I will try to make this as short as possible, but I am in desperate need of help.

I know I have probably seriously screwed things up, but here is what has happened.

I've been dating this girl (sarah) for five months, it has been a great relationship but we did start fighting a few times and she was pretty rude to me. About three weeks ago she told me (after feelings of insecurity) that her ex showed up and made her confused about her feelings. That next day at work (shes a server) I saw her ex come in and sit in her section. I was very upset, and went home after calling her roommate to see if I could come by and pick my stuff up. I was very upset on the phone, almost to the point of crying, and told her roommate what happened.

After I got home that night, sarah called me twenty times and left several voicemails crying saying she didn't tell him to come that night. I didn't return her call until the next morning and we talked a bit. She basically explained that she just needed some time to be her, and not worry about a relationship. She promised that we were still together without a title, and she would come back to me when she was ready. I told her that I was not going to wait around forever on her but I would be patient.

For the next couple of weeks we talked on the phone as if we were together, but I was still not happy. Things weren't 100% the same, but never the less it was something.

One day I took her on a date and the topic of the break was brought up again. She explained that when we fought I would get angry and it scared her. She also explained that she was still wanting more time.

This past week it seemed as if she wasn't trying to hang out as much as she used to. On a day she was out of town, she came back and started calling me. I did my best to not pick up even though I wanted to. I just didn't want to seem needy. She left me voicemails saying that she was worried about me. A couple of hours later I responded with a text that said "I'm at a get together, let me call you back when I leave". She became furious and told me to call her, so I did. But it was too late. She was very upset that I didn't call her back after many attempts of trying to get a hold of me. I dented and told her I was extremely sorry. She stayed mad for a few days.

I attempted to talk things out with her, and she was just too mad. I finally said that for a good relationship we need to talk things through, and if you don't want to I'm going to assume that you don't want one with me. We contacted eachother and I told her I wanted to get over the argument and move on to have a good relationship.

I bought her flowers and wrote her a note that explained how sorry I was and how much she meant to me. And I said I know we can survive through this and have an amazing relationship.

After this happened, she was very hard to get a hold of. I tried my best to not try too hard but I'm starting to lose control. Today, we finally hung out. She was short with me the entire day. We didn't hang for long but during the time she explained to me once again that she had never been so angry in a relationship. And she feels that she needed to be rude. She wanted time, and she felt as if I have been pressuring her. She also said that she might want to date other people, and said I could too but I couldnt kiss them. She said she sees me being with her later, but not now because it hasn't been good for her. She said she still wants to hang out and make love still. We ended the date saying that we love eachother (but I feel that she may have not meant it), and kissed eachother good bye.

She is keeping me around on a thread, and I can't move on because I want her back so bad. I have had good and bad feelings about waiting around. It is the most frustrating feeling in the world. I just don't know what to do. Should I do no contact? But I feel that no contact would make her upset from the earlier experience. Should I give her a call once a day? I'm just not sure. I need advice on what to do from here and how I can possibly get her back.

Finding a gf is relatively easy these days. Just hop online -- you don't have to strike up a conversation in a bar or bookstore -- there are thousands of women just waiting for someone like you to email them.

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Http://Dating-Musings.com

This is one huge disaster, mate.
You need to pull back and get a side girl to distract you. If this one comes back, then great, but at no point should you be trying to win the heart of a girl by letting her put a leash on you. You're doing yourself a disservice by agreeing to these ambiguous arrangements of together/not together, and when she'll be ready, etc. Don't let her control this relationship.

End it bro! I know this is usually the answer you get on these forums, but it's the right thing to do. You realized what happened after you sent her flowers right?

The only way to win her over is to be a man and end it. SHE is not making YOU happy anymore, grab your balls and tell her you are breaking up.
This will show her you are not some toy she can pick up whenever she wants to, and leave you out to dry when she's done.

Will it f#ck you up? For sure. Tho it's better to have an ending with a shock, rather than a shock without an end...
I promise you will only grow with this and you will learn that she DEFINITELY is replaceable.

Wake up, she is already screwing her ex while you are losing your mind over her...

Thanks for the advice guys, after a night of debating about it and talking to my friends I decided that I'm not going to contact her and ignore her. The difficulty of this is that she has explained to me that when I don't talk to her it upsets her.

I'm also going to see her at work this weekend...

Any other advice is greatly appreciated, I will keep replying through this and share what is happening.

You really need to take a break dude and slowdown. This girl makes you crazy. You let her control you. You have to take a final decision, and stand out. You are a man, and a man does not give an advantage to someone that seems not serious in your relationship. Don’t let yourself get trapped in a more difficult situation.

