I just wanted to test some boundaries because it's been awhile. So i decided to game a girl who is younger than me and has a boyfriend. The girl is 18 but has been with this guy for a few years. I ran game over the course of a couple weeks since we work together. I just got the Facebook today, number, went direct yadda yadda. And she seems into me. I'll see what I want to do with that one.


Now, I am nearing 24 years old next May. At some point in my life I will settle down and have kids. Does this mean that regardless of what I know, I will have to keep my players skills top notch? Seems like I will always have to keep up everything up in my life. Jobs, health, women, school, etc. I didn't know life was this long or this short to do all these things. How do some of you guys keep up? It seems all women have the potential to stray? Is this a bad mindset to have? Makes me feel motivated to keep up with the times and shit, but it's like that little needle in the haystack that will always be there? Does anyone understand? Or am I just wasting thoughts here?

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If you stop gaming the girl, the girl will leave you.

Game is for life. The goal should be to make it a part of your personality so that it just spews forth naturally.

Where my personal belief lies in this is yes all girls have the potential to stray. But its less likely that will happen when you date within or lower than your league. But becomes far more likely the farther out of your league you date. I myself am ready for this challenge, I don't want to settle for just any one. I want a woman that I find intellectually, spiritualy, and physically attractive and I'll fight for that the rest of my life.

Disclaimer:
I'm a woman, so if you are one of those who disregard female opinions on default, I'd be thankful if you skip this.

My background: 2 years of relationship and 2 of marriage. Age 25. Marriage is stable and sexual. Number of previous relationships: 1.

To your questions, point by point:

1. Does this mean that regardless of what I know, I will have to keep my players skills top notch?
No.
People in a mature relationship are aware of its fluidity. No reasonable person will expect you to be a top notch player in a relationship; it's even somewhat undesirable. A healthy partner is a haven to go to, when you need to relax. If your woman expects you to treat her like a player during the relationship (constant excitement, constant unpredictability, constant push-pull), she is very, very bad news. Believe me.
Being able to relax and let go, be yourself is one of the greatest features in a relationship. However, it's not to be abused. It's easy not to. Don't take her for granted and presume she'd always be there like your favorite plushie; don't let go of a reasonable standard of physical attractiveness; "date" her from time to time - say once a month; and share with her something funny you've heard every day - a joke, an anecdote, gossip. More than enough.

2. How do some of you guys keep up?
More often than not, they're just bragging. Don't believe everything you read. Especially this site is a big sausage comparing fest more often than not.

3. It seems all women have the potential to stray?
This is a hard yes. Just as it's a hard yes for men, too.
Every person has the potential to stray; however, it's just that - a potential. Most people do not even believe they could stray; and they are not lying when they claim incapability to do so - they believe it. A person in love will give a huge time window before they cheat, if they cheat for a reason other than wanting variety (and this is not that common).
However, it is your duty (yours and hers), to maintain the relationship. The best way to do this is through listening. Yes, I know, women blab on, it's just noise, yada, yada, heeey, why did she suck that guy's cock?!
It's a very sad reality where lots of people (not just women) leave or stray, because they're not listened to; and their problems are left unaddressed for a long time. A man who needed sex, but didn't get it, because any time he raised the issue he was swatted down; a woman who is overwhelmed by a job, but couldn't vent to her partner, because his Alpha majesty is too good for her problems... the list goes on. Especially those who claim they are sweet and nice guys and wonder why they are strayed on; more often than not they're so full of shit they don't even realize it. Been there, done that.

4. Is this a bad mindset to have?
Only if you get paranoid about it.


5. Makes me feel motivated to keep up with the times and shit, but it's like that little needle in the haystack that will always be there?
The times have ALWAYS be the same. People never change. If you doubt it, read Renaissance literature (Decameron, Casanova's diary). Shit happened centuries ago and it's still relevant. Aristotle said that the next generation was rotten and the world would end soon... in Ancient Greece.

6. and 7. Does anyone understand? Or am I just wasting thoughts here?

Only you will be the judge of that; depending on the quality of answers you get.

The poster above isn't giving very good advice (at least not from a male perspective), I wouldn't listen to her. And it isn't because she's a woman, but because the advice isn't that good. Anyone who uses the term, "alpha majesty" doesn't really understand how this stuff works.

"Relaxing" as she puts it (i.e., being a little comfortable and doing "beta" game) is fine for LTRs, but do not ever go full sweetness - always push-pull a bit, always let it be aware (passively) that you have options, etc. If you're emotionally weak to too great of an extent, she -will- drop you. Or the sex will completely dry up. For LTRs, I'm a big fan of the "Captain-First Mate" model. You never want to be completely predictable or you will get boring, and women hate being bored.

