There is a lot of emphasis in this community on how to be attractive and impress women. Which is why I find it intriguing how rare pickup artists ever talk about the attractive qualities of a genuinely happy man. My guess would be that the main reason for this is that even the most skilled "pickup artists" aren't actually happy -- at least until after they get laid. And even then, that happiness if often fleeting.
In general, most men join the pickup community because they are lost, miserable and have a lot of self-defeating beliefs. (That's the very reason I did).
They desperately hang onto the hope that they will:
Step 1: learn tactics and skills to gain power and seduce women
Step 2: Have sex with attractive women, rack up many lays, feel validated
Step 3: Be happy and fulfilled
The problem is that the pickup community only ends up encouraging this delusional thinking. All focus is placed on getting laid and almost none on why it is we so desperately want this, and need women to emotionally complete us. Even when we discuss things like self-esteem, confidence, not being reactive, and not seeking validation, we do so only as tactics for reaching that goal of sex, when we ought to see them as worthy goals in themselves. Because let's face it, what we actually want is to feel happy and worthy -- getting laid is only a means to an end. Most pickup artists chase sex for validation, or to temporarily fill an emotional void of feeling inferior, unworthy or incomplete. But using sex and women as a tool for fulfillment and validation is both a sign of codependency and is emotionally destructive. In the end it will only leave you spending each weekend chasing a shadow that you will never catch.
Most of us have lived our day to day lives without ever creating and containing our own sense of happiness. More often than not our positive or negative emotions are the result of external factors -- be it validation or stress. And without a strong emotional boundary, stress not only robs us of happiness, it negatively impacts our health.
With the right perspective and awareness, controlling your own level of happiness is achievable. Most of the things that depress or frustrate us are external and entirely outside of our control. For example: it's easy to get upset when a girl turns you down or flakes on you, but getting upset won't change your situation. So allowing the situation to ruin your mood is both pointless and mentally corroding. When enough stress is allowed to impact you it starts to become like an emotional cancer, infecting every part of your life. Learn more about how to generate your own happiness here:
http://www.ted.com/talks/srikumar_rao_p ... iness.html
read more about boundaries here:
http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBeh ... aries.html
A better path
Having an abundance of women should never be your ultimate goal, but the result of already being a
man that is happy with his life and himself. Like I said at the very beginning -- a man that is genuinely happy and self-contained is not only highly attractive to women, but a magnetic and charismatic person in general. Have you ever met a man that always seems to be smiling and in a good mood? I bet he lights up the room, selflessly uplifts the moods of others and people generally LOVE hanging out with him. This man isn't seeking validation for his behavior, but simply enjoys his life. He likely makes friends easily and feels worthy of love from women.
Where to begin
Change your perspective, and the things you pay attention to and try to find qualities in others that you like instead of only noticing flaws and faults. Harness the power of gratitude and reflect upon all the things you appreciate about your life now, and stop being depressed about the things you don't. Create a strong identity - be a man with unshakable values and self-worth. Shed yourself of judgmental and negative thinking (such as to stop hating on men you consider to be "beta"). Assume the people around you have good intentions: remove words like "AMOGS", "negs" and "bitch-shield" from your vocabulary. Stop seeing women as targets, numbers or ratings. Better yet, stop mentally-objectifying women in general.
Make your casual conversations with strangers friendlier and more frequent. Go out of your way to compliment strangers without
any agenda other than to make that person smile. Make the world a better, happier place. Ignore the people that don't appreciate who you are or aren't interested in getting to know you. The impact of a genuine compliment from a genuinely happy person is difficult for almost anyone to flat-out reject, so it will easily open up many conversations and possibilities. Always be true to yourself and stop trying to act cool or impress others.
Hint: it's try-hard and needy.
A healthier step-by-step plan for our community:
Step 1: Invest in yourself and your life, learn tactics for gaining self-esteem, practice acts of courage and social freedom, face your fears and push your comfort-zone. Understand, accept and be honest about your sexuality and desires. Embrace your masculinity. Reflect upon what you truly value and set a path for your life that you have always wanted. Seek hobbies and a lifestyle that you love.
Step 2: Awaken to a sense of worthiness of love and acceptance, remove all codependent beliefs and behaviors, generate a majority of your happiness and validation yourself, stop fearing rejection, have a strong emotional boundary, learn to be self-aware.
Step 3: Be happy, fulfilled and emotionally healthy. Be genuinely attractive.
I encourage everyone that reads this to stop making women the end-goal in your life, but understand that by taking these steps you will inevitably attract quality women into your life.
CHAT
