I was talking with my girl about an upcoming review i have at work, the fairness of the criteria they will use, and how as long as it's fair and the manager pays attentionit will be fine. My girl says well dont take it too personally because you tend to be sensitive to criticism.

I Basically say as long as its fair, unlike her job, it is fine but i wont stand for a lack of acknowledgement from a boss.

I think she might have gotten this idea from the other night when during an argument with my mom she said 'dont take this the wrong way but ur mom cud be right, you do have a tendency to ---. I talked to her after this about how she should support me instead of come at me like that in a serious argument with someone else.

Keep in mind i pass her shit tests about comments designed to make me insecure like "did you wear that to look muscular" ect, but i dont let disrespect fly.

Who is right here? Am i being too sensitive or am i just standing up for myself like a man who wants his girl to support him and to be treated fairly in my review at work? Its true i dont like critiscism because i amconfident in my abilities and i do a good job.

This is my gf of nearly 3 years btw, and she wants sex all the time and not just a random chick

Not enough info. You could be way too sensitive, maybe not. We don't know you and you're only giving us one example. If you're girl really thinks you might be sensative to criticism and she's only telling you this because she wants you to do well, you don't have to over analyse the situation.

I personally like a girl that isn't scared to tell me "hey you know you could be wrong about that right? maybe the other person was right?" If you got into an argument with her because she simply said that, then I'd say maybe she does have a point. And just watch it.

If your boss gives you a review at work and points out some negatives that you don't agree with, don't agree, ask for clarification. If he says you aren't organized, don't say "yes I am" but say "Are you refering to a certain aspect of my work that's unorganized, or could you give me an example?"

Honestly, there is some self doubt there.which is fine, it's perfectly fine and human to have feelings. Now, I really don't know much about your history or anything so for now I'll just say this: if it gets to you then it's going to replay in your head 20 times. Keep those thoughts in check

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It affected you, so its 'valid'. Acknowledge the feeling, as you are doing, but that does not mean you have to ACT on it.

In this situation, who is right and who is wrong really doesn't matter. Your girlfriend perceives you as being sensitive. You have given her reasons to believe that in the past.

IMO, based on a very vague description you've given, you are taking the emotional role in your relationship. Usually it's women that need support after arguments or disagreements with people that they work with. Men fix things and make problems go away, so we don't normally complain about those problems. If you feel the need to talk about disagreements or problems, just leave it to what was said but don't say how you feel about it if it is a negative emotion.

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Ya, real men don't have feelings...

So keep perpetuating societal stereotypes that are actually more harmful to men.

Where did I say that real men didn't have feelings? You being a man that works in the mental health field understands that evolutionary psychology plays a very important role in relationships. It's nature vs. nurture rather than a societal stereotype.

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Not speaking about negative emotions may have served its purpose in the past, but by no means does that mean it is a healthy way of dealing with things. Some people may feel a need to vent, or use another as a sound board to process through the emotion, others may simply quietly reflect onto themselves and that in and itself is enough. The 'fixer' role for males has its down-side; the 'fixer' mentality usually creates more distress for men in that they try, for example, to own someone else's problem(s). This can actually disempower somebody and even be counter to what the person needs. Yes, these roles are culturally learned and passed down generations. This doesn't mean they are necessarily healthy.

I agree with the girl. Right is right. Support is one thing but if she agrees with your mom she should tell you. Especially if it could help you. A bad gf wold have backed you up when you were wrong.

Not speaking about negative emotions to your woman serves a purpose now too. It keeps your girl from losing respect for you as a man. There are plenty of healthy ways to voice how you feel. You can talk to family and friends. You can get a therapist. You can simply write out your problem in a form of a letter to the person you have a problem with and then toss the letter. You just have to be smart enough to know that there are better options other than unloading them on your girl because you need a sounding board.

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I've never had the issue you're speaking of with ANY woman I've been with.

If my partner can't serve as a soundboard because I'm worried they'll lose respect and dump me than that's quite reflective of how low I think of myself. It's one thing to brood and ruminate over 'negative' emotions, its another to talk about them with your partner (should you feel the need) and move forward together.

Here's the big question. Are you more emotional and sensitive than any of these women that you've been with? Regardless of your answer, the OP is going through this issue right now, so just because you've never had an issue it's obvious that others do. He may not think low of himself, but his girlfriend is telling him he's too sensitive while he's using her as a soundboard.

So if OP asked the question this way "My girlfriend called me too sensitive for expressing how I feel about things, what should I do?" What would your advice be to him?

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Depends on him. If having a woman he feels he can be open with about all of his emotions is important to him, then perhaps she's not the right girl for him. Question is OP, do you feel this way about yourself and somebody is just conveying what you already think, or do you have a partner who is perhaps less in-touch with her emotions or simply deals with them differently?

The OP knows the answer if he looks deep enough. For that matter, we all know how we want to be treated deep down and sometimes it takes for somebody to bring that into awareness.

It might not be the "answer" you or the OP is looking for, but who am I to say what's appropriate and what's not in their relationship.



I've had partners who had no issue with a particular behavior of mine, and conversely I've had other partners who had issues with the same behavior. I'm sure everyone who has been in a LTR can relate. For some people maybe that's a deal breaker, and for others it's not because so many other needs of theirs are being met in that relationship.

OP: Do you feel you are sensitive to criticism? Are you often reactive to any perceived slights of hand? Do you feel this is impeding your life in any way?

I'm reading Jacks responses as saying that needing support or backup in an argument with your mom shouldnt be done and I agree. Support if she agrees with you is one thing, but asking her to agree with you is kinda femalish. So I agree with Jack there.

I'm reading N2s responses as saying dont be afraid to bring up negative thoughts which I agree with as well.

So OP talking to his girl about his work review is fine, but being mad at her for not agreeing with him 100% is not.

I think what my girl was getting at was i think i'm right all the time and i might take it personal if my boss says something that i dont agree with and il write her off as shitty if that happens. But my girl does know i work hard. How is it sensitive to not take criticism if i feel it is not fair? I am going to stand up for myself if this happens is all i was saying. Also another example would be my buddy being a douche via text so i got pissed at him and she knew About it and she kinda gave him benefit of the doubt when i didnt. I just feel like she is more go with the flow and let ppl do things to her while i kinda demand respect or think im right more often than not. She says things like "you know ---. You arent the king and everyone has to kiss your ass all the time lol" and il joke back with "where is my scepter" or something lol. Why would she lose respect from any of that?