Friend zone, but not the usual crap. Need advice please



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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 2:25 am 
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Basically she's a slut with morals, is what you're saying...
It just hit me, this entire relationship has CODEPENDENT tatooed on its forehead. He has a need to be the "rescuer" and a daddy figure, and she needs someone to always be there for her, rescuing her. Codependent relationships are bad news bears. However, there's nothing we can do to fix it. Guarantee you 100% that he won't take any of our advice.
And do you have any advice other than walk away?


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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 3:02 am 
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Basically she's a slut with morals, is what you're saying...
It just hit me, this entire relationship has CODEPENDENT tatooed on its forehead. He has a need to be the "rescuer" and a daddy figure, and she needs someone to always be there for her, rescuing her. Codependent relationships are bad news bears. However, there's nothing we can do to fix it. Guarantee you 100% that he won't take any of our advice.
And do you have any advice other than walk away?
Unfortunately not. The situation with her cannot be salvaged, simply because of the person she is, and I can tell you right away that she's not the person for you (or anyone, really). I doubt she'll grow up or change any time soon. They can only come to it on their own, and as it is, if she has drug issues, if she doesn't get clean and stay clean, I don't think she'll ever get better and she will just slowly spiral downwards.
Even if you don't walk away, I really doubt you will ever be able to maintain a physical relationship with her. You cannot change someone, and it has become very obvious that she's not interested sexually, and usually that can't be changed after it's become so firmly established.
I strongly recommend moving to others, and being very observant about the roles you take on. Always be the man in the relationship, but if you find yourself repeatedly lapsing in to patterns of having to be a rescuer, or a care taker "daddy", its a codependency issue, and something I would recommend getting treated. Those relationships are unhealthy because you lose your sense of self, and your independence, and become vulnerable to rejection yourself.


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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 3:10 am 
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Stop being captain save a ho and go after girls that meet your standards. I been there ONCE and let me tell you I will not be repeating the same mistakes again. After writing out what I look for in a girl, I have not looked at those kind of girls ever since.

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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 12:04 pm 
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Basically she's a slut with morals, is what you're saying...
It just hit me, this entire relationship has CODEPENDENT tatooed on its forehead. He has a need to be the "rescuer" and a daddy figure, and she needs someone to always be there for her, rescuing her. Codependent relationships are bad news bears. However, there's nothing we can do to fix it. Guarantee you 100% that he won't take any of our advice.
And do you have any advice other than walk away?
My previous comments were not an insult, they were TRUTH! And just like I said (proven by your question above) you will not listen because you can't man up!

There is only ONE fix to this problem. Leave this girl and do it quickly and only say (EXACTLY) "I only see you in a sexual way, and since we're not fucking, we can't hang out anymore" (DO NOT CHANGE THE WORDING). Then turn and go, do not stop, do not look back, do not try to explain how much you are in love with her, do nothing but walk away. And for God's sake Do Not call/text/FB her!!! 100% out of her life is the only way to handle this...She will go through many emotions and try to test your resolve. She will text, call, try to come see you, try to talk to you. You must remain firm and stand your ground. One of two things will happen if you listen to what I (others) say here.

1. She will use sex to try and get you back. And you will fail to stop her (But atleast you get to fuck her).
2. She will just move on without any fight which proves you were nothing to her in the first place. (My money is placed here)

I will not follow this thread any longer, you don't want help from anyone here, you want someone to tell you everything is gonna be ok and she will eventually come running into your arms and confess her undying love! Well you better call your Momma because she is the only one who will do that!


Peace...

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PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2013 8:26 pm 
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Basically she's a slut with morals, is what you're saying...
It just hit me, this entire relationship has CODEPENDENT tatooed on its forehead. He has a need to be the "rescuer" and a daddy figure, and she needs someone to always be there for her, rescuing her. Codependent relationships are bad news bears. However, there's nothing we can do to fix it. Guarantee you 100% that he won't take any of our advice.
And do you have any advice other than walk away?
She needs to learn how to have a relationship with herself before considering on having a relationship with anyone else. When couples where one or both individuals have a drug or substance abuse issue come to see me I implore them to get detoxed first before working on the relationship itself. Not addressing these greater self issues are a greater detriment to the relationship than anything else. The two of you are on different pages of different books at this point in time. You cannot expect her to meet you where you're at if she hasn't done the self work to improve her own quality of life. I know you have an emotional connection of sorts with this person, but quite honestly trying to make a relationship out of this would be akin to building a house on a faulty foundation. As a rule of thumb, never start a relationship as a fixer-upper, doing so will only expend you of your energy and lead down dark roads. In this situation yes, I do believe it would be healthiest for you to move forward without her, letting go/abandoning of the notion of the two of you ever being together, at least for now. It may be a good idea for you to reflect on exactly why you want to be with this person in spite of all the evidence before you that this would not be the best idea. For example, is this an ego thing for you (undertaking all the odds just to prove to yourself and/or others that you can make something so challenging work, are you trying to recycle through some earlier issues you experienced in previous relationships only to 'wrong a right' - are you projecting onto this person feelings you had towards another in trying to rewrite the ending into something happily ever after etc. etc.). Be honest with yourself, above all else. Learn to listen to your gut, your intuition, and your heart about the situation you are in and if there's some discord perhaps its time to let go rather than fix something not worth fixing, after all you can reclaim all this energy to work on yourself, your passions, and even find somebody healthy to be with.

Now, if in spite of all of this you want to be with her (not out of ego), then you will have to accept her, lifestyle and all, all the little things you don't like about her the insecurities (and having to cater to them) among all else. If you are willing to go through this exhaustive exercise which in my estimation will only drain your life energy from you in short order IF you resist it then my hat is off to you. If you accept her for the way she is then possibly you can make it work but it will take some effort at first to quell whatever concern you have about her; it will, in short, take for an entirely different frame/way of thinking for you to be able to coexist with her - and for this there may be the cost of compromising your own morals for the relationship to have even some semblance of being functional (and I use the term loosely).


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