From my blog at http://chiefpua.com



The key to becoming popular is to give people what they want.

But wait, there’s more!

Did you really think that I’d be done in just one sentence?

After all, you can’t just survey all of the people you want to be friends with by asking them, “What do you want?” Most people don’t even know what they want.

That’s because most people aren’t popular.

You see, a popular person knows exactly what he or she wants. That’s a prerequisite for knowing how to give other people what they want.

Am I still speaking too abstractly here? OK, let me be more specific. I’ll tell you what you everyone wants.

Everyone wants to feel accepted. You want to feel accepted. That’s probably why you’re reading this article right now. In fact, you want to feel accepted so desperately, you’re trying your very best not to let anyone know that you want to feel accepted. Desperation is shameful, after all. The truth is, though… you’re not any different from anyone else in this regard.

Let me rephrase the first sentence I wrote in the beginning of this article.

The key to becoming popular is to give people what you want to get in a social context. More specifically, the key to becoming popular is to make other people feel accepted.

It’s very important to know what you want, and also how you want it. If you’re not used to any form of popularity at all, you probably don’t know how much it sucks for someone to relentlessly pour “acceptance” onto you by complimenting you too much, calling you several time a day, and overall just giving you way too much attention with fake smiles 24/7. So, you might read the advice I wrote above and mistakenly overdo the whole accepting-other-people thing.

Some people – and hopefully you’re not one of them – are so desperate for acceptance at an extreme level that they automatically assume that everyone wants the extreme attention and validation that they crave, so they become a spineless “nice guy” that annoys everyone with his needy “giving” behavior.

I’m guessing that many of you reading this, however, have absolutely no clue that other people want any acceptance from you in the first place! You might have a poor self-image and think of yourself as “low value” because people don’t give you acceptance. If you’re low-value, why would other people want acceptance from you?

Well, that line of thinking is a bunch of rationalized bullshit based on the illusion of separation created by your ego. If you think you’re low-value, it’s not because of a lack of acceptance you get from others. It’s because you think of yourself as low-value that you’re low-value.

You know what, though? Don’t even think about value. Everyone on this planet is a human being just like you. We’re all fighting the good fight called life. We may all have different circumstances and blessings and troubles that make us unique individuals, but in the end humanity is just one big ocean of value that constantly flows in a dynamic manner. There’s no point in keeping track of separate value rankings for different people because we’re all connected anyway.

Now that we got the philosophy out of the way, let’s get back to the main point:

To become popular, you must give acceptance to others. Instead of constantly wanting to receive acceptance from others, you must shift your focus to making other people feel good first.

Think about all of the most popular people you know in your life right now. No, I’m not talking about the jocks and cheerleaders from high school way back in your hormonal days. I’m assuming that all my readers are old enough to drink alcohol, so try to remember the last party you went to.

Popular dude walks into the room. What happens? All of a sudden the room lights up and everyone is giving him attention and acceptance. Well, at least that’s what you saw at first. Now try to think of it in the context of which direction the energy is flowing from the popular dude. You might notice that he was basically radiating positive energy outward, as is he were giving everyone good energy.

Unpopular shy dude walks into the room. Everyone looks at him for a split second then they go back to whatever they were doing. Why? He didn’t stand out because his energy was flowing in the opposite direction. He wasn’t focused on giving anyone anything. He was too busy worried about what everyone else thought of him.

I could go on and on about this topic, but I’ll leave it at that for now. You get what I’m saying, right?

P.S. Come back tomorrow (or the day after tomorrow) for some exciting news!

Source: http://chiefpua.com/how-to-become-popular/

That's some powerful stuff right there Chief...

Desperation and showing neediness can be a real game-killer. I'm sure most of you guys who have started getting success with women have experienced a girl who was just to into you, giving you hugs and sitting on your lap when you have only just met her.
Cat-mouse theory works both ways, She'll only remain attractive to you if you have to work for her. Think about this next time you're giving your power away to the "popular" person of the group (Be it male or female)

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Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.
- Sir Winston Churchill

nice layout for your blog man, will check it out!

good job too!

would like it if you were one day a guest writer for the blog on my sig but anyways I am

Watching your how to get laid fast video right now

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I just come on here these days to give advice and read interesting threads. Gone are the days when I came to seek advice and validation.

Haha. I just think of giving people love. I give them love and hear them out, no matter what they want to tell me. I also compliment them on anything. I just smooth talk. I like this article, good one Chief!

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In a funk? Read this

pua-lounge/the-importance-patience-this ... his%20game

It's definately true, i've seen the difference.
Being used to having almost no connections at all, party's were lame for me. Nobody to talk with, you would see me standing near the wall, searching desperately for acceptance.

Definately turned that around 180 degrees. Now I can't stop talking with people, there's not a split second you don't see me talking with a girl or guy, even though I just met them.

I want to add that it's basically just loving yourself and having fun. Having fun gives you energy, positive energy. Do whatever you want that's fun and doesn't hurt other people. It will attract people because they want to be part of your positive energy.

