Alright guys, I need your help. About three months ago I started hooking up with a longtime girl I've been acquaintances with. She's probably a 7 and really, really sweet. One of the most genuinely nice people I've ever met. We dated for about a month or so and I had sex with her a few times. Then work began to pick up, I found out I was moving away at the end of the year, and my interest dwindled a little bit. Basically, I had subconsciously decided I wanted to only casually date her with no prospect of moving the relationship forward. So I saw her once every week or two despite us being neighbors. Soon enough she sensed I was dragging my feet concerning dating her, since in her world when you start dating someone the pace is supposed to pick up quickly and soon enough you are exclusive (should have mentioned she's quite innocent). I knew she felt this way, and I felt really bad...like I was taking advantage of an innocent girl. Eventually she confronted me about my "distance," but I knew this conversation was coming so I had a whole speech prepared about my work and my moving and how no relationship was right for me at the moment (I felt this to be true at the time). She seemed to be ok with that (after all she instigated our breakup). I remember feeling a huge sense of relief that we were parting on good terms and that I hadn't broken her heart. At least thats what I thought.

So a month or two goes by. I see her sporatically and we chit-chat. Things seem totally fine between us. Then I receive this e-mail about a month ago from her:

"Esperanto,
After we last hung out at your place, I felt a ton better about myself because of what you said. It's unfortunate that somehow I seemed to make you feel worse. I just don't want to be getting close to someone if I'm not what he's looking for. I hope you can understand that. Please take it as a compliment. I don't think any less of you because of anything you said that night either. I feel like I should have said this earlier and just want you to know that."

I was a little surprised by this and responded with this:

"I'm glad that you are ok with how things ended. However, I really hope you aren't under the impression that you made me feel worse. I enjoyed spending time with you, and it was for reasons that had nothing to do with you that I became more distant. The things I told you that night about my mind being elsewhere have only become more prominent since I'll be moving away in a few months. I'm sort of in countdown mode right now, and for that reason I have no desire to be in a serious relationship with anybody right now. I hope this clears things up. You are a great girl and I always enjoy spending time with you. Take care."

She seemed to like and accept this response. Since this e-mail exchange, a whirlwind relationship has picked up between me and an HB 9 who I just spent last weekend with. We both dig each other and its been fucking fantastic. On Sunday (yesterday), while I was at the parade with the HB 9, this HB 7 texts me saying she wants to have dinner. I told her sure, but not tonight...we'll do it later this week. She said ok, and to call her later to set it up. I didn't call her tonight (was going to call her tomorrow), but I DID post some pics on myspace of me hanging out with the HB 9 and her group of friends. There was nothing explicit posted and you can't tell if I'm dating anyone through the pics, but I guess the HB 7 got the idea that something was amiss since I just received this e-mail form her:

"I need to go to bed, but thanks for the message. Your profile was like a really good, feel-good movie. The kind that makes you more in touch with yourself and the people around you. Sometimes I like to keep my distance too. I'm going to miss having you around, even if I don't see you."

Now, I'm not totally sure what this even fucking means. I certainly wasn't trying to send her any "messages." Its now obvious this girl has been thinking about me despite us barely seeing each other for months. Anyways, she has misinterpreted our breakup and has really taken what little relationship we had to heart (so damn innocent). I've got to pick up the pieces of this girl and let her down far more gently. I've got to be honest with her. I refuse to be some asshole in her eyes if I can help it at all. I'm going to go to dinner with her and set this straight. She's too pure of a person to be accidentally tarnished. Anyone got any pointers? I know this is a long post but this last e-mail really bothered me.

Oh, and she's not a stalker. She's just confused and waaaay too nice for her own good. If done right, I can give her a great lesson in life and relationships (ie don't fall too hard too fast). I hope I can pull this off.

-Esperanto

Oiy. That sucks. I got nothing.

Best of luck hombre.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

What?! This girls a grown woman, and unless your Oprah her problems shouldn't bother you.If she can't handle the fact that your a sexually active man then so what? Don't be held at emotional ransom because of someone else who can't handle the real world.Sarge on

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Treat dem mean to keep dem Keen
Nice guys finish Last.Start your Evil-lution

Dude,

You say she's innocent, and that's the thing - she's probably not used to any form of relationship with a guy, and so even the little fling you had with her, though small and largely insignificant in your eyes, was a big thing to her.

Unwittingly also, I believe, from what you've said, you've unintentionally gamed her.

Think about it, if you were trying to go after her, and she was resisting, you would go see other girls, post the pics up on your facebook/myspace in the hope that she'd become jealous - you would also act disinterested to a point.

What's happened here, is that you've become her one-itis due to her lack of experience, and neediness; and you've run some, what would normally be regarded as good, push-pull on her, and she's just become more attracted to you, to the point where she's doing what a load of AFC guys will do - vent their frustration to make you see the error of your ways and fall in love with them.

I know you've essentially LJBF'ed her previously, so it shouldn't be like this, but I think she's ignoring that in favour of her accidental, uninformed view of you, and has, one way or another become obsessed with you.

How to get rid of her? Either LJBF her bluntly so there's no mistaking what you mean, or cut her out of your life completely - this will be hard as you live so close to her and may portray you as an asshole - your call...

Wilde

The more gently you try and let her down the more attracted shes going to be to you. Im not really sure what else you can do, but i would just make your intentions known, because the dinner sounds like she wants more than just dinner. A woman you have previously had relations with does not just call/text to go to dinner if they don't want to talk about your relationship together. You might just end up fucking her again and then shes gonna be hooked even harder.

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success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

Yeah dude,

When I say bluntly, I mean bluntly.

"I'm sorry I feel differently to you but I am not looking for a relationship, nor to continue where we left off. That's all in the past, and i'm afraid, that's where it's gonna stay. We should still be friends though, i'm not looking to cut you out of my life."

Something along those lines.

Wilde

As a woman, I'd appreciate the direct approach outlined by Wilde. Saves everyone time.

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- Zip

Oh, I fully intend to cut this girl off gently and directly. Back in my AFC days, I had been hurt by girls that moved on, and all I really wanted was to talk to that person and get a definitive explanation to help cope. She deserves that much. And I will definetly not be fucking her again. Not only would that make things worse, but I would be jeopardizing the great new relationship I'm in.

^^

Agreed.