Quote:
If you like a girl, but she's in a bad mood or pissed off most of the time, can you put stipulations on a date proposal?
Can you say "Hey if you think you can stay positive and cheerful for 30 mins max, I'd like to take you out for coffee."
Or, if you think she's toxic, should you just forget it altogether?
I can't really "fix" this person.
I get it. Especially because you like her you don't want to just drop her. It's not a logical or reasonable thing whereas people are giving you the logical/heartless answer. Cut that bitch off.
Well, you can actually change her behavior if you want. It goes into the art of influence which is what I love. That statement you made is a criticism of her behavior. Most of the time that results in a defensive response which isn't helpful.
Some people just have a habit for being negative, but 9/10 times there is a reason behind her acting negatively which may or may not have anything to do with you. Some aren't aware of their behavior at all.
There are ways to change people's behavior without arousing defensiveness. Typically you'll either have a crucial conversation so that they can actively work on it themselves, and/or you'll subtly change them overtime without them being aware.
You appear to like the direct approach, so get the book Crucial Conversations by kerry patterson and them. This book was suggested to me by RSD Tyler and it's phenomenal.