GUIDE FOR GUYS DEALING WITH APPROACH ANXIETY



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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:18 pm 
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GUIDE FOR GUYS DEALING WITH APPROACH ANXIETY

Approach anxiety was BAR NONE one of my biggest challenges. And I would say that 80% of the students I meet
say this is their no. 1 challenge.
So I made this guide for you to overcome it.

I do have to say that this isn't something I came up with last night at my kitchen table, but it's something I've developed
over the YEARS.
So proceed with caution.

I hope these guidelines will support you in dealing with your approaching anxiety.

1. Don’t HATE your anxiety - it’s your FRIEND.
I want to start with saying that anxiety is ENERGY. And that energy can serve you if you know how to use it right - as I’ll show
you in a minute. But you will stop the energy flow the minute you start beating yourself up because you feel anxious or nervous.

The right way to deal with it is to start being OK with it. Say to yourself, “I feel nervous when I want to talk to girls, and
that’s OK. I accept it.”


When you accept your anxiety, and you're not hating it, you give it the space to work for you instead of against you. What you
resist will persist
, and as long as you're beating yourself over the fact that you feel anxious, your anxiety will get worse.

It's kind of like that catch 22. You get anxious about talking with her, then you beat yourself up about getting anxious which
in turn creates more anxiety.

Stop that circle by just accepting it. Read further to see how exactly.

2. BREATHE
Go take a shower RIGHT NOW, and as you’re enjoying the hot water, turn it to cold immediately. You’ll notice what?
You’ll do the OOOOHHH sound immediately, and you’ll STOP BREATHING.

Breathing is the gate that will release the trapped energy (anxiety) in your body. When you start taking deep, SLOW breaths into
the bottom part of your stomach, you’ll notice your entire body getting an endorphin shot and start to relax. Just when you want
to start talking with a girl, take 5 very deep and slow breaths to your belly, and notice how your body starts to relax.

3. Give the girl the PERMISSION to say NO to you
A lot of your anxiety comes from you NEEDING to hear a positive response from a girl. You are so small in your thinking and feeling,
that you can’t allow anyone to not want to talk to you. Be OK with the fact that not everyone likes you, not everyone wants to talk to
you…and that’s COOL.
When you give women the PERMISSION to say NO, it makes you feel at ease - because that pressure that it
ABSOLUTELY HAS to work is gone. 


4. Be willing to get the WEIRD LOOK, the REJECTION, the EMBARRASSMENT … at least for a while
So let me not sugar coat it - there is a chance you’ll get an occasional weird look. There is a chance a woman will be mean to you.
And there is a chance that you’ll say or do something which will embarrass you.

And that’s OK.

These things will not be happening for ever. You'll get better with time. But until you do, you just have to cross this
river and get wet.

Think of it this way - if you go to the gym for the first time ever, for the first two weeks you’ll feel muscle ache. You’re lifting
weights, you’re activating the muscles…and it’s PAINFUL.

But after two weeks that pain subsides, and you’re OK. You can keep training and you won’t feel pain anymore.

The same process happens here. For just a short period of time you’ll feel uncomfortable, nervous and maybe get “rejected”.
But after 2 weeks, you’ll get completely comfortable.

5. Say the FIRST THING that comes to your MIND
Contrary to the popular belief, you don’t need a great opener to start a conversation - at least not when you’re just starting out. Think
of situations you find yourself in often - like standing in line at a store, ordering coffee at a coffee shop, or bumping into a cute girl
as you’re pushing your grocery cart. What can you say in these situations? You don’t need a big opener, you can say something simple.

For example, if the line is long, I might say - “Wow…that is a big ass line..”

If you’re at a coffee shop and she’s sitting next to you with a huge gar of coffee - you can say, “I think that’s the biggest cup I’ve seen today..”

If you bump into a girl as she’s looking at soup, you can say - “What would you recommend? You seem like you know your stuff..”

Right?

Say the first thing that comes to your mind in the form of a COMMENT, versus thinking of it as this huge approach you gotta do.

6. Stay through the TENSION
When you start talking, you’ll feel the tension. It’s a new experience, you feel vulnerable and exposed.

And most guys want to jump out of that situation like a frog put in a boiling water. Don’t be that guy. STAY in the situation as you’re talking with her,
even (and especially) if it’s awkward. BREATHE deep and allow the energy to flow. Don’t think, say the first thing that comes to your mind.

No matter how awkward the situation is, stay until the tension passes. It will pass, I guarantee you.

7. ATTACK your FEARS
Make a list of your top 3 to 5 fears you have around approaching women. Example:

1. She’ll reject me
2. Others will laugh at me and think I’m a loser
3. She’ll think I’m weird


Now take each fear, and think of how can you do that on purpose 10 times. So if your fear is that others will laugh at you and think you’re
a loser, think of how can you create that situation and do it 10 times.

In my case, I came up with this stuff:

> Approach a group of girls and start doing push-ups in front of them. Did it 10 times.
> Approach a girl with a very awkward and shy body language with the intention of her thinking I’m weird. Did it 10 times.
> Approach a girl on the train where EVERYBODY can see me get rejected, and try to get rejected. Did it 10 times.
> Approach a girl in front of a group of guys and try to get rejected, with the intention of them thinking I’m a loser. Did it 10 times.

Result?

After doing this stuff, I realised how much others don’t give a shit what you do. I approached a girl in front of a group of guys and BOMBED,
and just as I thought they’ll all laugh at me, I turn around and they’re scratching their balls.

The whole point is that when you attack your fears, they will hide from you. As long as you're running from them, they will be chasing you.

The best way to deal with a fear is to CONFRONT it. So when you think of your greatest fears, and then you think of ways you can confront
it 10 times, the fear loses it's power - because now you're not only not running away anymore, but you're running TOWARDS it.

Don't fear FEAR. Make the fear FEAR you.

8. Learn how to hold a normal CONVERSATION
One of the first things you need to realise and accept is that when you first start talking with her, it’s more about making a normal
conversation rather than “seducing” her.
But most guys can’t keep a conversation going with a stranger, let alone a (hot) woman.

So learn how to make and keep a conversation going without sounding like an interview. Learn how to be a cool guy who has a casual
conversation, VERSUS a sleazy guy who is trying to make sexual jokes that don’t work.

9. THROW away your EXPECTATIONS
One thing to throw away is any expectation you may have about the conversation. Getting her number? Throw that away.

Getting a kiss? Throw that away.

Getting a date? Throw that away.

Your only focus should be “let’s see who is this girl”. Any expectations you have work as an anchor, and will rob you of the ability to
be present and enjoy the moment with her. Add the anxiety that you feel as you talk to her, well…you have a recipe for disaster.

Instead, allow yourself to have the first 10 approaches just as conversations that you enjoy. Don’t even think about getting her number
or setting up a date - focus on getting comfortable in talking with them.

11. PLAN something to do right AFTER your approach
This is just a trick I have up my sleeve. Before I want to make an approach, I think of what I’ll do right after I do it. It doesn’t have to be
anything major, it can be something very simple.

The whole point is that you trick your mind into thinking this is just “a quick stop before I do this other thing”. So I might plan to go
and buy some gum, or look for new shoes. And on my way to do that, oh look there, let me just make a quick stop to talk to a girl.

This trick works great to remove the pressure of the approach.

So if you’re walking down the street thinking of approaching her, say to yourself, “I’ll go and buy some gum, but right before I do let me
make a quick stop and talk to her”.
Try it, it works.

12. Remember that women feel insecure TOO
Often guys get blinded by their own insecurities and anxiety that they forget they are speaking with a real
person
on the other side who is not perfect.

She has her fears, frustrations, dreams. She doesn't feel perfect and it freaks the hell out of her for someone to get
freaked out around her like that.

So when you start a conversation, keep in mind that the hot goddess in front of you has her own issues
and is a person just like you.

And yes, she also takes a shit.

So treat her like a real person, not some super human princess.

Watch this video from a model Cameron Russel who explained how hot women ACTUALLY feel.



13. Make it a MISSION with a time LIMIT

Give yourself full 2 weeks to deal with approach anxiety. Make it a mission, a priority in your life. Take these guidelines and run with
them. Get a journal and title it “My mission of beating my approach anxiety up the ass”.

If you don’t give it a time limit, it may end up dragging for ever, and you can eventually quit. So make it the “14-day mission to changing my life”.
You’ll feel inspired, and each approach won’t be viewed as an approach, but as part of the bigger mission in your life.

13. Get a WINGMAN or a COACH to support you
Going at it alone can be hard, so getting a wingman or a coach to support you on your journey can be gold. When you have somebody that
you share the mission with, you grow stronger in energy. And energy is power.

That’s it guys, hope these guidelines help you in overcoming your approach anxiety.

_________________
I need 30 guys to test my new AA Cure technique, that eliminates your AA
in UNDER an hour.

Requirements:
>You have to be over 21 of age
>You're not comfortable approaching women
>You are serious about eliminating it

Apply At:Test Group


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:02 pm 
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Can you talk more about the ''having a normal conversation'' bit.

As you say, most people suck at making conversation with a stranger (especially a hot girl).
Well, i'm no different. I do, too. And I want to get better, but not sure how!

I typically approach girls in bars, and the conversation always follows the same template of me asking who they are with, where they are going tonight, I might make an assumption about what they do for a job, and then soon after that, i'm done! (I obviously don't fire all of them questions at her like a shot gun, and I try to make conversation off of their answers, but that's the gist.)

Would it be weird to be like ''So what do you do for fun?'' or something? For some reason, it just sounds a bit sort of childish to me. Or like it's something you'd ask someone in an interview! (a bit lke 'tell me about yourself')

I think that my approach anxiety is simply a result of knowing that i'm bad at conversation.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:27 pm 
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jesterofmalice wrote:
Can you talk more about the ''having a normal conversation'' bit.

As you say, most people suck at making conversation with a stranger (especially a hot girl).
Well, i'm no different. I do, too. And I want to get better, but not sure how!

I typically approach girls in bars, and the conversation always follows the same template of me asking who they are with, where they are going tonight, I might make an assumption about what they do for a job, and then soon after that, i'm done! (I obviously don't fire all of them questions at her like a shot gun, and I try to make conversation off of their answers, but that's the gist.)

Would it be weird to be like ''So what do you do for fun?'' or something? For some reason, it just sounds a bit sort of childish to me. Or like it's something you'd ask someone in an interview! (a bit lke 'tell me about yourself')

I think that my approach anxiety is simply a result of knowing that i'm bad at conversation.


Watch a few talk shows. Whomever you relate with....Jimmy Fallon, Larry King, Wolf Blitzer..hell even Oprah. Yes, they're pre-scripted to a degree...but they still CONVERSE. They rarely just answer with one word replies. It's more HOW you converse...not the subject.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2016 8:26 pm 
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Nice guide! Thanks man!


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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2017 3:32 am 
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Quote:
Don't fear FEAR. Make the fear FEAR you.


Absolutely loved this quote!


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