Does She Just Want Me to Give More - What would you guys do?



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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 4:54 pm 
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I got one that I am confused about and kind of wanted to understand the female psychology and figure out what I should do. This girl I have slept with on two occasions. She is super hot, but I haven't seen her in about two weeks. When I tried to hang out something would come up. She doesn't ask me out, so I just put her on the back burner, texting her at night seeing if she would hang out. I would prefer to keep her in FB land for now, maybe an option to upgrade later, but I don't think I totally understand what is going on. Do you have further insight here?

Me: Hi I'm at bar x! You?
Her: Hey. I'm in bed I have to wake up at 5
Me: Haha I miss yo face !
Her: Oh yeah? Why don't you ask me out ever then?...Other than late at night.

I didn't really know what to say here, but this is what I came up with:

Me: I would make time for you!
Her: Okay. Have fun tonight...Maybe one time you can actually ASK me out. I'm not going to ever ask you to "make time" for me...Thats actually a little insulting. If anything I will maybe make time for you.

Haha kinda cracked me up when I read this, but what would you guys do? This girl is really cool and we have smashed on two different occasions. My thoughts are that I could keep just asking her for late nights lol or I could actually text her something like, "Go out with me Saturday night." Maybe she is wanting to date me or get serious? Maybe say something like "I didn't know you cared." or "I didn't know it mattered to you." That was really where I thought she was at. Not sure what to do, but I wanna keep her generally in FB land for now. Also she cancelled on the last date (she was just going to come over to my house) because she had to get up early the next day. Just wanna weigh my options here.

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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 5:03 pm 
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She wants to feel desired by you, rather than simply go over to your place, roll over on your bed and spread her legs.

U'll have to put a bit of work in for this one. You two may have different motives; she may want a relationship while you want to just have casual sex. Tough to say, it may also be that she doesn't want to feel dirty so wants you put in some effort chasing her a bit. Regardless, she's wanting some effort on your part, not simply a FB thing.

Make a date (if you want) to go out for appies and drinks, and then she'll likely be more receptive to going home with you.


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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 5:05 pm 
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She gave you the instructions to her. She wants you to ask her out. She wants you to give her a day and a time and not treat her like a FB.

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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 5:27 pm 
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You fucked her twice, haven't seen her in two weeks, you put her on 'the back burner', and decided on your own that's a relationship?

Now if you can convince her she's in one you should win an Oscar.

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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 6:39 pm 
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I hear exactly what everyone is saying, and my question is where is the line of her giving you the instructions and where is it that it becomes supplicating. Like just because you are you, doesn't mean I give you what you want (supplicating), but because you have been awesome then I can do more for you. Because just because she wants a relationship and asks for one doesn't necessarily mean she deserves one.

Specifically:
Quote:
She gave you the instructions to her. She wants you to ask her out. She wants you to give her a day and a time and not treat her like a FB.
Couldn't this be the same as some random girl asking you to take her out to dinner? Just because she is an attractive woman many men will do so, but if you were to form a relationship in a better way, and these are just my thoughts, then maybe you make her earn that dinner?

Like for example, if she was an awesome FB then you upgrade her (over time) to more where she then really appreciates that dinner because she really had to work for it. Then it is more valuable to her, and the relationship is more set in the dynamic of your preference.

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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 6:45 pm 
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Quote:
I hear exactly what everyone is saying, and my question is where is the line of her giving you the instructions and where is it that it becomes supplicating. Because just because she wants a relationship and asks for one doesn't necessarily mean she deserves one.

Specifically:
Quote:
She gave you the instructions to her. She wants you to ask her out. She wants you to give her a day and a time and not treat her like a FB.
Couldn't this be the same as some random girl asking you to take her out to dinner? Just because she is an attractive woman many men will do so, but if you were to form a relationship in a better way, and these are just my thoughts, then maybe you make her earn that dinner? Like for example, if she was an awesome FB then you upgrade her to more where she then really appreciates that dinner because she really had to work for it. Then it is more valuable to her, and the relationship is more set in the dynamic of your preference.
It's not a battle of wills. It's meeting each others needs. You aren't meeting her needs by just calling her up and wanting sex and that's why she responded the way she did. Most men and women interactions, both parties have something else that the other wants. You aren't giving her what she wants, so she's not giving you what you want.

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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 6:57 pm 
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Come on cheap fuck, pony up for that Applebee's Two for Twenty. She'll probably just order salad and water anyway, so she isn't reminded of her 'before' picture at Curves.

