FOCUSSES 23/04/2015
(Input from other posters included)

- Doing cold approaches isn't enough lifestyle needs to change (the only way to improve natural game) ... also is pick-up really more important than my other ambitions?
- 55 cold approaches isn't enough either
- Approach more frequently, walking around looks creepy and get's noticed
- Put more focus on non-verbal element of night game - convos kill escalation
- Avoid risky/confrontational situations with guys
- Stop rationalising my mistakes
- Improve text game
- Focus on escalation, not rapport


NEW APPROACH FORMAT

Every week, open at least one of the following:
- Girls with headphones (need to figure out a line and a way to get the attention of these kind of girls)
- Girls with a male friend (just go up to the girl and say are you going out with this guy. If "yes", eject from set; if "no", proceed with line. Simples)
- Girls with female friend (engage female friend a little bit but focus attention and open the girl you are primarily interested in).
- "Hey, how are you" opener (sometimes simplicity works best.)
- Compliment opener ("I like that necklace...did you make it yourself?"..."I like the style you look like you came straight from D.P.")
- Opinion opener (I'm trying to find opinion openers that actually work and don't sound too cheesy/corny)
- Pick-up lines (I want solid evidence that "pick-up lines don't work" before I will believe it)

LINES TO REMEMBER
With Chocolate's non-verbal suggestionsin tack

GIRL: Sorry I have a boyfriend
ME: Well no worries he can be my boyfriend / No worries, I'm not the jealous type / No worries, I've got a boyfriend too / I've got a goldfish + (optional) .... sorry I thought we were talking about things that don't matter? / No worries, I can be your back up plan...here's my number

GIRL: Yeah...I'm about to meet my friends now
ME: Oh that's cool I can be your friend too. + (optional extra) We can be bestest buddies/BFFL

GIRL: *INSERT RUDE FORM OF REJECTION, NON-VERBAL OR VERBAL*
ME: Sorry, what? You don't speak English? Oh well, no worries.

GIRL: What? Are you out alone? / Why are you out alone?
ME: That's right, flying solo hun / Just here for the dance, the drinks and the gorgeous women *WINK*

GIRL: You're too young / You're too old / How old are you?
ME: That's right, too good looking / That's right, too much experience / Too old/young for you, darling.

More shit-test defusion here.
I know what you mean, absolutely. Sometimes it looks creepy though when I'm trying to dance into a set and the women shut me down, although this could be

(a) I'm not getting the non-verbal down as well as I like to think
(b) It's because the club is almost empty

I remember in a club not so long ago I tried to dance into a set and the girls just gave me a weird look, so I stared both of them out, and then I was in the set and even managed to get a kiss-close!


...And I've experienced this as well, for example in the same set I was just talking about, the second I asked,

"what's your name"

I got shut down. But the "what's your name" line was also a desperate attempt to rekindle rapport because I felt the sexual escalation was dying. The more and more I do game, the more and more I realise it is to draw the distinction between rapport and escalation...and to focus on escalation more so than rapport. I mainly do rapport now just to be polite and prove to a woman that I am interested in treating her as a human and that I am interested in her personality, not just her body. But that really is as far as you need to go with rapport.
Agreed one hundred percent. I would just add that congruence is important. For example if you try to keep an unrealistically high energy positive vibe ALL the time it comes across as cheesy and fake and you get worn down. That's why I try and be realistic about just how positive I can be, and try to incorporate a mixture of approaches that are both high, upbeat and positive and approaches that are not negative but communicate a relaxed, chill vibe. The more you do this, I find, the easier it is to keep a consistent energy the whole time, it's like taking your foot off the clutch: if you go too fast the engine will stall, but take it nice and steady and you will get the right acceleration needed to get moving.

RSD Tyler does a good video on congruence and I think it's 100% dead on, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZkAVtTUZug

Seriously, this shit should be taught in schools, it has wider application than just pick-up and in terms of real life applications it's probably more useful than learning about polyesters. It's just that most people take whatever social skills they have for granted and don't truly strive to improve their communication with other people and truly smooth out those awkward situations.
Totally agreed. Sometimes it feels like when I'm pursuing women, I'm sacrificing my ambitions and social life and when I'm pursuing my ambitions, I'm sacrificing my ambitions and social life. To be honest it's literally been two years since I had an active social life. If that's not sad enough, my mum regularly posts articles on my facebook profile to make it look more dynamic (seriously, I wish she would stop!). It doesn't really bother me, at least not as much as not getting laid and not being in a relationship bother me, but I know that it would be nice to branch out again. And who knows, I might meet more women that way or find a spring board to realise some of my ambitions provided I'm surrounded by the right people. But the right people just aren't easy to come by and when you do come by, they aren't easy to get to know!

Talking about life changes, tomorrow I'm changing gyms, because I can't be bothered doing martial arts anymore I just want to focus on bulking up a bit. Also half the martial arts classes don't even run consistently because not a lot of people turn up and the gym is in a tacky/shady part of town where women don't really go to, or if they do go there they go when it's "lady's only time" which is bad news for me. So I'm switching up to a gym that quite frankly is more reliable, has better free weights apparatus (I'm into my squats and deadlifts) and is more popular. It's just a shame that I won't be doing martial arts for a bit but I guess it's not really necessary. I'm going to be changing my life and hobbies around a bit so that they are more in line with meeting women. That means I've got to make a few sacrifices but oh well. I might start posting up my workout sessions on here as well as my PUA approaches. And I can do PUA approaches on the way to the gym, so I don't have to go so far out of my way to talk to women anymore. In short, if you want girls, sometimes focussing exclusively on PUA and cold approaches isn't enough, you've got to make life changes. Well that's what I'm doing now and if possible I'll branch out socially but I'm in a sticky spot as of late and it's hard to make new friends, partly because I just don't really care. Friends come and go, so whatever.



