wilyone - are you female?

Also, totally agree with you, there is oneitus or there is part of you that just gets on with a girl having dated other girls and realised that it was a good relationship. Much to the reason why I went away was because I was suffering from depression. And had I of stayed with her at that time, we would no longer be together as I just hated my life. In the last few months I have changed alot, lost some weight, and become happy with myself.

Update:

I messaged her asking if she was at home next week. She said Yes. Why is that? . I never replied until the next day, she replied three times which made me think hmmmm. However, she does just text alot.

I then said, I'm driving passed your town, il come pick you up and we can hang out. Then she gives me a million excuses about how shes working, and helping her nan out, etc...

I then thought about this and approached it wrong... I said, ok Sunday, scrap what your doing, SPAM i want you to have in your mind that you are seeing me, stop being weird about it.

Her: Isn't it a bit too soon though?
Me: I'm fine with it, its convenient for me to drop by. Is it weird for you?
Her: No, il see what I can do.
Me: ok

Then we had a little small talk chat, and it was more how is your day blerghhh, so I ended it. I think her walls are up SPAM so no point in trying to make any jokes. I think the hardest part will be getting her to arrange to meet up with me, maybe because she is hurt still, or desexualised from me? She texts me back instantly to every text though. It's like she just wants to text as its the easiest thing, and she doesnt want to lose me.

I wasn't going to message her now until the end of the week when I talk about seeing her at the week end. I think once we do meet up it will go really well. Just wondering about how much advances to make. I liked your comment about meeting up with her and seeing how you actually feel. But from everything Iv ever read and took advice from, putting it to her straight doesnt seem to work from experience. As much as I want to, I was thinking of the process of meeting her in the first place, i didnt give a shit about her at first as i was concentrating on my job. And from there, not being kean, worked well on her.

In my view you totally broke her heart.

her walls were so far up,

Update: ALOT OF YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.

Ok, so i tried arranging a casual meeting, the thing that is most annoying is that her walls were so far up, it just did not seem likely to get them down unless i just turned up on the doorstep, and there was no guarentee she would be in etc...

She told me she was seeing some guy but she friend zoned him because she didnt want it to end up like me and her with the distance. However, she said she was going to back to college early as she had some friends staying over for graduation. So guessing this guy and his friends are just crashing at hers.... so.... need i say any more.

Anyway, she wasn't keen on meeting up, so i just put it out there like that 3% guy does and said, since iv been back iv felt like a much better person than before, but just feel like there is something missing from my life. I then said to her that it may or may not be you, but i don't want to force it. She said how she still wants to be friends. So i said to her that its pointless being friends and all I can offer is a go at seeing where it can go. She said shes happy being single SPAM and not interested. I told her if down the line she is in the space where she wants more then she knows where i am, but i said i am actively looking for someone and that we cannot be friends.

And I know alot of you guys were right and it was defo not the love story that i had been hoping for, but sitting here the last few days thinking has been on my mind, what if? can i make it happen? And to be fair, it put my mind at ease, because I know she has no interest in rekindling our relationship and I feel better for it. Alot better. Now my mind set is if she doesn't want to then fuck her, i gave it a go, i told her that i should have done more and put her first on more occasion. Now in my mind shes totally off the table and I'm feeling good about moving on.

I think it was wrong move to pick up relationship topic in meeting, you cant talk someone into relationship or you cant try to convince her to be together. Only reasonable thing to do in meeting is try to having fun and not any chance bring up relationship topic, just hang out and have fun, because question at the moment is that she knows that you are needy and insecure and she will get you back whenever she wants, she has all the power and you are happily giving her more power by saying "but just feel like there is something missing from my life" - its sign of weakness, which shows that you are not OK with your life and you are depending of someone else, so its not masculine sign and also its not something which will raise her attraction level towards you.

But if u do completely opposite and act like you are completely OK with break up and just having fun, then its chance that she`ll start thinking that why you dont chase after her anymore etc, so sooner or later she will start chasing after you, but if you continue this kind of track, then good luck.

You guys don't realize that you have an incredible, amazing power to sweep a woman off her feet by being real and being vulnerable. It actually takes a lot of power and self-confidence to be vulnerable. Instead you try to act macho and it does nothing to connect with a woman's emotions or soften her heart so she gives you another chance.

No. You don't get it.

This isn't about being "macho" or showing no emotion. This is about developing yourself as a person. The vast majority of guys don't "want their ex back" because she was special in any way shape or form. They want their ex back because they're terrified of moving forwards in life when the possibility of not meeting any other woman anytime soon is very real. Because they lack confidence in themselves.

When starvation is your status quo you're gonna be extremely reluctant to move on from what would've been a constant food supply, even though it's obvious that supply did not fit your needs anymore.

You are right about one thing though. It does take self-confidence and power to be vulnerable and keeping it real is highly encouraged by anyone who knows what they're talking about. But to keep it real, first you gotta be real, and getting to that level demands some sacrifice.

If she were truly the only girl who could make you happy, and everything you wanted in a girl, why would you have risked that all to travel for 6 months when she was ready to move in with you? I can't get past that and I doubt your ex can either. Was it fear of commitment and loss of freedom?

I think the only way you get her back is to be honest, and lay it all on the line. Tell her how much you blew it, how she is everything you want in a woman, not "something is missing and it may or may not be you."

But if it's really about fear of moving forward and not meeting anyone else, then I think everyone can assure you that it just takes time and you WILL meet other great women. You have to be open to it rather than pining over an ex. With enough time, even if you don't meet someone fantastic, you start to feel a lot better and the memory of your ex doesn't cause pain or regret. Best way to move on is no contact and no thinking of them.

Also, to me it seems childish to tell a woman that you cannot be friends with her. It's like "Have sex with me or I want nothing to do with you. I don't care about you unless you're fucking me. I cannot bear to have you in my life without sex." Wouldln't it be better to agree to friends and just fade out? I'm sure you have plenty of "friends" whom you never talk to?