This is exactly right. The second many guys realize there is actual HARD WORK involved in this shit (not overly hard, and it's fun as hell, but it takes some work to get up to speed), plus a teflon demeanor (even a minor 'rejection' can sting) they back out.

Ok, this is all very good, but i think im going to try get her back anyway.

She told me she looked on my sisters facebook a couple of days ago to see if there was any news about me, there was none. Is she still interested?

She said she was seeing some guy but didnt want to do the distance with him as it would end up like me her and her. I then said, you should have gone for it. Then she asked me if we could be friends now.

My plan, leave it for a couple of days then im visiting my friend next week who lives past her, so was thinking, should i tell her im visiting her, or ask her to meet up?

what is the point in joining the forum

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to win her back.

Ok, i am going for it anyway, anyone got any advice?

I messaged her on wednesday which was the last time, was going to message again tomorrow, and see if she wants to hang out.

You got alot of advice and you just ignored it... I love forums lol

Pay me £60 and I will give you a line

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She seems very open to a reconciliation. She said she thought you hated her (I would think she'd hate you for leaving for 6 months), and she admitted to searching for updates about you. She also gave you the green light as far as other guys.

I have two concerns here. One, I echo the sentiments of others who question how much you really want this girl. If you truly love her, how could you so easily decide to move away for 6 months and let her go? It would be so cruel to get her hopes up and then realize she's not the one.

Also, I would expect her to be fairly skeptical and doubtful of your sincerity.

I think you should set up a casual meet-up, get reacquainted, try to see how you really feel, definitely don't sleep with her.

Then spend some time thinking about it, and if you really want her back, be sincere. No need to game her, you've hurt her enough. You've already shown you can easily live without her, which does raise your value in her eyes. Express regret, tell her how much you've learned, and that you want another chance. She may test you and play hard to get, but keep persevering. Speak from your heart, be sincere and you'll eventually win her over.

I've been in your ex's shoes several times and that is what worked with me. What does NOT work is trying to just sweep everything under the rug, not express feelings, game her and try to get her to chase you.

BTW, I don't agree with all the "oneitis" claims. I don't agree that every romantic interest is totally replaceable and interchangeable. I think people cling to this idea to stay in "control" because they don't want to admit that any woman may have power over them....Certain people are meant to be in our lives plain and simple. I don't think we have only one soul mate but rather a handful whom we could be very happy with. But some people play very important roles in our lives and it's dumb to simply discard them.

hahaha so true

wilyone - are you female?

Also, totally agree with you, there is oneitus or there is part of you that just gets on with a girl having dated other girls and realised that it was a good relationship. Much to the reason why I went away was because I was suffering from depression. And had I of stayed with her at that time, we would no longer be together as I just hated my life. In the last few months I have changed alot, lost some weight, and become happy with myself.

Update:

I messaged her asking if she was at home next week. She said Yes. Why is that? . I never replied until the next day, she replied three times which made me think hmmmm. However, she does just text alot.

I then said, I'm driving passed your town, il come pick you up and we can hang out. Then she gives me a million excuses about how shes working, and helping her nan out, etc...

I then thought about this and approached it wrong... I said, ok Sunday, scrap what your doing, SPAM i want you to have in your mind that you are seeing me, stop being weird about it.

Her: Isn't it a bit too soon though?
Me: I'm fine with it, its convenient for me to drop by. Is it weird for you?
Her: No, il see what I can do.
Me: ok

Then we had a little small talk chat, and it was more how is your day blerghhh, so I ended it. I think her walls are up SPAM so no point in trying to make any jokes. I think the hardest part will be getting her to arrange to meet up with me, maybe because she is hurt still, or desexualised from me? She texts me back instantly to every text though. It's like she just wants to text as its the easiest thing, and she doesnt want to lose me.

I wasn't going to message her now until the end of the week when I talk about seeing her at the week end. I think once we do meet up it will go really well. Just wondering about how much advances to make. I liked your comment about meeting up with her and seeing how you actually feel. But from everything Iv ever read and took advice from, putting it to her straight doesnt seem to work from experience. As much as I want to, I was thinking of the process of meeting her in the first place, i didnt give a shit about her at first as i was concentrating on my job. And from there, not being kean, worked well on her.

You can't help people that don't want to be helped.

You want to do your own thing. By all means, learn the hard way. Keep us posted if you want too, but you can't ask for advice on "how to do things the wrong way". Or you can keep doing the opposite of what you're being told and see how that works.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
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How to keep a girl.

I think we should talk in opposite so he will also do the opposite

Hey op - I think you should get back with her and do whatever it takes!

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_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

The thing is there are alot of people saying move on. As a person myself I have moved on. I want to get back with this girl, or atleast give it a good shot. Have you never tried this? What is so bad about this? I know people who have split up for a bit and got back together.

The thing being portrayed in this forum is that this is never an option. But its a pick up forum, is it because getting an ex back is hard? or on the most part doesnt work because we destroy ourselves when they first dump us? What I know is that I loved this girl but wasn't happy with my life in general. And now she could fit in. Getting her back though is the hard part.

Nothing to do with the forum. Willing to bet your friends and family would say the same thing.

I forgot the story now (too many of these threads to keep track) but I think she cheated on you didn't she? Come one...

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