Its not that easy to just get on my feet and make something happen.

I do not live on welfare but i do have some mental disorders like BPD, SPD, Anxiety, and Agoraphobia. I am in a very high state of depression. Because of this I was diagnosed and deemed unable to work. I get income for this(and yes, i still want Obama to lose even if it means I lose the money). The money I make SPAM is paying for the rent all of it and then there's other needs for food. Am I ashamed of it? Yeah, I am but there's nothing I can do about it. I keep hoping that maybe I will find a way to get extra money some day and my brother is currently staying with me in my efficiency. What I want is to work out first and foremost, but it costs money for a gym membership. Not only that but I have never drove before at 31 years old. I am putting working out sadly ahead of a GED. Its probably easier to get the GED first, I'm just greedy though. Whats even worse is I am not the payee over my money because I didnt do the paperwork and in the proccess I made somebody else a guardian which I wish I could have changed but the constant re-applying thing was a challenge I wasnt up for. At this time, I didnt care about friends or getting laid, i was perfectly content with what I was doing but thought I would never get approved. When I did, I had no idea that I was gonna be controlled with this money. I want to work instead of being on this stuff but its better to be on this stuff than working at a fast food. People can see you at a fast food place working. I also did not have good teeth and I sort of got the problem fixed but at a sacrifice and worry about the facial aesthetics. Those anxieties set in and elevates the conditions I already have. I believe the one goal I want, working out, will solve a lot of my problems because I am not really unattractive in the face(though I worry my jawline might be a little affected). I have seen a lot of good looking guys on my facebook that work out and seem like they can get girls without having this big career. Guys in college can get girls without having a car and stuff they have their buddies that can hook them up with things. I know I'm 31 but hope that if I go to college I can blend right in with a 12 years lower age group as long as they don't listen to Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga or stuff like that. But being in shape isnt easy due to the gym prices, weights are not rentable here. But being buff would help me be less introverted and focus on other things. And I am not ever going to work out to please a girl that I want to sleep with. I just will not cross that boundary unless I put her through a test.

But as you see I face a bigger challenge than most of you face. I am not fresh out of high school with my whole life in front of me. Nor am I even a man at my age that needs tweaks. i need a overhall. So as you see I have to work out to portray the fake it til you make it part. Its all I have. I guess I may not be losing my virginity anytime soon and may have to give up on this venture because even if you get those things and rewarded, the payoff isnt great. I always believed that if I were a player, i would never be happy as a husband and you have to choose which do you want. Up until this past week I have thought player and now I'm thinking marriage because of my religous convictions.

In happiness research, scientists have found a strange paradox. People in rich countries are happier than in people in poor countries, implying that money = happiness. However, when you look at one country becoming richer over time (e.g. the US), people are not becoming happier. In the US, people have actually become less happy over the last 50 years even though the GDP has more than doubled! This is also true on a smaller scale: people are equally happy one year after winning the lottery as the were a year before they won. Hard to believe isn't it? But true nonetheless, look it up if you like.

So does money make people happy, yes or no? Well both, apparently. This paradox is due to 'the hedonic treadmill'. Imagine this. You just made a promotion at work with a substantial pay rise. Awesome right? You are so fucking happy, you're a rich man now. You and your girlfriend can buy your dream house in that fancy neighborhood, you can trade in your rusty Suzuki for a Porsche, and you can go on vacation to Hawaii. So you move into your new house, park your new car in the garage and a book a summer vacation to Hawaii. You sit back for a moment and relax, feeling totally satisfied. Then you go to the next item on the to-do list: meeting the neighbors. And fuck me, they're awesome: their house is bigger, their furniture more expensive, they own a Lamborghini and a Hummer, they travel all over the world and they're visiting Rome next week, Hong Kong the week after. In short: they're better in every way than you. And so you go back home and sit there in your dream house with your new car in the garage and your vacation all planned out, but all of it feels bland, empty, hollow. It doesn't satisfy you anymore. What happened? You've experienced the hedonic treadmill.

The idea behind the hedonic treadmill is this. When you achieve success, you will be happier. However, once you have achieved this success, your peer group will change. Because you now have a more successful peer group, your own success will not seem so special anymore, and you will become less happy as a result. So yeah, people do have a natural tendency to compare themselves with people around them, but this actually makes them less happy as both the research and the theory show. So I asked myself: is this a good thing? Should my happiness depend on how much money I have, what house I have, what car I drive, or the places I have traveled, on circumstances and peer groups? No fucking way, that may be how most people lead their lives, but that's not how I want to lead it.
And I suspect this does not only apply to your source of income. The beliefs that you should be ashamed and that you are powerless are holding you back. It is good that you expressed these beliefs, now you recognize them as wrong. And, more importantly, change them into a set of correct beliefs that will help you turn your life around. I repeat, you cannot change your life without changing the beliefs that you should be ashamed and that your are powerless. Once you do, you can be comfortable with and confident about yourself.

You don't need a car to have confidence, you don't need a job to have confidence, and you don't need to be good looking to have confidence. Of course, these things may help you in achieving confidence. Then again, suppose you lose them, or suppose you succeed in them and your peer group changes. Should you now lose your confidence? Of course not! Your sense of self-worth should not depend on circumstances or other people, it should depend only on you. As the hedonic treadmill phenomenon shows, you are not alone. Being completely confident about yourself isn't easy, it is a challenge most people fail. But once you realize that it is your beliefs that hold you back, you can change them and actually face that challenge.

EDIT: I totally agree with the idea that being completely happy, self-confident and comfortable with yourself, removes all drive for further change. But why is this bad? Happiness is the goal. Change is not the destination, it is the journey.

_________________
One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Wholeheartedly disagree with this. Rejections don't effect me or 100s of pick up artists.

Gold isn't always the most valuable resource, if you were stuck in a cave would you rather have 1000s of lbs of gold, lead, or food? You see you are choosing a value based on the situation. So now what changes? The gold is worth as little as lead or a rock. In other words it becomes worthless.

So value is both situational and based on your own needs. Your ideal that gold is always valuable is false, my feelings are pretty simple gold is not the most valuable thing in life. It nice for the fiscal value but in the grand scheme of things it isn't what life is about.

Japan is known for having people literally work themselves to death by way of stress, but at the same time the happiest people in Japan are the people who live a simple lifestyle and live off the land farming in Okinawa (in other words the poorest folks in their nation). Note: They are also the longest known living population in the world.

Would you rather have 1 billion dollars and be unhappy the rest of your life or would you rather be happy and work a full time job for the rest of your life?

What to you is more valuable working 80 hrs a week literally killing yourself or working 40 hr and driving a shittier car? I've done the excessive hours thing to have fiscal value, the most important lesson I learned about it was this: I work to live not live to work.

To rely on outside influences for your feelings is literally unhealthy. It can cause cancer, it can kill you on so many levels it's insane. Can you imagine if every time something bad happened you let it wreck your emotional state? That would be horrid. If I sat there and got down on myself when a stranger at my work called me names because I wouldn't give him what he wanted I would hate my life.

The key is to be happy with a combination of your place and direction in life while at the same time not saying he's better than me he has a 6 pack and a million bucks. I know most women would take me a fat guy over that combination simply by how I make her feel. Nothing makes you decide more than how you feel, we don't decide to do what makes us feel wrong hence decide based on feeling.
It's not about settling for less it's about doing it for you. Ambition has nothing to do with the ego, either you have ambition or you don't.

A quote from my buddy I met through forum referring to alpha but to me alpha is simply self-confidence.

A Man who has an Insane level of Intrinsic Self-Worth and is Driven by Desire, not Ego.

If you want something you want it for you not for them. Here is a personal story:

When I went off to college my mom, dad, uncle were all telling me my major and what I was going to do for school. All these outside sources who make me feel good and who I normally seek validation for were pushing me to do something I didn't want to do. I was depressed, unhappy, and unmotivated. I dropped out of college, not because I was incapable but because I had zero DESIRE to do this for someone else.