NIGHT GAME

Anyway just thought I'd add on an additional 5 night game approaches to my tally. Possibly more actually. I didn't go into any clubs that you had to pay in because Wednesday nights are absolutely deadbeat. I just went and looked around if there was an approachable set I'd go talk to them. Most places were sausage fests but one place I talked for about 2 minutes. The girls were HB 6 and HB 7.5 blondes. I tried to engage the 7.5 but she was too far away from me, and the HB 6 was the girl I first locked eyes with (cruelly calculating that I could use her to get into the set). Anyway I made a bit of conversation and dropped a few techniques that come to me almost subconsciously now. I managed to engage the 7.5 a bit but like I said she didn't seem as interested as the 6 and she probably didn't want to hurt her friends feelings. I considered leaving with the 6's number but honestly there wouldn't have been much point. At best I would have texted her to try and meet up later on that night but the situation probably would have just been a continuation of the previous conversation and that's if they would have been willing to do so anyway. I just politely ejected and HB 6 said something like, "oh no that's fine you carry on what you're doing". The HB 7.5 seemed more aware of what was happening. I made 4 more approaches but led to no conversation or escalation and therefore they aren't even worth mentioning.

DAY GAME 26/04/2015

Just keeping you guys updated, haven't done much in the last few days but I've done 2 approaches today so that boosts my number to 57. I'm glad to say that these approaches were part of my daily routine - that's to say that I wasn't going out specifically to approach: I was going out to get groceries, go to the gym, find somewhere to eat, etc. It just so happened that I found girls as I was going about my daily activities and approached them pretty much there and then. This is the way I think it should be and it also means I am developing the confidence to act when an opportunity presents itself rather than trying to force an opportunity and inconvenience myself - i.e. walking around for ages hoping I'll spot a beautiful lady in a logistically appropriate situation. This is how I want to go about my approaches in future. The main benefit of course being that if you're living an attractive lifestyle women instantly find YOU more attractive.

I had dinner in a nearby pub that is reasonably priced, an Italian girl and her family/friends sat two tables away from me. I think she even chose that table on purpose because we caught each other's eye outside the table. Some arsehole tried to steal my table when I left to make orders, this was in spite of my leaving the jacket on the seat, and then he was deliberately awkward when I asked him to leave. Fucker. Oh well, I enjoy practicing assertiveness, so situations like this actually work to my benefit. I don't feel especially nervous when this kind of thing happens and the person trying it on nearly always ends up looking like a total retard in front of his/her friends.

Anyway an old lady came and sat on the table in between me and the Italians. She was by herself as well, quite attractive for her age (too old for me all the same!) and obviously very open to socialising. She talked to the Italians who were somewhat receptive but didn't speak much English and then turned and spoke to me - and I am like, nearly ALWAYS open to talking to strangers because I know it's the best way to improve your social skills. At the same time though, I was slightly cautious that she might be trying to hit on me so the interaction was slightly awkward! Luckily that never happened - she never tried to hit on me

Anyway I didn't hit on the cute Italian girl during my meal but we exchanged several glances while I was speaking to the lady next to me. She (the Italian girl) even tried to make an interaction happen by telling us that she was about to leave to go some place. I hesitated, looking (and failing) to find that perfect line, then asked her where she was going but it was too late and she already turned her back. For this reason, I haven't counted this as an approach today because I lost my nerve.

Later I was in a cafe and caught a girl checking me out when I was drinking my coffee. She quickly looked away but I caught her subtly glancing over her shoulder two times after that so I decided to make a move, I just went over and told her she caught my eye. She was European so she didn't understand and so I rephrased:

"I just thought you were kinda cute/kinda attractive so I came over to say hi"

It came across as a little edgy/irritable though, mainly because I'm fed up of these stupid eye games that women play. But I didn't mean for that to come across in my tone of voice all the same. She said she was taken which was probably a lie, but I didn't have any masterful PUA boyfriend destroyers come to mind. Well I did, but didn't especially want to use them so I just took the hint and went back to finish my coffee.

Last approach, I saw two girls with shades and said to one of them,

"Hey good idea wearing shades on a day like this..."

HER:.. Oh thanks...
ME (finishing my line): ...you never know when you might bump into someone dazzling.

She gave a chuckle but she wasn't interested and walked off. Maybe I should have said it with more confidence or maybe I should stop trying pick-up lines.

I'm gaming some girl online at the moment. Got her number and she thinks it is a good idea to meet up some time. Like I said, I want success in real life not online but I'm starting to wonder if that is possible the number of times I've been rejected. In any case, I'm playing long game with this girl, like she lives two or three hours away and I think it would probably take at least a month before anything happens. So this gives me some time to get my act together and see if I can pull someone in real life first.

Ok have been a bit of a pussy the last fortnight and not really stuck to my 9 a week target. Still, I've since been out with a wing and we approached two or three sets. I think having a wing has it's pros and cons. Overall, it was good to just get out of the house and meet someone new though.

On the plus side it's just good to know your not the only freak on the planet that's into pick-up! And it's good to meet someone like minded with a similar skill-set. I think this guy had slightly better game although I was a little more direct and made the first approach.

On the other hand, you have to adapt your style to his and to do that you have to understand how the other guy works/thinks. I remember the first thing we did was sit down and have a drink, because we were both too nervous too approach straight away. I was also keen to demonstrate social awareness because sometimes I can be overly enthusiastic to just robotically approach the first woman I see. At the time I was getting a little anxious because sitting down to chill and have a drink made me question if we weren't just making excuses but eventually we left and approached a few sets in the next bar. And this was good because I had an overall picture of the guys personality, therefore knowing how to adjust to his mindset in sets.

No concrete results but the guy said he was keen to keep me in his PUA circle so I guess the future is bright.

Just been on a date: the first date since I started this journal so things are improving! Funnily enough it was the very first approach I made that got me the date, which is kinda weird if you think about it. Surely my very first approaches should have been the worst and most uncomfortable and therefore the ones that are LESS likely to get any concrete results, but here you have it: more than a month after meeting the girl and somewhat persistently texting her, I managed to secure the date.

Before we first met at the cafe, when this Eastern European man wanted to know where he could buy gifts for his girlfriend. I was just telling him that I wasn't really sure when MY date turned up and before I knew it we were both trying to fire suggestions at him. I've read so much pick-up artistry that at this point I'm getting paranoid about a possible attempt on his behalf to AMOG me! Probably getting worked up over nothing, I started making lots and lots of suggestions that the man thought were all 'too expensive' or 'too far away' before he eventually gave up and walked away. My date then asked humorously if I even knew him and I said "no" but of course an awkward silence ensued. This was unsurprising since we both knew that I did not initially know her and yet I approached anyway.

