and 2 lays...

probably not from cold approach

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and he's been giving advice...

on the "pick up artist" forum

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http://www.EddieFews.com

I would just like to mention I am deeply offended for not having my name mentioned in this topic.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Ok first of all, for about 4 of those six years I was with someone I met applying some PUA material. And like I said (not that I suspect you read past that one line) the last two years have been utter shit for me. I know I need to approach more and I'm trying to get there.
Yes, but not much and usually only on things I know or where I do have experience (like recognizing an abusive relationship or having sexual difficulties.)


But whatever, I guess the only answer here is to go approach women I've no desire to speak to in order to "get stronger" even though I only keep feeling weaker.

More of the same. Yep, and I'm the one who's insulting.

Look at the underline - You are worst than redstar.

So you have no desire to speak to girls but you are on a pick up forum trying to meet women and moan about homeless people having sex with girls that you have no desire for???

Stop lying to yourself

You want to meet girls but without the work.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Look, first of all sorry. Eddie's posts left me feeling attacked and insulted and I lashed out a little.

That said, as I mentioned earlier I can look around a bar "full of" cute women and not feel any desire to talk to most of them. It's not fear, it's not "not wanting to do the work" it's just that I only occasionally see a woman that I have any real reaction to.


I think, though, that my original post in this topic could have been much, much shorter:

It seems as though this community only has two answers for every problem and question ever asked.

1) Go do more approaches
2) Give up on the girl you're interested in

After a while those answers just aren't satisfying or helpful. There's nothing here that addresses my reticence to approach, my inability to desire, my lack of passion... let alone to help me with a girl I might be interested in.

Maybe I just hoped for too much from this place. I'm sorry to have bothered everyone with this.

Onoma - are you actually telling us, that everyday you go about your day. You RARELY see ONE SINGLE attractive girl that you wish you had the balls to attract??? Not one?

I find it hard to believe and I think you're disguising a lack of action with being picky.

Let's say hypothetically, There was a 100% guarantee, that on your 725th rejection, all of earth's women will want to gobble on your penis. There would be a massive motivation to approach 725 girls wouldn't there don't you think?

Okay yes, there is no such thing as the guarantee , but with me, 1 in 20 girls i approach I tend to sleep with because my experience has lead me to this data.

This forum tends to be 'the oneitus forum' - which means you are gonna get 2 frequent answers:
- approach more women and end the oneitus.

Don't blame the answers. Blame the questions.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Yep. I'm certainly not seeing 15-20 a day. I've been seeing more lately but they are often co-workers. But we're talking maybe 1 a day.
Disguising... honestly I've been wondering lately if it was more of a subconscious self-defense mechanism. Although I think it's also partly this city, I find more numerous desirable targets in Toronto for instance. (Unfortunately I can no longer legally go to Toronto.) And also I think it's something to do with my ex, types of women that I used to find desirable even while we were together now hold little interest for me. For instance I always had a thing for Asian girls, and I still find their faces pretty but as soon as I see the flat chest or flat ass I lose interest now.
Sure, and since I'd just be seeking rejections I'd just go talk to anything remotely female looking. But maybe I should do that... maybe not to that extreme, just any girl that I objectively think is cute but don't feel a desire for necessarily.

I guess then I can at least work on my chickening out problem...
I've often felt this forum assumes oneitis almost immediately if a girl is mentioned. It's part of my frustration, because I've been in situations where I was trying to "game" two girls and accused of oneitis for asking about one of them.

You still haven't answered my questions, which actually have a lot to do with things here....

BITCH AND MOAN.... BITCH AND MOAN

How about giving us something we can work with.

The fact that you've only approach 20 women in 2 years really (I'll give you the 4 year lay off) is a fucking joke. Now you want to bitch about not fucking women when you're not even trying to fuck women.

How about this shut the fuck up, and go approach 5 women a day for the next 30 days. You'll have a chance to meet 150 women but simply opening 5 women every day... plus it's just a good habit to have a reaction of going to talk to all the attractive women you see.

Now the reason I'm so annoyed is because you clearly haven't put any effort into actually picking up women and then you want to bitch to us about how you're not getting pussy. That'd be like me bitching and moaning that I'm not a millionaire while not trying to actually become a millionaire, it a ridiculous concept.

As far as your depression (which is obvious) perhaps you should go see a shrink, start taking daily cold showers (I do it). Start exercising more, if you're not already. Work out 3-5 times a week.

Correct your body language and make sure you have a style suited to attract the woman, this will help you look and feel more attractive and confident.

As for your passions: Write down a list of things you want to try, a bucket list perhaps not a ridiculous one but, write down a decent bucket list of things you want to do... find something and mark it off the list every week... keep doing things you want to do. If you find something you love do it more often. I love playing pool, so I joined a pool league, I play once a week. I love playing poker and body language, so I used to play poker once a week. All you talk about doing is working... that's partly the problem. Take some cooking classes, single dancing classes, etc.

