When single, the PUA stuff I learned was really difficulty, but I managed to get it down. I met girls and had the kinds of experiences I always wanted. I started in my very late-20s after a pretty thin (women-wise) experience earlier in my life. I learned how to 'like' parties. I always loved clubs, but I learned to meet women at clubs, where before I was only just there for dancing and the music. I learned to talk to women during the day. I learned how to appear outgoing and social and alpha.

Now, I'm in a relationship for over one year. I'm in my late 30s, girlfriend in her early 40s. She's super cool, super hot, super outgoing, fun, loves parties and clubs and knows million people. The sex is great. However, my "PUA" self is starting to fade. I wasn't duping her in the beginning. I was exploring new things and getting out of my comfort zone. It was fun. But, now I know myself better. I don't mind parties, but I prefer 'deeper' conversations in small groups. I enjoy yoga and quiet activities more than she realized. I never went to wild parties (and still don't love them), but she partied hard and had/has a wild streak. I appreciate that about her, but we don't always relate on those levels. The relationship is still very good, but we are noticing how we are different. Some (but not all) of my genuine likes and personality is not what she expected it to be. She's feeling a little bummed out.

I don't need to learn to pick up chicks right now, but the whole philosophy and ideas behind PUA----there still might be something there for me to learn. She's wants a little bit of that go-with-the-flow-fun-social-outgoing-cool guy back. How do I do that without being fake?

I actually have the exact same personality type as you. When I was in monogamous relationships I tended to want to avoid parties and big events. I got significantly less social. Now that I'm in strictly open relationships, I don't have that problem. I have the serious relationship (live-in girlfriend of 3+ years) and I also have the motivation to go out and meet new people.

I'm not saying this is a solution for your situation, but it's a solution that worked for me.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I don't think there is anything wrong. When I am in an LTR i don't go out to clubs or bars that much.

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

The PUA mindset let's you know that you have options. This makes you less needy for her, which gives you a higher chance the relationship will work. Women hate needy men. Just make sure that YOU LEAD the relationship, and not the other way around. And yes, relationship will bring your PUA skills down the longer you're in it, but if the girl is the right girl for you, then it's worth it.

Wallie

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The Learning Journal:
--> wallies-journal-vt141967.html

Good points...

Yes, she loves clubs and going out and stuff, even in a LTR. She is has a fun/flirty personality---no threat to me, and I like it. She thought that I liked clubs/parties more than I genuinely actually do, and she's a little bummed out. Almost like I'm cramping her style. It is not a break-up issue, but she's bummed out enough that it is something we talk about sometimes. We go out to clubs/parties a bit less---naturally---because we're in a LTR. She LOVED the single life and dating and flirting and stuff at clubs and parties. She misses some part of it a little bit, even though she is happy in the LTR. I DO go to clubs/parties and things with her---and I hold me own, I'm not quiet, I have fun, But, she and I have different social personas/personalities.

An open relationship won't work at this point, but maybe if I have some new motivation... Before her, almost everything about my going out was about meeting chicks and having a laugh while meeting chicks.

(1) Now that I'm not out meeting new chicks, I need a new motivation to enjoy 'party-type' SPAM. I'm not talking about cocktail parties, I'm talking about clubs and house parties. Meeting chicks motivated me out of my comfort zone. Now, I need an equally enticing motivation.

(2) Did I "dupe" her by presenting a facade when we first met?

Wallie - good point on the 'not needy' thing. That is something I learned that I will never forgot LOL. 'Leading' the relationships is a tough one. I lead my point of view, but I have to be open to her's, and the more we get to know each other, the more we need to balance...but I will never give up my point of view or be a pushover.

I agree it's all worth it if the girl is right for you.