One thing that ALL the guys she 'falls in love with' have in common: They are extremely flaky and hard to get. They rarely ever respond to her texts, they rarely ever take the initiative to call her, etc.

Now that I've started ignoring her, I think she might start contacting me more and more in the future. . . Not something that I'm really striving for. And I feel that if I finally DO get her, I won't really 'have' her. I would be getting her because I've been flaky and ignoring her and she would 'love me' for it. But then as soon as I give her all the attention she wants, she will find someone else.

I think me and her work in a scarily similar way.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Actually I think the answer to my own question is rather simple: Experience. I've never been properly in love before (and I don't think this time counts as 'proper' either), so I'm in need of getting hurt a bunch of times by different women for different reasons to train my mind to pick the 'better choice' by each woman that goes in and out of my life.

Nothing more to it I guess. Experience is all.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

You have the WHAT but I don't think you have the WHY. The WHY most likely stems from your childhood with your family dynamics. You're stuck in 'fix-up' mode because things remain unfixed. Until you address the actual issue, you will struggle with having to make this decision:
^Another imagined positive to balance out the negative. Drama queens by nature go hot - cold - hot. You've come to identify these fluctuations as 'sexual'. She goes from being an ice cube to 'warming up to you' and you go, "Wow, I really like this." - But why was she cold in the first place?

*We tend to believe that we are in control of our lives. . . that we have power of choice, opinions, and by the power of our decision making alone, we can will our lives to a positive direction; this, in a spiritual sense, is true. However, without strategy and daily awareness, all we do is fortify our existing habits. "Getting hurt by different women" is what brought you to where you are now. How will your future experience shape your life differently than your former experience?

Hmm. . . Which areas of my childhood is there to look into? Parents, friends, school, neighborhood, country? All of it?

- My parents got divorced when I was two years old, so I don't even remember it. And I don't really 'care' because they are a horrible fit for each other anyway.

- I was bullied as a child because I had a female middle name. My name was my greatest enemy and it was the root of all my insecurities as I was growing up. Later came the acne, but I got over that pretty quickly.
I always felt like I didn't have the friends that I wanted. I started getting obsessed with being friends with the 'cool kids' (which I later on managed to be, because I started pulling myself together at the age of 18). Of course, the cool kids were not nearly as cool as my image of them was and I got disappointed in the whole idea of 'cool' and not cool, so I stopped chasing it.

Or did I . . . ? These drama queens are usually the 'cool' girls, so maybe it is not a coincidence that I am attracted to them. Maybe the old seed of 'wanting to be cool' has grown even bigger, making me want to hook up with 'cool' women to prove to myself that I CAN. Maybe my ego is looking to be proud of me, by wanting me to achieve this so badly that it even gives me a false image of 'love'.
Couldn't their cold behavior simply be viewed as a shit-test? She wants to see how strongly you can stand on your feet and what the level of desperation will be once she goes 'cold'.
Yes. . . Never mind what I said earlier about experience. Experience in itself means nothing. What conclusions and lessons you draw from that experience is what matters.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

You do care. . . and you're still trying to create a harmonious couple out of "horrible fits". You're telling your dad, "Look, I can do it. I can make a relationship out of 'horrible fits'. Why couldn't you?" You're telling your mother, "Why couldn't you change just a few things to make it work?"
Do you really think that your ditzy, flighty, non-responsive, moody chick is that curious about how strong you are? Do you really think that she has planned out this 'cold behavior' to gauge your strength? Look . . . call her up in 20 years and have a chat with the guy she's fucking at that time; he will tell you that she does the same thing, over, over and over again. There is no test. She's always going to teeter back and forth simply out of habit. She needs the drama. She needs to illicit worry. Just as you have a need to fix it.

Doesn't this conclude that I have the 'why' now. . . ? Especially if the parent thing and the 'bullied' thing are correct.

There must be ways to change my taste in women. Looking back, every single woman I've 'liked' or 'fallen' for have been similar: They play hard to catch, go hot/cold, play games, etc. But somehow, I am a magnet to those kind of women and they keep finding ways into my life.

(If you read my field report about Bellatrix -she is also ^that kind of a woman. . .)

This bothers me because I obviously end up getting hurt all the time and I'm chasing something that these women can't offer me. I just don't know what it is that I am chasing. It can't be monogamy, because I am a heartbreaker myself. . . I break hearts of those women that openly suggest monogamy with me.