Now in retrospect it was never my intellect that stopped me from moving through school, I was getting solid grades on tests without putting effort forth but I wasn't doing things for me so I wasn't doing them at all. Now since I've dropped out of college I've read over a 100 books, tons of studies, articles, documentaries, etc. I've studied a lot because I enjoy what I'm doing now, but this was for me not for validation or my parents.

You see when you aren't doing something for you or your own desires you won't be happy. Happiness is the key to life but happiness is different for everyone. I'm not saying you should be happy to settle, I'm saying when you want something go after it but be sure to do it to make you happy not your mom, dad, or anyone else. You moving yourself in a congruent direction with you, who you are, and what you want out of life will make you happy. (Hint: Declare your life purpose and life goals. Write them down, ingrain them into yourself, and start into them.)

I started working out, eating healthy, and losing weight for me to make me happy, I didn't need it to get laid. I feel you should do it for you not to nail the hottest girl in school, then you get all good looking and she is off with some other guy because you waited to get 6 pack abs and a car.
Every person is worth being happy, what the hell? Why on earth would you tell someone they are not worth being happy? This is a horrible statement Please never say this again, there are a lot of depressed kids that come on this forum. They are going to base value on someone else then go on to do something that may harm themselves.

Folks like you have happiness while you have popularity, folks like flair have happiness period. It is a huge problem when how you feel, and how you feel about yourself is dependent on how others feel about you. This is very unhealthy for your spirit, emotions, and mind.

When you look at the happiest communities they are communities formed around the relationship NOT who is better in the relationship. This is very important because if you genuinely want to help someone it makes you feel good helping someone, if you want to help them to look good then it is the "pat on the back" that makes you feel good. Do things for you, even if it is helping that guy down and out because it feels good to make his day.

Just my 2 cents....

Peace and Love,

Vic

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I have a few things to say:

1. You can work out you don't need a gym membership, I don't have one. Running and calisthenics can help you. Your physical health is very important to your own happiness. You don't need to be stacked to get women, I'm fat and do fine that doesn't mean I haven't improved this and you shouldn't improve it on your end.

2. DON'T be a victim. Knock it off with this I feel sorry for myself. You are limiting yourself it is not your abilities limiting you, yeah hard to say since I don't have the challenges but you aren't doing yourself any favors with your "I can't" mindset.

3. Work on your problems. Go to the library check out books, find out more about your situations and how to fight them. While people can help you with your problems, it is you that solves them regardless of who gives you the solution.

4. You can still go get a college degree, though you may have to work harder than most you don't have shit else to do. There are plenty of scholarships, and financial aid for folks to get degrees. Note: The colonel from KFC didn't get his loan until 65, he wasn't successful years.

5. Define your life purpose (what you want out of life), goals, and how to get there and begin to accomplish them. Don't find excuses not to do something, find ways to get it done.

6. If you'd like you can always try online websites designed for helping you meet women. There will be options there.

You are capable of amazing things if you allow yourself to be amazing, stop limiting yourself with your own opinion of yourself and your circumstances. Look at people like Sean Stephenson, Helen Keller, Stephen Hawking, Einstein (Asbergers syndrome if you didn't know), etc. Look at the 1-2 % that come out of places like Harlem, Detroit, LA, Chicago, that go on to make a huge difference in their own world, in my opinion there is no excuse for you not beginning to sole your problems. Especially if you have all this time.

Peace and Love,

Vic

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

http://www.tu-chemnitz.de/hsw/psycholog ... ueller.pdf

sometimes pua just isn't the solution to your problems dude, sometimes doctors can do a lot more good then a pick up forum

Money, looks and a good job all help you get women much more than PUA techniques will - fact. Don't fall for the marketing bullshit that says you can bang 10s without any of that. Anybody that tells you this is either trying to sell you a shitty product, or they have no clue (and often they're both).

Anyone who says: Money, looks, and a good job gets women doesn't understand women. While I agree she doesnt' want to date a guy that is a complete and utter loser we navigate this world and our decisions by way of our feeling thus if you make a girl feel good she'll be attracted to you (though not always sexual).