You have to take life into your own hands you can't expect a bunch of guys on the internet to get you laid if you're not even trying to get laid. This is like all the Americans (yes I'm american) too lazy to do the work to get the body they want and try and fix things by diet pills like that would give them the body they want. If you want things to work out there is no magic pill, it takes work and effort. If you want to start getting pussy how about you approach several women tell us what you did wrong and perhaps we can give you a hand.

Peace and Love,

Vic

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Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

That's called apathy. And its a bullshit story you tell yourself to stay in your comfort zone.

20 approaches you do in a day. Or in a damn hour. No one told you to approach unattractive women just to rack up numbers, but it's impossible for you not to come across at least one you like every single day.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

You nailed your issue right here. You're making up excuses not to approach women.

You need to go out and do some cold approaches and forget about the women at work.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Women get lip injections. Women get lip injections.

We're all fucked up in one way or another.

Get out there and fuck up and make a shit load of mistakes. You (not directed toward the OP specifically, just anyone reading this who may benefit from it) only have one life.

Fucking enjoy it.

Or don't.

It's YOUR CHOICE.

Didn't seem like there was much of a point when I got back, sorry. They are good questions though and things I need to think about.

So here goes (though not necessarily in the order you asked them):
I think I never really wanted to do tons of approaches or even bang a new chick every night. I want to be more charming and seductive, so that when I do meet a woman I like I can progress to a sexual relationship. Eventually I'd like to have two or three women at a time I'm close to and have sex with.

Basically I'd like to be more like Don Draper (Mad Men) or Hank Moody (Californication) without the disfunctional bits. You never see them going out and hitting on women, but whenever they do meet a woman they can get her. Actually, they usually have trouble fighting the woman off...

The reality is I have difficulty with sex. Anxiety can make it impossible to perform, so approaching a new girl and f-closing just seems unrealistic. So I need to look at more of a long-term game, and there's really not much appeal to cold approach unless I _really_ have a reaction to a girl. Even then I'd just be shooting for a number close or maybe kiss close.
I have trouble maintaining conversation and being sexual. (Oh and it should be obvious: maintaining any kind of positive frame.) And yes, approaching but I'd feel less anxious about approaching if I felt better about at least the conversation piece.

Essentially even if a girl appears interested in me I can't seem to move that forward. Either I hesitate too long or I must do something dumb that lands me in the friend zone. This is, women met through friends or hired guns that seem to show more interest than the normal flirting for tips, or even one girl who I thought just wanted to be friends until she kissed me, then she flaked and pushed me away.

Where I am: I think I know the things I'm supposed to be doing, I just can't seem to do them with any kind of efficacy.

Journal: I do have a journal, but have trouble sticking to the habit. I also am really not sure how to effectively journal...

From my perspective it's more like a broke person wanting to have basic financial stability and people just keep telling you to go get lots of money and you'll be a millionaire. It's technically correct, but it's not really enough.

I could go out and approach 20 women tonight and get shot down 20 times because I can't even come up with a good opener, or get into a sexual frame, or keep a conversation going for more than two seconds. Which, theoretically, is useful in breaking down my ego but I don't know if I can handle it right now.

As a bridge step I'm trying to notice people when walking and just come up with something I could open with, just as a practice on opening. I'm not going to let myself get too bogged down in that, maybe just for a few more days while I figure out where to go out and sarge. I honestly don't want to do that in my city at first, because frankly, it often seems like everyone knows everyone. I don't want my initial failures to ruin my future chances.

As I said I'm seeing two therapists.

I'm not sure what cold showers are supposed to help with? (I did once hear they created brown fat that helps you burn more calories, but is there more?)

I'm going for at least two walks a day, of 4-6 blocks each, while at work. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. I'm also trying to get into yoga.
Body language is also probably a problem, I struggle with slouching unless I explicitly remind myself which, as a night goes on, becomes less and less likely to happen.

Fashion... I'm really not sure. I tend to wear funny Woot shirts with a casual button down over the top. (So maybe something like this unbuttoned over this is pretty common.

Typically paired with darker blue jeans or shorts depending on weather.

Good? Bad? Occassionally the woot shirts will draw comments, although not always from women (especially for the more video game themed ones.)
Work is definitely part of the problem. The regular job and trying to start a company... so any time I'm not working I basically feel like I'm screwing over my business partners. Which just leads to me getting listless and doing nothing. I do bar trivia once a week but that's just to ensure I get out of the house basically.

I'll spend some time thinking about what I might like to do.

http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

Please read^

This article will help with your ego issues and teach you to better deal with it.

You make the assumption that 20 women will reject you why?