Dating a lot of different girls, or even one girl is a lot of work, but it's a lot less of the "be emotional and sweet and understanding" type of work that is conventionally portrayed and a lot more about being funny sometimes, and a stoic rock with standards at other times. You're not an iron-fisted dictator, but you won't tolerate bullshit, period. Definitely be sweet occasionally, you won't have a LTR without it, but use it sparingly - it's like a treat of ice cream, rather than the main course. I like the recipe of 2/3 stoic (or "asshole" if you prefer) and 1/3 sweet. That seems like a good ratio to me.

When the poster above says, "You need to listen to women", what you should read out of this is, "learn how women communicate and how it differs from male communication" - there are HUGE differences here, and what you think is listening and communicating to a woman actually leads to huge miscommunications and hurt feelings on both ends.

Women communicate with subtext more than they do overtly - a woman will say something she thinks is ABSOLUTELY obvious to you and think you're ignoring what she's saying, when in fact you just simply don't understand what she's trying to say. For example:

"Wow, look at my friend, she has a new baby on the way and she's so happy"

Can (doesn't always 100%, but a lot of the time) mean:

"I want a baby and I think you should want a baby too and I'm pinging to see how you respond"

On the other hand, you will be likely to say something very directly, and she will interpret this as having a different meaning than what you had in mind. For example:

"Hey honey, you'd look really great if you lost ten pounds"

What you mean:

"Hey honey, you'd look really great if you lost ten pounds"

How she interprets it:

"Wow, you look awful right now. How could you be so fat? I've seen whales that are skinnier"


Again, these aren't 100% what happen when these things are said, but a general demonstration of the principle.


This is well illustrated with the "Gervais Principle" of Straighttalk vs Powertalk. Women use powertalk as default in relationship discussions, men use straighttalk. I saw a post on this just the other day, I'll see if I can find it again.


My guess for the above poster is that she's trying to communicate, thinks that what she is saying is completely obvious (because to her, and other women, it IS blatantly obvious), and in fact, to the average male, it is absolutely not. Or it could be that she dated men who didn't listen to her and instead did what they wanted (combine this with the principle of "watch how women behave, not how what they say", and read between the lines...)

I love how she disclaimed that if you dismiss women's opinions, skip.

But most guys will still read it, and dismiss it after.

What does that tell you?
Men want to have the insight into women's opinions. We do. At least most of us, say 80%, take it as a form of trying to understand women.
So why does it get dismissed? We experience the world differently. Even more so on this topic.

Yes, game is for life. Doesn't mean you don't get a break in between. If you don't want to keep your game in top notch, then take seasons. We can fluctuate a little. Besides, if you really want the girl - "gaming" her is simply taking some time to go back into that initial teasing, push-pull phase where everything is exciting. It doesn't have to be top notch, it just has to be intimate and personal enough. The long game is progressive and we learn more and more, that approach towards the game would be a lot healthy in a LTR than a rinse/repeat model of gaming. Besides, I think if you really have your life together, long game can generate a lot of new materials in various aspects of the relationships. Hurrah for newbies like me. (;

TL:DR version: The game develops with you as the relationship develops, I don't think you need to worry about being on "top-notch" in terms of ALL the aspects at one time. It is an ideal to work towards, don't get too caught up in your head.

LeVoir, you are correct that the person above dismissed my opinion, because he has a totally different worldview. I read all his other posts carefully, and reached the conclusion that I should take the brush-off as an honest, although unwitting, compliment.

I come from a place of an LTR that works now; has worked for 4 years; and is taken to the highest level of commitment. However, everyone has the right to dismiss my opinion, based on their own experience, gender, or whatever reason.

As a side note to the OP and anyone asking for advice in the field of LTR. Anyone who claims to have had "lots of LTRs", is a person who has admitted to FAILING said LTRs. If they were successful, they would still be with their long term partner. This is how this type of relationship works. If they haven't, one can ask the question why they give advice on LTRs without showing ability to maintain one.

I do not stick my nose in PUA and hook-up threads; I have almost no experience in jumping from bed to bed with ladies, so my opinion there would do only harm. I give my view only of things I'm familiar and successful with. This.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/ ... 611da4b2fe

I can see what Chickcoc is saying. Alot of you guys pick the wrong women in the first place and have unhealthy relationships. Then come back and circulate advice like "you've got to flirt with girls to keep her interested"...."when she is flirting with a guy at the bar, you flirt with another girl"..."if she is rude to you all the time it's a shit test and do XYZ to pass it." Circulating the ways to keep a bad relationship going within the community.