So maybe it's not monogamy that I am looking for? Or maybe I'm just looking for it in the hot/cold kind of women? But why in them, when they obviously can't handle it?

If you are correct and I am in 'need' of fixing things all the time, maybe it's not the women that I fall in love with, but the idea of 'fixing' those women?

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Yes but even when everything is OK, you break it just so you can 'fix it' . . . you are drawn to the cycle itself, not the final product of a fixed relationship.

If ^this is something you'd like to correct, you'll want to meditate on your behavior. All these things occur in a period of weeks and months, not days. You are aware of your language. You are aware of your tendencies. Before you instinctively act, give yourself some time. . . even a day or two is fine. Tell others you need time. Then strategize what you need to do.

Even if you act instinctively and it is the reaction of others or the out come of the situation that brings you to the realization that you acted out of bad habits, just stop. (It takes more than one sentence or behavior to push situations towards the point of no return) Just stop, apologize . . . and give yourself time. Try to figure out where your emotions came from and where it is. . . where it's headed. Then when ready, express yourself again.

*If you feel you know the origins of your tendencies, then address the origins of your tendencies for correction. You wouldn't thank your waitress because your girlfriend gave you a gift. You wouldn't complain to your waitress for a parking ticket you got this morning. Yet, this is what you are doing. You are gifting others the cycle of emotional drama that you received elsewhere.

People are always in some kind of need for drama. Human beings love challenges in one form or another. Some do mountain climbing, other's mathematical equations. This applies to ones social life as well. Some want to aim to seduce top models and celebrities and others will aim to deal with extremely dramatic women. However, I realized that maybe this is not me after all.

I've continuously been asking myself these last couple of days 'Why do I fall for dramatic women? Why do I fall for dramatic women?' and I started reflecting on every woman I've had the slightest crush on. Then I realized that maybe I need to take a step back and ask myself something different. . . 'Is it the 'drama' in the dramatic women that I fall for in the first place?'. . . And the answer was always no, in each and every girl I fell for and had something romantic going on with.

This is what my list of qualities that I look for in women looks like:

* Adventurous
* Spontaneous
* Confident
* Humorous
* Goal-oriented
* Open-minded
* Self-disciplined

The girls that I fall for reach about 90% of the points above.

I realized that when I screen for the above qualities in a girl and she reaches the 90-100% of them - I 'fall' for that woman.

And I realize that the moment that I've 'had enough' and walk away from the woman is when she does one of the following things, if not both:

* Plays games with me and has other men on the side.
* Creates drama between us and/or between me, her and my friends.

This is what almost every single one of the those girls that I've fallen in love with has done. However, this is the moment I've been WALKING AWAY from those women. I never fell for ^those qualities in the first place. In fact, I didn't know those qualities even existed in those women until it was 'too late' and I had already fallen in love with them and started dating/seeing them romantically.

Even now when I think back to those girls I've liked and I think about the good times we had - I get a happy feeling within me. But then my mind reminds me of the weird, melodramatic experiences I've had with them, and immediately I feel repulsed and stop thinking about either one of them - including this last one which probably had the biggest impact on me than all of the previous ones (because I am maturing with age and finding better and better women for each one that goes in and out of my life).

I still seem to be going back to the first point I made: I fall in love with women that I WANT to be. I fall in love with women that possess qualities that I want to develop much more strongly in my character (see list of qualities above again).

As soon as a woman displays the majority of these qualities, I fall in love with her at first sight. What follows afterwards is usually her melodramatic behaviors which I didn't know existed. . . This makes me walk away from her because it's too painful. However, since I fell in love with her due to those qualities, I develop scarcity and a false sense of 'hope' that I can fix/change her, so I go back to her 2-3 more times to give it another shot. . .

Does this make sense?

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

You still have to steer your own ship. If you know what I mean. At least you know what the problem is but now to come up with the solution is the hard part. These girls are the ones you want, but you still have to stick to your game plan. At this point you don't know what the end point is. What is your final vision? What do you picture yourself at the end of the road?. So, you act on that. You need a direction here, relationship, no relationship, just want to get better with women in general? Get your vision out of the way.

By the way, keep screening, if she doesn't measure up to those standards then move on. Screen harder, be more selective when it comes to relationships, and take longer in the screening and qualifying process. It's definitely in your right to choose a girl who hits all those qualities and doesn't have deal breakers such as playing games and having men on the side. Be more self-disciplined when it comes to relationships. When you know what you want, you don't deviate from it. Keep in mind that you give these women a man who is in control of himself and the relationship. Nothing more beautiful than that and more refreshing to a woman. What ever happens to that relationship is all on you. You may have not screened properly, may have only gotten into the relationship just because or because all other men desire these women but they chose you, may have missed subtle hints of bad behavior while you were too busy admiring her positive qualities...get where I am going? Even what Kasabi is saying of where you just search for these kinds of relationships may be a possibility, either way, it's not the girls it's all on you when your relationships go to shit.


Hitting on the qualities that the woman displays...why not proactively try to chase these qualities yourself? Looking up to a woman isn't really something you want to do. Your behavior starts to change and she starts influencing the way you steer your ship (back to the ship metaphor). You think omg this woman is amazing, she is the one I want, but it's not from the perspective of "I chose you" instead I hear from what you are writing it comes from the perspective of "I admire you, therefore I want to be with you". Emotions are addicting and really mess with your head, somehow you need to start controlling your impulses/thoughts and clearly focus and see the bigger picture.

_________________
In a funk? Read this

pua-lounge/the-importance-patience-this ... his%20game

At this point in life I want to become 'generally good with women'. However, my end goal is to find a woman with the qualities mentioned earlier. A confident, disciplined woman with a goal in her life. A strong individual.

And I agree with the part that I did not screen properly. I obviously didn't. But at the same time, these kind of women won't really share their dramatic side of themselves right from the start. They will let you into their lives and let you become emotionally comfortable with them before they expose themselves. And even then, they don't really expose themselves. . . I expose them. By accident. They would never admit to any of these things we have been discussing.

But like I said. . . Right now I am not looking for a relationship. Especially now that I got fucked over again by the same woman, the same way she fucked me over last time. I'm not turning into a misogynist or anything, but I've just lost the whole 'drive' for love and relationships right now.

In addition to what you've said so far, it IS true that I have been acting on impulse with these women. When 'trying out love' and 'relationships' was my goal, I screened for the above qualities and as soon as any woman reached them the slightest, my emotions would immediately latch onto her. I would refuse to see the negatives because I wanted love so bad that I blocked out any potential 'dangers' in these women.

I feel much more in control of my life right now. Especially now that I'm 80% emotionally de-attached from my oneitis (for the first time in 1.5 years). I feel extremely free and actually strongly sexually attracted to other women. I'm loving this phase.

However, I'm not entirely sure if my 'problem' has been resolved yet. . . But somehow I really get a strong feeling that I will NOT fall for a woman like this again because I feel that my brain has learned a proper lesson this time. I even think I am capable of screening for the dramatic qualities in new women I meet, and avoid them.

Of course this is just a theory. I feel it inside of me, but I don't know what is going to happen once I actually meet a woman like this again. And I'm sure I will, soon enough, if I trust the statistics so far.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

If your lay count is not 50+ i would not get in a relationship, second if you want a relationship, you need to date multiple woman, and cherry pick the best of the best, while keep adding girls and the one you cherry picked is proven... The best way to get a relationship is not to want a relationship.... Your wanting a relationship will fuck everything up.

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

Dancefloor/Club game youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction

Panda, you want to be at the point where these girls admire you and want to be in a relationship with you. Until then, game on.

Reverse that shit.

_________________
In a funk? Read this

pua-lounge/the-importance-patience-this ... his%20game

Thank you guys, that is exactly how I feel that I should steer the ship at this point.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Lol, she is apparently in a RELATIONSHIP with that guy she started seeing right after reconnecting with me.

I didn't think girls like that could even BE in proper relationships.

Didn't care or think about her much at all for over a month and now I just HAD to check the stupid profile on facebook, to be welcomed with this bs.

I guess I simply never even was near to be the 'right guy' for her.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Dude like i told you, women go through life stages, see, she is in a relationship now... The sooner you realize a hoe yesterday could be a wife tomorrow, and a pastor wife yesterday could be a hoe tomorrow, the better you will be with dealing with them

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

Dancefloor/Club game youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction