I´ve got some questions, and I hope, that I can find some answers or suggestions on this forum. I´m 25 years old, male, a student and I live in germany. I´m describing a situation, that occured tonight as an occasion for my problems as a seducer. After that, I´m describing more about me and my characteristics. And, yeah I´m not that good in english, so don´t be so harsh. I registrated on this forum rather than on a german forum, because I also want to improve my english skills.
I started with my Master degree this year. Unfortunately I haven´t found an apartment yet, so I decided to do AirBnB (like Couchsurfing, you just have to pay). My host is a 30 year old women, who works from mornings to evenings. So we always met at the evening for 10 to 40minutes. I stayed there for 5 days, tomorrow the last one. We decided to cook together tonight. Everything went quite well and I thought, that there was some chemistry between us. I haven´t really thought about sex, when i decided to do AirBnB, but I think that I have missed a chance.
I asked the women about her experiences as an host and as a guest on AirBnB and about Couchsurfing. I just wanted to find out, if there´s a hint and maybe a little chance to know, if she´s open to sex or on another way attracted to me. She said, that she doesn´t do Couchsurfing because she thinks, that it is insecure, and she won´t do that alone, especially not with a foreign man. The same can be said about AirBnB, but she made an exception with me and another one, who was her first guest. (you have to give AirBnB your passport information and other informations about yourself). I don´t think that she had something with the first guest, because she said, that he never was at home when she was. After her statements I thought, that there´s no chance and her only intention is to share a room without any further ado.
Well to come to an end, after the dinner she showered etc. and was ready to go to bed. So she came to the living room and asked me, if I´m still there tomorrow or if it is right now our last meeting. So I was sitting there on the table and she was leaning against the door and I said that it may be our last meeting. It wasn´t akward at all, but there was some hesitation and it was confused between us. Here an example of our chat:
She: Oh ok... thaaan you´re not standing up tomorrow to say goodbye?
Me: I don´t know, but I don´t think so.
She: Oh ok...ahem you can call me anytime, when you´re back here in "Location"....
Me: Yeeeah.....if you want we can drink something someday
She: yeaaah...and this time no mailing over AirBnB.....you´ve got my mobile number and I yours, so it´s not that complicated"
The bad thing is, I didn´t stand up to hug her goodbye because I had a boner and just wore sweatpants (maybe there was some sexual chemistry). Her hesitation could be, because she was waiting for a hug... yeaah I´m regretting this now. But I´m regretting it more after she turned around and went to her room. I checked her ass out and I saw, that her sweatpants were transparent...I could see her ass and string. I went to to toilet and I thought to myself, that I´m at least hugging her goodbye. So I went to her room. When i stood in front of her door, I called her name, but she didn´t respond. So I decided, that this is it. She said yesterday on a conversation to me, that she wears earplugs when she goes to sleep, so she probably couldn´t hear me. But yeah, I decided to go back to the living room and now I´m typing this text.
I really don´t know if she made this on purpose or not. She always wore sweatpants when she went to bed, I just haven´t checked here out quite well. I don´t know if it were other sweatpants (on purpose) or not this time. But I had a feeling, that she made some preparations since yesterday evening. Could have something happened if I would have hugged her? Was she waiting for a move (besides a hug)? I won´t find out.
I noticed that she´s a little bit shy and nervous (she makes this quick movements, when someones nervous and shy), but also nice and intelligent...not a girl where you think that she´s a beast and offensive to sex. Maybe I´m just fantasising too much, because I hadn´t had relief for about two weeks (no sex, no fapping). But what if not...I had a boner, I just have one in front of a girl, when theres some sexual chemistry...at least my two affairs in the past proved this statement as correct. What would have you done?
1. As a seducer
I´m not a good seducer and this is my big problem. If I meet a girl on a date (online) I know, that this meeting is all about getting to know each other, which maybe leads to sex. Here I don´t have any problems to escalate on a situation like that, but when it comes to other, unseen situations like the one above, or other ones, I become clueless/helpless. On this occasion there could have been a bad review and punishment from AirBnB and also the chance that she could have thrown me out, if I had just imagined everything.
2. My characteristics
I´m 1,87m tall with brown hair, half south american, half german and I noticed, that women look at me, at least once. Yesterday a smile...But I´m a noob on that. I don´t know how to react. I think that I missed so many opportunities in my life. I just had until now 2 sexpartners for 2-3 months, which I met online and I don´t have any anxiety to escalate here. I also don´t have a problem with conversations (and I think that this is my strength, when it comes to seducing). But approaching and unforeseen situations like these are too much/difficult for me.
3.1 Good side
I think that I look quite well...hell when I´m looking myself on a mirror I always go crazy of how good I look, I can´t believe it. It sounds arrogant, but I´m not. My first sexpartner couldn´t believe that she had a chance with me (she was LSE, HSD and a HB 7, readhead). I met another girl of my studies one night in the disco (HB 9, really). I hadn´t had a conversation with her. Our interactions were until that night by 0. We were just studying the same and one time on a same party. A friend of mine tried to hit on her in the Disco. He came back after some time and told me, that she finds me cute. Later that night, she suddenly came by, took my hand and dragged me with her girlfriend (HB 4) to the dancefloor. I think she was quite drunken but whatever. She also had a boyfriend. I didn´t make a move. I have a girlfriend, who finds me attractive. She didn´t say so, but I know it on the way she looks at me, she interacts, sexual chemistry and some other stuff (HB 6-7). I don´t make a move.
3.2 Bad side
When it comes to photos...yeah I´m not satisfied at all. A friend noticed it too. He sometimes just takes pictures as a joke and mine were always just horrible. He was surprised, but not just him. Also two other girlfriends. They weren´t laughing about my pictures, but they were all astonished, on a negative way. This was just an example, but my pictures are just bad, I can see it in OG. There´s no big score. Yesterday a girl asked me after some time about another picture (I just have one online), I send here one..contact vanished step by step after that. There are a few good ones, when I don´t notice that someones taking a shot of me. I know it has to do something with the camera, the angle etc. but still I´m not convinced about my looks here. Sometimes it looks better when there´s a cameraman from the disco with his expensive camera or on some holidaypictures when the sun is shining. But that´s all. I can´t take a good one with my mobile phone for example. My head tends to be to large (Lumia 950).
Another aspect is, that I´m always the one, who´s hitted by .... yeah (i don´t like to sound terrible) fat girls. Of course I don´t care, but thinking of it...they must think that they have a chance with me, so I assume, that it is because I don´t look that good (I´m also talking about sober, lovely ones).
Next one, I was in the past always the only one ignored by girls in a group. They talk with the others, I´m left out, sometimes not even greeting or saying goodbye to me. Sometimes not having the fun with me as with the others. Ok I admit it, it´s my fault, it´s my behaviour. I´m not a group leader and when it comes to these situations, I´m quiet. I don´t know why. I just have suddenly no idea anymore what to talk about...completely different to myself when I´m having a date (here they don´t believe, that I´m shy).
I moved to a bigger city after living in a little town for years. I noticed, that I´m checked out more often, when I´m out. It´s good. But there is something I can´t identify about the looks and the expression on some women´s faces. They have an astonished, confused expression on their faces. I can´t identify if it is on a positive or negative way...I thought that there must be something on my face, but there isn´t.
I don´t really know. Am I self-confident about my looks or not? Am I accepting my looks or not? Am I satisfied with my looks or not? I can´t say it. Looks don´t matter. Even if this statement is true (it isn´t), I still want to figure out which ranking (HG 9? 7? 5?etc.) I am. Just to know on which girls to concentrate my power and interactions. E.g. If I´m possibly a HG 4, I don´t want to waste my time with HB 9, there could be a good conversation, but there won´t be sex..it would be a waste of time.
4. Just do it, and you find it out
First of all, I´m shy. I was extreme shy in the past and I improved a lot up to this day. I can make and hold conversations, I´m practicing my skills in body-contact. I really don´t have any anxiety with girls on a date, I can escalate and right now, I´m improving my skills on body-touching. I use many of the pick-up technics way before I informed myself about pick-up. So I think, that i´m not a robotic, rather a natural. But it all just goes for OG.
I have an anxiety, when it comes to approaching... the first step and the steps after that. It´s the situation that you have to make her interested in you. I really haven´t approached a foreign women in my whole life. Contacts came from OG, from friends, school, partys, university or from the girls himself. Does a wing help? Well, there were some situations, where one of my friend said, go take here, after we talked about this and that girl. Always, and I mean always, I couldn´t move and breath quite well after these claims. So I think, that it is better to try it for myself. I had some success, not on a seductive way, but more on a talkative way. E.g. waiting in a room for an appointment and talking there with other girls...so on situational situations there is some improvement.
But I have another problem, which needs to be solved first. I think it´s a social phobia, especially when I´m all alone outside. I have always the impression that I´m observed from everywhere and I don´t like this feeling, I´m breathing heavily and I tend to look on the ground. I´m offended for some reason. Why? How can I solve this? Is there any other one with the same problem? It´s completely different, when I´m out with a group or at least another person (better in a bigger group). I´m confronting the situation on purpose. E.g. I always chose courses on my studies, where a presentation in front of the whole class is needed to pass the exam. I´m not hiding, i´m still going out. But it got worse now a little bit, because sometimes I´m even sweating a little bit, because of hot flushes i get. What do I want here? I want a solution, I want to go out all alone with a good, relaxing feeling, smiling to everyone and with pure, motivational happiness. I hope someone can give me an advice to this.
I´m a positive thinker, I´m satisfied with my looks, i can escalate, but just on a date thanks to OG. Thanks to OG I´m a completely noob on the steps before a date. I´m also not satisfied with my looks, It seems that I´ve got a social phobia when I´m all alone outside in the masses of humans, I don´t feel comfortable. My biggest problem is approach anxiety and the steps after that until the date. I haven´t approached a girl in my entire life. I want to become a seducer, I want to have sex, I want to make a situation like the one tonight positive on a sexual seductive way..not just for me, but also for the women. I want to have a sexual aura, not just a cute one and I want to be charismatic. Hopefully there are some guys who can help and give me some advice. Sorry for my english.