Does anyone have experience in ex girlfriends, breakups, and the no contact/contact that follows? I would really like some knowledgeable input.

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Still hurting :'(

But not having any contact helps. Hearing, seeing your ex will just hinder any progress you've made of forgetting or moving on.

Some of my ex girlfriends became very good friends, provided the breakup was not a shitfest. Besides, if she rebounds, you have yourself a fuck buddy.

To get past the pain, get down and find everything in that relationship that you are truly grateful for. I don't mean like "the muffins were scrumptious ... kthanks." The lessons you learned, the experiences you had. Those magical moments that make emotion swell up inside you and you can genuinely appreciate how LUCKY you are to have that experience.

Gratitude is a KILLER of pain. Use what you learned in your future relationships.

Al

No contact is a great way to heal. Couple that with going out and meeting new people and you're on your way to a fast and healthy recovery.




The problem with keeping contact with your ex is that 99% of the times you do it from an emotional place. You're seeking some sort of validation from her. Which you won't get. There's a reason she's your ex.

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@Turtles. That sucks man. I know how you feel. I am pretty much over the hurt part, but I still get pangs. The first few weeks are the worst.

@Al. Our breakup wasnt a shitfest, so I know we will be friends again one day. She is with someone else now, but just broke NC a few days ago (why I am here) after two months. It kinda fucked me up for a bit, but Im better now. I know what you mean about lessons and gratitude...I did a ton of writing after the break, and lessons learned was a part of it. It helped, even though initially it made me miss those things.

@R.C. My thoughts and feelings are definitely coming from an emotional place. I actually broke it off with her, so I have no real logical reason to be feeling fucked up, other than my ego being wounded and her being with another guy.

Would you guys mind giving me more specific advice? I actually have the text message conversation from the other night, and Im curious how I handled it. I wasnt trying to game her...I was being honest, while trying not to let it seem like it was bothering me too much...Do you guys have experience in ex game, and the power exchanges and shit that follow a breakup...?

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Well, here it is anyway. I figured Ide just post it before waiting for a response. Heres a little back story.
I broke up with her in august. We had an awesome sexual emotional psychological compatibility, but we enabled eachothers laziness and codependency. We never did shit anymore. We had core lifestyle differences. I am into health and fitness, she is not. I tried to break us both out of it a few times, but she never stuck. I felt it was time to go. Plus, I feel like I kind of settled for her, and I always had this feeling that there was someone better. I ended up falling for her, and she is a great person, but we arent the best for eachother I suppose.

I initiated a NC for her sake in the beggining, but hit her back up on her birthday a few weeks later, to give her a gift. I was fine at that point, but she then sprung all of the guy stuff on me, and played her cards right, and turned shit around emotionally. We kept in contact, but agreed that we loved eachother but that we had to move on. We had a mutual NC. She broke it two weeks later. She ended up coming over that night....we talked more. Basically, I gave her the validation that I wanted her back. We made plans to meet up the following week, but nonone reached out. That was two months ago...then this last breach of NC, by her again.

I know she is still just seeing if I want her. Did I show too much emotion in this message? Ill be honest, the blood rushed out of my face at the sight of her messages, and my anxiety lasted for a day after it...but it wasnt as huge of a step back as I thought it might be. Im pretty ok now. Whast your take on this, guys...? Did I do the right thing in initiating NC again...? (im not really trying to get her back, but trying to get back to where shes just another girl...though, for her to really want me again would satisfy my ego enough for me to move on I guess.) Should I have played it cooler, and said sure, we can be buds again, because it doesnt matter to me...? Your input would be awesome.



4:53pm, Dec 3 -her‬: Y did you unfriend me. I like your drafting table. I still go on your fb. I got the ps4. But I'm missing all the games I wanna play, ie: journey, rain, the walking dead all episodes, the last of us.

This is probably a bad idea, but I've held out till I can't anymore. Fb isn't enough, I need to hear from you, don't know Y, or about what.

Just tell me that everything is okay, Nicholas.

I still consider you my friend.
4:54pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Hey.
4:54pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Yes, this is a terrible Idea,
4:54pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Ok, then good bye, again
4:54pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: I unfriended yoy because seeing you hurts and gives me anxiety
4:54pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Thats all
4:55pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Ok
4:55pm, Dec 3 - her‬: How are you?
4:55pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Other than that
4:55pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Please, have a short conversation with me
4:56pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I care, and never want to lose sight of you
4:56pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Apparently
4:56pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Toni. Fuck.
4:56pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: I do, too.
4:56pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Like, I care about you so much.
4:57pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: I hope that thsts not all you want to hear.
4:57pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I want to hear everything
4:57pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: But again the bad ideas
4:58pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I just care nick
4:58pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: That's all
4:58pm, Dec 3 - ‪her: How's the band?
4:59pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: How's the family
4:59pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: How's roo?
4:59pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: How's the cave?
5pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Look Toni. You need to be straight with me, and tell me what your exact intentions are with contacting me...
5:00pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Look inside yourself, and tell me.
5:00pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I don't know.
5:00pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I'm going to regret it
5:01pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: You are my best friend
5:01pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: And I care
5:01pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: !!!!!!!!!!!!
5:01pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Don't ask me for anything else
5:02pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I don't have anything else
5:02pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: What do you mean
5:03pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I miss you
5:04pm, Dec 3 - ‪+her‬: But all I can afford to do is send you a message
5:04pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Nothing else attached
5:04pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I hope I'm not hurting you
5:05pm, Dec 3 - ‪her: This wasn't meant to hurt you
5:06pm, Dec 3 - her‬: Just to let you and me know, that I have not for one second forgot about you
5:06pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Im not hurt.
5:06pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: And happy
5:07pm, Dec 3 - ‪her: My day just got brighter because I contacted my friend
5:07pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: So it eas about brightening your day
5:07pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: * was
5:08pm, Dec 3 - ‪her: No, but it did
5:08pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Well, Im glad to hear from.you too, though I think its a bad idea.
5:09pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: We will be close friends again Toni. Nooo fucking doubt in my mind.
5:09pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Y?
5:09pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I hope so
5:10pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: I wont forget about you, not entirely, and we will reconnect again. I was probably going.to.contact you in about a year or so.
5:11pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: You too, are my best friend
5:11pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Oh
5:11pm, Dec 3 - ‪her: Well ok..
5:11pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: You yourself said tthhrreee yearsbefote. Haha
5:11pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Remember?
5:12pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Thats too damn long.
5:12pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I know, now
5:13pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: I hate you, for letting me go, Nick
5:13pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Do you really hate me?
5:13pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: I hate you, for replacing me so.quickly.
5:13pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Yes, because you aren't here
5:14pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: And I didnt expect that either, but I think about it. That maybe if I hadn't, that you probably would still be minw
5:14pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Mine *
5:15pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: (didn't expect to find someone)
5:15pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: But now you and me are left up to fate, and destiny.
5:16pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: And I'm scared I will lose all of you
5:17pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: So you reach out, to make sure that you havent.
5:17pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Life is very long, remembfr.
5:17pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Im not dead. Im.still here in this life withbyou. We arecool.
5:18pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Its too.soon noe.
5:19pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Lets make plans to reconnect next year sometime. Give it a date.
5:19pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Like...months.and months.and.months.from now.
5:20pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: I jist got off of work, toni. I.gotta.take.a.shower and head out.
5:20pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: How aboit.your.birthday
5:20pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Ill.hit.you up on your birthday
5:20pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: No.games. no bull. Buds.
5:20pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Ok..
5:20pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Yes
5:21pm, Dec 3 - ‪her‬: Bye nick
5:21pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Ok. Please stop reaching.out to me.
5:21pm, Dec 3 - nicholasadamdurkee: Bye.

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That's sounds pointless... shes wants you back in her life!!!!- Stop reassuring her and making her feel better. Its like 2 people pushing each other but know one throws a punch. Forward progression- what do you want from her?

breakups are hard i' m going through one I can give 2 shits what happens- because there is so many girls out there... if my girl called me or texted I would see where it would lead but i wouldn't string her along!!!

Also stop giving her gifts and talking to her you broke up with her. Your cold and stringing her along... if you are going to get back then talk to her. Always think like a girl if she broke up with you would she be texting and sending you gifts?

...uhm. It seems that SHE is the one trying to string me along now. I havent reached out to her once since we originally decided to stop talking...that was three months ago now. She has reached out twice since then. She is with another man, and I honestly am not over her enough to be friends with her, and see her go back to that dude.
I dont want her back...my emotions and ego want that, but I dont. I have other girls:I do fine in that area. I want to move on to the point where I dont care anymore, but care enough to still be friends with her. That time will come. I think maybe you didnt read the entire thing, which is understandable...that shit is long.

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I feel like I am in the same situation.
4 Months ago my ex left me mutual break up

I found out that she turned to a old friend and basically latched onto him ( he had always liked her). They where dating and hanging out and yeah you know where that leads to..

Me on the other hand I started going out and trying to have fun and meet women. To say the least is has been very hard for me to learn to pick up and learning to be more social.

Guy ended up stalking ex and she called/txt me a fair bit now. I know I have to stop txting her back / completely block her off from my life. I want to move on and meet new people but am finding it so hard to meet new people. I'm de-motivated at this point to really get out there. Anyone got any words of advice for me?

Sorry for hi jacking thread.

@ntogame hey man. Ill try and help out where I can. Sometimes all you need is to just talk about it. No problem about hijacking. PM me, or just comment here.

It does sound alot like my situation, and what it boils down to is attachment, and not wanting to let your partner go. You can love someone (have biological/chemical addictions to someone) regardless if you two are 100% compatible. My ex and I miss eachother, and dont want to let the other go...so we kinda try and suckeachother back in and say things to keep eachother around. Its stupid, but its about feeling wanted and the upperhand now....until the emotions fade.

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I'm gonna be honest with you. I threw up in my mouth a little bit.



NC is hard. It takes determination and dedication. You have to want to get over her. Instead , you've half assed it. Don't tell me you weren't secretly hoping for her to contact you during NC, I know you'd be lying to me.


Look man , here's what you need to understand. A relationship that involves love and all that creates a form of addiction.It's similar to a normal addiction in some ways ,but much worse.
You get "addicted" to your partner during your time together.You get used to having them in your life , seeing them every day , being with them , etc.
Then , you brake up and suddenly she's not there any more. You find yourself confused , and you crave for her presence.

But here's why it's worse. Heroin doesn't post pictures on facebook together with her "new user". Your girl does. So not only must you go through withdrawl , but you have to do it while witnessing her doing everything you never wanna think she's doing with another guy.

That's why NC is crucial , that's why you can't and shouldn't half-ass it and that is why your conversation was incredibly self-destructive.




Moving on to stupid decisions. You know what the most stupid decisions are ? Those that are influenced by emotion. Never make important promises / decisions when you're either very high or very low.

You go on and tell her that you'll be best friends , that you'll hang out as "buddies" and that there will be no bullshit. That entire statement IS bullshit. You don't want to hang out as friends. You wanna fuck her brains out and get her to confess her undying love for you. That's not a circumstance in which just and / or best friends hang as.




I've been in your shoes at the start of this year. I know exactly what you're going through . Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk more about this / need some guidance. You probably could use an objective view on things when you're not in the right headspace.


PS: Stop talking to her from an emotional standpoint.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Oh look , double post . Haven't had those in some time.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

nice post R.C