Hi guys, from what i learnt from Pick-Up, ultimately that if you don't flirt, kino or esclate you will get friend-zoned right? So apparently I met this girl who was really cute. She just got off a break-up and she admitted to me that her ex boyfriend of 6 years was everything in her life etc.. She doesnt have a lot of guys friends go out a lot etc..

So I eventually managed to get her out on a date yesterday. We've been bouncing texts off each other for awhile now. I always showered her with compliments cause I feel she doesnt have the highest esteem? She told me she grew up as an outcast etc.. So i told her i grew up that way too. I had a lot of on insecurities in the past and I just find my way to work past them.

So yeah, she continue to text me and when we met yesterday she was SUPER NERVOUS. She is barely able to utter a word in the beginning. But as the night passed of course she warmed up to me etc.. So we went fr drinks and I think the date was alright no K-close or anything but i tried to kino her the best i could. I told her straight in the eye I think shes very beautiful etc and I asked her what she thought her best physical asset was etc.. Basically I tried to make our date more playful. I even played a game with her but she's asking all the safe questions. And we talked in depth about our previous relationships.

Then the next morning we continued chatting, she said she didnt get enough sleep etc. Then I asked her how did she feel about last night. She said she felt uncomfortable caused I made her drink. I mean yeah the bar was ending already so I figured ill just pour half the drink into her cup. And she repeatedly told me that I shouldnt always be so upfront and straightforward about flirting with her because it makes me sound very fake and insincere. But if I don't, I worry that Ill get friendzoned? I mean thats the way right?

We're still texting I mean I can tell she's pretty comfortable w me cause her replies are almost instantaneous but I dont want to fall into the friendzone. What should I do? I told her I'll stop coming out too strong. Or is this like a shit test? Cause I really dont think so.

You won't get friendzoned if you talk to other women and don't give her as much attention. When you do hang out with her, make sure it's for drinks and strike when the iron is hot.

Look, compliments are very powerful. But if you don't know how to use them, they'll work against you.

When you slur them out every 15 seconds, you will only come across as a desperate ass kisser. One of the reasons that diamonds are more valuable than rocks is because you don't see them all over the damn place.

True compliments are genuine. And when people feel they've earned them, one way or another, they will be highly appreciative.
Ok, picture this.
You're a woman. You find some dude attractive. Agree to go out on a date with him, and as such invest a couple of hours out of your otherwise busy schedule into going out with him.
And then he spends the entire time bullshitting around and won't even do as much as at least trying to kiss you.
Personally I'd be pissed the fuck off.

Dude, when you invite a woman for drinks, a movie, whatever, the implications are obvious and she understands them. She EXPECTS you will make some sort of move on her at some point, and wants it, since she accepts the invite.
No sane woman will go out with a man convinced nothing will happen. Most will be unsure, which is the whole point of dating in the first place, but simply by agreeing she's very open to the possibility. Understand?

So for future reference, stop wasting everyone's time by playing it safe. It's not cute, it's not smart, it's not productive.
That being said, a kissless date is not a successful date. Unless you're 13, point beyond which a kiss is no longer a "big deal".
You don't "get" friendzoned. Women don't friendzone guys. Guys friendzone themselves. Point in reference, a great way to achieve that is not trying to kiss her for the entire duration of the date.
Also, fuck yes you sound fake and insincere. Because you are. You're not complementing her as a result of her earning it. You're doing it because you read on a forum that you'll get friendzoned otherwise.
And women are far more perceptive than men. They'll see through falseness miles away.
The whole way you're going about this is wrong. First off, you don't convince women. Of anything. Men, sure, we're logical creatures and that goes a long way with us.
Women aren't. The most important factor for a woman is not the logical relevance of a certain thing, but how she feels about said thing.

With that in mind the way you avoid friendzoning yourself is by showing interest. In your actions. Kino is a way of showing interest. Escalation is showing interest. Trying to kiss her shows interest. Flirting, teasing, challenging - all of these show interest.
Showering with compliments doesn't show interest. Is shows you saying whatever it is you think she wants to hear in order to win her good graces, and that's supremely unattractive.

Get her on another date and don't slack around again.

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When you start asking what zone you're in its usually because you're already there. It happens far before its verbalized.

The girls telling you how she wants you to behave and you're nodding and accepting it, which says you still have to develop confidence in your character. If a girl says " you're making me uncomfortable" I assume that there must be something wrong with her because I KNOW that I make people comfortable. If my vibe ain't for her, she can walk, because its proven to be successful for many others. I'm going to maintain my character. I'm didn't force her to go out with me so if she's not liking something she can get up and leave. Thats just my attitude. Everyone has their thing, so in relationships with others you will have to "deal".

And next time, never ask a girl how she felt about last night. Assume it went well, and ask her out again, let her response to a second invite tell you how last night went.

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@Eddie Fews What should be the response to such a statement? I know you shouldn't change your behavior. But on the spot when she mentions something like this, what should you say exactly? Ignore her, tell her seriously that she has to accept you as it is or change the topic playfully?

(Just trying to get my own answer as it's been brought up)

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The thing is.. Once you have your attitude right rarely if ever will a girl even say something like this to you, because she would have already picked up from your vibe that you do not give a damn.

Thats text. I wouldn't of even responded.

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Thanx for the reply. And what if she says it in person?

Actually I've faced this situation before and I used to get pissed off and tell straight away that that's how I am, not offensively but I guess it showed off from face expressions and this sort of created an awkwardness. Just wondering if this should be handled tactfully (or diplomatically). What would be the best way to respond this? (assuming that she brought it up despite my vibe and attitude being alpha)

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damn great post RC.....needed to read that.

need to man the fuck up on the next date and make that move.


as for OP, ouch, getting texts like isnt a good sign. i think you need to lay off the compliments so hard. how can you tell a girl in her eyes shes so beautiful without escalation or kiss? thats literally the line that leads up to the kiss....

i would be pissed off if i was a girl too, thats like her blowing hot air on my cock but not sticking it in her mouth.

