Hey all.

Quick background. Introduced to a HB 8 by a mutual friend. Instant attraction and we exchange numbers. We text/call for about a month before she invites me out for coffee (reason this didn't happen faster was because I was neck deep in studies).

So I take her out, and we have an excellent time. She's had a messed up past (child of divorce, ex cheated on her etc). and she told me all about it during our 4 hour date. I run a few of my routines on her, such as vulnerability game and some light kino. She didn't particularly like the kino at times, at one point pushing my hand away telling me she "hates public displays of affection". I took it in my stride and continued.

A bit more clarification is needed when I say "vulnerability game". We both opened up to each other, telling each other everything (maybe my 1st mistake of the day, should have kept some mystery). The more I heard, the more I pitied her but still felt such a strong connection to her. I admired that she was such a good woman yet had so many problems. I told her:

"I respect you so much for becoming the person you are through all of that. I admire it and would never hurt you." After I said this, I saw her tear up a bit, but she quickly brushed it off and continued talking about something else.

I then decided to escalate further as we were both really connecting. I said, "I wanna kiss you right now but I dunno how you'd take it. I really like you" (2nd mistake, should have just done it). She then told me,

"I like you too XLR8R, but lets just take things slow for now. Im not saying I dont trust you, because I do, but I've got trust issues due to whats happened to me."

I stared at her blankly, and I think she read my mind when she said "Dont worry Im not friendzoning you" in a playful way, rubbing my shoulder. We then caught the train back home and said our goodbyes.

Now, I really like this girl, and I wanna take her out again. We've been texting here and there since our date, but what I've noticed is, is that she's ever so *slightly* drier than before in her replies. Like, barely enough to notice but its still evident. I asked a fellow PUA buddy of mine and he reckons that she likes me so much but is worried of getting hurt again, so thats why shes naturally putting up some resistance. I'm trying to set up a 2nd date, but she seems less enthusiastic than before, telling me shit like "we'll see" and "I guess so".

Be that as it may, it's still resistance. So how do I set up a 2nd date with her with all this resistance. Do you guys think my friend is right, and that she really likes me to the point of me hurting her is plausible in her mind? If so, how do I assure her that I won't?

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Good things come to those who wait. Greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen

sounds like you have two good points and one bad point in this.
first good:
you've escalated her emotions, and that's a good thing.
second good:
you've connected with her on other levels and been playful.

bad point:
you had her bring out bad memories, now she'll see you in that perspective every time you're together. it framed her and let her put you in that compartment of the guy that likes to hear her bad stuff. It's kinda like how you can frame a woman to relate you to the good things she had when she was in love, or you can frame her to relate you to the breakups. always vote for the good things.

what I would do is keep things light hearted for awhile. be playful and fun, let her frame you as the guy that makes her feel good, not the guy that she can cry on right now...save that for months down the road when you've escalated into a solid relationship.
you're so close on the line of friendzone right now...you need to change it up. the reason she didn't escalate to a K close (or even a f close) was because her barriers put you into the FZ. you need to take charge, escalate to a kiss, and create tension between you two. keep the tension going, don't back down. If she says "it's too fast" say "I know! but you keep seducing me and I can't resist" and if you get her close to a f close, tell her "we'll only go as fast as you want, if you squeeze my hand I'll stop right there. there's no pressure" I almost guarantee she'll keep it going.

Be the fun guy, the guy that makes her feel good. not the guy that lets her drag up the hurt and pain. that isn't a good way to start a relationship, it makes her think that that's how she can get your attention. Use the push-pull technique. when she talks about great things, happy things, give her your attention. when she drags up the pain, look away or make her think she's losing you in the conversation. MAKE HER WORK FOR YOU, NOT YOU WORK FOR HER. She needs to know that she's not the center of your world, that you have your own world and she's just a visitor. remember, she's an option for you not the other way around. and don't be afraid to walk away and let her chase you. women absolutely LOVE the chase.

and just for the record...the vulnerability game is horrible for beginning a relationship unless you can play it right. you have to use humor in that game. use it to tease her, to crack high value jokes, to create a fun time. It's not meant to bring out all the latent hurt that's deep inside...that kills the attraction right there. It will slam you into the friendzone so quick, you wont even see it coming.

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If you eliminate the impossible, only the obvious remains
-Albert Einstein

Thanks steve. Sounds like excellent advice.

I always thought vulnerability game would always allow a deeper connection, but I see what you mean about the dangers of being friendzoned, which is why I always kino. I'll be careful for next time.

_________________
Good things come to those who wait. Greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen

You think kino will prevent you from friendzoning yourself when the conversation you're having is about dead kittens?

The whole point of everything is how you make her feel. Talking about fucked up shit is not my definition of a fun date. She wants a man that can, through his presence, make her problems seem irrelevant. Not a man that will enforce them.

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