| Hi! I was not giving any details at first because I thought there might be general strategy for this. But details are indeed very interesting. This is not typical flaking or friendzoning I think.
I've met her over year ago. Random approach on the street. We don't have any common friends etc. I think both of us had this initial spark. I played it really well. Established myself as confident person and played the next few days really cool. We texted each other (through the computer) for a couple of days and only after establishing connection there I've invited her for a meeting. Established connection? She was writing such long messages that you wouldn't believe it! I felt really great since she is really attractive and interesting girl and guys are hitting her all the time (which is huge issue for her, actually just after I've approached her I've seen other guy trying to talk to him but she immediately politely got rid of him.
When we've met I did mistake after mistake. I no longer played it cool. At one point I've tried to kiss her, she backed up, SPAM got tense. If you think this was the biggest mistake you are wrong. Well, after that I've open up to her (on our first meeting!just after botched kiss close!) and started telling her how extraordinary she is to me (because that's what I felt then and that's what I feel now!). That would creepout anyone. Yeah, you might laugh at me how improfessional this was, but this is how this girl was affecting me. She definitely felt intimidated after this (well, who wouldn't!) and she tried too tell me that it's what she usually does to guys. So to make it worse I was just lumped together with all those guys that are suddenly showing their affection to her. Yes, I fucked it up big time.
Normally in such situation proper way is to learn from your mistakes and move to someone else. But not this time - I really wanted to get closer to her. For the next few months I was gaming other girls but this one was always in the background. It's hard to say what we became. There was definitely no affection but you couldn't call us friends since we have seen each other like 2 times in the next few months. I became even needy then (yeah, I feel stupid writing all this now), she started flaking me, canceling meetings, postponing them etc. You might say she was just trying to flake me. But you know what? Our e-mails didn't stop flowing. No, I wasn't pathetically bombing her with long texts. This was mutual conversations, and every couple of days she was sending me really long e-mails and I was to her. We've discussed whole variety of topics (good!) and also how we fucked up (bad!). Yes, we were open about our flaws in this context, I've admitted my mistakes and she was truly sorry for postponing everything so many times (and yet she didn't do anything about this, since as far as I understand, people generally tolerate here behaviour). Maybe we shouldn't talk abou the latter part, since the troth with girls is, you won't achieve anything with logic, but rather you should base on emotions, and yet we were overanalysing our situation. You must understand that this girl is really sensitive and is not trying to manipulate anyone consciously and yet unconsciously she is giving you more shittests than anyone else. And yes, I've failed so many of them.
At some point I got really fed up. It was really good that we could talk freely, so I wrote her what I think about all this. I've listed all those annoying things about her and I think I did it in a really great fashion - without whining, from a dominant position and after that I've suggested that I don't want this acquaintance anymore. And of course all communication between us stopped. I know that it really hurt her.
Several months have passed. I've contacted her out of a blue, hoping to fix this in the new year. Any you know what? It was all different. She started to respond to SMS messages almost immediately (instead of regular timeframe of one day) and you could clearly see she was trying to rebuild this interaction. Once again I played it cool (not as cool at the beginning, obviously, since it was different situation). I was busy with some other girls, patiently developing contact with that one. At some point I suggested meeting, she agreed, but I didn't go forward with any details. We slowly transitioned from e-mails to phone calls and after a couple of weeks it seemed like we would be meeting again soon and then flaking started again. And then I became needy once again. Well, actually you might call mee ever needier than before. Deja vu.
I was needy. I was whining. And yet somehow finally we managed to meet. And then few weeks later we've met again. Both meetings were fine but every time I felt like she is giving them as a present for me. That's not how it should work. I fucked it again. And the final mistake was me opening in front of here once again and telling her how I feel about her. Congratulations! Biggest fuck up award goes to me.
Within this one year timeframe the girl wasn't in any relationship. And she doesn't seem like a fan of one night stands. She was always saying that she is not looking for anyone etc., but this is the usual bullshit, so I didn't even take this into consideration. And yet recently she started meeting someone. I don't know if it is someone whom she has known for many months or someone new. She seems like a type of girl who first needs to know you and then can develop affection. That's what I've observed and that's what she said explicitely. So my educated guess is that the when you have tabula rasa, the best way to win her is to play it slowly, get closer to her (being careful not to get friendzoned) and only after developing positive emotions towards you in her, you can try something. But I don't have tabula rasa. The situation is so complicated already, that I need fresh view on this - your fresh view.
Recently I've realised it is going nowhere, especially when the new guy is in the picture. I've decided to back up, remove all those "hearty" stuff from the picture (yes, I was giving her flowers, you can punch me in the face now) and try to go for a suicidal mission to actually befriend her, hoping that it would be easier to escape the friend zone than escape the needeness zone. Well, insane tactic but couldn't think about anything better. It's better to be in the friend zone and have more opportunities to interact with her than to be the person whom she meets every few months. If I would manage to include her in my circle of friends they would give so much validation regarding myself that it could help but it is hard to invite her anywhere, since she is always afraid to be percieved as someone's girfriend (that's her common fear, not an issue just with me). To do this, we agree to meet, start everything again without all this complicated stuff, treating each other respectfully etc. And you know what? She flakes me again! She was supposed to get back to me and let me know on which day of the week she will be available and she did not. I might have overreacted on that one but I knew it would be going nowhere. Once again I've sent her similar e-mail to the one from the last year (note that those long e-mails are standard in our communication), explaining how I feel about all this, but instead of suggesting that I don't want this acquaintance anymore, I summarised that whatever happens next, I will be fine with this. After reading this e-mail you can definitely feel the vibe that I really mean it. This wasn't resentful whining. This e-mail was similar in tone to the one from last year. Of course she will be unhappy to recieve it, of course it will generate more negative feelings towards me in her (including guilt) and that it is definitely not helping in building attraction. Whatever she does now - decides to stop communicating (permanently or for some time), decides to rebuild this interaction, decides to think about it a lot or not to think about it at all, I will be the one calling the shots.
But at least I will be on square one. Square one of totally new game of course. Please help me not to fuck this up again.
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CHAT