Honestly the key to women is self-confidence, confidence in the process of courtship, and escalation/sexual tension skills. I know plenty of rich guys that are "hot" and still don't get laid with regularity because simply put they got no skills with women. Yet I'm a broke fat guy, and am often considered a "hot" guy who has more to offer than the rich guy based on my skills with women. Skills with women has zero to do with fiscal value, though it is very important to improve yourself this doesn't mean you can't make yourself the value of a 10 without those things. However how often you close a woman can certainly be because of your value.

And no I don't have any products(or coaching) to offer, I help people because I know what it is like to be there and I enjoy helping people

Does this you mean you shouldn't give yourself more "value"? Of course you should give yourself more value (work out, eat right, gain confidence, better job, etc.) but to say that Money, Looks, and a good job gets the woman goes against everything we teach on the forum.

Note: A 10 is purely in the Eye of the beholder. A 10 for me has to do with looks, intellect, personality, etc. If a woman is an 8 on aesthetics but is fucking fantastic in a lot of other areas she can be 10 for me.

Improve yourself and make yourself more valuable, but realize that just because you have 6 pack abs and a million bucks doesn't mean you are going to get women by the dozen. Those are more benefits but realize that you will only be getting lucky if you don't gain skills in courtship and sexual escalation.

Peace and Love,

Vic

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I actually agree with this, there are guys who have all of that and still don't get laid. Or worse, they get strung along by materialistic golddigging types. I also got laid the most when I was unemployed so I know that guys can get laid without it (but I'm quite a good looking guy which is why I don't think I could have done the same otherwise).

The reason I say this though is that a lot of guys use PUA as an excuse not to sort these other areas of their lives out which would make the whole process of attracting women much much easier e.g. rather than spending hours approaching random women in the street many guys would benefit much more from working out and getting in shape.

Honestly, a lot has been said since my last post, I have read some main key points.

For one the fact that you said rejection effects everyone. This might be true for amateurs that are all caught up in their head, but not me. I know I can't get every fucking girl, some nights I can open almost every set, and some night there are just sets that dont bite, do I cry about it, no I just move the fuck on.

As to what the person said in my response, yes, being witty, and entertaining yourself really is one of the only thing that matters when picking up a girl.

If you don't give a shit about the outcome of getting the girl, that you merely just want to entertain yourself and say jokes that you think are funny, and are completely socially aware of the scenario and such, then it will be 10x easier to get a girl for many reasons.

1. She sees that you are not desperate and clingy, that your only goal is to get her, if she doesn't entertain your "reality" than you move on, if a girl is literally boring me to death I just leave the set, if she isn't into my jokes or what not same thing.

2. Being congruent with yourself shows you are confident as have high social status. I don't need to dance like a monkey. I lay my cards out on the table, or I try to. I am not saying I am perfect at what I am aiming for, but hey practice perfect makes perfect.

There are many other micro-reasons that allowing your state to not be effected and entertaining yourself over her is huge, but I am just too lazy to put it here.

All in all, it doesnt matter how you look, as long as you are passionate about yourself, can entertain yourself, and just show your cards and nothing else, if I have a pair of two's that night, fucking shit, it may be a crap hand, but who knows maybe I will get a f-oak or fh and win the hand, as long as I stick with that hand I don't know.

_________________
Best of Luck
-Raphael

Aspiring Artist

Read the adventures I take as I discover my way towards becoming a mPUA or a dPUA (decent PUA) including completing the StyleChallenge ---> raphaels-journel-vt119594.html

Everyone is getting butt hurt and taking this all wrong, I'm not saying money and looks get women, I saying they help. When I say "money" I don't mean "rich" I mean being able to pay your bills, have a car and a secure place to live. Studies have shown the people who have the least stress in their lives are people that have 3 moths expenses in reserve.

I'll say it one more time, YES you get women without money or looks, YES money and looks help....looks more than money, NO money and looks alone will not get you girls at least not consistently and YES if you're unhappy with your life style, looks or economic status, you should work to change it and better yourself.

_________________
"J, I guess yer so amazing in bed you send the girls into a transcendent state where they realize their own mortality and are shaken by the realization that their presence bears little impact on the universe, or they just realized they hate you"
-DJ_Z

To be honest I thought the original poster was saying thats all you need, and if you are the op than my bad, this was a very very long convo before I hopped into it.

