Did I make something wrong. Should I have regret ?



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PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 6:16 pm 
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Long story short...

I met this girl few weeks ago on something like business training.

We hang out, hook up eventually went home to her place and had sex.

Few days later same story.

Yesterday she called me to go to her place again (it is in a kind of distant neighborhood) and I denied, because 1st I wanted to hang out with friends 2nd didn't wanted to go to her place again (she lives with her parents and I don't know her that well, so I don't feel that comfortable going to into "her territory" although I went there two times). I told her to come to my place - I live alone in an apartment in the center of the town, 10 minutes away from her workplace. It is way more convenient for both of us.

Anyway today she called me telling me: "we need to talk" I was like (o shit, i know what comming) and inevitably she said: "I don't think things between us are going to work out".

I just said: "do you want something from me?"
She: "we better not see each other for a while - better remain just friends"
I: "mm deal - take care, bye?" (didn't wanted to sound like harsh asshole, but didnt wanted to sound like a wuss neither - that is why i kept it short like that)

I've been LJBF-ed before as well, I probably had to tell her that I don't accept the "offer", but I already hung the phone.

Idk if there was a better way to work that out? SO that is my question: what was the best way to work that out.

PS: She was cute and the sex was good, but she was not really my temperament. We had slightly different interests and I had the feeling she was trying to impose her will on me - in other words telling me what to do and not to (to which I felt a bit like my freedom was taken) Plus she smoked. I don't like smoking.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 7:17 pm 
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She sounds crazy

Don't apologize and stand your ground. She will be in touch.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 7:38 pm 
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She sounds crazy

Don't apologize and stand your ground. She will be in touch.
Well maybe I exaggerate too much. I mean she is not a control freak, but once she said something in the lines "you don't listen to what I say" to which I said: "I'm trying to understand you" and she added "I meant you don't listen and don't comply when I say you do something" to which I tried to diffuse the situation with some humor.

I don't intend to call her neither. I also think she might call again and this is just some sort of a test shit.

But my question was: Was there a better way to act that out?

She got me in tricky situation while I was resting watching movie and my mind was kind of away, so I didn't put much attention to the conversation.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 8:55 am 
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Dude she LJBF'ed you because you didn't "obey her command" for once. And you think you exaggerated?
Who cares why she did it? It was uncalled for and nothing can change that. Huge red flag.

There was no better way to act it out. You handled it perfectly. And dodged a bullet too.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:26 am 
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Dude she LJBF'ed you because you didn't "obey her command" for once. And you think you exaggerated?
Who cares why she did it? It was uncalled for and nothing can change that. Huge red flag.

There was no better way to act it out. You handled it perfectly. And dodged a bullet too.
I don't care much why she did it. Posting this thread just wanted to confirm myself I'm behaviorally moving in the right direction. a.k.a. growing up.

You got a point. I didn't manage to get to know her very well, but things went too fast.

Sex on the second date. Got introduced to her parents on the 3th. That got me a bit spooked.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 10:00 am 
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Pffft NEXT....


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 1:01 pm 
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in other words telling me what to do and not to (to which I felt a bit like my freedom was taken) Plus she smoked. I don't like smoking.
And what did you do or say when she did either of those two things?

Not to mention: if the girl isn't really your temperament, I don't see why you even care. It could be more a reflection of you guys just not vibing, that it could be of you doing something wrong.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 2:39 pm 
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in other words telling me what to do and not to (to which I felt a bit like my freedom was taken) Plus she smoked. I don't like smoking.
And what did you do or say when she did either of those two things?
replied: "oh thats interesting, forgot the dog leash at home :D :D"

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 3:30 pm 
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Lol

No need to be witty. Correct her and she'll respect you more.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 4:19 pm 
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Lol

No need to be witty. Correct her and she'll respect you more.
Well I wrote that here in the post on the spot, but back then I said something in that order as well. I tried to change th subject.

I've told her before that I like to be independent thinker and don't like being bossed around.

I'm not sure what do you mean by correcting her. How?

She said "you dont hear me"
I said: " well i try to listen and understand"
She: "I mean you dont listen and do what I say"
I: "lol is that the case"

And basically tried to diffuse the situation and change topic.

C'mon for 2 weeks hanging out I don't want to feel like I'm married.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 6:09 pm 
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I guess I'm just different, but by correct her I would of said something along the lines of " watch your mouth. You don't make the rules" just like that.

Women receive comments like that a lot better than you think.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 6:54 pm 
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I guess I'm just different, but by correct her I would of said something along the lines of " watch your mouth. You don't make the rules" just like that.
.
You mean with a serious tone.

Not to be rude, but that sounds a bit domineering to me. Like if she doesn't make the rules then its me who makes the rules.

I know from my past Relation ship that being domineering doesn't serve good purpose. (especially so early on in the relationship).

But maybe I'm wrong and different people respond to different stimuli and requests.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 7:06 pm 
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The tone is neutral.

I'd say it like I'd say everything else. Casually. With a cool tone. I'm always cool. But my actions aren't necessarily cool if I don't like whats around. I'll ask you to leave, or get up and leave just as cool.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 7:25 pm 
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The tone is neutral.

I'd say it like I'd say everything else. Casually. With a cool tone. I'm always cool. But my actions aren't necessarily cool if I don't like whats around. I'll ask you to leave, or get up and leave just as cool.

Well it kind of makes better sense now. In general I don't like to be too serious too soon.

However it is worth experimenting with next time.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 2:49 am 
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Quote:
Long story short...

I met this girl few weeks ago on something like business training.

We hang out, hook up eventually went home to her place and had sex.

Few days later same story.

Yesterday she called me to go to her place again (it is in a kind of distant neighborhood) and I denied, because 1st I wanted to hang out with friends 2nd didn't wanted to go to her place again (she lives with her parents and I don't know her that well, so I don't feel that comfortable going to into "her territory" although I went there two times). I told her to come to my place - I live alone in an apartment in the center of the town, 10 minutes away from her workplace. It is way more convenient for both of us.

Anyway today she called me telling me: "we need to talk" I was like (o shit, i know what comming) and inevitably she said: "I don't think things between us are going to work out".

I just said: "do you want something from me?"
She: "we better not see each other for a while - better remain just friends"
I: "mm deal - take care, bye?" (didn't wanted to sound like harsh asshole, but didnt wanted to sound like a wuss neither - that is why i kept it short like that)

I've been LJBF-ed before as well, I probably had to tell her that I don't accept the "offer", but I already hung the phone.

Idk if there was a better way to work that out? SO that is my question: what was the best way to work that out.

PS: She was cute and the sex was good, but she was not really my temperament. We had slightly different interests and I had the feeling she was trying to impose her will on me - in other words telling me what to do and not to (to which I felt a bit like my freedom was taken) Plus she smoked. I don't like smoking.
Trust your gut. It's telling you something. So long as you do things in-line with the man you are (e.g. your values, beliefs etc) you can't go wrong. The self-doubt has crept in a bit mostly because you'er thinking with your dick. If you weren't attracted to her you'd feel stronger in your convinctions/more certain in your decision.


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