I dated a girl for about a year. We both fell in love with each other. We separated due to her moving to another country but a year later she's back. Our first hangout she tells me she wants to be only friends, no fuck buddies either. We hangout a few times after - lots of flirting, kissing, and then sex one night. But every time she's hesitant when I make a move. Finally she tells me she loves absolutely everything about my personality. Like I'm her perfect match. Only she's not physically attracted to me. So she can never date me.

Remember, I'm really into this lady. I mostly play aloof and agree that I cant ever date this girl either for various reasons, but on the inside I'm heartbroken. I love this girl. A little backstory: she dated another guy when she was away and fell pretty in love with him. She was extremely physically attracted to him but not emotionally; pretty much the opposite as she is with me.

All I want is to be with this lady. I know she likes me just not physically attracted to me. It's things I cannot control. Like my jaw line, body hair, hair line, smell, etc. Please help me with damage control. I really want to be with this lady. How can I help her to love me again?

btw this is someone who we both know pretty much know everything about each other. We know each other's deepest darkest secrets. We were dating for a solid year, where we spend 4-5 days a week with each other all day.

Why waste your time trying to get back with a girl that doesn't find you physically attractive?

You could, just find new girls that find you attractive...or

I know what I'd do...Use this experience as motivation...i would hit the gym, dress really classy and when she starts to message me that she finds me attractive....I would say...'No thanks, You're no longer my type' and be happy with my harem of fuck buddies...

Read my sig thread,

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I get that I probably should move on and find new girls. But my connection with this girl was so strong in the past that I really want to pursue this a little bit further. Please don't take this as arrogance, we just had so much that I really want to give it one more shot.

Anyway, this is a girl I always have a really good time with, even if we're not hooking up at the time. I would like to remain friends with her but of course deep down inside I want more than that. With that being said, how should I respond to her and act around her from now on? She still asks me out on one-on-one dates quite frequently, texts/calls me pretty much every day, and prioritizes me over pretty much everything else in her life, including her family. I have been going out with her and flirting heavily every time, which makes me feel like I'm making myself too easy. My instincts are telling me to stop making myself so available to her. Make her realize I have other options (I really do, I have a date with another girl tonight and a different girl mid next week).

I feel I should still meet up with her sparingly, maybe once a week tops. But stop flirting all together. Don't make any moves. Make her believe my feelings for her have changed and I'm not into her at all anymore. I'm hoping this confuses her a little bit and creates more attraction. I know I'm not the best looking guy, but I'm fit, take great care of myself, and above average looks wise. What really makes me feel she stopped liking me so much is because she fell for the other guy when she was away. She's still getting over him and she's heartbroken similar to how I am. She's comparing all my "flaws" to him and the fact that she can have me and can't have him right now makes him the better candidate for her.

I guess my question now is when she wants to hang out, how should I act around her? How do I respond if she makes a move, which is very frequent when we hang out. She sometimes goes for a kiss, holds my hand, reaches for my dick if we're alone, etc. But when I respond or try to make a move on her, she hesitates and backs away. God I'm so confused and depressed.

I didn't read your whole post because it reeks of oneitis. "wait, but she was the one" give me a break.
sorry, the solution is to go out and meet more girls.

You got a weak attitude.

You can't control your body hair? your smell? your physical attractiveness? lol give me a break dude.

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Coming from the OG Pimp?

Cut it out bro.

The girl sounds like she has too many personal issues of her own to be of any real value to you upon getting what it is you "think" you want from her.

I wouldn't waste time, and I don't think you should either. All wounds will heal with time. And this is just one of those things that you'll be over once you make the decision to leave it alone. The more you push the harder she'll pull. The door says pull, so stop pushing on it. It won't open.

P.S. when a girl says there was no emotional connection all she means is that the guy wasn't nearly as into her and she was into him.

