Some people just don't like being completely alone. Even if there isn't any affection or sex. I have relatives that are pulling this shit.

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Me too. They give me relationship advice and see me as this player who got hurt too many times and turned rebel, like you see in the movies lol. Thanks but no thanks (maybe hashtag, not sure yet. Will let you know.)

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Hmmm...you're delusional. That is all.


Back to the poster. An EFT Therapist will bring to awareness your patterns f behavior that may (or may not) be affecting your relationships. It is emotion focused with an attachment bent (looks at behavioural patterns internalized from childhood and how those patterns affect those around us, ourselves included). For example, an Anxiously Pre-occupied person (insecurely attached) may come across as over-bearing to his partner (who may in-turn distance herself from him as a result of feeling 'suffocated' or controlled), when the intention behind his behavior is to receive reassurance or validation from his partner. This type of therapy would also raise an awareness of your needs and how to have them fulfilled.

Its quite evident you have a need for intimacy which your partner isn't meeting. But you can't telegraph this to your partner and expect them to get the message, so you both withdraw. Without communication we don't know what's really going on for her it's sheer speculation. But the longer this continues the greater the wedge will become between you.

All-in-all this has little if anything to do with sex. You both have needs not being met and there's a environment of distrust in your relationship. The issue with not conveying one's needs (or not knowing them to begin with) can create a lot of toxicity between two people. The relationship fast becomes adversarial and it doesnt even have to be punctuated with verbal violence, rather two people silently suffering ignoring the elephant in the room.

Interesting to see someone come in to the lion's den of a pickup forum for marriage advice. I'm only posting in this thread so it gets stickied to my 'ego search' where i can see if op ever replies.

Not angry just adament about the point and hopeful that emphasizing the point can resonate with the men suffering from this shit. Going to a marriage therapist is only going to make things worse and cost more. How do I know? I shared the office with a counselor. Marriages don't get better when they go to therapy.
Again this is the same concept of a soft next that you don't believe in. Go get some experience and come back when you realize that this is often how men and women respond to absences of sex and attention respectively.

One of my good friends had this issue with his wife. Not as badly fucked as the OP, but shit wasn't right in his marriage. By being a man and doing things such as rewarding her for doing the right things with attention was he able to get the marriage to a happy place again.

The bigger problem is people hearing things that are supposed to work, from society or who the fuck knows and then they just take that information without challenging it in any way. Often they then go and take that information and give it to advise for others. Looking at you N2void

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LMAO...you don't even know what you believe in. Your soft next concept is totally disappearing out of someone's life and waiting x amount of days to make contact and then when you do you go about it like nothing ever happened. Not only that, the creator of this concept stresses that you must be in an MLTR to pull this off. I read that from the link that you provided. Now you're telling us that this is the same concept? First off, the OP is in a marriage...he can't just disappear for days. Secondly, marriage is supposed to be monogamous...so the MLTR concept is out the window. You don't have the ability to see the big picture. Your suggestion, even if it works once loses it's influence the more you have to do it. At some point she's going to catch on that he's just giving her the cold shoulder (because that's really all your soft next is) and he'll go back to normal. The moment she doesn't care about getting the cold shoulder, where does he go next? You're not smart enough to see that far out. Go get some real life experience instead of throwing these cheap tactics at the OP that will end up putting the nail in the coffin of his relationship.

I realize that you are young and dumb and you don't really know what you're talking about. I also realize, just by the math alone that you aren't old enough to have experienced a 5 year adult monogamous relationship. You are the last person that the OP should listen to when it comes to a marriage issue.

Once you realize that you don't have to do dumb tactics to keep women interested in you will be the day that you will be closer to making it to my level. Until then, do what you need to do to manipulate women into staying around.

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Yes, because sharing an officespace with a therapist gives you keen insight into their clients' issues and beyond that, makes you a de facto expert in determine the success of therapy.

The logic here (or lack thereof) is so asinine and baseless that it's not even worth my energy to address beyond what I've already stated.

I'm not one to shake you out of your delusion, personally I don't care; you aren't a client of mine, nor anyone I really care to know (and I don't mean in any malicious way, I just truly don't care). In the field of mental help you quickly build a fine sensor as to who is willing to change, and who isn't (entrenched in their views) - the ones who fit in the later category (e.g., you) aren't worth any effort as it will just be futile.

And truer words have never been spoken.

OP, though tough as it may be, you also have to realistically consider the option of divorce. Don't know whether you have kids or many other relevant details, and if you'll be truthful maybe we could help your situation out after all, but 4 months is simply absurd.

Not to mention you don't even sleep in the same room. At this point, as someone else mentioned, you're little more than roommates.

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I like how you say this and then get narrow to the fine specifics of MLTRs and shit.

***The concept is women control men through sex and men have the ability to control women through attention.***
Big picture that is it and only through dating women over long periods of time could you have an adequate understanding of this. Long term and in general it only works if she does have the fear that you will leave, which is what you are getting at. She doesn't have the fear if she doesn't care. If she knows she gots you by the balls and you aren't leaving she doesn't have the fear of you leaving either.

After you said you were making it out to Denver, I'm still waiting so that you could benefit from learning what true game is.

PS I like how the OP was one and out

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When did I get specific about this? It stands for multiple long term relationships and I didn't even say that.

