So here's the story. Keep in mind, I'm mid 20's, have had casual sex, but nothing serious. Now I'm looking for something serious.

About a month ago, a cute girl starts coming after me. Asking me on hikes, asking to hear my opinions. At first I thought she was setting me up with a friend of hers who has a crush on me, so I blew her off.

Obviously, that gets her interested in me. Eventually she invites herself over to watch a movie. I'm moving, have no furniture, so we watch the movie on a pile of blankets on the floor. We're snuggling, end up kissing, I can tell she wants to escalate, but I tell her I'm after something more serious and send her home. I don't regret that, I didn't want to have sex so soon.

I thought she'd be done, but she texts me next morning saying how much fun she had.We meet up twotimes at more interesting locations, I continue to escalate things physically while she continues to want to move faster (says she can wait though). Then she goes on radio silence.

I can think of two reasons. (1) I began to give her two much attention over text, replying too quickly, being accomodating about dates. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't resist. (2) I suggested that we both get tested before sex. I think it's a smart policy after I've had some close calls, but I think it turned her off. I'll reconsider in the future. (3) She really did just want something brief and physical and I wasn't delivering.

Here's the interesting ending. She hasn't responded to last two texts, so I'm pretty sure she's done. I decide to take a gamble and send her a text telling her 'fuck being smart, I want to have sex. Get over here asap.' This gets an instant 'nope. busy' response. I still want her, but I don't feel that bad.

And here's the question: Would this kind of text ever work? I made the mistake of sending it on a friday night hoping she would have had a beer and be feeling spontaneous, but would a dull weeknight have been a better choice?

General advice on how to do better in future also appreciated.

Your mistake wasn't the text you sent her. Your mistake was not fucking her when she was begging for it.

Jesus man, she's probably embarrassed as fuck. If she was throwing herself at you, you teased her like that, and then sent her home... she's probably ashamed of herself. She wanted to get fucked. You wanted to "wait for something more serious."

Way to make a girl feel totally unattractive and not sexy. [moderator: why are we flaming a guy for asking a question? C'mon man]

sticking-points/reply-moody-reply-vt192880.html

This forum is full of this crap

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Let's be very clear:

Not having sex at the first opportunity does not change the dynamic of the relationship in any positive, meaningful way. You can absolutely have a serious relationship with someone and fuck the first night you meet. If you have any reservations about this and think it makes her lesser, you are a moron.

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These hos ain't loyal

...

This forum never ceases to amaze me.

So you take the gun, load the gun, purposely point the gun it at your own damn leg, press the trigger multiple times and then come to us confused as to how you ended up shooting yourself?

Poor girl man.

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If you don't mind some girl opinion, here...
True she feels very embarassed.Obviously she is not going for something serious.
She put her level down when she is the aktiv and offering the sex,and when you deny her you even put her level more down, she will run away.

See... You made her feel bad dude. Way to be a "nice guy."

Let me be clear, I don't have anything morally against having sex on the first date or one night stands, etc. I've done both of these things in the past. The issue I have is that I had a herpes scare a while back (turned out to be a false alarm), and decided that my approach to sex was just riskier than was worth it.

So I adopted the nearly 0% risk plan of waiting several dates and offering that we both get tested before sex would be in our mutual benefit. This is a college town and there is a lot of stuff going around. She even related that a friend caught herpes recently, so I assumed she'd be on board with the idea. I made it very clear that I wanted to have sex very badly but that it was important that I stick to the plan.

I guess it just sapped the fun out of it all though and turned her off emotionally. I think my ultra-safe plan is smart but socially impractical.

What do other people do to ensure safe sex? Or is this a case of me trying eat my cake and have it too?

when you turn down sex from a girl that clearly wants it and when you realized you fucked up and want to try again the answer is almost always "no" from her. its ALWAYS better to OVER kino rather than UNDER kino. next time pull the damn trigger and fuck her when you have the chance, chalk this up as a loss

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