You have some self-esteem issues in my opinion and while seeing two therapists sounds great if they haven't had you journaling or have you on a path to go after it is the life you want perhaps you should shop for a new ones. It doesn't just have to be about pick up but I'd write how the interaction went, what was said during peak and low moments. What you could have done better, or worse. This is how you grow by understanding your weak points and strengthening them.

It's still a good idea for you to go out and meet 5 women even if it's saying hi in the grocery store... start becoming more social with at least 5 women every day that you find physically attractive.

You still haven't answered what type of women you want?

You do realize Hank Moody regularly met women at the bar right?

You need to make mistakes that's how we get better. We journal our mistakes and our successes so we know what we do right or wrong.

You find out where your sticking points are and this is effective for progress.

Who says you have to go sarging to approach 5 women a day? Why can't you do this when you go to the grocery store? Get your coffee? Get gas? etc. You can have 5 organic experiences with women.

You don't seem to want to get to know women when you seem to be more attracted to women you get to know... might want to work on this whole cyclical failure you got going.

When I say go out and do something to find something your passionate about and your rebuttal is I go to trivia at the bar as your activity it disappoints me... that while entertaining is no way to center your week as your core "fun" activity. Of course your bitching your life sucks, you're not doing anything worth doing.

That shirt may attract certain types of women in certain environments that'll be a good thing but you may want to dress the part of the 6 figure attractive male you are rather than a geek who lives with his mom.

As much as Geek is in and has become "cute" it's surely not sexy... go for sexy with your style, you'll get more head turns which help get your more "organic" meet ups because women will tend to send more sexual signal and overtures.

Here is a video I did a long ass time ago on correcting your body language it'll teach you the basics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_nlGcTsTvE

The information still holds value.

Nobody gets every women, but some of us tend to be more attractive to women. Your whole confidence level and self-esteem level would surely benefit from some upgrades.

You watch a tv show and think that anybody can attract every woman? Think about the fact that many women would also be disgusted by some of his actions... so it's important to realize it is fiction. Can you get relatively attractive to most women? Yeah absolutely because attraction is feeling you create in her and you can simply do this by learning to create a great first impression with how you look(style and body language), how you carry yourself(attitude), and how you feel about yourself(confidence, self-esteem, inner game).

It's best to be reasonable and realistic with yourself and learn to develop the skills such as busting your approach anxiety, then learn to carry a conversation, then learn to escalate/calibrate, work on each skill and you'll then be able to do the right thing more often and be able to close a greater percentage of women and attract a great percentage of women.

Peace and Love,

Vic

_________________
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Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I will tonight.
Because I haven't had any kind of success since I met my ex. Come to think of it, I've had a lot more approach anxiety since the relationship than I did before it...

Also because even if a woman opens me, like in the Californication clip below, I tend to unintentionally (or maybe subconsciously) find a way to shut it down. So why would that work better on a cold approach?

You're right though, it is an assumption I shouldn't be letting myself believe.
I'm doing EMDR specifically with the one, which I found out about here in the Inner Game forum. The other I've been seeing for years but I often just stick to current events, whatever is bothering me at the moment. Maybe I should drop her though...

The journaling stuff makes sense, I'll start doing that.
Oops... I guess I don't have a great answer. Right now I mostly want variety, to try things out and learn more about what I might want. I did come up with a list of attributes for sex partner/relationship partner as part of another exercise... I can post that if you think it'll help. (But for sex it's basically desires me and open minded.)

Sure he did. I just rarely remember him making the approach. Similarly Eddie Fews, the guy mocking me for not approaching, has an article about women approaching you if you have the right attitude.

I don't even need something that extreme, just getting some obvious IoI's from across a bar would be plenty...

That said, this is one of my gripes with Hollywood: They almost never show approaches. For a long time I'd try to pay attention when it looked like a guy was about to hit on a girl... it'll either happen off-screen, or there's no dialogue, or the guy just shows up later with a new girl on his arm. There's little if any material one could learn from in movies/TV as far as actually opening a set. (Not to mention there's a tendency to make any type of "player" be a tragic character... sad, lonely, emotionally stunted. That sort of thing. )

But I digress...
The "a day" part... I don't do any of those things more than once a week. Less, actually. And especially if I'm trying for the 20 some people are suggesting...
Yeah, one of the things I noticed in the last EMDR session is how I push people away. (Not just women.)
I guess I'm not sure how to dress "sexy." A quick google search and all I'm seeing is suits or articles recommending all the most expensive brand names, which is what I've gotten before and usually just give up. Got any good resources?


Here is a video I did a long ass time ago on correcting your body language it'll teach you the basics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_nlGcTsTvE

The information still holds value.
[/quote]

Will watch this later as well.
No, not at all. I never said "every" woman, just women. Some women at least.
I'm trying.

Also just wanted to say thanks for the help, and for giving me more than "just go do approaches."