god... people just dont learn aren't they ?

first rule : dont give a fuck.

you give fuck. you give power. high value peoples dont care about low valued peoples shit talk.

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The big problem with "If you wanna be alpha, you better be ready to fight", is for most of us; fighting is no longer an option if we want to keep our jobs/ stay out of jail.

I have a security clearance and an awesome job because of it; the pay's great. I get into a bar fight (non-self-defense) and that'll be the first thing to go.

The only examples given of figting pushing a guy's status up at the venue were bouncers; where their JOB is to borderline fight if needed. This is totally sanctioned and okay because they're literally being paid to protect private property.

Is this thing on fighting obvious to anyone else?

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Only a few words to explain this situation:

"Stay in your own frame, and don't give a damn what this guy said".
Seriously, if you give so much value about what that jerk said, then you don't have high self-esteem. His remark affected you in a bad way. Just don't give a sh*t about negative comments.

Wallie

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There`s little to nothing that I can add to what other members posted.

Basically when you start arguing with other`s point of views on something from a place of needing to validate your reasons, the fight is practically lost.

Reason why is because they`ve already hitted a nerv in you; they know for a fact at that point that you yourself don`t believe in the cause.

So here is the cause: you are a man who does whatever the fuck his guts tells him to do.
So when 8 guys, or 4 girls in a set, or your best friends trying to mock you ask you why are you so weird you simply disregard the question. Look at them in the eyes for a second, breath in and say something like Chief recommended: a simple Ok will do; a simple "if you say so".

The point here is not to show yourself as arguing a point that`s not worth your time, the MAIN issue here is that you do care.

Guys felt like heading to a bar for a beer. Another guy questions his reasons. First guy couldn`t care less about others opinion on his gut.

You can not deal with bullies with ok, or ignoring... You have to stand up to them


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6kOQZq6yGg[/youtube]

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Assuming you weren't being weird....

"Thanks, normal is boring. I travel a lot and just do what I want, I don't need people holding my hand." (Re-frames the insult to something positive, explains your unusual behaviour, cloaked shot at him for being socially reliant on friends.)

Now this will piss him off which is fine but you want the rest of the group onside so follow by complimenting them with something their ego will force them to comply with and then asking them to confirm it. To his friends: "I mean you guy's seem cool, I bet if you were gasping for a beer you wouldn't care less!"

So now they know why you shouldn't care about going out alone, they know you don't care what they care about going out alone and also know they can't slate you for it without admitting a weakness and hitting their ego.

If you just leave a silence it would be weird from here but if you follow with a funny story from when you've gone out alone then you'll be in control of the group and he'll be sitting in the corner shut out like gimp.



Fuck this sounds like Mystery method shite but it's just re-framing and being non-reactive. He just doesn't touch your frame, his negativity doesn't even exist. It's like someone tooling a celeb in the bar, the celeb doesn't even see the guy and carries on having fun. LOL WUT


Or the best way of dealing with idiotic opinions:

why? why? why? Very quickly they realise they don't know what the fuck they are talking about. Idiots don't like to think.

Good shit.

This is how you deal with the situation. Period.

I hope everyone watches the full video.

That video is your answer. Close this thread to eliminate bogus answers.

None of this "Ok" "If you say so" "I'm ignoring you" bullshit. It's ridiculous how AFC that is when someone is bullying you.. and for someone not to notice it and actually advise doing so makes me cringe.

I don't know, the opinions seem split pretty 50-50. And to be honest, I'm not sure the video is that great. They're sure not the best examples I'd use for when/how to stand up to a bully. The guy in that video was kind of asking for it in his second example.

In his first example, a kid says some nasty shit to him, so he waits until he (the bully) is hanging from the monkey bars talking shit, then he busts him and knocks him off.

In the second example, he starts out provoking the bully. The bully was talking all how he was good with women, etc. Hey says to him "first, I've never seen you with a woman, and why're you so into 12 year olds?"

The bully said he was gonna kick his ass for that. He thought that since he was wearing football gear, he'd easily win against the bully, but lost the fight, just as he should've.

In the third example, which was really the only one close to valid to me, the bully approaches him, unprovoked, and gives him a deadline. He fights back by basically telling the bully all of the people he's tattled to, and how the bully would be in deep shit for touching him.

The bully left him alone, but it hardly backs up the point, "If you wanna be alpha, you better be ready to fight."

At the end he wraps up by saying the only real weapon you have for fighting back against a bully is your mind, because no one can take that away from you, etc etc., he'd rather take a beatdown than give that up, etc etc.

Okay, so....I go inside my head and think and think and overthink some kind of clever way out of the puzzle..?. Kind of like how he did in example #3? Sounds pretty reactive to me.

I don't know guys, this video didn't do much for me. Personally, I like the dismissive/ unreactive "Okay" / "If you say so" (then turning away) That takes the strongest frame ("mind") of all.

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Well just take a stab at it the next time using what the posters have provided, we have provided you with various solutions to a problem...just apply and what works, works. I have an already intimidating demeanor about me and that's probably why I use the non-reactive route. Personally, I haven't had to resort too much to the tactics that Ed Tate used in his examples. Most of the time, I would use my confident body language and non-reactive face to handle my troubles. Of course, there are times when you should go on the offensive, because he is right, you have to keep your self-respect and dignity. But that's only when I do not see another way out of it or if my first solution didn't work.