I had been under the impression that she was Eastern European originally but I soon found out she was actually just Scottish with quite a thick accent. I decided IN FAVOUR of buying her a coffee in the end. After all, it's not like I was paying for her taxi fare or anything. Having said that, I got the impression that she wasn't really expecting me to do so. Then again, this actually made me feel MORE comfortable buying her a coffee, since I didn't feel like such a favour was being taken for granted. One of the first things she did was compliment my shirt, and I had to resist complimenting her low-cut t-shirt which actually made it pretty difficult for me not to stare down at various points during the conversation, haha. I did compliment her handbag at the end of the date when I noticed it - quite a nice brand with an additional accessory she told me about that I can't remember the name of.

To be honest, I totally surprised myself with my own conversational repertoire. I think I talked about myself a lot more than I intended to but they were interesting things so I could kind of get away with it. I talked about everything from dubstep to yoga, cross-fit, hiking, my snowboarding trip in Zell am See, free weights (D'OH), systema (D'OH), MMA (D'OH), London, archaeology and free music software. To be honest I was quite hectic, talking at about a mile a minute - I didn't even know I could do that! In the past I've been guilty of saying not very much and just waiting for the other person to fill in most of the awkward silences. Today, I was doing the opposite, trying to slow myself down and not talk in so much flipping detail! I think my date was both intrigued and mildly unsettled at the same time, haha. I also ended up spending three times longer than I had initially planned at the venue before we walked back in the same direction to get home. I had only planned on staying until we finished the first coffee and then making an excuse to wrap things up lol.

Anyway a few critical points: barely any sexual escalation. Wayyy to much focus on rapport. There WERE awkward silences and there definitely WERE moments when I could feel that I was talking too much. I even nervously apologised once or twice for talking too much which is never a great idea. "Sorry, sorry...oh, sorry!" just seems to be a bad compulsive habit sometimes but she assured me that she was interested in what I had to say. Other times I avoided this dilemma by spitting out everything I had to say about a self-centred subject in one speedy verbose mouthful then quickly changing the topic by asking a question about my date before she even had a chance to register what the hell I was just talking about. Other times I would try to 'slow things down' a bit by lingering onto those pregnant pauses and eye contact with the hope of creating some sort of sexual escalation. This resulted in some obvious bemusement so I would quickly change tactic when that happened. With a lot of girls I will be quite direct in terms of conveying sexual interest non-verbally. But with this girl, I really couldn't figure out if she was more of a traditional dating type that would be repulsed by such advantages, or if this kind of directness would be reciprocated. I made several suggestions towards potential future dates during our discussion based on mutual interests.

If I could have been a bit smoother then I could have thought of some good reasons/excuses to bring her back to my place since it turns out we live near each other and even go to the same gym! Even then though, I'm pretty sure I would have struggled as far as sexual escalation is concerned. Now I feel that I'm trapped in the potential long-term relationship zone, which will mean a lot of further courting and dates and what not. So this is obviously a bigger test of endurance than a simple one-night lay. Of course it's my own fault for EVEN THINKING about this shit. But I just can't friggin' help analysing EVERYTHING. Before we split up to walk in our own directions, I made a final statement of interest in dating again and she said she would keep in touch by text. Whether she will be ACTUALLY be interested in keeping in touch or arranging another date, it's hard to say, really. I haven't texted or called her yet because I'm not really sure how to go about it yet.

NIGHT GAME 10/05/2015

Went out with two wings last night who I've been recommended to by my pick-up circle which is starting to grow (not sure if this is a good thing or not!). Standing outside the club we were supposed to meet, I was beginning to wonder if this was a joke. Even more paranoidly, I began to wonder if the guy was testing me, watching from a distance to see if I had the balls to approach rather than stand around waiting like a lost puppy. So I went inside the club, got the stamp then came back outside and stood around waiting like a lost puppy regardless LOL. Eventually I decided to call him, and saw a short, stocky, bald Asian guy about ten or twenty years older than me pick up the phone.

Although I would generally prefer to sarge in my own age group, I saw the opportunity to learn from someone with more experience. I was also glad that this was a man with confidence, a little more confidence than myself in fact, so not somebody that I would have to spend most of the night baby sitting. And I have had to baby sit before when I went out with shy, nerdy guys. There's very little point in it. Walking down the high street, we did our best to maintain our composure and not shake like rattles in the cold night with nothing on but a shirt. After informing me that we would soon be joined by another wing, one of the first things that happened was a woman asked us if we'd like to go to the nearby strip club.

"Not unless you'll be joining us, love!"

He cheered, settling my mind because I now knew he was confident around women. I just had to find a suitable opportunity to demonstrate the same.

It was a busy night in my city's main high street and at least one of the wings (if not so much the other guy) was very enthusiastic about approaching, so I capitalised on this positive vibe and did a SHIT load of approaches. I'd estimate at around twenty overall but I couldn't be sure. At the start of the night I did a few low key dance routines and trying to get the girls attention. Initially my wing seemed reluctant to do much in spite of that initial burst of confidence. He didn't even buy a drink or want to dance with the girls at all, so I was a little anxious that the guy wouldn't be up to much.

However, I was soon proved wrong and he probably approached a lot more than I did, in spite of my significant volume of approaches. As the night went on he turned out to be full of useful advice and was encouraging ME to do more approaches, not the other way around. But he told me at the same time that he was in fact more concerned that the other wingman approach, since he did seem quite reserved. I got pretty tired at around 2am and told him I was thinking of calling it a night at which point he told me the night was still young and that if I wanted the pretty women I was gonna have to persist.

"I've been persisting for four hours!"

I complained.

He laughed, and conceded that I had approached in a significant volume, so we agreed to stick around for another hour before packing it in. He was a lot shorter than me and ten or twenty years older but stood with good posture and projected his voice like a true alpha. I remember at one point we walked past two drunk girls sitting on the side of the street with their chips, totally bare footed. I was thinking of something to say to them when he suddenly turned and shouted,

"We don't have any money!"

If you know anything about indirect approach, then you know that it can be pretty tricky to spill out lines like that, even if they don't seem incredibly genius or complicated at a glance. His advice for me was that since I am tall - at least compared to him - I should not be leaning over to talk to girls. Instead I should stand tall so the woman is forced to look up to me. If I can't hear what they are trying to say, which is often the case, pull them in close and ask them to repeat.

This seemed like good advice and what was truly genius about the advice is that doing this makes it ten times easier to go in for a kiss close. In fact, I got a kiss close doing just this:

When I was on the dance floor, I saw a group of fucking hot HB 8s and 9s and couldn't help eyeing them up like a total AFC (thankfully they had their backs turned). There was a pretty buff black guy standing next to me and gave me a knowing glance before suggesting which girl to go in for.

"You reckon mate?"

I asked.

"Absolutely, bruv."

Normally I would go in from the front. However, this set was much more difficult since we were separated by a fucking great wall pillar. As I went in to tap the girl on the shoulder I clumsily crashed into the girl next to her nearly knocking them both over. Not a great start! But I was determined to make this work. As the girl turned around she gave me a killer stare and I sent that stare right back with a comical eyebrow raise (it helps if you can raise just one eyebrow!).

Normally this isn't enough and I have to work my way through a few shit tests, e.g.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

But in this instance it worked a charm, her expression softened immediately and she seemed humoured and, most importantly, ATTRACTED. I held her hand, talked some bullshit, e.g. what's your name, ALWAYS saying something different if she asked me to repeat. Then I gave her the spin and clumsily put her hand behind my head pulling her in close. The clumsiness didn't matter, though and she surprised me by suddenly leaning all the way back nearly smashing her head on the floor. I did the best to compose myself and keep her steady before reeling her back and going straight in for a make-out session. This was the most physically attractive girl I've ever made out with. And she was a good kisser too, but not quite at the top, sorry love .

This make-out lasted a few seconds with some intense tongue fucking and lip biting before her friend (hot but older, with a few wrinkles) suddenly interjected abrasively, violently pushing me away and snatching her friend aggressively. Then she turned, looking at me with the most evil look as if I was some twisted womanising pervert (which I am ) and started shouting at me.

"She's not interested!"

My gosh, it's not like I'm a rapist or anything, I think to myself. I tried to do the usual stare-out-the-bitchy-friend routine but it didn't work. She wavered eye contact for maybe a split second and then just repeated, shaking her head,

"She's not interested."

The hot girl I just made out with gave me a monkeyish grin that seemed to almost apologetically communicate,

"I'm just a girl, teehee"

Before she allowed herself to be passively whipped away. If I was more confident, then of course I would persist, but my confidence has it's limits so I turned around semi-planning on approaching her at a later point. Then I saw my wingmen laughing, both congratulating me on the kiss-close and seeing the humorous side in the situation.

A little voice popped in my head and said,

Aren't your wingmen supposed to disarm the bitchy friend for you?

But I disregarded it, since dwelling on this failure wasn't going to do me any favours, especially not if I was about to suggest to the boys what they should do next time.

let it go

I thought.

So instead, keeping my spirits high, I said,

"Did you see that? Did you fucking see that!?"

Pointing back with my thumb in comical disbelief. My friend simply replied,

"Yeah, girls will do that."

Damn fucking right they will.

It's not the first time it's happened to me either.

Then suddenly, a wave of paranoia swept me over. The night before I'd read that oral herpes could be transmitted through making out and I realised I could hardly hear what most people in the club are saying half the time. What if the angry protective woman - let's call her the mother hen - wasn't so angry after all and had she had simply been trying to tell me,

"She's got an std!"

Yes, the way her lips were moving, it was more like she said,

"She's got an STD"

rather than,

"She's not interested"

My wingman simply reassured me that she was probably just trying to fuck with me and that stds can't be transmitted by kissing. I wasn't so sure of this, but then I saw the same mother hen a few minutes later with a different friend. I didn't even recognise the mother hen. I just remember looking over my shoulder seeing a hot girl and shouting

"YO!"

Before my thoughts had a chance to kick in and steal my confidence away. The girl had probably been in the same set as the girl I just kiss-closed, she shot me a dirty look since she seemed recognise me as 'the evil player', and as they walked past the 'mother hen' shouted at me again,

"You're an arsehole, fuck off!!"

I just stared at her again, as she sheepishly repeated,

fuck off

Her voice trailing away into oblivion.

Earlier during the night, I was practicing standing tall, since as I already mentioned, my wingman pointing out that I lean over too much. I saw two fucking hot girls with dark hair dancing pretty fucking agressively. I just went straight in and shouted

"WOOH!!"

This isn't my normal style - I normally move in direct, but my style is smooth, not aggressive - but it worked initially. This woman started grinding on me so aggressively I nearly pushed her over. That didn't stop her from turning around to practically dry hump my leg and then resume grinding moving her ass straight into my crotch, bent over as if we were fucking doggy style. I managed to keep the momentum for perhaps a minute, but my confidence soon waned and she ejected but with a seductive glance. For this reason I approached her later that night but to no avail.

Some of the initial sets I was involved in simply because my wingman was talking to the girls. I remember some of these girls were so fucking bitchy and horrible I had a hard time regaining my social momentum for a while after wards, and they were far from seeing anything controversial from me. I honestly believe women don't know the effect they have on guys with their constant bitchiness and shit testing, even when you aren't trying to make a move on those particular girls! My confidence took a blow, when I asked one girl if it was Halloween because of the giant pointed hat she was wearing and she simply gave me the middle finger. How fucking rude? After some of these initial sets I was starting to feel pretty crushed and we had to go to a different bar before the ball was rolling again. Some of the constant bombardment of shit testing involved,

"Will you buy me a drink?"

Like they think I'm fucking stupid. I told one girl I would buy her a drink if she told me five lies but that if she told me a truth she'd have to buy me one. My first question was,

"Do you understand the rules?"

She said yes, but she was so fucking stupid she didn't understand that was a truth. Well, actually she probably did, but just wanted a sucker to buy her a drink anyway. Complaining to my wingman outside, I told him,

"If I bought a drink for every fucking girl that asks I'd be pretty fucking broke"

He laughed, and I decided that would be how I defused the shit test in the future, rather than using the elaborate 'five lies' routine.

The thing a lot of pick-up artists don't understand is that it's way too hard to use these little gimmicks inside clubs. The loud music pretty much destroys any intelligent conversation you might plan to have as well, so that's why non-verbal is sooo important.

Another problem with night game is, yeah these women are HOT. A lot of them are also fucking chavs. I had a weird moment of insight today as I was walking past a girl that in a baggy green tracksuit. She would have been hot if she wasn't such trashy low-life and I thought to myself,

"You know, I bet most of those girls last night when they take of their flashy dresses and high heels are the same types of low-life trash. No wonder I'm not getting results!"

Then I had an even stronger flash of epiphany as this girl turned around and shot me a dirty look because low and behold, she WAS one of the women I tried to approach last night. Now if I could just find women that were more open-minded and more confident in their sexuality I might ACTUALLY have results.

Anyway, at the end of the night my wingman asked me to summarise his advice, so recapitulating I told him,

"*More directness
*More aggression
*Don't lean over: stand tall and pull the woman in
*Project my voice - say, HEY, YOU! STOP!
*More confidence"

He paused for a moment, thinking. Then he decided,

"Ok, you're problem is not a lack of directness. I think the problem is with the conversation you are making."

I conceded that a lot of my conversation results in a dead end and was secretely glad he decided to focus on this. He gave me a few ideas that I will use in future:

*Use situational openers, e.g. a woman's grinding against a wall. You should tell her to stop ruining your wall paper!
*Go straight up to a girl, ask her to stop doing what she's doing. This is deadpan humour: show some balls and stay congruent to the personality you are trying to convey.
*In short challenge women as much as possible. Don't give in to their shit tests.

Tomorrow I'll be meeting a different wing man for some day game. I'm trying to break into my local community of PUAs but it's tough because,

a) You have to impress them, i.e. communicate the fact you ACTUALLY HAVE SOCIAL SKILLS and that your life doesn't just revolve around women
b) I have my own reservations about joining PUA circles and building a social network around this.

In relation to (b) I know that to most people this is considered weird and misogynistic. However, I also know that for most people I am weird and misogynistic anyway. Even though I really don't try to be! I remember towards the end of last night some girl was shouting at a guy outside a club for something he did. Presumably he touched her inappropriately or just came on too strong in general. He shouted back at her and just said,

"Yeah, well that's the high street hun, of course guys are gonna do that when they're talking to you. You've just got to deal with it. If you don't like it, don't come to the high street."

And I remember am old me would have been in strong disagreement but now I'm standing there and there isn't really any belief or thought inside me that says,

"No this guy is wrong."

In fact I'm just standing there and thinking,

Actually, yeah, he's right: these are the clubs she's going to. Women like sex as much as men do and at the end of the day we're all mammal, so what do they expect from us when they spend so much time dressing up, putting on make-up so guys will hit on them and then shutting down approaches with even the hint of insecurity or passiveness? When they keep doing this, we are GOING to get more sexually aggressive. We are GOING to approach in a way that is actually more conducive to getting success: it's in our DNA. Darwinism.

However this chauvinistic mindset starts to worry me, as I realise my agreement with the guy is almost a little too ingrained/too intuitive. At the time, I am trying to figure out if it is a good thing or not. I don't even want to think chauvinistically like that. I know that my style is not particularly aggressive on the whole, but at the time, I am just remembering the way these women have been behaving. I remember how my best, most successful approaches were the ones where I was highly cocky and aggressive, absent-mindedly nearly knocking girls over as I crashed into the set dynamically. The approaches where I tried to be smooth and gentlemanly got shut down straight away. The nightclub is definitely NOT a dynamic that rewards the feminist mindset or approach to women, I am thinking. More than that, it is not even the case that men encourage this. It is WOMEN that seem to be encouraging a dynamic, aggressive approach. They will shut you down if you are respectful and they will deliberately act in ways that provoke you. This even seems to be the case at times when your intentions are quite innocent. These girls seem to WANT chauvinism, I am thinking.

With hindsight, I realise that what I am really identifying with is NOT chauvinism. What I am identifying with, is a very deep animalistic mindset that has been developed from millions of years of evolution. Actually, it is not a mindset at all, but a simple recognition of the fact that women have sexual instincts as well. This is the same mindset which drives you into acting on your OWN impulse WITHOUT violating your social intuition. THIS is the best and most results-oriented mindset and THIS is what Gunwitch talks about when he discusses the 'subtly-confident man'. (See Gunwitch Method here.)

SELF-ANALYSIS

To re-cap.

*More directness
*More aggression
*Don't lean over: stand tall and pull the woman in
*Project my voice - say, HEY, YOU! STOP!
*More confidence

Some of my dance routines are coming along nicely. I'm trying to be a bit less clumsy in sets, but I realise now that crashing in is what sometimes gets me the resuts. Trying to be too smooth doesn't always work out too well. In any case it depends on the context. I think that with aggressive girls, use an aggressive approach. With shy girls or confident girls be more tactile. On the whole, tactile aggression is best. My wingman would often stop girls and say,

"Hey, you! Stop!"

It was confident, it was direct, it was aggressive...but it didn't work a lot of the time, even for him. He suggested I give it a try, and I did although I'm not sure if he noticed. In any case I wasn't able to generate the same kind of aura with this approach. For me, my voice was getting too raspy and shouty to have the same kind of boomy vocal projection that my wingman had. So I stopped trying to use it and resorted to a mixture of approaches: tactile aggression.

Throughout the night, I would use gunwitch method: I would move in quite smooth, almost meditatively calm, like I was greasing a hot pan with butter. Then softly gazing her other, I would tell the girl I was attracted to her once I had that eye contact. Direct, but non-invasive. But like I say above, being smooth doesn't always get me the best results. Sometimes going straight up to girls dancing wildly and shouting "WOOH" in a way that projects my frame control as stronger than there's is what works. This is what I mean by tactile agression: using a mixture of approaches depending on the situation.

I think I am getting pretty fucking good at being sexual while remaining respectful at the same time. What I think I am really starting to acknowledge is that sometimes you have to take risks and push the boundaries sometimes. While women can and should expect this, it is entirely possible to know your own limits and take the risks that you are confident you can get away with.

On the whole, I'm always pleased with a night that has concrete results, even if these don't necessarily materialise into a lay. My wingman suggested he would be out on another night next week and hopefully he is impressed enough that we can go out again. But like I say at the start, I am interested in building a PUA circle of my own age group. I will have to see how things work out.

DAY GAME 11/05/2015

Went out with a different wing again today and the guy I was with was pretty cool, very comfortable at cold approaches (my best wing so far) and solid overall day game. I'll refer to him as black t-shirt or BT since that was what he was wearing. Me? I stupidly went out in my leather jacket again to bake to death in the sunshine. We are going to meet up again tomorrow. Well, one of the first things he told me was that I look like a fun guy and I think I proved I had balls when I moved in on the first two-set he approached, acting as back-up. We talk about pick-up, RSD, free weights, squats, deadlifts, pretty girls and dubstep...And we also play the word association game in between sets. I also told him that I play word association with girls profiles on online dating and that's how I manage to think up decent messages to send.

I have honestly got no idea how many approaches I did. I'm gonna guesstimate at about 20 approaches. So that pushes my 60 approach mark up to 100 since I did 20 today and 20 the other night as well. It's important to keep a rough track, I guess. Some were decent, some were terrible, and some were bordering on a close! I just remember the whole time BT was like "go talk to that girl", "her, say something to her", and I don't think I even had the opportunity to think of any excuses. The whole time, it was just spot attractive woman, approach...spot attractive woman, APPROACH, DAMMIT!

Of course I did shy out on the odd set, but that's a good thing - it means I'm not a fucking robot! I've been working on conversation material, so not every single approach was just

"Hi, I find you attractive how are you?"

BT disagreed with this mentality and said that I should stop overthinking my lines.

"They don't have to be interesting. What you say is interesting, because it comes from YOU,"

He told me.

I get his point, but I also genuinely believe I'm going to have a better time if I am actually INTERESTED in what comes out of my mouth. Just saying "hi", doesn't interest me much, so my approach is going to be pretty bland.

Approaching a girl as I am about to elaborate upon would be more down my alley:

ME (this is not the interesting conversation material, the conversation material is about to come): Hey! Can I just say that is a lovely bag. I love the designs.
HER: Oh...thank you.
ME: Where did you get it? India?
HER: Oh, uh ... no ... it was ...
ME: Morocco?
HER: Haha, no! Uh...
ME: Tunisia.
HER: Hahaha! No, I got it from here actually.
ME (about to neg): Oh...how boring!
(more conversation ensues so she wasn't put out by the neg)

Another approach I walked in front of a girl with headphones:

ME: Hey, I love that backpack, it is so adorable...do you have a puppy in there?

Boom! Best opener today. She said she had a boyfriend but that she loved the fact I approach and it put a smile on her face. Well, I'll be damned. She turned and gave me another glance as well. Maybe I was a bit too quick to believe that boyfriend line!

Finally, the last approach I will discuss, I went over to a two-set and, at BTs command I opened with:

ME: Do you know where the train station is?
HER (East-European): Yes, yes it is right over -
ME: Sorry, is it complicated?
HER:...What? Uh...no,no! It is just over -
ME: I think I need two female escorts to take me over.
HER: What?

At this point, BT interjects into the two-set to talk with the other girl capitalising on the confusion, and I can't remember his exact line but something like this:

BT: Uh, my friends a little confused, he needs directions everywhere. I just don't know what to do with him anymore.
GIRL 2: No, no that is ok, it is not hard the train station is right over...
BT: What's your name, by the way?
GIRL 2: Oh uh, my name is blah blah...Anyway, wait a second, I am confused, what is happening?
ME: We need two female escorts to take us to the train station. Take us.

And they comply. Then some awkward silence ensues when we get there, so I use it to my advantage...

ME: Ok, I'm kidding this whole things a joke, you're on a prank show.

Even BT looks confused at this point because I am speaking way too fast, so I just use the pregnant pause again, say nothing for a second or two and then repeat:

ME: I'm just kidding with you. We're gonna put you on a prank show, there's hidden cameras.
BT (now recognising my line and speaking slow so they will understand since they're from Eastern Europe): Haha, yeah the guy's a youtuber, you know... you-tube?
GIRL 1: Ah...yes...youtube!
ME: It's ok though, I'll blur your faces out if you want.
GIRL 2: Uh....
ME: ...And I'll use voice distortion so you'll sound like this:

*psssshtuh ... I am Darth Vader*

Sadly the reference was not understood...And I just looked like a clown making funny voices into my fist that was supposed to represent a voice distorter.

BT: He's deadpan, you know like a comedian?
GIRLS 1 & 2: Ahhh, yes, yes.

Then BT starts chit chat with Girl 2 and I do the same separately with Girl 1 - where are you from, what's your name, blah blah blah

GIRL 2: So where are you from?
ME: Oh, I'm from this city.
GIRL 2: Oh...so how come you do not know where train station is?
ME: I'm stupid.
GIRL 2: Hmm...no, I don't believe that.
ME: Why not? You don't like stupid people? Are you prejudiced against stupid people?
GIRL 2: What!?
ME: You are. You're a racist! You're racist against stupid people!

Ok this line doesn't do the trick. Awkward silence ensues and I give up this time, leaving BT to manage both girls for a little while, since I'm absolutely getting my balls busted.

Ah well, I thought I was being funny, who gives a shit...Or then again, maybe the thing I'm doing wrong is precisely that I AM being funny, and girls don't want funny, they want sexy and direct. I dunno.

Anyways those were three sample sets from what I consider to be a pretty hectic day.

So some overall tips for me from BT:

* Be more assertive in my body language. Leaning over and walking back as the girl walks forwards looks way too passive
* Stop over analysing conversation. Anything you say is interesting because it comes from YOU.
* Don't ask questions, make statements or commands.
* Don't give up just because the girl initially walks away. Persist: walk over and say something else.
* I have a high energy vibe and that is good. But try to be a bit more relaxed, don't get hyped up and don't talk to fast.

This is about what I got from most of his suggestions. Hope that's an accurate representation.

A few comments/suggestions:

1. Your wingman is giving great advice.

2. In clubs, conversation counts little INITIALLY, but will come in handy later

3. You're totally right - your wingmen are supposed to come in and disarm. However, you guys just need to communicate and establish a baseline of what you are all supposed to do. No sense getting upset with wingmen if you haven't established what you want to do, so talk about your plan before you get in the club.

4. I've been cockblocked lots of times. I'm slowly learning the importance of talking to the friends and not showing TOO much interest in the target until the friends are comfortable with you. It may seem annoying and irrelevant, but it's imperative you make friends with her friends

5. Do NOT stay too long on the dancefloor. It will be tempting when they're grinding on you, but don't do it. Tell her (don't ask) that you're going to get a drink, or to follow you outside to the smoking section (if she smokes). Isolate and build that connection. It will NOT happen on the dancefloor.

6. You insulted the girl with the Halloween hat. That's why she gave you the finger

7. Don't let your mindset get too tainted. Sure, women ask guys to buy them a drink: if you had a sucker willing to give you free shit every time you went out, it's quite possible that you would develop that mentality too! Women act the way they do because of their experiences teach them in a way that it's necessary. Just as you have been shaped by your experiences, they are no different. Sometimes, women HAVE to be bitchy. They HAVE to be difficult. They HAVE to test. Their social rules and programming (as well as biology) dictates that they can't simply be nice to any and every guy, or else they'll be labelled as a slut, shamed, etc. Always keep in mind that they act like that because they are in large part influenced by societal pressures, just as we ALL are.


Overall, you're learning club game. That's good. Less focus on conversation, more focus on confidence, assertiveness, good body language, etc. Your wing was totally right in saying that you should make girls look up at you rather than leaning in. ETC.

You started going downhill when you said you were on a prank show and picked up speed from there.

No worries, because I've been there. But if they don't get the joke, the best thing to do isn't pile it on, but to shift to the next topic. Whatever you say should be both understood and RELEVANT. And slowing it down can definitely help!

Thanks bud and just to clarify I quickly dismissed any annoyance that my wings didn't try to disarm the cockblocks. It's hard, I get it. And yeah, at the end of the day it's down to ME to control the set, I get that. As for the girl grinding on me, she was going at it so aggressive it would have been hard to smoothly transition from dance floor to smoking area. The demand was basically for me to make a move THERE AND THEN and I wasn't able to just ACT. I find grinding difficult to cope with actually, since there is no eye contact and sometimes it is the GUY that sometimes ends up looking like a slut in a weird kind of way. It's hard to explain. It doesn't matter that much, I remember looking at her later that night and thinking she looked a bit old anyways. Maybe it's all that smoking these women do.

I don't know about the whole bitchiness though. Do you tell a salesman he's a cunt every time he hands you a leaflet in the street just because he interrupted your trail of thought? Or do you just assertively say, "no, but thanks". When a woman just says, "no, but thanks", I have no problem. Sometimes she will even point blank ignore me. That is a little harder to deal with since the feeling that you have just talked to a wall is somewhat discomforting but again, I can accept this response. But bitchiness? Shouting? Sticking the middle finger at a guy because he made out with your friend and therefore made you feel jealous or some shit? Well I just about have the confidence to deal with this most of the time. But not everyone does.

One girl gave me the most ridiculous patronising smile simply because my wingman was talking to her friend. She looked like the cheshire cat when she did that. For this reason in her mind I was tarred with the same 'misogynistic creep that might try it on with HER' brush. Now what if I was a guy that had asperger's? I might have taken that as a come on and moved into approach just to get brutally beaten down. What if I was a little more sensitive, and DIDN'T find it so easy to brush off these kinds of subtle and disguised attacks on my character? My self-esteem could take a serious blow and I might be put off approaching women all together. And she WAS a fucking bitch. She kept on and on asking my friend to buy her a drink and just wouldn't accept any 'no' for an answer and any attempt to defuse the shit test WHATSOEVER was disregarded. Then she started screaming that they were all nurses and that they do so much for us when we get injured so we should show them a little compassion and buy them all a drink. In other words, SHE was entitled to free alcohol because SHE HAS A VAGINA. This was after she started playing stupid eye contact games with me, trying to out stare me on two separate occasions.

This isn't to disagree with your advice by the way: some girls ARE right to shut guys down the way they approach. And yeah, they don't wanna be slut shamed, that's a valid point. I'm just blowing off some steam and discussing a few exceptions to the rule.

I'm saying that they SHOULD be helping you to control the set. That's partially what they're there for. You WILL run into more cockblocks if you keep approaching, guaranteed. Even if your target is interested, the stronger frame of the mother hen will win out. That's why you need a wingman to come in and take her attention.

Yeah, a bit of a communication melt down in that regards at the beginning of the night. I just assumed that this is the main purpose for wingmen: well, that and social proof. Guess I assumed wrong. I think one of the first things I ask should be,

"How do you like to work"

or,

"When do you think it's best to join a set?"

DAY GAME 12/05/2015

Today the sun was shining, the girls were out with their frappucinos and their pretty dresses and sunshades. An excellent day to meet up with a different wing, I thought. As I headed into the city centre, armed with a smart, but slightly oversized stripy shirt, I got a text telling me he was delayed but that he would be there soon so I grabbed a coffee and a baguette and waited around for a while. With hindsight I should be using these opportunities to approach but I preferred not to.

When my wing turned up, confident body language, eye contact, and smart suede shoes I was pleased straight off the bat that he wouldn't have a hard time approaching. We shall call him LJ since he was wearing a leather jacket. He wasn't so full of tips, suggestions and commands as the other guys but he was overall a good wingman. I remember the girls laughing their pants off a couple of times when one of us would open a set and 5 seconds later the other one would spring out from nowhere and distract. I got no numbers, he got two - what a dick haha! In any case we were both pleased with the sheer volume of approaches.

I'm going to stop keeping track of approaches now that I am confident I have done at least a hundred since starting this journal and even more so in my overall pick-up voyage. I will simply guesstimate that we made approaches each between the ten and thirty mark today. I'm going to buy a cassette recorder, because that might give me a more objective outlook. I cringe just thinking about listening to some of my approach attempts and I know that this won't give me an overview of the NON-verbal aspect but fuck it. Verbal game is what I really want to work. I know, I know, "stop over thinking what you say" are the most common PUA suggestions but I just can't help but think it makes a difference.

Anyway here are a few sample sets:

ME (casually walking in front of girl, then turning to make eye contact): Can I just say that is an adorable back-pack, do you have a puppy in there?
GIRL: No!?
ME: Haha, don't worry I'm just kidding. I just saw you and had to come over and say hi!
GIRL (she is starting to look somewhat flustered, looking away and back at me smiling, I can feel a connection starting to develop)
ME (putting hand out to shake): My names blah, by the way what's yours

She looks at my hand and is about to put her shopping bags that she happens to be carrying down. This is where I fuck up:

ME: Don't worry I won't make you do that [D'OH!]
GIRL: Oh, ok! My hands are a bit tied up at the moment.
ME (because I haven't stopped her from walking yet): You know, I've never had to be this cardiovascularly fit to talk to a woman before, are you in a rush?
GIRL: Um, actually yeah, sorry!

I can't actually remember a lot of what she was saying, which indicates to me that I was speaking too fast and filling in a lot of the pregnant pauses. So that is something to watch out for.

I was telling LJ about the goldfish line I learned to defuse a situation where a girl says she has a boyfriend. He thought that was funny so he intervened with the same line at a later stage but substituting hampster for goldfish. Here is the same two-set I approached where LJ intervened:

ME: Hey, I'm looking for a place to buy a smoothie, something tasty but not too expensive...know of a good place?
GIRL 1: Oh...umm...no! I don't, sorry!

I'm about to say,

"actually, there's a place at XYZ, come on let's go!"

But GIRL 2 intervenes
GIRL 2: Oh, actually there's a place at XYZ.

LJ moves into the set at this moment, I can't remember what he says.

ME (moving a little closer and looking straight in the eyes): Ok, would you be kind enough to take us there?GIRL 2: Ahah! No...um...I have a boyfriend sorry!
ME (clicking my tongue and doing a shooting gun gesture to the ground): Damn!

This is where LJ surprises me.

LJ: Wait, you have a hamster don't you?

The girls laugh.

ME: Yeah, yeah, I've got a hamster too!

We eject at this stage.

GIRL 1: ...Well...have fun with your hamster...

Uh...not so sure about that haha

Next up I saw a two-set at a bus-stop, they look a little trashy to be honest and no lines in my head to approach with so I'm about to leave it when I see the girl has a bag from primark so I turn back and make my move:

ME: Have you been shopping at primark?
GIRL 1: Yeah
ME: Don't you know the devil shops at primark?

GIRLS 1 & 2 look at each other and laugh. They are smoking their cigarettes.

ME: I'm just kidding you just caught my eye, and I had to come over to say hi.

GIRLS 1&2 still laughing and looking away from me. Fuck this is going badly.

GIRL 2: You know you're not getting off to a very good start, that's an insult!

LJ, interjects at this point.

LJ: Why, he's my mate, he's alright isn't he?
GIRL 1: You're alright, he's not!

At this point I just walk around in a circle and say,

"Aaaawkward!"

They laugh, we make a little chit chat and they say something like,

"According to him we're devils, anything else you don't like?"

ME: Yeah, you're smoking, I mean how disgusting is that?

Anyways LJ, the good guy in this set, makes a little more chit chat before awkward silence ensues and we politely eject and she shouts something after me like,

"You know your shirt's creased!"

ME: Oh shit, is my shirt ACTUALLY creased.
LJ: Well, ummm...maybe a little.

Ok, not the best set, so moving along swiftly, me and LJ walk around a bit, make some more approaches. LJ admits to me that he is a little afraid to open group sets on the whole. In fact I don't think he does open any group sets he mainly just wings me when I do. But that's cool. He maybe did open one group set which I moved into but can't remember it.

I won't talk about every single set we did, because getting convo is hard, especially with all of these busy ladies that always happen to be 'going somewhere. Of course, there's not much point in talking about these ones that barely last a few seconds. So I will just talk about the last group set I did just on my own, walking alongside the girls since they seemed to be going some place.

ME (about to say something completely different but end up just using a simple hello): Helloooo
GIRL (laughing to her friends, like 'who's this weirdo'): Helloooo...?
ME: Sorry, you just caught my eye and I had to come over to say hi.
GIRL: Oh right...hi.
ME: So I take it you must be professional then in that shirt going some place nice?
GIRL: Ummmm...No I'm not professional like you I've just come from uni!
ME: Ah uni! I wish I was still at uni, best three years of my life...
GIRL: Are you following me?

At this point I stop walking because no comeback comes to mind, there is just awkward silence and I give an awkward/semi-smiling glance over to LJ.

SELF-ANALYSIS

*Significant volume of approaches, so that's a pro. This is literally ALWAYS the case for me when I'm with a wingman, not like when I'm on my own.
*I think I'm caring less and less about what people think so, another pro.
*Using more interesting lines on the fly even if some of them are a little weird.

On the down-side:
*One or two times a mucked up a set with some form of insecurity. I remember at one point I asked a girl if I could have a bite f her bagle. She said "ummm...I think that's going to have to be a no", at which point I just kind of awkwardly leaned forwards against the wall she happened to be sitting on, before I went for my recovery line. Shouldn't have done that.
*A little too much apologising. I often say, "sorry, you just caught my eye, and I had to come over to say hello" rather than simply just, "you just caught my eye and I had to come over to say hello".

Well, in any case, I didn't get any numbers. But the girl I am dating has sent me a text and keen to meet up a second time, so that's a plus. Perhaps it is because I am already dating someone that I can't get anymore dates, who knows how the mysterious female mind works!

Anyways, hasta luerca and I'll give another report after my next day game session. I'm also off to order a voice recorder from amazon, so my reports will hopefully be more detailed in future, should this work!

The key to hooking on a cold approach is to bring a fun energy. If you do that, girls will be receptive.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Yeah, well most girls have hundreds of things on their minds these days so as a random dude that came over and started talking to them out of the blue you're going to have to stand out - and in a good way - if you want to make an impression!

Just saw this RSD youtube vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr8XIGcnt6k

Conclusion? Be process-dependent, not OUTCOME-dependent. This video going to completely transform the way I approach self-criticism in general.

OWEN COOK: "As for me? I follow the processes, I follow the fucking processes like a RELIGION!