounce - Videoke bar
5. Fifth isolation bounce - 7-11 near your apartment

When you have done your isolation bounces properly, isolation to your apartment becomes easier.

To emphasize: Your odds of a successful isolation to your apartment shoots up dramatically with handholding + isolation bounces.

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Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

OP here again. Thank you for the input. In regards to the hand holding, I used to do that until recently as I've been trying to portray myself more as the adventure sex guy vs the bf. Isn't public handholding a form of mate guarding? Unless you're referring to holding her hand in yours while you're both seated? Then I could see that as a way to test her reaction (i.e. whether she squeezes your hand back) to create an "it's on moment."