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Better avoid tried and tested routines and insult people instead...
SOLID GAME, BRAH
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I am so screwed. I will never try to flirt again.
I was the first guy to bring this up to you, you talk girls in the worst of ways to sabotage yourself. You are unaware and aware that you are doing it so you can easily blame the girl's to prevent you from trying. Your example wasn't flirting but I do feel it was a successful neg at first and you could have recovered it but then you said something even worse that was just a plain insult.
It's so clear to me. You are wasting time on this till you meet some other people that can help you. You will probably say that you don't have the money to pay for an instructor to help you to meet women. But this is the only way.
The fact that you want to be a lone wolf and never want to get on SPAM with me is this...
You don't want to meet anyone that COULD help you because you have already decided to want to fail.
Meeting an instructor would imply action on your behalf, something that you are just too fearfull of. I don't think you have a chance till you find professional help.
you're right that you were the first to bring that to my attention.
but at that instant, 2 things were happening in my mind:
1) I thought it's funny BECAUSE she is sensitive to it. I can't tell something is inappropriate. I cant see things from other people's point of view. The way I figured how inappropriate it is was by putting myself in that situation. what am I sensitive about? my height. what if someone joked about my height? I would hate that person. at that moment, I realized oh shit, that was inappropriate.
2) "Don't say it. Don't say it." it's like "don't think of a pink elephant" the more I thought "don't say it" the more I was forced to say it.
Also, I just cant work under pressure, I cant think on my feet. having a girl talk to me is pressure.
I think at this point anything I do is an admission of guilt so I will just act normal?