Is this oneitis?



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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2016 9:55 am 
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Okay, I understand. So, work towards life and business goals and get my shit together, and provide intrinsic value to the world and the people around me.
Exactly.
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The other aspect I want to explore is being able to provide entertainment / conversational value. I hung out with that girl today, and one thing that I noticed was just how boring (to the point of being drab) I am. There was nothing to talk about, and in my mind I know that's not true -- there's always something to talk about.
When you're a newbie at this you tend to think the Sun revolves around you. It doesn't. I had more entertaining conversations with my desk lamps rather than with some girls, hot/gorgeous as they were. In fact quite often the most hottest of girls are also the most blend. Criticism builds character, and they don't get much of that since guys would drag their dicks through molten lava to get a chance of prematurely ejaculating in their presence. But that's another topic.
Point is, women are not these perfect unobtainable entities. You don't need to impress her, you simply need to search for compatibility.

Also like JD said, masculine frame is stronger. If you don't feel/make it awkward, neither will she.
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So, in all effect, I am almost 100% sure I'm friend-zoned after displaying less sexuality than a table chair and being boring as f***, so although I lost this girl, I have realized several things I need to work on. I won't lie though, this girl was everything I wanted in a woman and losing her just makes me more adamant to work on myself so that this does not happen again.
This girl is not everything you want in a woman. Far as I read you haven't had sex nor kissed nor formed an actual connection with her. In reality you don't know her.
You're not "in love" with her, you're in love with the ideal you've created for her.
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The best thing (in my opinion) for a new guy to do is to read Corey Wayne's book 10 times. It's in the free members section of his website as an ebook. There's also Models, but I'm not sure if relationships are covered and I'm not sure if it's free, but I do hear great reviews from guys who really know their shit. As far as I'm aware, RC learned from Models. Does RC sound like a virgin to you? (hint: he SO is one. I can tell by the way he doesn't use NLP and negs enough)
Yeah, Models is the only book I'd stick my name by. I'd also get the audiobook since Mark (the author) reads it himself, so it adds some depth and perspective.

Also, JD, "you have really short fingers" :lol:.

See what I did there?

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2016 10:09 am 
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So attracted right now :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2016 7:15 pm 
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Will finding out if it is oneitis or not, help you decide how to take action? No matter what the answer is, the action will remain the same. You game her as well as other girls. If you game her and blow yourself out, then your oneitis will be solved so now you have more mental energy to game other girls. If you game other girls, you will start to develop an abundance mentality and no longer have oneitis with any other girl again. Whatever action you take, which is opening and gaming many girls, will solve your problem. And you're right, even if you lose the girl, this is progress. Just keep gaming. Qualify her and reward her investment with escalation so you take things in the right direction.
But I have no attraction for these other women. Do I game them anyway?
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Yea for the record RC is a poon magnet and I was kidding lol.

What I meant about awkward silence is that it's only silence until you consider it to be "awkward" silence. Once you consider it to be awkward then she will too. This is when you start doing reaction seeking things like showing her videos because you need her to react in a certain way because you need a good conversation. The need for anything gets in the way of everything. The only conversations you should really have at this point are in person so take her on the kind of dates where you're doing something fun and have shit to talk about on and after the date.
Damn, so my desire to have a good conversation / have her react in a positive way was basically neediness in disguise.

I wanted to take her out somewhere today, but I didn't go to class because I want to take a step back and really consider what the hell I'm doing. I'm letting this one girl control my mind, my behavior, actions.. that has to change.
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When you're a newbie at this you tend to think the Sun revolves around you. It doesn't. I had more entertaining conversations with my desk lamps rather than with some girls, hot/gorgeous as they were. In fact quite often the most hottest of girls are also the most blend. Criticism builds character, and they don't get much of that since guys would drag their dicks through molten lava to get a chance of prematurely ejaculating in their presence. But that's another topic.
Point is, women are not these perfect unobtainable entities. You don't need to impress her, you simply need to search for compatibility.

Also like JD said, masculine frame is stronger. If you don't feel/make it awkward, neither will she.
LMAO, dragging dicks through lava for the chance to prematurely ejaculate..

You're right, I have to get her off the pedestal if I want to think clearly, and look to see if there are things that will hinder compatibility, instead of focusing solely on her beauty or personality.
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This girl is not everything you want in a woman. Far as I read you haven't had sex nor kissed nor formed an actual connection with her. In reality you don't know her.
You're not "in love" with her, you're in love with the ideal you've created for her.
In love with the ideal I've created.. damn, mind blown. I have to think about that statement a lot more.

I know her biggest passion in life, and I'm the only person she's shown it to. I know where she wants to travel, what she wants to do, her dreams.. I have a connection with her, but whatever attraction there was has been killed off by my inadequacies.
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Yeah, Models is the only book I'd stick my name by. I'd also get the audiobook since Mark (the author) reads it himself, so it adds some depth and perspective.

Also, JD, "you have really short fingers" :lol:.

See what I did there?
Audiobook, got it :)


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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2016 7:49 pm 
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Did you ever make a move? Or did you discuss her to death?

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 7:51 am 
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In love with the ideal I've created.. damn, mind blown. I have to think about that statement a lot more.

I know her biggest passion in life, and I'm the only person she's shown it to. I know where she wants to travel, what she wants to do, her dreams.. I have a connection with her, but whatever attraction there was has been killed off by my inadequacies.
When I talk about connection I mean emotional bond. Knowing her biggest passion means she trusts you, and that's great if you want a bff. But you don't want that.