We are basing it probably from our life experiences and it seems that some of us are little biased when it comes to situations such as these. Good luck OP.

Mr. A

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Is not awkward as fuck. I remember some of the best times I'ved had in my life have been going out by myself. It all started when my buddies were being little vaginas and didnt want to go out. So I sad fuck it and went out anyways. Had a blast! I've been going out ever since I was 15 so I know a lot of people in bars/clubs so if I ever go out by myself I'll find someone and wont be out by myself. But even if I was I wouldnt care. Remember dont give 2 fucks about what other people think about you as long as you enjoy yourself. On another note you always meet peeps when you are out by yourself. Always grab an AFC to help you out with that second girl you wouldnt want to mess around. Go out by yoself mang. dont worry what they think.

If I called someone a "fucking faggot" and he replied "Ok" and turned away... I would think that not only is he a fucking faggot, but he is a pussy as well. A loser. Weirdo. Etc.

I don't see how this non-reactive frame is alpha when someone is trying to bully you.

But if I called someone a fucking faggot, and then replied back with some kind of witty response... I'ma think twice before calling him a fucking faggot again.

Guy in the video nailed it. Use your mind to defeat the other person. You don't have to over think anything. Just practice it and it will come naturally.

What do you think about going back to the same venue (gotta get my $1.50 drafts!) where they may or may not be there? Does this make it even better?

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If someone called me a fucking faggot, for one, like I mentioned earlier, I slug this guy and I'm going to *JAIL*, and losing my job. I'd instead prefer from reading this wide variety of advice I've gotten here, to use the "Okay" in a more mocking tone; you've heard it on TV. The guy says in a deep voice like he's talking to a retard "OHW-KAY...", and then I'd move on.

The only reservation was when you suggested this video was the end-all-be-all.

A guy tells me I'm a loser for being out by myself - I respond as we've discussed.

He then steps forward and pushes me back saying, "That's right you little bitch! Only lonely little pussies go out by themselves." . . . well in that case, the rules have changed and everything I've written so far goes out the window. It's time to slug that fucker in the nose, in front of witnesses who saw him assault me first.

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Thanks 'A', and it's all good. I wasn't denigrating any advice given here; while it's been a wide spectrum, like you said, a lot of people probably draw on their personal experiences.

I just didn't feel that the video spoke to me or honestly, any experiences I had being bullied through middle/high school. Half the time he was fighting (or trying) to fight the bully dirty, and in the 2nd. scenario, he brought it on himself.

Generally what I see of school age bullies; they come up to you, unprovoked, often with a group, and the physical blows (on you) start right then and there. Fight back, sure. Keep your honor even if you lose; you don't have much choice. You'd probably be looked on pretty honorably too; worst case: In-School Suspension at 14 if you win.

So something I haven't said much about is the possibility of the guy initiating a physical assault, and whether or not to respond non-reactively to that as well.

How about, "HELL NO!" A guy pushes me, steps right up in my face and starts talking more shit (also assault), he's getting pounded.

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And yet if you said that about someone with a strong frame they wouldn't give a fuck what you said... Why would they?

We're not talking about a bully we're talking about a dude that talked some shit.... we're not talking about swirlies and lunch money here.

Honestly you can call me every name you want, YOU DON'T MATTER TO ME! That is how controlling your frame works. That is what high Self-Esteem and high value is about, the fact that you are above another opinion of you.

As soon as you step into his world his frame you already lost.... You already look like shit. As soon as someone else influences your frame they OWN YOU!

I'll use and example from my work, I am a manager at a grocery store. My job is sometimes to direct customers in lines. One day I offered to help a customer and he flipped out on me. Started talking all sorts of shit, told me I didn't know how to do my job, they should fire me, I'm an idiot, all sorts of things simply because he wanted to get under my skin. I smiled at him(genuinely) told him have a great day as he left and he started in on me again.... Again I smiled and said I apologize for the miscommunication have a great day.

He came back the next day and started in on me, this time I literally ignored him since I was off work. His opinion didn't matter and honestly I wasn't getting paid to deal with him so I walked away. He said I was a cry baby and let out a huge wah wah wah, to this day I find that shit funny. I simply laughed as I was leaving.

Oh k now think this over who looked more alpha? Who looked more confident? The guy who was not at all effected or the guy who was trying with all his might to get under the other guy's skin? Who do you think looked better? The guy who called the other guy and idiot and yelled baby "wah wah wah" or the guy who simply dismissed him?

Now what would happen if I got into and idiot calling fight? What if I wasn't able to maintain my frame and the dude got to me and I started talking shit back? Do you think that makes me the winner simply because I'm more fluent in words? Na dude if I would have embarrassed him with words I wouldn't have looked good, I would have looked stupid and honestly very beta. A confident man doesn't need the approval of others, they don't effect him.

Just what I've learned is that only you grant someone's words value. If you dismiss them and move on it's far more powerful than some comeback or verbal fight. It's when you actually submit to them (look down, close up, get effected) that you lose but if you don't submit and you ignore them you seriously make them realize they hold no value in your book. What is more powerful than that? Nothing you already made them powerless.

Peace and Love,

Vic

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