Re-read the OP if you are stuck with the popular concept, it's really helpful and definately worth going for!

Wallie

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The Learning Journal:
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So you basically just show love to others and make them feel accepted. I never thought this would be the way to become popular. Great article Chief

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The biggest room in the world is room for IMPROVEMENT

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the desire to become popular shows some issues.

Don't worry about trying to become popular. Become happy with yourself. Become the most interesting person you know. Create an amazing life full of fun and adventure. When you are full of love, curiosity, and interest in others, everyone will like you. It's not the point, just a side effect.

Meh... didn't really like "You must shift your focus to making other people feel good first".

Fact is, you gotta make yourself feel good before you can try to make others feel god.

Imagine a loser giving out acceptance to become popular. Many would ignore him, and a few would deny his acceptance and clown the poor guy.

Don't be that loser.

Also, don't be a dumb ass who thinks he's popular but in reality getting used. I know Arab FOBs that come here for education and people are his friends for his money, and that's it. Lots of people like his money, hence he's popular.

You gotta first make yourself feel good before making others feel good. -- FACT

Hit the gym. Get swole. 8 Hours of sleep. Your testosterone levels will be SPIKED! You'll be alpha as fuck and a certified badass. Once you got these things rolling for you, you don't gotta worry about some BS "How to be popular".

Do not focus on becoming popular... but rather....

Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, and popularity will come along with it. -- FACT

Chief you should write magnum opus on ego. It seems to be one of your defining focuses in pick up. This isn't bad stuff by the way. I think popularity in it of itself is irrelevant, but having positive behaviors that can yield success and generate the environment you want is always a plus.

^ wholly crap! I can not believe i am agreeing with you... Actually my personality is very obnoxious, blunt, crazy, polarizing... And i manage to become very popular everywhere so there goes this argument:
That seems to me outcome dependency..

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Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
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There's nothing wrong with being the fun social guy, as long as:

1) It is clear that you are creating your own reality for your own entertainment. Not to be an ego-stroking slave to the happiness of others. People gravitate towards your energy, but that's not why you're being social.

2) You are able to transition smoothly from social to sexual, yet still remain congruent and genuine. There's nothing worse than being that super social guy everyone likes but is incapable of being seductive and sexual. I'd honestly rather be the mysterious nerd in the corner who can escalate than the party boy who is the life and soul of the party.

The other thing about popularity is you can end up being too available, so if it is scarcity and mystery you are trying to build, this is harder to achieve if you are the super social party boy.

The main advantage of popularity when it comes to game (which I think Chief perhaps under-emphasised) is the more popular you are, the more girls you will meet and thus the more sexual opportunities you will get. Popularity is great if your style is focused on meeting as many people in as short a time as possible.

.

"You know what, though? Don’t even think about value. Everyone on this planet is a human being just like you. We’re all fighting the good fight called life. We may all have different circumstances and blessings and troubles that make us unique individuals, but in the end humanity is just one big ocean of value that constantly flows in a dynamic manner. There’s no point in keeping track of separate value rankings for different people because we’re all connected anyway."

Great paragraph.

I like the post chief. I have certainly got time for Flexbrah's response, and I would agree with him that obviously loving yourself and your inner game is important.

However, I read Chief's post in a different light. It's not about wanting people to like you, it's about actually getting people to like you. Those things are different and, let's be honest, to get girls, you need girls to like you. To have good friends, you need friends to like you. To really get on with pretty much anything in life, you need some people to like you. There is a difference between respect and actually liking someone.

You can be big, you can be confident even bordering on arrogant, but you still might not have the girls (and the guys for that matter) being putty in your hand. Your inner game can be superb, and you'll probably be ok with women. But in order to get more women, and to get more friends, you need those women and potential friends to like you. That has got something to do with your inner game, as Flex says. However, it's also got to do with being able to get people to like you. Chief's post nails that.

Lol it's cool bro. Lots of my past shit had some info in it with some trolling if I disagreed with the person. Hope you didn't take it personally.

And I must add that posting a pic of Hugh Hefner to represent popularity raises a red flag. He has a false sense of popularity. Girls love him because of his $$$. Give him an income of your average American and see if he still is "popular".

Honestly, it's the people who don't give out genuine acceptance easily who are the most popular.

Popularity has many doors, thus, many keys; not just one.

One of the most obvious door to popularity is winning. People love a winner. Men or women gravitate towards the winner. Winning is a form of testosterone showmanship. Women get attracted to high testosterone while many men become more submissive to the winning dude who has the highest testosterone in the group.

Winning is an evidence of competency and skill. And even when women don't know that you have won in something, say, closing a multimillion dollar deal or winning a 6-month freelancing job contract (it isn't important whether it's big or small as long as you won), your testosterone high seeps through your skin that it's a lot easier to f-close.

Winning = Testosterone Showmanship = Popularity

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I think that many new people on this forum don't realise how important your testosteron level is in terms of pick-up. I know you love scientific posts on the internet, perhaps a link to another thread or site/article might help for those who read it.

Wallie

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The Learning Journal:
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