Hey, Guys!
I'm kinda new at this whole thing. But i'll tell you my history so you can see the mouse trap i put myself into.
So, i met a girl at my new job, it was about four months ago. She was just ending a relationship with a douchebag that really hurt her. I helped her a lot, in any way a could, listening, talking, etc. She took me as a friend and i accepted it, but i made it clear that i was not her "gay friend". But as time passed i realized the i really like her. Nothing like "oh i just like her for her beauty" (she's just a 7/10). i admire her for her inner strength, her desire to be an independent person and also a happy person, what is very hard these days.
Yet, we worked togheter. I couldn't make a move cause if it turned wrong it would make the coexistence at the work place impossible. So i played cool.
About a month a go she invited me to a dinner with some friends and i decided not to go cause i had a lot of work from college and had to study, etc. At this very dinner she met a guy. The other day she came to work and told me that he was kinda pretty but very goofy. i thought: i can't give her any sign that i liker her, i'll tell her to invest on the guy, he's not that big deal. Well, you can imagine where the history is going. She started to see him more times and they started to hook up. Between that she left our work. Finally i could make a move. Some day she asked me to write a song for her, i'm honestly good at it, and i did it.
I took her to a open bar party. On the way to the party i put the song on the stereo and she was thrilled. As the party goes on we started to dance and drink (i was driving so just water). She was drinking something that here in brazil we call Catuaba. Three cups was more then enough to make her start crying for her ex, vomiting and yelling to everybody. The night ended with me holding her hair in front of her house and putting her in bed. Total disaster.
Last week, after a week of apologies, she starts talking with me, that she was still very hurt and would take time to trust somebody to sleep with. I thought: well, she's not sleeping with me but also with no one else, at least that. And also starts talking about the goofy guy she was seeing. Fuck, i couldn't take it any more.
Last friday i went out with her for a coffee. And fuck it, i told her everything, that i liked her, that seeing her with somebody else was making me sick, that i was pretending to hook up with other girls just to make her jealous, that i couldn't sleep right anymore, i was losing weight, that i was starting to look like a big retard, and that now would like to try something with her... SHE FUCKING STARTS TO CRY. And tell me that i should have told her earlier, that now she was seeing other guy, it wouldn't eb fare to the fella, but i should wait and dont lose hope... I thought WTF girl, i lost 4 fucking months trying to get to you and now this...
Now, after that looong history and knowing that i'm new at the rsd/pua, i ask you guys: what should i do? wait, try harder, or fucking let her go (what will be hard as fuck cause she became my friend)?
I really don't know what to do....

P.s.: sorry about my english, i'm still learning. Also, sorry about the long text.

What do you want to do bro? What option feels right?

She was crying because she was embarrassed for you, at the way you acted, completely unhinged and emotionally-uncentered.

"Wouldn't be fair to the fella" = "I only consider you a friend".


This is what you should've done:

"Hey, let's hit up Netflix at my place."

And then you escalate.

If she says no, you move on.

You don't win women over by spilling your guts or trying to convince them. You win them over by your actions,, by being fun, a good lover, and centered.

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Closure is a stupid concept only brought up by people who can't get their shit together.

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These hos ain't loyal

Women want a man who TAKES CHARGE. Most women will not tell you directly that they are interested. The reason why you did not get her is because YOU did not make the moves and express the interest necessary.

Instead of trying to be a good "friend", writing songs, and trying to impress her, you should have invited her out and escalated carefully and gradually but persistently. You should also have put in some sexual references and flirted with her before you took her out.

She treated you like a friend because you ACTED like a friend, and not a potential sexual partner.

And your English is very good, no worries.

So, I've tried the netlfix move, but because i'm kinda comedian and make fun about everything, she thought that i was joking --'
what should I do now? cause after i spilled my guts i made it clear that i would not continue to see her while she was seeing the other guy. And if it doesn't work out with them, she would know where to find me.
But i don't wanna wait to their thing go wrong. How do I fix my own shit and make her see me as possible sexual partner other than her "gay friend"?

P.S.: thanks for the reply

Looks like i have a lotta work to do. Any thoughts about how could i change this game? cause i'm kinda stubborn, and i won't let it end up like this. How do i cross the friend line to a potential sexual partner, after i have spilled my guts to her like i did?

P.S.: thanks for the reply

1. Don't take her rejection personally.

2. The best thing for you to do is to meet and attract OTHER women. Concentrating on one woman will cause the opposite effect to what you want.

Here's what you need to understand. We already read your story a 1000 times over on this forum. We've seen it before and we'll likely see it again.
We know you "can let it end like this", we know you "go for what you want in life" and we know "you're stubborn and don't give up easily".

Let me tell you something. You're full of shit. We've all been full of shit at one point and if you're man enough to admit that this is nothing but wishful thinking, then you've already made the first step towards becoming a better version of yourself. This isn't about you being an ambitious winner at life. This is you being incapable of letting go and painting it with a happy colour.

You can't unbreak glass and the first thing you need to start doing is move on. You acted like a friend, and now that's what you are. You reaped exactly what you sowed.

In this analogy "telling a woman how you feel" is the equivalent of breaking glass. Once it's broken, it's broken. Done deal. There is nothing you can do to change that.

What you can do is take this as a learning experience. Use it as a reference with all your future encounters with women and don't make the same mistakes again.
Let me emphasize. There is nothing you can do at this point in time that will get you this girl. It took you 4 months to get here. The process of your friendzoning yourself started ~150 days ago.

Let go, start looking towards other women, improve the aspects of your life that you feel are lacking. If after another 150 days this girl comes crawling to you then you'll have a choice to make. But any and all action you take towards that goal now will only end in your self esteem and dignity shattering to an even worse, new level.


I'm gonna repeat this a 3rd time just so you understand how important this is:

You fucked up. There is nothing you can do to change that outcome.

Knowing when to cut your losses and move on defines real winners. Not kicking a dead horse by choosing to prolong a delusion of false hope.

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You're right, man. Maybe i took things a little to personal. I don't' know if it's right, but looks to me that in PUA the most impersonal you handle things the better it is. When you put feelings aside, and your only concern is to be happy and have fun, things get easier. Also, when you do that, attracting people is a piece of cake. I think that what i should do now is focus in my personal development in PUA recognizing that i messed up, and with it starts to see other people and, like we say here in south brazil, what comes is profit.
Thanks for the reply, man!

You're right, and only now i realize that. I realized that i didn't lose 4 months in a friendzone, I gained 4 months of experience and knowledge about how you don't do things. Now, I truly believe that accept that I fucked up is a step up. I'm trying to improve everyday since. Like you said improving the aspects of my life that i feel are lacking. And i'll stop my attempts to unbreak the glass.
Thanks for the reply and sincerity, man!