Here is a left fielder.
What if you want to pickup and meet women but aren't particularly into casual sex?
I went through my wild oats decades and to be honest like to take it slow with girls these days.
I'm decent looking and do all right when out but I'm looking to settle down.
Maybe it is from growing up a churchboy but after a decade of quasi-swinging I have chilled out alot.
At the same time I know the value of multiple girls instead of mindless oneitis.
So much of PUA revolves around action and scoring.
Anyone else in a similar mindframe?

It's practically impossible to "settle down" without going through the casual sex phase first. The harder you try to settle down, the more needy and unattractive you will become to women.

Chill out. Go with the flow. Don't push for relationships. Just fuck women and let them chase you for the relationship. Then, once the girl is invested in you and tells you she wants to be exclusive, then (and only then) you can "give in" and let her go out with you.

Hey man, understand how you feel. After you can get girls to have sex with you then you longer want it as much b/c its empty sex. After sex awkwardness and boring date you don't even want. So it is better to get someone who you actually like to spend time with not just for sex. I think that is the best.

I don't understand. You guys think "empty masturbation" is fine when you're not getting laid, but somehow you are pious when it comes to sex. You can't have it both ways. Makes no sense.

Sex is sex. It is what we were born to do. If you don't enjoy it simply for what it is, you need to get a doctor to check there's nothing wrong with your balls. You want a relationship which stimulates your emotions and intellect, that's fine, but don't forget about your woman's sexual needs. If you don't fuck your woman properly and regularly enough, she will find someone who will. And probably won't tell you about it. Case in point, this girl only just got engaged: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -Fire.html

You have standards, congratulations. Most of the guys on this board won't be able to understand your mind set because they are too fearful to be on their own and need sex for validation.

No, I am the complete opposite. I prefer being alone, so that's why I remain single and just keep sex / relationships as casual as possible.

The guys who are truly fearful of being alone are the ones who are emotionally dependent on their girlfriends and scared of breakups. So the reality is actually the complete opposite of what you said.

There are some good contributions here, OP.

I'm an older guy... (36) and am apparently not through the 'wild oats' phase, as you say... So I'm not where you are yet, though I have had relationships (some fairly long)... And all (most?) have stemmed from some sort of pickup (at the very least, clumsy escalation when I was learning).

I understand what you mean when you say you just simply want to date and settle down and slow play a chick.

I would suggest some elements of pickup are not for you. Some are, though:

Confidence, boundary setting, knowing your value, having a good fitness routine and a good lifestyle... Being fashionable and well groomed, and being comfortable socially are all skills of this game which would be useful to you whether you're picking up a ONS or a LTR... So I'd focus on those.

Now - I don't really disagree with Hunter either - I think almost all of my relationships started with casual sex, or fooling around fairly quickly because I escalated... Had I not escalated, we wouldn't have gotten there as quickly - but it's a double-edged sword... Women like sex too, and if they sense you aren't interested and aren't moving forward, they'll walk. You'll need to find a balance.

Nothing wrong with casual sex before settling down, in my opinion. You test drive a car before you buy it, don't you?

This. OP, I understand what you are saying completely, one night lays...I usually feel empty inside when I used to have them. But relationships usually don't start until you have some sort of sexual thing with the girl. It doesn't make you a bad person, people were meant to procreate. It's inside, written in your genetic coding. Naturally, when you tap into your masculinity, you are seen as a sexual being. I have been battling with the guilt and shaming of society. Recently, I've been called a man whore...if I let that get to me, I'm sure I wouldn't find the girl I really want to settle down with.

I suggest you do follow what being an attractive man is, like this guy I quoted said. Confidence, boundary setting, etc. you'd be surprised at how many girls you will actually deem unworthy. Not trying to sound like an ass, but there are girls who I wouldn't consider for a relationship, even if we had sex. Test drive your potential mates...you'll be glad to know In the long run if you were meant to be.

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The problem with this mindset is that taking it slow is generally speaking UNATTRACTIVE to women. You take it slow you take tons of risk, like that other guys enter the picture, that you miss out on the natural attachment having sex with a woman creates, comes off as insecure, etc. by far the best approach is go for sex and then convert to girlfriend, not the other way around.

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Yea, all good perspectives.
I guess I need to shed the oneism entirely if I'm ever going to find one worth settling for
I wish I knew about PUA in my 20's it would have saved me a ton of BS relationships.
Time to put my armor on.

I'm not either, and never have been.

I'd say you have basically two sides to the sex and relationship coin. One is sexual attraction and the other is personal compatibility(you like each other, and are a good fit).

You can have the sexual side without the personal compatibility side. It's a terrible idea to do the personal compatibility without sexual attraction. That's what most guys do, and why they're frustrated with dating and relationships.

You don't like just sex, so you'll always have to shoot for both. This will of course, naturally reduce the number of women you fuck.

You seek out women who have sexual interest in you, and then you make sure you two sync up on the mental side. You'll still want to go for sex, but you'll usually be happier with the outcome, since you'll likely be compatible with her and continue to see her.

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RSDTyler

It's never too late. Better late than never. Now you can focus on the future

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Sex is not as important as your attitude/tone.

You've been around so you know you've scored while being an ass, a clown, treating a chick like meat, treating her well, as if was a mistake, as if it was destiny, etc . . . Many situations and circumstances can create sexual relationships but certainly, the type of interaction we have with others affects the dynamics of the relationship, regardless good sex, bad sex, or no sex. Regardless of what egotistical sex-crazed teenagers think, it's not the sex that dictates whether you will hear, "breakfast?" or "Thanks, that was really fun." the following morning. You've already corralled her towards this reality long before doing your 3 minute hip thrusts. (Ok, that's a joke)

You already wrote what you want . . . you believe it . . . so you won't really need to do much but be yourself. Girls who are ready for your reality will gravitate to it. Girls who are not will be repelled. . . and this is a good thing.

I'm similar man I love the thrill of the chase but don't enjoy casual sex, I've had quite a few girlfriends and I just prefer it. That said however I was recently hooking up with a girl from work and it was amazing, it was casual but we had a good connection, if you can have a good connection but agree that's it's casual you'll most likely enjoy it. However I've recently met someone (she was walking past while I was leaning over my balcony lol) and we've started dating and it's even better!

Agree with the others just exude confidence, style, run your game and you'll come across someone you'll just connect with and you'll just know you want to be with them. You need to get out the multiples at some point otherwise you will find it too hard to settle down.

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Tempus neminem manet - Time waits for no one