Not making any excuses but from where I come from, kissing is a pretty big deal. Im sure yes, people from different backgrounds have different relevance to different stages of intimacy. But yes, thanks for the advice and Ill stop trying to play it safe.

Will be seeing her this weekend again. Hope it goes out good. Ive been laying of the compliments and started qualifying her.

Thanks brahs

Where do you come from, for curiosity's sake?

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Singapore. Asian Country. We basically stay with our parents till forever. Every single thing in society is basically spoon-fed to us. Little room for imagination. Of course theyre the wild and fun ones but apparently this HB im tryna date is basically trying to avoid every sexual innuendo im trying to pull.

I guess have a knack of wanting things I can't get. But then from my exp, the difficult ones are the ones worth keeping anyway.

wow, I wish I could explain better than this but here's the only way I can word it.

use the escalation ladder. If she's telling you to slack off, it means she's not comfortable with the sexual tension. so you slide back on the escalation ladder. if you have to, start back with the fun frame. but always keep that tension. let her adapt to it. let her enjoy the tension. the reason she's uncomfortable is because she's wanting 'safe' instead of 'sexual'. now, that could be a family thing or a religious thing or a self esteem thing. but you need to feel it out and find out what's holding her back. she's got too many conflicts going on.

I've dated religious girls with this, primarily pentecostal women are notorious for it. I had to slow it down and stay in frames longer to get them. one woman took 4 dates to get her to trust me, she was a preachers daughter. but once I got her, she cut loose. we dated for 3 months and she was as wild as they come. after I got her to break her walls down, she was putty in my hands. but she got jealous and needy, so I had to break it off.

My point is...don't stop the tension. keep it there and she'll come to expect it from you. she'll revel in it, and she'll be extremely attracted to you.

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R.C. wrote a great post. The best way to escalate is to not talk about flirting the fact that you're escalating. This will cause cognitive dissonance and will let you escalate more because it's not in her conscious thoughts. You should qualify her and reward her investment with your escalation based on how much she is investing and you definitely want to go for the kiss on the first date.

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+1.

Plus Asian girls take more time to open up. So you have to be a bit patient here, but keep the tension.

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So back to this girl. Ive been seeing her for 3 dates. Third being just a very quick dinner. So after that we texted and stuff. We will usually text through the wee hours till the morning. The 2nd date was pretty awesome. I tried to kiss her and she said no. I held her hands for a lil bit though. But we truly had a lot of fun. I can tell she was pretty comfortable with me every time we sit we would sit very near each other.

So apparently, yesterday she and I made an impromptu dinner. Dinne was okay. She told me she had a bad day. So i asked her to tell me about work and she told me some BS story which i never really paid attention to. It was just a short simple dinner, we both had to work tomorrow so there was really not much time to do anything at all. We did sit at the bus stop to chat for about 20 mins?

So after we went home, as usual we'll text through the night and suddenly the conversation drifted to she asking me "what do you see me as?"

I replied " I see you as a person I want to chase to knwo better and maybe possibly be with you. But i wont kid myself its a long way off due to certain circumstances (she just broke off her rship of 6 years 3 mths ago). Why do you ask this? Do you think Im just playing or do you think this is getting too serious for my own good."

She said "Im actually bothered by smth today. I was lying when i said its about work. Actually its about this colleague who sort of broke up and her situation is much more complicated than mine. Im not sure if I can tell you this but i can really be at peace with myself. I actually started to think of my ex when we were having the convo. Its rare to find someone I can find someone im so comfortable with besides my ex and I wont deny I have good feelings with you. Im v confused right now. I dont want to lead you on, I dont want you to be a rebound." (I havent even asked for a rship! Ive been just teasing flirting with her and kinoing her the best i could)

I replied "Dont be too hard on yourself. I already knew your work story was BS thats why i didnt probe further about your bad day. I wont press you for your thoughts or feelings but im glad you told me . Anw I think you need to be easier on yourself. When you said you dont feel at peace telling me about smth, I thought you did something drastic man! And please dont see me as competition with your ex. We're not on the same scale. Im not here to force you to "love" me more than him. Im me, and there's only one me and he will always be part of your past and I may or may not be part of your future.

Lastly, as much as I like you I dont have a crystal ball. I actually found you on tinder. Someone as amazing as you...from TINDER. I think we have a pretty good thing now and i sure hope it will last but like you I'm scared and confused as well ( I DONT KNOW WHY THE FUCK I SAID THAT OMG) Don't worry about me being a rebound. Life is as short as it is. Lets try to live every moment to the fullest. If we're gonna do it lets do it right, do it well."

Then she went on to say that I kept teasing her too much. Like i will say to her its time u stop being so hard to get etc.. and she talk to me about some other stuff which I tried to joke it off and she suddenly she sounds upset. She said "Im being serious here." So anyway, I have been trying to pacify her emotions too much. And i tried to open her up to talk to me sexually and i realize she has only kissed and fucked her ex bf before. So shes scared or smth?

Did i show too much interest? Should I be more aloof? Anyway she then say to talk tomorrow as shes quite overwhelmed right now. And the next morning I texted her to say Im gonna give you some space (around 9am) she replied me "Thanks. You take care." And she texted me around 5pm to ask me how did my medical checkup go. I went for medical today.

So guys, what should I do from here. She doesnt like me enough or what?