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Okay, I get what you guys are saying, I should give up with her and move on, I have oneitis major big time. I need to give it up. But wtf man I really don't want to. At the end of the day I want to still see this girl until I find the right person for me. Even If we're just friends, she's:

a) smokin hot
b) still someone who I can tone and improve my game with
c) a good challenge
d) an occasional hook up/lay
e) someone I really really enjoy being around, even just hanging out as friends. Call me friend zoned and hey, maybe I am. I don't see that as too bad of a thing seeing as she's extremely fun. But friends don't kiss (if even lightly) pretty much every hang out, have sex occasionally, give erotic massages, wrestle and grab my dick, etc.
f) great DHV/social proof for other girls I may start gaming

I've been blowing this girl off a lot lately. Like I said before, I'm still seeing other girls. Pretty girls. Just a lot of these girls are smokin hot but their personality irritates the hell out of me, but then again I'm extremely picky. I was with another girl today and she posted a check in on my facebook. My oneitis girl called me twice, which I was busy and unable to answer and texted me a few times askin what I'm up to. Sounds to me like she's jealous.

Sadly enough its a lot of mind games, I feel like any girl is whether guys want to admit it or not. Really I'm not bad with girls, just I'm an extreme introvert who likes to over analyze things. But in this case I feel the power is slowly moving from her hands to my own. I'm deciding when to hang out with her now. In my opinion I need to keep up this non-chalant aloof attitude and give it a little time and this girl will be into me again the way she used to be. I've just got to be there for her when she really needs it, stay on good terms, and always have very positive and fun hangouts, and at the end of the day the problem will solve itself.

Any thoughts other than ditch the lady and start fresh? I understand I'm very pig-headed about cutting it off. But when it comes to any other advice, I'm open minded and will listen. Again all responses are much appreciated.

man, I can tell you from my own experience that the worse feeling is to be in love with someone and find out that the person doesn't want to be with you... Unfortunately (and believe me I have tried!!!) there are no magic tricks, or anything you can do to make her change her mind... This is not something she decided yesterday. Girls will take their time to make up their minds and while they do that, they are really good at making us believe everything is still going perfect. If her heart is somewhere else, the best thing you can do is accept it and move on.

The worst thing you can show this girl is that you are still in love with her, tracking her, replying her messages 1 second after she sent you one, etc...

Showing the girl that I am needy and desperate about her never worked for me. I think that if she sees that you can have a life without her (e.g you are going out with your friends, with other girls, having fun) she might feel like she wants you again, because women tend to always want what is hard for them to get... and plus, in the meantime you'll be having fun and enjoying life instead of spending everyday with the mind-games of how to get her back.

I know, easy to say it hard to do it... haha been there done that... I am not an expert but I hope this helps.

For the love of god. Does the alcoholic wanna give up drinking?

Of-course you don't want to. That's the whole point. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, and sometimes you gotta take tough decisions. You show your strength (or build it) when you do right by you even if it means sacrificing a relationship that will provide you short term (illusionary, in my opinion) benefits at the cost of crushing you in the long run.

You wouldn't be able to take being friends with this girl and a month from now having her introduce you to her new boyfriend.

Sorry OP, you're not special. We've seen your story a thousand times and it ends the same every time. With you successfully cutting your loses and rebuilding if you take our advice, or with you curled up in a ball crying on the kitchen floor if you don't.

Foresight teaches softly, mistakes teach brutally. We've given you the foresight, the choice is yours.


PS: Please stop rationalizing how her being hot is of any relevance. There's plenty of beautiful women in the world.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

You're right, her being hot has 0 relevance. My bad on that one.

The thing that bothers me about this forum is people are so quick to tell anyone who might have a little hiccup in their relationship to just call it quits and find someone else. It's not just me, I see it over and over. Think about it, this isn't a girl I've been dating and she all of the sudden called it quits. We've been separated for a year. It was due to logistics. Obviously never talking to her again and improving myself is one solution, but for people like me who want to give it another shot, you (not you in particular RC but many PUA's on here) put them down and tell them there's no point. Maybe in the long run it is a better move. Maybe not. Every situation is different.

As for my situation, things have gotten better. One day she called and I didn't pick up. I was on a date with another lady. The next morning I called her back and she was upset, not with me but with the fact that she misses me and wanted to hang out. She asked what I was busy with and I told her the truth, I was with another girl. She immediately got emotional, jealous, and very upset but then apologized saying I'm not her boyfriend and she shouldn't be acting like that.

A week later we hung out again and things were back to the usual - very fun and flirty hangout, both had a blast. After going out she came back to my place for a movie. Literally the first thing I did other than hug her, grab her ass, and touch her body a bit was go to my computer and put on some porn. We had some good sex, both of us climaxed. After a movie, she left telling me how amazing of a time she had that day.