THIS she has turned you into the bitch and the relationship and holds all the power in the relationship. The old saying that the person that cares less about the relationship holds the power in the relationship and its obvious that she definitely cares less. Game other girls and move on, this chick keeps making you jump through hoops for HER AMUSMENT stop being her bitch and move on ASAP

Okay so here's an update. I decided that I would do no contact. But she did attempt to contact me. On Thursday I was out with my friends and she wanted me to hang out. I said I couldn't, she then got very upset and started saying that she's done... blah blah blah. But she called me again that night crying saying that she's sorry, and the reason that she wanted to hang was to apologize for the day after I got the flowers, and ask to take her back.

BUT right after that, she said she was going on a date with her ex, sounding very distraught. She said she said she agreed to the date because I didn't hang out with her Thursday and thought I was moved on. I got pissed and hung up on her, and she kept calling and calling. I finally picked up and said maybe it's time for me to move on. I ended the conversation.

The day she was supposed to go out with her ex, she did not contact me. Everyone at work said she was soppy the previous day and was saying that she missed me.

So the day after that she contacted me, and told me she did not go on the date. But we argued a bit, she said that she was upset that I haven't tried to contact her for the past week the conversation ended with her saying she would call me later.

She never called, and I am still waiting. I don't know if I should try to contact her, or hold no contact until she calls? What kind of attitude should I have towards her?

Dude, STOP!!!!

What are you doing??!!

You said you were going the no-contact route, but from your story it seems like you've been in touch several times.

No contact means you also don't take her calls or say anything to her if she approaches you.

From the sound of it, she's transitioning her role for you into the shoulder-to-cry-on buddy to discuss emotional issues with her old boyfriend (who, in this situation is like an orbiter-turned-pimp-daddy). This guy's the one who's winning in this situation. He's coming out of this a real man.

You do realize she hooked up with her ex and fucked him during that time she went silent on the day of the date, right?

The last girl I dated who pulled that shit, although we were dating over 6 months, I cut immediately and moved on. As in moved on = No further communication. What she did was get really quiet as Halloween approached said she was too busy everytime I tried to schedule a meet.

And then, sure enough, the Facebook pictures start coming out. She's at this Halloween party she didn't say a word to me about, and she's hanging out with this guy on a couch.

We got together shortly after Halloween and she told me when she got home from the party, she had a couple friends with her and her ex boyfriend "suddenly showed up." I later found that she had been talking to him more and more towards Halloween, behind my back. I was like, "I'm out." I walked out the door and I was never heard from again.

Honestly, I'm not even sure what your purpose for posting this to the forum was. You're listening to our advice, you say, "Thanks man, that's good advice." Then you do the exact opposite!

You can't be helped if you won't help yourself.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Excellent! These series of events demonstrated: 1. She's unstable, controlling, and likes to play games.
and 2. you are now on top here.
With that knowledge, walk away from her the winner. If you cave and call her, you'll be back on the leash, and she'll be playing you like a fiddle (and probably dump you anyways).

I totally disagree.

This guy isn't on top, or, ahead of the game.

He's more pussy whipped than a....well, he's just really pussy whipped!

He's not taking any of the advice we're all spending our time thinking about and giving to him.

Did I read that last update, he was WAITING BY THE PHONE FOR HER???!!

Again, you've gotta help yourself first.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

I do appreciate the help, and I have taken the advice given to me through PMs and on here. I'm not exactly waiting by the phone, I practically ended it when I told her I am moving on. Now she's freaking out because I actually took the bold move.

You guys are the best!

Man it has been a while since checked this forum out.Anyway,here you go OP:

Girlfriend: We need to take a break.
RC's translation for your unaware as$: I need some time to find someone better than you , while having a proper excuse and guilt-free pass to do it.


OP , you're being poosay-whiped in a spectacular fashion. And I'm not even gonna bash you for it , I've been there myself. What I mean by it is that your girl is currently the center of your universe. She is THE reason you breath and she's I'd say pretty much your only (if not only ,definitely biggest) source of happieness.


Once all your happieness comes from someone else , you've lost control of your life.

Now your relationship may or may not continue on , but if you don't do something about this , when it ends you'll be shattered in so many pieces you'll spend endless months trying to get yourself back together.

You decide if that's where you want to end up.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

RC is exactly right! All she is doing is keeping you around until she knows "for sure" this new guy will work out. She will be able to say to herself that it just didn't work out and that she let you down gently. The longer you stay in the picture the more it will hurt you in the end. If YOU end it now, she will feel the pain of the loss as well so atleast you're on a level playing field. Do not take her feelings into account, you cannot control her feelings for her, she is in control of them just as you should be in control of yours.

Reasoning: When it does finally end, she will have the new guy to make her feel better, you will have nothing to make you feel better.

Peace...

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Don't chase em, just replace em....

And remove the word "sorry" from your vocabulary. Fuck, I read the word sorry so many times that its disgusting. Don't EVER be sorry for anything you do.