Original post by
Pimpy of City-Data The below post is not my opinion.
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.”
-Jimmy Soul, 1963
Every red-blooded boy dreams of growing up and marrying an attractive woman. As we grow into red-blooded men, those dreams don’t change much. For some of us our goals regarding marriage itself evolve (or in my case, disappear), but the broader dream of snagging the most attractive women on the market stays intact for just about every guy.
The draws of an attractive woman are many. By simple human nature and evolutionary biology, our eyes are drawn to them first. For most of us, being intimate with an attractive woman triggers a much more intense sexual arousal, everything else being equal. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly of all, having one on your arm is a surefire way to launch your social standing into the stratosphere. Everyone looks up to the guy who is cracking a dime-piece.
But are guys who achieve our universal boyhood dream of tying the knot with the hottest girl in the room sacrificing a lifetime of happiness for occasional physical pleasure and bragging rights?
I’ve been single all 29 of my years. In that time I’ve experienced a lot of women, and those women have spanned a wide gamut when it comes to physical attractiveness. Non-discrimination has long been my practice when it comes to hook-ups. I fondly refer to the light switch in my bedroom as “the great equalizer.” I would be lying, however, if I told you that my more attractive conquests never inspired a more spirited victory dance the next morning.
Back in college when I would bed an 8 or a 9 (the elusive 10’s always managed to slip from my grasp), I would encourage them to stay long enough to have breakfast in the morning. Sometimes I downright begged. Ostensibly I was just being a gentleman, but in reality I wanted to make sure my roommates got a look at what was naked in my bed the night before.
My less attractive attainments, I’m almost ashamed to say now, were ushered out the door before anyone else in the apartment was awake.
With 30 just around the corner, most of the guys I spent the last decade chasing dimes with are becoming real adults. Every other entry in my Facebook news feed is either a picture of an engagement ring or an ultrasound. While I have no desire to join their ranks, this shift in social dynamic has inspired me to look back through the women in my past (the ones I can remember, at least) and think about what I would look for were I ever to get into the whole “monogamy” thing.
What I found was eye-opening. There is pretty much a straight-line inverse relationship between how physically attractive my former flames were and how good of a mate I think they would make.
I’ll go a step further and say I’d rather go snorkeling at a sewage SPAM plant than spend the rest of my life with any of the eye-candy of my past.
The reasons why less attractive women make better life partners haven’t been difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Hot women know we feel lucky to be with them, and they act accordingly. Most of the ones I’ve known have acted like I should feel privileged to wait on them hand and foot. They want to call the shots all the time because in their minds, I’m lucky just to have them around. Why wouldn’t you be thrilled to skip poker night and go watch “The Vow” with me? Can’t you see how hot I am?!? Guys always feel honored to be in my presence, even if it’s watching a terrible movie based on a terrible book by a terrible author! What’s wrong with you?
That’s the other problem with the hottest ones. If you won’t put up with their crap, there are a million other guys who will, and they know that. Not only do they know it, they let YOU know it every chance they get.
With less attractive women, the roles are reversed. If you’re a decent looking guy, well-educated, in shape, with good conversational skills and at least an average sized tool, they feel like they’ve died and gone to heaven when they earn your attention. Their life mission becomes to please you and keep you around. The less attractive the girls I’ve been with were, the more like a king they treated me.
There was one I had a fling with in the summer of 2008 who had a somewhat cute face but about 40 extra pounds on her. She would come over and clean for me at least twice a week, though I never asked once. The only thing she wanted in return? For ME to let HER give me oral sex. You think you could get that kind of arrangement from Megan Fox?
Another one came from a wealthy family, but she had a double chin and small breasts. Her arms were a little hairy too, and not just the standard acceptable female peach fuzz. I can’t remember a time she came over without bearing gifts, even though the span of our relationship covered no holidays or birthdays. The best looking girl I ever dated never gave me a damn thing except a headache, though she got mad at me for making it to the one-month mark without buying her flowers or jewelry.
The history of my dating life is chock full of such contrasts. The finest women were fulfilling to the eyes, the least fine fulfilling to the heart. (Aside: You’ll never again hear me say anything that gay on this message board. If you do, please come through my monitor and knock me out.) Even the sex was way better with the less attractive women. They wouldn’t dream, for example, of receiving oral and not reciprocating. Women who are hot and know it, on the other hand, don’t feel the need to reciprocate because in their minds, just going down on them should give a guy all the pleasure he needs.
The most stunning realization I’ve made during my introspection on this topic is that most of the women I’ve hooked up with who weren’t blessed in the realm of physical beauty weren’t better partners only because they felt they had to be to keep me around. If they were, obviously they failed, because here I am still single. I got to know a lot of them pretty well, some of them I still keep in touch with, and the truth is that on the inside -- they are more attractive people.
When you go through life without being constantly fawned over for something as superficial as your outward appearance, you develop inward qualities to compensate, and those qualities begin to emanate outward to those who take the time to get to know you. Realizing this honestly makes me feel bad about all the women I have known over the years who were beautiful people on the inside, that I used for sex but had too much pride to let my friends see me with.
As soon as I’m ready for a meaningful relationship, those are the girls I’m calling first -- assuming they haven't already been snatched up by other guys who were smart enough to learn what I'm just now learning.
Until then, it looks like I’ve found a good reason to use only hot girls for sex!
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What are your thoughts on this matter?
CHAT