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PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2016 6:55 pm 
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Take her somewhere high falutin' like Sizzler or Popeyes for sher
hell let her order a dessert any one of her choosing


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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 2:42 am 
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***UPDATE***
Thanks for all the advise guys. What I am looking at most and I'm not sure if it is right or not, but she's telling me she needs more and that I am not meeting her needs in this 'relationship'. Anyway, I realize that I don't have the value in her eyes to stick to a pure fuck buddy frame, so the only opportunity to get this girl playing on the team is give her something more of what she wants. Maybe the rocks vs. diamonds conundrum that Neil first talked about in the game.

And I could be just setting myself of for further betaisation but I will learn from it. I followed up with this girl from where we left off from up above, I waited a day to text:

Me: Will you go out with me monday evening?
Her: Sure :) what do you want to do?
Me: Well since you actually want to get to know me I'll take you to one of my favorite places downtown

[here I want to reframe her bad behavior of bitching and complaining from before. My objective is to communicate to her I didn't really know what she was after and that she can do a better job of communicating that (I really didn't know she was looking to date me), but my hope is that this curves the negative behavior into positive behavior in the future. we'll see]

Her: Sounds great
Me: Could you meet me at my house at 6pm monday? Then we can leave from there
Her: We're going downtown?
Me: Yes, I'll have more info for you on monday, what to where, dress etc. but would like to keep a surprise. Cool?
Her: Yeah, that's fine.. But my apartment is pretty much on the way to downtown..Can you just pick me up?
Me: Sure I can meet at your place and you can drive us
Her: Um... Sure

I don't really like this final response, but my thoughts are this shit isn't free and she still has to work for it. In addition, setting the romantic date frame of I pick you up and drop you off, just isn't beneficial quite at this point. This girl is rather resistant to extreme dominance IE she doesn't like to feel controlled (each time I've told her what to do, where to go, she has given me shit. This may be something I won't put up with, or maybe something she will get over after she trusts me more. I don't know, but I am about to find out.).

My plan is to not text until monday and then just get her address and proceed like normal. She has a roommate so it's not ideal logistics and my concern is that we will go on the date and then no sex at the end. Could be a trap that I am walking into, but I'll learn.

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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 2:51 am 
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Quote:
***UPDATE***
Thanks for all the advise guys. What I am looking at most and I'm not sure if it is right or not, but she's telling me she needs more and that I am not meeting her needs in this 'relationship'. Anyway, I realize that I don't have the value in her eyes to stick to a pure fuck buddy frame, so the only opportunity to get this girl playing on the team is give her something more of what she wants. Maybe the rocks vs. diamonds conundrum that Neil first talked about in the game.

And I could be just setting myself of for further betaisation but I will learn from it. I followed up with this girl from where we left off from up above, I waited a day to text:

Me: Will you go out with me monday evening?
Her: Sure :) what do you want to do?
Me: Well since you actually want to get to know me I'll take you to one of my favorite places downtown

[here I want to reframe her bad behavior of bitching and complaining from before. My objective is to communicate to her I didn't really know what she was after and that she can do a better job of communicating that (I really didn't know she was looking to date me), but my hope is that this curves the negative behavior into positive behavior in the future. we'll see]

Her: Sounds great
Me: Could you meet me at my house at 6pm monday? Then we can leave from there
Her: We're going downtown?
Me: Yes, I'll have more info for you on monday, what to where, dress etc. but would like to keep a surprise. Cool?
Her: Yeah, that's fine.. But my apartment is pretty much on the way to downtown..Can you just pick me up?
Me: Sure I can meet at your place and you can drive us
Her: Um... Sure

I don't really like this final response, but my thoughts are this shit isn't free and she still has to work for it. In addition, setting the romantic date frame of I pick you up and drop you off, just isn't beneficial quite at this point. This girl is rather resistant to extreme dominance IE she doesn't like to feel controlled (each time I've told her what to do, where to go, she has given me shit. This may be something I won't put up with, or maybe something she will get over after she trusts me more. I don't know, but I am about to find out.).

My plan is to not text until monday and then just get her address and proceed like normal. She has a roommate so it's not ideal logistics and my concern is that we will go on the date and then no sex at the end. Could be a trap that I am walking into, but I'll learn.

Can't write much now but wow. This is the negatives of learning this stuff.... Stop... You're weird


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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 3:19 am 
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OP...just about everything you are saying and doing is awful. The things that you are close to getting right, you are actually planning to fuck up.