You're 30, she's 22. She has ex drama. She likes attention from guys. She cheated on her ex with you. She goes clubbing every week and you have to hide the fact this upsets you. She doesn't like the stuff you like. She's a bitch and "shit tests" you all the time. She likes you not because of you, but because you were a manwhore. She has a past of bouncing from guy to guy. But you get into a relationship with these chicks then have to be Superman to keep her at the expense of your own happiness. Just because she's hot or the sex is good or she was your best option. Yes, you have to bring something to the table in a relationship or marriage. You have to maintain the spark and attraction. But picking the right woman in the first place is more important. Someone who is emotionally mature and healthy, knows what she wants in life and where you fit in it. And someone who likes/loves you for you. Because if you pick correctly, it's the difference between having to always WORK to keep the relationship and being in a genuinely good healthy relationship. It's like buying a car with flashy car with 200k miles on it and a ton of problems, or buying one that's flashy but with 20k miles and no problems. The 200k is gonna need constant maintainance and frustration but the 20k problem free car is going to be easier to maintain.

Again, it isn't your relationship length that is relevant here. I've dated a woman monogamously for a year and a half (who I broke up with), I've had plenty of offers for marriage track relationships. It is the fact that you're approaching relationships from your perspective as a woman... and they work differently as a man.

Like, when you say, "relax and be yourself", a lot of guys here might interpret that as, "be lazy and play video games all day, be a cuddly teddy bear and she'll still love you!" - which isn't true.

I don't really have much problem with what you posted, except for the stuff on male/female communication. You do not seem to understand communication style differences.

I'm not sure if everyone understands what Chickchoc is saying...

You don't have to go to a different continent to do a different activity every other day to maintain the relationship.

Being unpredictable is good and necessary, but do you really plan your life like that? Don't you just want to stay home and watch TV while wearing your sweatpants and eating pop-corn, laughing at some low quality american romantic comedy sometimes? Well yeah if you do that 6 days out of 7 a week, it will get boring. But you need time to relax. Relationships need to slow the fuck down sometimes or else you will just burn out. Keeping up the spark is not as hard as it seems. People just fail because they can't communicate, or they are taking the relationship for granted.

We also teach that the man should always be leading, yet sometimes asking your girl "What do you want to do tonight?" can come off as very romantic, and will be appreciated.

Real leaders can lead without a leash.

Or the other PUA rules, like only trade sex for sex.

Once I pulled a classic and prepared a bath with essential oil and some candles for my girlfriend. I knew she had a very tiring day. Then after she was finished with her relaxing bath(unfortunately, the tub is too small for both of us), she came in the room and started getting sexual. Should I have said: "Nope! I only trade sex for sex"? Way to ruin the mood...

Just understand that pick-up, and especially relationships, are not black and white matters. There are really few clearcut rules that you can set up about what should and what shouldn't be done. Rules can be set about your GENERAL behaviour(which should still be unpredictable, challenging, non-needy, sexual, leading, etc...) and about how you tackle different issues and how you communicate, but your gf won't lose all her interest in you if you pay for a date or buy her something not too expensive, rather meaningful once in a while.

Keep it REAL!

Peace,

In$tinct

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"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

It is true if you pick a girl who likes playing video games all day. If video games are this big a part of your life and you choose a girl that doesn't play or enjoys them, then you can't be yourself. Then you're constantly NOT playing video games to appease her. But you're missing out on your own happiness.

I think the case of relationships is to make it have some ups and downs. Remember; Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Why? If things always went your way, if everybody would ALWAYS be nice to you, if you never got into any trouble or something like that, wouldn't it get BORING?

This sounds like a paradox but we NEED some drama in our lives once in a while. I've experienced that when I'd have a GF and have a fight, i'd feel bad. But soon after those bad feelings, the good feelings kicked in and they were stronger. Each and every time.

But the case about the player is just that most of us are our own enemy's. We fuck up our own minds without, indeed what the girl said, listening to what she's up to.

Wallie

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The Learning Journal:
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Hobbit, from what you have seen, can polyamory relationships be healthy?

_________________
"There is no failure. Only feedback." ~Robert Allen

My most helpful mentors:
Much thanks too;
Eddie Fews
PEBBLE
R.C.

How are 2 and 3 not contradictory?

I don't even know how you'd have a relationship without "gaming" a girl. How would she not get bored out of her skull?

By "gaming" in the 2nd point, Hobbit means PUA BS that works as short term attraction switches for you to work with when you're "gaming" a woman, but will absolutely and completely backfire when you're trying to use them on your girlfriend to regain attraction or respect. Things like making her jealous, going no contact and other "freeze outs", etc...
Well, I'm not Hobbit, but I'll answer you anyway. From what I've seen, it usually doesn't work out pretty well in the long run. For short term, it is of course possible, and even on long term there are a few exceptions, but generally I don't get to see many "healthy" polyamorous relationships.(We're not talking about FWBs here, but having romantic relationships with multiple women and vice versa.)

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct