I sometimes hear guys get worried and "off their game" when they find out a girl has a lot of guy friends. In general, I think this worry is overblown: the only thing to fear is fear itself, and the only thing that can fuck it up for you is if you start acting all jealous about her friend Alfie who she could never imagine having sex with.
I just read an interesting article written by a girl, entitled "
Why She Had Sex With Every Guy In The Crew".
http://www.complex.com/girls/2012/05/th ... -the-crewd
Spoiler alert: the first thing the article says is that Smurfette probably didn't bang every guy she knows. Don't be an insecure jealous asshole (see below).
IMO (and consistent with the article), there are three types of "Smurfettes", and you deal with all of them differently.
(1)
The Attention Seeker: This describes more than half of the girls who have lots of guy friends. That's not a terrible thing. If you enjoy the idea of banging a lot of girls, is it really so terrible when a girl enjoys the idea of a lot of guys lusting after her? You'll be able to spot this girl because she's extremely sociable and friendly, while still feminine. Her career and aspirations might focus around people: sales, promotion, acting, working with kids. She may have a hard time keeping any female friends, because she always has to fight them for male attention.
If you want to build attraction with this girl, you have to make your attention a prize. If you give her attention whenever she wants it, you're (at best) her nice brotherly friend, or (at worst) boring. For example, if she starts drifting into a conversation that leaves you on the sideline, don't be afraid to walk off and find something else to do. You're not trying to punish her (at least consciously). You're just being the type of cool guy who has other conversations and other girls to pay attention to. Let your competition be the other type of guy: the kind who clings to her at every moment, and does everything she wants, in hopes that she'll eventually repay them. That's the same strategy you should live by if she gives you any flakiness when dating.
(2)
The Tomboy: The tomboy isn't all about sexual attention. The reason she has a lot of guy friends is because when she was a kid -- before sex entered into anything -- she just felt at home with the guys. She played video games with her brothers. She liked climbing trees or playing sports. She might have low patience for cattiness and girly bullshit. Now that she's out partying, she might have completely shed the tomboy image, and become a really sexy chick. But she still has a "one of the guys" sense of humour, and she can both dish it out and take it. She'll have big goals, and a taste for good music, sports, or beer. Because it's not all about male attention, she might be more able to have female friends than the "attention seeker". But they would be cool chicks too, not catty ones.
Making a connection with this type of girl is about "qualification" (in the Love Systems model): showing that you're into her for more than ass. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be direct or hyper-sexual if that's your vibe. There just has to be a conversation where she realizes you "get" her: you believe she knows her shit about the things she cares about, you admire her hustle, and you trade jokes like old buddies. Respect her, but don't be threatened by her to the point that you can't bust her balls. That's how buddies do.
(3)
The Promiscuous Girl: First off, it's 2012. All people -- girls and guys -- enjoy sex, want to experience multiple partners, and will try one night stands or booty calls. What I'm talking about here is a specific type of destructive behaviour. A girl who has such terrible self esteem that it isn't enough to just have lots of men interested in her. I'm talking about the girl who has a deep emotional void that she tries to fill with sex, and can't say no to any guy. She's "the attention seeker", minus any normal boundaries.
The good news is these types of girls are the easiest to spot. Most of the time their reputation precedes them (people talk), and she'll have ruined both male AND female friendships. When you first meet, she might out herself by slobbering over any moderately cool guy who shows interest in her. When a girl has unhealthy problems with sex, don't be surprised if she has other addictions with drugs, alcohol, or even food (yes, the fatty). In the circles I keep, I've only seen this type of self destructive behaviour a few times, and it's never attractive.
Ethics aside, you'll have an easy time getting her. Your biggest challenge is just the logistics. Making sure she's not so drunk that she can't walk home. Making sure her friends think you're cool, which is a simple matter of showing that you're marginally less slimy than the losers she usually sleeps with.
Keeping her? That's a whole other story. There are two rules at play: "leave her better than you found her", and "can't make a ho into a housewife". If she's trying to fill an emotional void by sexing lots of dudes, I don't know why you'd want to be with her. I bring this type up as a warning, and to educate you that there's a difference between a girl who enjoys sex, versus having huge self esteem problems.
Here's the last word on all three types.
Show me a girl with lots of guy friends, and I'll show you her jealous ex-boyfriends. Guaranteed, at least one of her past relationships failed because her man needed to be around her at all times, and felt weird if she went out without him. Maybe he even tried to hide his insecurity by pretending to be a super testosterone infused alpha male, who has to tell his girl how to dress, when to come home, and who she can hang out with. A lot of those alpha male concepts are stupid. Real "alphas" don't feel threatened in the first place.
Nothing will prove your confidence and strength more than showing you're cool with her male friends. Even if some of them are secretly hoping to sleep with her, they're probably that brotherly type that she'd never sleep with. Maybe you can only trust her if you really get to know her, which always takes time. But then you should "trust" yourself and your game, that you're not going to get uptight about some girl you just met, and that you're both seeing other people until you both say otherwise.
Be smart and have fun.
CHAT