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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 4:47 am 
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This girl is rather resistant to extreme dominance IE she doesn't like to feel controlled (each time I've told her what to do, where to go, she has given me shit. This may be something I won't put up with, or maybe something she will get over after she trusts me more. I don't know, but I am about to find out.).
If the conversation before is an example of this "extreme dominance" she's more so resistant to you being awkward. You're taking her downtown, which is closer to her...come on man, dont make it look so obvious and silly. You set your date up in such a way that its silly to meet at your place. You say SHE has to work for it, let me tell you...you're 2 awkward texts away from this chick texting you "forget the whole thing...this is too complicated and doesnt feel normal."

I'ma speak frankly, you fucked her twice and she's obviously not interested in your dick to the extent to fuck you without more. Cool if you want to keep her in FWB land, but an important part of that is a finding a girl who enjoys fucking you to the point that thats enough. Thats not this chick. Can you get her as a fwb? Not really unless you improve your performance or something inside her changes to just want casual sex. As it stands, this girl is not that.

Now, you'll wait till Monday....take her out to dinner or whatever, maybe take her back to yours and bang. Great. Then you'll hit her up later that week, plan another date, bang. Then she'll just get tired of going out and fucking you. She's not gonna do this for long, and if after 2 bangs she's putting up resistance, you have maybe another 2 bangs before she just stops altogether.

But...stop being so awkward and stop thinking of whether something is supplicating. Because your actions and words are just gonna come off as weird. This girl is already cautious about you, and throwing in "you drive us" isnt going to make her less cautious or do you any favors.

You fucked her. Twice. And if she's not chasing your dick, you cant change her through supplicating or non supplicating, or whatever into a girl who will sleep with you consistently. FWBs dont start nor do they work like that. You want to fuck this girl more than 2 more times? Go the bf route. You dont want to be anything serious? Well, you already had 2 shots to fuck her and it didnt work.


Last edited by neo87 on Sat May 28, 2016 6:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 6:27 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
This girl is rather resistant to extreme dominance IE she doesn't like to feel controlled (each time I've told her what to do, where to go, she has given me shit. This may be something I won't put up with, or maybe something she will get over after she trusts me more. I don't know, but I am about to find out.).
If the conversation before is an example of this "extreme dominance" she's more so resistant to you being awkward. You're taking her downtown, which is closer to her...come on man, dont make it look so obvious and silly. You set your date up in such a way that its silly to meet at your place. You say SHE has to work for it, let me tell you...you're awkward texts away from this chick texting you "forget the whole thing...this is too complicated and doesnt feel normal."

I'ma speak frankly, you fucked her twice and she's obviously not interested in your dick to the extent to fuck you without more. Cool if you want to keep her in FWB land, but an important part of that is a finding a girl who enjoys fucking you to the point that thats enough. Thats not this chick. Can you get her as a fwb? Not really unless you improve your performance or something inside her changes to just want casual sex. As it stands, this girl is not that.

Now, you'll wait till Monday....take her out to dinner or whatever, maybe take her back to yours and bang. Great. Then you'll hit her up later that week, plan another date, bang. Then she'll just get tired of going out and fucking you. She's not gonna do this for long, and if after 2 bangs she's putting up resistance, you have maybe another 2 bangs before she just stops altogether.

But...stop being so awkward and stop thinking of whether something is supplicating. Because your actions and words are just gonna come off as weird. This girl is already cautious about you, and throwing in "you drive us" isnt going to make her less cautious or do you any favors.

You fucked her. Twice. And if she's not chasing your dick, you cant change her through supplicating or non supplicating, or whatever into a girl who will sleep with you consistently. FWBs dont start nor do they work like that. You want to fuck this girl more than 2 more times? Go the bf route. You dont want to be anything serious? Well, you already had 2 shots to fuck her and it didnt work.
Good advise. Thank you.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 7:06 am 
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Yeah, this whole extreme dominance is a tad unnecessary. It's like she lays on the bed, spreads their legs, and says to fuck her and you are caught up on the fact that she said to do it and now you can't do it. You had already won the game, and you decided to forfeit. Some women don't like extreme dominance because they don't need you telling them what to do and acting like you know what's best for them. In that case, those strong independent women will just think you're a controlling creep. You have to calibrate to the situation. It was just planning a date. She doesn't need to know she's driving or any of that right now. It may have worked better in a joking manner in person where you could actually express yourself but probably not. She is clearly the type who believes men take her out, treat her like a woman, and men get sex. Play the part, and then get out of dodge.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 7:55 am 
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Lay off the "red pills" dude.

Christ. Neo is right but personally I'm amazed she didn't drop the whole thing at the "you drive us" part. Wow. Just wow.

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