Taming crazy potential girlfriend who cheated before. Help!



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 8:55 pm 
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 10:26 pm 
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I want her in an exclusive LTR when the time comes.
Probably not going to happen. Logically she is a person who "cheats".


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:03 am 
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Hey Strider,

You need a firm understanding of the feminine and I can help you out with that.

But first things first, and you have to be man enough to listen to what i am about to tell you.

I'm not sure how old you are or how many relationships you have been in because the fact of the matter is; this girl is NOT someone who is fit to be in a relationship. I've been with women like this in the past, and if you're anything like me you're going to have to learn the hardway, because there seems to be the false hope in some hollywood like romance story that you want to take place.

This girl is what you call damaged goods. She's weak, unstable, and uncapable of being alone too long before she seeks to take comfort within the arms of another. How do you expect to ever been able to trust someone like this?

You have to understanding that everything you are feeling for this girl is nothing more than a chemical reaction taking place in your body. The same way a man can have a fear of spiders that aren't harmful at all(simple chemical reaction resulting in the feeling of emotion). You have a love for a woman that is harmful(simple chemical reaction resulting in love). Its only real because you're making it real.

Now, you can not change a girl; however you can be a representation of something that can make a girl want to change. By being a strong enough force in her life. However, based on the quality of the advice you're asking for you have yet to be able to cultivate that energy to make her want to do that. Thats where i come in.. potentially. So yeah man.. You either have to cut your losses or develop yourself into that which would make a girl want to be what you want her to be.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 1:51 am 
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Quote:
I want her in an exclusive LTR when the time comes.
Probably not going to happen. Logically she is a person who "cheats".
You're probably right.

Update: she just texted me saying how much she loves and misses me... I want her to just learn that there are basic rules that mean a lot to me. And if she wants us to work they need to be followed.

That's pretty much how I replied (but in more words). Good strategy?

@Eddie
Yes, I agree that the best way to initiate change within someone is to be a representation of someone that they aspire to keep up with. My aim is to keep improving myself and also to maintain the attraction.

However in this situation I'm wondering if influencing her more directly will help make my (basic) demands stick out from even before we get into a relationship. Somewhere along the line she picked up bad attitudes. It feels like she could benefit from someone to guide her to understand more about the world. BUT these things are always delicate and I know I can't tell her what to do or think.

I'm not loved up. I know better than that, it's all chemicals like you say. And if anything I see this as an experiment/challenge. I like to see if change can happen within people who are kinda damaged...


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 2:15 am 
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I like to see if change can happen within people who are kinda damaged...
Or you can just go out and meet an emotionally healthy girl who is single.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 2:29 am 
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A man who settles for a damaged woman is a man with no other options.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 2:46 am 
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 4:01 am 
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Nice article Eddie and I think on a different thread would be very useful.

However, it's not really relevant to the OP's situation. See the link below on how to deal with crazy ass bitches:

http://uk.askmen.com/dating/doclove_300 ... xpert.html


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:51 am 
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If she cheated on her bf with you, she will also cheat on you with someone else. But you know that already!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 8:05 pm 
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striderr give me this chick's name so that in 2 months when she is bored of you and you guys get into a fight i can start fucking her behind your back and develop the same "connection."

in other words, wake the fuck up man.

you need to learn the word preselection. you do not ever enter into longterm relationships with women who exhibit even one of these traits:
Quote:
Her personality:
Has been in many relationships from a fairly young age. Lots of bad experiences.
Described as crazy by other people.
High anxiety. Deals with it by adopting a don't give a fuck attitude.
Doesn't filter her words. Doesn't pay too much attention to other people's feelings.
Drinks a LOT, blacks out and doesn't remember nights. Goes on autopilot.
Becomes verbally abusive when drunk and doesn't care what she says to people.
Gets moody.
seriously dude. i almost always offer gaming advice, even to the guys on here who are much better off simply finding another girl, but this is just absolutely insane to think you would lock this girl down for more than a couple months tops. she is gonna fuck guys behind your back. she will literally invent arguments between you two to cause strife so she can justify banging someone else on the side. some women are just wired like that, they have to have that drama and risqué activity in their lives.

she's "working" on breaking up with her bf? gtfo man, when this same thing happened to me, the girl left her bf in a split second and didn't look back. if she liked you that much she would have kicked her bf to the curb months ago. you are being used for whatever her current bf can't give her, but he obviously can provide her enough to keep her from leaving him to be with you. so whatever you lack that this guy can provide, some other guy is gonna have to meet that need once she's your girlfriend. get it?

and the answer is: novelty and taboo.

you can't be either of those once you're dating this girl. and i guarantee you she'll still need both, and she'll still get both. but not from you.
Quote:
The next day she told me she did it because we weren't supposed to be hooking up (true) and if she didn't, it would have definitely happened (I agreed). So she was trying to distract herself from me using other guys... (is this bullshit or not? to be fair this is what our community do in order to lessen the feeling of rejection/investment of feelings)
lmaooo. yes. that. is. bullshit.... she was drunk and hitting on other guys because she craves male attention. those same guys will be fucking her once she's your girlfriend.
Quote:
I obviously do not want her to think she can get away with this shit around me (or do worse acts behind my back) and it's confusing because we have a very deep, genuine, connection between each other. I'm very understanding of her but at the same time I don't want to let her start taking advantage of me like she does with her current bf.
dude, you need to learn that women DO NOT THINK LIKE MEN. they are guided by emotion, not logic, and their thoughts and feelings toward things change literally by the minute. she can say (and genuinely believe) she has the deepest connection to you, then go home to her bf and realize she (genuinely) loves him and can never leave him, then later they get into a fight and suddenly you're the best man she's ever met, then she goes out to a bar and wow that guy over in the peacoat is gorgeous and we have so many similar interests, i really like him... and so on and so on and so on.
Quote:
And if anything I see this as an experiment/challenge. I like to see if change can happen within people who are kinda damaged...
this is a rationalization/excuse and one i used to use myself. you have feelings for this chick and you don't have other hot, interesting women hitting you up left and right that would keep you from having oneitis for her.

do not date this woman. she will cheat on you. there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent it. nothing. so take everybody's advice on this forum and find a better, more stable woman to date long term.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.


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