I agree if you have money and decent looks you are probably more confident with yourself, in fact, you probably are even more congruent and less-insecure. You dont need to worry about that, since you already have it.

If I have an awesome job (which I do cause I am a boss lol) I actually love talking about my work and passionately, my long term goals and everything. I however, never bring up money, that's too shallow. But I am confident with my success.

Do you get what I mean. It does not effect my state, I don't think twice about if I look good, or if I have enough money, it just isn't something that matters to me. Maybe it's because I am somewhat successful, and look rather decent (I won't get too cocky here) but it could also be because I just don't let it get to me, I have my insecurities about appearances, but it doesn't bother me one second in set.

_________________
Best of Luck
-Raphael

Aspiring Artist

Read the adventures I take as I discover my way towards becoming a mPUA or a dPUA (decent PUA) including completing the StyleChallenge ---> raphaels-journel-vt119594.html

It's not about 'the job' or 'the money' you earn that makes you attractive. It's the fact that you have an aim and purpose in life. You work hard because you love your life and you want to live for a purpose.

It's the traits of the successful man that are attractive, rather than the materialistic bullshit on the surface of it.

Work hard on your lifestyle and women will follow; getting laid will be inevitable.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

So easy to see on a forum who actually has his shit together and actually moves forward in life..

Your economic status, your looks or where you work are MENTAL LABELS. They are a creation of the human mind. When the first humans were created for the first time, there was no such thing as status or a job. Cavemen didn't had mirrors to comb their hair. Your problem mate, is that you're associating EXTERNAL THINGS with your IDENTITY. You are not your car; you're not your house; you're not the money you have in your bank account. If you're unhappy with your life style, looks or economic status, after you change it, you will again feel not entitled. You will find something else that doesn't make you happy. And your life will consist of YOU searching for something that you have within in EXTERNAL THINGS. You cannot find something that's within by searching it in the external. There's a BIG difference between achieving all of these material things for you, because you have a desire to become better & between trying to find yourself and your happiness through the need of having a "good" life.

Saying "I'm enough" means I DON'T NEED SOMETHING ADDED TO MY IDENTITY IN ORDER TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I'M COMPLETE BY NATURE. Of course you can still have the drive to achieve something in life. But the place that it's coming from is FARRR more powerful than the majority of people, who try to build an identity and an ecosystem of happiness out of external things, thus if those things fall or they lose them, their hole world crumbles around them & they shit in their pants..

Just this quote alone tells you that you still have a long way to go. Rejection doesn't exist in my head, my brain cells don't even process what is happening when a girl denies me. It took me effort, to get to this place, but your statement is super weak mate. You have to go work on yourself and drop the forum. If you're still affected by rejection...it means you define yourself on how other people perceive and react to you... Again. Problem? Inside of you. How you see the world / your reality. You won't change by lifting up more weights or having a better haircut..

_________________
Greatness is never borned

there has always been status inside the human interactions as long as we have been able to socialize there have been power dynamics, always people who are more important then others, always followers and leaders, the nomads go hunt the buffalo, the chief of the tribe shows them where to go, forming a society? who's the king? who's the leader of the tribe?

there has always been people in power positions, and there most likely always will be


Cave men and men in general basically have treated women as property for most of history. This is absolutely I-fucking-relevant to what a girl finds attractive. When a girl is property she doesn't get a say, she gets raped by her partner that she doesn't want and if she has a problem with that she gets killed... that's cavemen logic for you, we are no longer cavemen flair.

your value is determined by the girl in front of you, not by how entitled you feel, your entitlement simply effects how secure you feel within yourself, the more secure the more likely you move things forward, while leading is a huge factor in getting laid, it is not the determining factor here of if GIRL xyz wants to fuck you or not, if she is attracted to you and trusts you enough to spread her legs, those are the real factors at play here, yes you need the balls and know how to lead her there, but attraction is not a huge abstract thing that is caused via the manner you lead, she either is sexually interested in you, or she is not, it's not something you say, or how you feel at 2pm this friday, it is based on who you are

you can watch all the RSD scam artist shit you want, in the real world, STATUS, matters and it is what women are attracted to... it is absolutely fact, it is not conjecture, it is not an opinion, it is objective fact, it has been empirically proven, studied over and over and over again, women are attracted to the quantifiable, just like men are attracted to the quantifiable, what we value as a gender in the opposite sex differs, but it is still something very quantifiable on both ends, girl sees a hot important guy with access to security and resources, that is an attractive mate for her, it just is, it doesn't matter if you are some poor ugly guy with no friends who believes he is enough, LOW STATUS = LOW STATUS, and your subjective value will be determined by the female and largely based on outside factors, not by your internal state, it works the same both ways, is a fat ugly girl going to be super attractive because she is a positive person? maybe to some guys, but the vast majority of men can not control what they are attracted to, and they are attracted to physical appearance, it is quantifiable

can you bang girls with low status? yes you can, but it's going to take more effort, a tighter game plan, and you will most likely be settling for women who are not your ideal

game is the just the process of meeting the girl, and moving things towards sex, it's your game plan, girls are not attracted to the game plan, they are attracted to YOU, if you are LOW STATUS, then she will most likely not be attracted to you, that is life, ''improve yourself'' or ''work on yourself'' should be some advice you follow yourself, and actually give out with an understanding of what exactly it is you are saying, girls want good looking guys, girls want rich guys, girls want socially competent guys who have confidence and friends, girls like winners and guys with HIGH STATUS, important guys who have success in an avenue of life, work on yourself and improve your status, instead of working on how you can imagine that you are a high status guy, work on actually becoming a high status guy
cool man, being indifferent and non needy is a pretty attractive trait, but having to acknowledge this idea to others to have the idea validated, clearly shows a lack of actually having confidence in this belief

the thing is though, the quest for de-tachment and enlightenment is indeed a path to happiness, being content will make you feel content, since that is what you are being, but happiness does not = P into V, you can be a very happy virgin, and a very depressed ladies man

but beyond that, saying to yourself you are enough, and actually being enough, are two very different things, I can say I am the king of england and that I can fly, just because I tell myself that, or believe it, does not make it so

a male model who is worth over a million, who is depressed, but has the confidence to simply ask girls out on a date and try to fuck them, is going to pull considerably higher quality and higher numbers then you will as an average dude with no money who believes he is enough, doesn't matter if you think you are enough or not, the girl in front of you determines the value and who is enough or more then enough

and you can spout off about how the girl would choose you, but really you are just lieing to yourself, and fantasy is not reality, go out and field test that notion
rejection effects everyone, you become more numb to it but it never goes away, it totally affects your self esteem, your confidence grows and grows, but negative response after negative response will condition you to expect a negative response and thus if every girl is telling you that you are unattractive/unwanted, you will start to feel that way, doesn't matter if you've watched a million tyler videos listening to his scam spiel, it is a fact that you will become affected by this, it's a form of classical conditioning

it's like you saying, yeah bro, been boxing for 10 years, getting punched in the face just doesn't have an effect on me at all, it happens all the time I just don't even feel it, 2 years later you die from brain trauma and had multiple concussions because being punched in the face ''didn't affect you at all''

Nope Nope Nope. Its does not matter. If anything having Money and Fancy things is a set back. What does matter is having some style and class. I have a car that is 21 years old. Yes its a 2 seater convertible sports car but its not worth anything and I keep it dirty and busted up. Same with my motorcycle it's also old but I ride it like its a rocket. Hard and fast and with character. I work as a stock boy at target. I like when asked what I do for work. Say to my target. What would you think is better. Stock broker or stock boy. Then I go into why and how awesome my job as stock boy rocks and that the job does not make me but pays my bills. Also I don't buy drinks unless I want to. I even have the girl buy my time when I go out. First dates are always either dutch or free activities. I am not that great looking. I would say a solid 6 but that does not matter. I act like a 10 and command the respect that a 10 would. Acting all big shot and show offish is a weak way of trying to buy a girls time.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1