To me it's very clear she's falling for me all over again. Just what I wanted to happen from the beginning. Who knows if it will last. From the way things went when we used to date a year ago compared to how things are going now, she's not going anywhere anytime soon.

Read the replies here:
A hiccup? She isn't physically attracted to you and misses some other dude. That's not a hiccup. A hiccup is you argued one night and said something mean. Not this.
Lol. You were together FOR a year. That sentence kinda makes sense if you're talking a 5+ year relationship. Not a year long relationship.
Umm, no...she wasn't and still isnt physically attracted to you.

Look man, you're really deluding yourself. You spent almost every day with this chick for a year and have this "strong connection" Regardless, she left, and moved on. The connection you have in your mind, died or was never there. Now she's hung up the real guy she wants. The truth is, if she wasnt physically attracted to you for that year, she just dated you hoping to find better. Maybe she was lonely, or horny, but she was not in love with you like that. She may see you as a good friend, but when someone is with someone they're not attracted to, they keep their options open. They look at you wishing you looked different. I've done it to chicks. Sure they were cool, but I was never in love with them like that.

But, you'll continue. She'll grow closer to you again. You'll have more sex. But she's gonna just look at you and wish she had better. And eventually she'll find that person who she's physically attracted to and drop you. Do you really want to be with a girl who's not attracted to you? One who is thinking of some other dude? You should have moved on as she did a long time ago.

I get what you're saying is plausible. And at the end of the day you're replying to help a guy who clearly needs advice from other people who are more experienced. But honestly man there's no way you, me, or anyone for that matter can assure 100% that what you're saying is the case here. None of us have all the details. But here are the FACTS:

We were together for a year. She moved to another country for work. She wanted to to a LDR, I didn't. She wanted me to come with her. I couldn't. I want to stop talking about "the connection" and just look at things logically and you tell me what you think. Like you said, we were together almost every day for a year. The last week before she left, she spent literally 100% of the time with me. Not her mom or dad, not her brother or sister or her best friend for 15 years, but me. She cried in my arms telling me how much she loves me the last time I saw her before leaving. That's not how someone acts if they're just settling. The way things were, she was in love with me. That I'm sure of.

That connection was there, there's not doubt about it. It died out after she moved away. It irritates me when people automatically assume there's 0% chance of things working out and it will always end in me being dumped. I'm not trying to act like I know more about this stuff than anyone else here because I don't. But don't you think if that type of relationship existed in the past and died out, there's at least a small chance things could work out and the flame could reignite between the two of us? Because that's what I'm going for here and so far it seems to be working...

Why are you asking for advice on a forum that ethos around here is to encourage abundance and settling for the best of the best woman only?

The reason why everyone around here is too quick to tell go to dump the girl, is because people get into relationships without having a basic foundation. In this case, she doesn't find you physically attractive.

So basically, you think you've got control just because you made her jealous and had sex with her. You're now here to try to confirm that we are all wrong and you were right from the start. NO NO NO. You still no have foundation, when she gets bored of you. You have to date other girls just to maintain attraction with this girlfriend of yours. Does that sound like a quality relationship to you?

You are not here to listen. The best way to learn is to make these mistakes yourself I guess.

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Another case of leading by the cock rather the brain. That bitch is doing the pussy play on SPAM or having some wild sex. You are her fucking puppy. She throws you a bone from time to time because she likes your company.

Comfort and feeling romantic shit with you.
Wild horny passion with someone else.

It is your fault because you are a bitch. Going under a pussy's rules just to have a smell of it while at the same time destroying your self respect.

You love the bitch? Do you love yourself or value yourself?

You talked about your looks being the reason that bitch doesn't like you.
Well she never had a problem eating your cum and feeling your cock inside.

You are the man. You are who decides if her looks are enough! Don't fucking sell yourself to a fucking freak who has fun with you on the side then masturbates on SPAM to her lover.

My advice:

You dumb that bitches ass and you make it clear that for that Comfort and romance she wants there is a price she has to pay. The price is her pussy and loyalty.
She can't accept that deal she can go fuck herself. Find a better woman who deserves you.

Keeping it real,
Pimpin'Scout

Lol.

This warmed my heart.

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