I know most guys are infused to think that first you need to earn a woman's trust so that she will sleep with you, which ironically is the fast lane to the friend zone, but in reality all you need is attraction. Sex comes first, trust builds later, if at all. She wants to fuck the daylight out of you because in the simplest of terms you turn her on. Knowing her deepest dreams doesn't turn her on. Flirting, teasing and being a challenge does.

So no, attraction was killed by your understandably wrong mindset.

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 11:07 pm 
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Did you ever make a move? Or did you discuss her to death?
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Ahm, we went out today and did stuff, had some fun and interesting moments, and we plan to go out and do fun stuff next week as well.. and I escalated kino just a little bit. She knows my intentions cause it's obvious (maybe, idk) -- e.g. I introduced my friend to her saying "This beautiful girl is ____." And then we hung out for like 2-3 hours.. it was fun.

I also met another cute girl today, trying to get over my oneitis.. You guys are spot on, going in with the abundance mindset makes women want me more, like wtf lol..
Quote:
When I talk about connection I mean emotional bond. Knowing her biggest passion means she trusts you, and that's great if you want a bff. But you don't want that.

I know most guys are infused to think that first you need to earn a woman's trust so that she will sleep with you, which ironically is the fast lane to the friend zone, but in reality all you need is attraction. Sex comes first, trust builds later, if at all. She wants to fuck the daylight out of you because in the simplest of terms you turn her on. Knowing her deepest dreams doesn't turn her on. Flirting, teasing and being a challenge does.

So no, attraction was killed by your understandably wrong mindset.
Flirting, teasing, and being a challenge.. Alright, I have a lot of learning to do..
I am reading Corey Wayne's book right now and I will be reading your favorite book (Models) next.


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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:03 pm 
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Ahm, we went out today and did stuff, had some fun and interesting moments, and we plan to go out and do fun stuff next week as well.. and I escalated kino just a little bit. She knows my intentions cause it's obvious
Yes she does, escalate.

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:59 am 
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Is there an in depth guide on light banter? I'm a deeply philosophical and somewhat serious guy -- I have no idea how to have a light, playful conversation.

I'm working through Corey Wayne's book, next up is Models, then Double Your Dating, and then numerous other books that were suggested in my books thread. Will these help me understand what light banter is all about?

When I try to have a light conversation, I usually end up acting like a complete idiot and treating the other person like a 5 year old -- it's cringeworthy.


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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 9:26 am 
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Don't go any further than models.
Those two books are enough, they cover everything you need to know.

How do you talk with your friends OP? or better yet your best friend? I enjoy philosophical conversations as much as I enjoy talking about absolute nothings for the sole purpose of fun. Maybe you need to widen your spectrum, but all in all just attempt to not take yourself too seriously.

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:48 pm 
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^ he's right.

2 books is plenty. You should be out approaching girls while you're reading them, at least 30 approaches per week. 6 months after you finish reading them both 7-10 times, you should have hundreds and hundreds of approaches under your belt. At this point if your results are still lacking a little then try something more... from what I hear, 60 Years of Challenge is a good one at this point, but not before it.

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:33 pm 
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Thanks guys. I'll start doing that. It will get me into the abundance mindset.

There's this other girl I've known for a year (I don't like her romantically) who's giving me strong IOIs.. she made me this hand-crafted present (probably took her hours), linked me to a song that she wrote (a "love" song), initiates text convos with me on a regular basis, etc. I consider this girl just a friend, though.

But the one girl I do like (the subject of this thread), she doesn't text unless I text her, yet she's willing to hang out and go on little adventures. She doesn't talk to anybody other than her few female friends at school, and most of the time she's by herself and goes home with her brother after school. I'm not sure if this is her personality or what, but I was hoping that she would at least be curious enough why I wasn't in school today, but guess not. Is this one a hopeless cause?

According to Corey Wayne, it takes time for a woman to fall for a man, and consistent time and effort, but I'm not sure if in the end I'll actually get this girl or not. She's very reserved, perhaps due to her cultural upbringing (she's middle eastern but dresses very fashionably and modern). But man I really like this girl.

This girl likes me, two months ago a short while after I met her she gave me hints like "my mom thinks I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life," so I know she likes me (or maybe liked, idk, maybe I'm friend zoned now I have no idea).


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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:41 pm 
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But the one girl I do like (the subject of this thread), she doesn't text unless I text her,
Treat this girl....
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linked me to a song that she wrote (a "love" song), initiates text convos with me on a regular basis, etc. I consider this girl just a friend, though.
Like this girl.....

Magic will happen.

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:46 pm 
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According to Corey Wayne, it takes time for a woman to fall for a man
Yea, 3-5 months roughly if you're doing everything right. However, there's obviously no specific amount of time, this is just a generalisation. Some couples are never in love, then something just randomly clicks after 10 years and they're crazy about one another.

Your worst problem is that you care too much. You need more women. Spin more plates and you won't notice if you drop one, as I've said before in other threads.

I know I just said not to get yourself wrapped up in material, but it wouldn't hurt to watch a couple of Jason Capital videos on not giving a fuck and neediness etc. Just make sure you're spending at least 3 hours approaching for every 1 hour that you're spending looking at material. You can't learn to play football, drive a car or sing a song by reading about other people doing it, can you?

As Heywood said, treat them the same. Be playful and challenging with every woman, and never let them take you off your path, ok? It's selfish if you start changing for them, believe it or not.

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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:50 pm 
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RC, J.Daniels, and Heywood Jablowme, I appreciate all the advice and help, and I can't wait for the day where I can be where you three are now.


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 Post subject: Re: Is this oneitis?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:01 pm 
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and I can't wait for the day where I can be where you three are now.
At work?

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