You're the one that comes here with a concept of a soft next that you don't understand. You tell me that I'm right, but try to narrow it in a way to say that I'm not right in this specific case. You even make my argument for me. She needs to fear that you're going to leave. If you do this strategy and don't leave, she won't have fear ever again because it's an empty threat. You even tell him to keep his family duties up...basically saying ignore her and don't leave. Where's the fear in that?

This is a man's marriage. You're fucked in the head if you think that instead of communicating with his wife that he should do a passive aggressive approach to fix things. Sweeping things under the rug is the most idiotic way to save a relationship.

I'll say this again. You don't give a woman attention, she'll find it elsewhere. Just as if you don't give a man sex, he'll find it elsewhere. Married women that are missing things in a relationship are the easiest to seduce. Why? Because any guy that can give her what's missing will be more attractive to her and she'll desire him.

BTW...I told you that when I was in Denver that I would see if you'd call me a bitch to my face. You instead want to show me game. I don't hang out with people that lack conviction.

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Look around dude this is how communication is. It's sad you haven't internalized this yet. It isn't we will talk about this and what I say is what I mean. This is rarely the case. In a logical world where guys communicate this is more of the case, but this world is funny thought. Let's get specific so you can apply it larger scale.
-You don't say, "I'm going to kiss you now." You lean in and she follows.
-You don't tell her, "Okay now I'm putting my dick in." You just do it after she has communicated she is ready.
-If she is interested she communicates that she is, not by telling you "I'm interested." She texts you something like, "How was your day?"
-If she isn't interested she stops texting. She doesn't make a big deal of it most times, it is just communicated.

It is natural for all of this to nonverbal communication to occur, for some reason when things get serious people think that everything needs to be verbalized. The OPs great problem here is that it wasn't communicated that this infrequent of sex would cause him to leave. Instead it was communicated that he would go along with things and get stuck as he has now.
Talking about how someone makes you feel is even stupider. **Your communication is not for you.** This is all true. That is why for the soft next or for any of this to work, you have to be that guy who can give the women the things that most men cannot. This is why I recommended to the OP to work on his sex game in my initial post. There is going to more to it than that, but that would make the most difference. With conviction I would.
In all seriousness, you have been instrumental in me furthering a lot of these ideas through your challenging of these points and for that I've grown

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You're an idiot if you think anyone here is implying that the act of having sex should be communicated. There is a problem in this relationship that everyone here seems to understand except for you. It's okay to address problems because it helps the other person know where each other is coming from. Your stuck on stupid thinking avoids fixing deeper rooted problems. This is a marriage. If you came home to a house that was filthy and your wife was home all day and didn't do anything, how would you communicate that she's taking advantage of what you're providing to her? Healthy relationships require communication. Sex will not fix a LTR. When you get to the point of living a grown up life and you start experiencing grown up situations with another person, sex is pleasurable but the ability to give an orgasm to someone doesn't keep them around. Then again, your point was women control men through sex...now you're flipping it around to men controlling women through sex when at first it was attention. You can't even keep your story straight.LMAO...It shouldn't be me challenging your ideas that cause you to grow, it should be your experiences that do that. If you actually had the experience, you wouldn't need my challenges to cause you to grow. This is why we all know that what you say is not coming from real experience and all your tales have been fictional because like you said, they have only been ideas. Go get real experience and grow from that instead.

It would seem to me that you'd be smart enough to realize that there are people on this thread that hardly ever agree on just about anything, but this one thread has come up with a united thought of communication with his wife.

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Ever consider the possibility that he was a shitty counselor? Ever hear of confirmation bias? Ever hear that anecdote is not the same as data?

The reality is of course counseling fails a lot. The marriage is probably often over before they go see the counselor, then it comes out that one or both of them cheated and he gives the number for a divorce attorney.

That doesn't prove it can't work, only that in the cases you saw it didn't.

That said, I might suggest a sex therapist specifically... preferably one that keeps up with modern research since there are some antiquated and, probably, incorrect notions out there among some therapists.

Tell us what the problem is that everyone else recognizes that you think I am missing. From my perspective, the OP did not communicate that he would man up in terms of getting what he wants in a relationship. A communication that he only further enforced with his behavior. He can either communicate that now or he can go on in the same way he has been.

Problems are a result of misunderstandings that can be fixed with understanding. You still come from the perspective that someone can teach you something, which is never the case. Everything you will learn or have already learned has come inside of you. Through outside inspiration you can bring that knowledge to light. I know we've gone over this before, but you still seem to think you cause someone to do something.
Only by nominalizing something can you re-enforce the limitations. Because it is "a marriage" there comes with it all these assumptions of how things are supposed to be. With these kind of limitations I can see why it is hard for you to consider relationships in new ways.
Without a doubt they require communication. But if you come home and bitch at her (what many men might think to do here) about how the house is dirty, you are then the source of discomfort and unhappy feelings. I am not saying that a relationship should be this way or that way, but you have the choice. Maybe consider how it might be better to be a source of nothing but good feelings instead. And as you shine your light, you turn it away from her when things aren't the way you want them. In this way talking about the house is stupid.

Instead you ask:

"Why is the house so dirty?"
She says blah blah.
You say, "Oh ok well I'm going over to my friends so I can relax."

You just communicated to her that you don't want a dirty house. She is free to do what she wants and you are uncontrolling in your communication. Women catch on really well with indirect communication. Likely she will also be trained in this as well. If of course she cares about you, you are doing the right things in the relationship and your light is valuable to her. If you didn't get it your light is your attention, not talking about sex if you get confused.

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It's a dead thread. Shut your philosophical trap. For fucks sake.

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