Hey Everyone!
So regarding this girl I posted about before (I'll just try to make a short summary so ppl can catch up)

I met her 3 years ago, I flaked on her and never spoke to her again. We started going out again this year in February.

We have been going out since February (we have already had sex). She ocasionally brings up the fact that I flaked on her 3 years ago (along with other things I may have done wrong along these months, you know girls)

She is a very busy person so we have very little time to meet and go out. Most of our interactions are thru SPAM / phone. It all seemed like we were about to get into a relationship, but lately she started saying things like "maybe we should just be friends for now" "we obviously don't have time to be 100% committed into a relationship" "what we have just doesn't feel like a relationship".

Weird thing is that she says those things but she acts completely different (for example, we still go on dates, or she had invited me to go on a weekend trip this weekend with her sister and husband, although the guy had a problem so we ended up not going).

She is leaving on a month long trip next weekend and my idea, like another member suggested, was to meet up with her before she leaves and let her know that the only interest I have in her is romantically, I have no intentions of getting a "best friend".

What do you guys think? What would be the best approach to go about it? my thinking is, if she is interested then great, but if not let me know so I can move on... I guess I hate not being in control of the situation, but I don't want to sound like hey let me know when you are ready I will be waiting. Does that makes sense?

You can't convince someone to be ready. You can talk about your long term goals as individual "yeah, I'm in date mode right now, but if the time is right for a relationship, then I won't overlook it ".


At this point she gave you the nuts and bolts of the situation. I recommend being patient and keep seeing her. If you do boyfriend and girlfriend things and see each other more than twice a week, the relationship blossoms naturally. That's how it always been for me at least.


I also recommend seeing other women too. That never hurts in the long run.

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ha great advice! Although unfortunately most weeks we don't have time to see each other often. She works 2 jobs so most of our dates are late night and short (I know, I need to try and keep them interesting).

so for now just keep rolling with it and act like I am cool with the current situation? problem is then what do I say when she suddenly wants to have those "talks" where she brings up the fact that maybe we should go back to being "friends" (she probably means we should stop kissing and having sex)...

(although we have had those talks and next date we are back to normal) lol.

Are you sure you're not just looking to lock things down before she goes on holidays?

If a relationship is what you want then fine - but how will it even be different from your current day-to-day of not seeing her and texting once in a while?

Be honest with yourself: what are you truly getting out of this at the expense of your dating freedom? What would be different?

From my perspective you're way better off keeping her arrangement as is, and also being free to date and sleep with people who actually have time to see you.

you are right... maybe I should stop being obsessed with this girl... if it evolves into something deeper then great but in the meantime why beat myself over something that I can't change right?

the thing is I am not trying to lock things down before she leaves on holidays, but after 9 months of dating I am trying to figure out whether it will be going for something more or I should move on. My ultimate goal is to get into a relationship, and I do think this girl is special.

I need to control my patience and anxiousness, I just hate to be on the uncertainty or not be in control of the situation.

"i'll be waiting"

So instead of getting out there and getting to know all of the beautiful women that exist wherever it is that you are you'll be waiting on the penpal that barely has enough time for you? I would love to know why. Men need to learn to be willing to let go of their investments. The only thing you're truly holding onto is this "3 years concept" and all of the time, money, and energy you've put into this situation. You don't want to see it all go to waste. And thats whats making you not as attractive as you could be being perceived.

You won't be waiting on anyone man. Start living your life, and if she catches up so be it. If not, you'll will have met someone more fitting for your life in the process.

Read: pua-lounge/topic190620-15.html

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makes sense. Thanks Eddie!